In preservation of the inheritance

The phone rings, and when I answer it I hear my father’s gloomy voice on the other end. “Feather,” he says. “This is your dad.” “Hey, Dad.” I say. “How are you?” “I’m okay. Listen, I need to talk to you. Do you have a second?” I’ve been lying horizontally on the couch, but when [...]

I wish I knew then what I know now

While having dinner at my mother’s house on Saturday night I got to catch up with my sister’s two oldest children. Her oldest, Mariah, is almost 15 and sometimes I think she was sent to the wrong person because in every way she should be my kid. We have the same build, the same mop [...]

A can of worms

Lately the most frequently asked question sent to me in email (other than 1) what kind of dog is Chuck? SuperMutt, and 2) how do you pronounce Leta? Rhymes with pita) is: what is your take on “Big Love,” the new HBO series about a polygamist who lives in Utah? I have been reluctant to [...]

In a family way

It’s been a busy couple of weeks for my side of the family starting when my cousin (and DORJ!’s brother), Robert, and his wife gave birth to their first child, Maci. DORJ! is one of three sons, and the birth of this granddaughter has turned my Uncle Danny, Curdled Turd Bump of Incomprehensible Stink, into [...]

Fun times with the Fecal Family Players

We’re spending a few days at my mother’s cabin in rural Utah with portions of my extended family including my Granny Boone: That’s a hickey under her left eye. Turns out SHE’S STILL GOT IT. Granny is very religious and often speaks directly to God. It’s true. Granny is so religious that she is incapable [...]

Vacation home

We were originally going to drive up this morning and help my mother unload furniture into her recently finished cabin in Duchesne, Capitol of Nowhere. A couple days ago, however, my mother called and said that my sister’s husband, Steve, was going to help take care of everything by driving up with them in their [...]

Grandpa Mike

About two months ago my father moved to Utah from Tennessee because all of his grandchildren were growing up without him including his granddaughter, Leta, who more than any of the others exhibits his blustery exasperation toward the injustices of life like taxes and having to wear shoes outside. My sister and I were worried [...]

Christie

I was ten years old when my parents got divorced. They sat me and my brother and sister around the kitchen table to tell us that the separation hadn’t worked. I was more devastated than the other two even though I had seen it coming. They had been yelling at each other for years, arguments [...]

I have a family here on Earth, they are so good to me

High on the list of things that would have prevented us from taking a trip to a cabin for three days with 35 members of Jon’s family was not being able to take the dog with us. Chuck’s attendance was just as important as having a dry, quiet place for the baby to sleep as [...]

Who’s ready for more drunk blogging? ARE YOU READY? YEAH? YEAH!

I was on the phone with my sister tonight outside in the front yard waiting for Jon to call and say that he was on his way home. He has had to work late recently BECAUSE! OF ALL THOSE THINGS WE CAN’T TALK ABOUT HERE! Can we talk about those things anywhere anymore? NO. Why? [...]