Who’s ready for more drunk blogging? ARE YOU READY? YEAH? YEAH!
I was on the phone with my sister tonight outside in the front yard waiting for Jon to call and say that he was on his way home. He has had to work late recently BECAUSE! OF ALL THOSE THINGS WE CAN’T TALK ABOUT HERE! Can we talk about those things anywhere anymore? NO. Why? [...]
The point at which all phone conversations resemble a drop in cell phone coverage
This morning I called my sister to see if she had received a frantic call from our father warning us that the taxes we pay on our various telephone and cable bills would usher us into an early grave (my answer to him, “If I die early it won’t matter because while I was alive [...]
Another dispatch from the Chronicles of Aunt Lola
Yesterday my family gathered at my mother’s house for dinner. Inevitably the topic of bowel movements came up as we sat around the table eating potato salad and ham, a tendency with these people that has caused Jon to refer to them affectionately as The Fecal Family Players. Aunt Lola suddenly blurted out, “Y’all ain’t [...]
Millions of women across America have seen MILLIONS of years erased, MILLIONS, MILLIONS!
My mother turns 60-years-old today. As you know she’s pretty gifted with the selling of The Avon which means she herself is a walking representation of Avon and if she’s any indication THEY SO MEAN IT when the bottle says “takes years right off your face.” I can pretty much guarantee that any visible wrinkles [...]
Mancunian Candidate
I just got an email from my husband that read: “Read the very last line. [link to article online] I love you. I want to be home watching Leta while you nap.” Let me address the beginning line of this email first because it has a lot to do with the rest of what I [...]
File under: Not for kids, a continuing series in which my family realizes JUST HOW FAR GONE SHE IS
Yesterday was my brother’s 33rd birthday. I had forgotten how old he was and when I asked him about it last night and he told me I honestly couldn’t believe it. 33? He’s just a little baby! I have no grounds to say that, I know, but my husband and everyone I spend time with [...]
I cannot wait to tell my therapist
Monday morning when I woke up and checked my email I was shocked to see the name of one of my mother’s eight siblings in my inbox, D. Boone. It read: “Heather, this is your uncle D. I happened to be in Dallas last week and George told me about your web site. [GEORGE HAS [...]
I don’t need to hear you say that if we weren’t so alike you’d like me a whole lot more
Did anyone else see Anita Baker’s taped down nipple on the E! Grammy pre-show last night? I get a lot of email asking me why I don’t update my Listening section very often, and I promised myself before I had a baby that I would never use this excuse, but: I had a baby. Before [...]
Waiting for someone to sing me his song
I am so thankful for four whole days of Jon not having to go to work. I never did a proper Thanksgiving post where I tell you what I’m thankful for, and it’s pretty obvious that I am blessed with a beautiful family, a great (at least most of the time) dog (except for today [...]
Family first
Of all the scandalous and improper and immoral and INSANE things that have gone on in my extended and immediate families — and trust me, THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF SUCH THINGS, these people are Southern and clinically deranged — that MY WEBSITE is the one thing my family points to as being the [...]
