Urban Dictionary for $2000, please

HOLY CHICKEN MARSHMALLOW BALLS. This was an answer on “Jeopardy!” last night. I am still in a daze after rewinding this segment about four hundred times just to make sure that I was indeed seeing what I was seeing. Aside from that, it looks like the HD portion of KJZZ HD is a bit misleading, [...]

Happy Second Annual Dooce Got Fired Day

With all the exciting sleeplessness going on in the Armstrong household I somehow managed to forget the anniversary of losing my job because of this website. If you are unfamiliar with what happened you can read about it here or here, but all you really need to know is this: You shouldn’t write about your [...]

This is Going to Be A Long One, So Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You

So the story goes something like this: A reporter from the Washington Post contacted me last November and asked if I’d be willing to contribute my experience to her article on the perils of blogging about your job. She’d heard and read about what had happened to me, that on February 26, 2002, my boss [...]

My Comrade in Carmen and Constipation

Recent email exchange between me and my best friend in Utah: HER: How are you? Are you feeling less stressed? I hope things are going smoothly for you guys. Let’s start with my comment which is as follows: The only reason Carmen is still on Idol is due to her overly enthusiastic “I need to [...]

Happy Dooce Got Fired Day

A year ago today I got fired from my job because of my website. And I thought that instead of celebrating with vindictive destructive behavior, like asking everyone to write an email to Her Heinousness inquiring about her recent botox injections, how about I resurrect a past Dooce challenge that many of you may have [...]

Termination Letter

Pursuant to the “at will” employment policy of Dooce.com, Inc. (the “Company”), we hereby terminate your employment effective immediately. Enclosed is your final paycheck for the period through and including the effective date of your termination, together with your accrued and unused vacation time, all in accordance with Company policy and applicable law. The reasons [...]

Tell it to Their Face for Christ’s Sake

A few things first: 1. I cannot possibly answer all of the email I have received in the last 24 hours in any timely fashion. Just know that I appreciate all of the kind words and wishes sent my way, some eloquent, some lovingly crude, some completely insane (I didn’t really need to see that [...]

Collecting Unemployment

I lost my job today. My direct boss and the human resources representative pulled me into one of three relatively tiny conference rooms and informed me that The Company no longer had any use for me. Essentially, they explained, they didn’t like what I had expressed on my website. I got fired because of dooce.com. [...]

Things I Don’t Necessarily Need to Know

I don’t need to know that five people in the last four years have been paralyzed while snowboarding down the same hill on which I am going to learn how to snowboard. Why did you tell me this? Will this information help me learn how to navigate a slippery slab down a slippery slope in [...]

Rant Rant Rant Rant Rant Rant, Part 2

Last night I saw a billboard announcing the impending DVD arrival of Disney’s Cinderella II: The Magic Didn’t End At Midnight. Is nothing in this world sacred? I personally don’t care if Disney decides to go ahead and sequalize the hell out of Snow Dogs — that creepy talking canine debacle, dear God, as if. [...]