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(tap tap tap, is this thing on?) Jason. Jason. JASON! Dude, if I were gay I WOULD SO TOTALLY BE UP IN YO’ GRILL. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

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I must give props to Doctor Tongue who left a comment on this website that included the words “Clench-Cheeked Sprint to the Bathroom,” and thus my new masthead. Also, the new Fussy, Woman After My Own Heart Who Has Fabulous Hair And Gave Birth In a Toilet, a design I had a small hand in.

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Oh. My. God. Just. Look at the picture lower right: HERE. (thanks for the heads up, Pam)

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“I invite the entire Internet to share the stultifying process as I grow it all out.” I particularly enjoy Day Five.

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Sticks of butter consumed while in the throes of depression

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That’s the distance you’d have to move your pinky in order to not sound like an idiot.

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Here’s the thing with the doocing.

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But the question you should be asking is, “Am I good enough to go to Heaven?”

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That Wicked Worn Look

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