Feeling Guilty

“What is this?” “Four.” “Good. What about this part?” “A heart!” “That’s right! Let’s try another one. What’s this?” “Eight.” “Good job. And this part?” “Fower!” “Flower? No, actually, that’s a club, but close enough.” “CUB!” “Right! Okay, what’s this?” “Umm… Royal fush?” “YES! THIS IS TOTALLY WORKING!”

Feeling Guilty

For showing Leta how to dip a French fry into a Frosty. Because her body needs the nutrients.

Feeling Guilty

For telling Leta after she came up to me and indicated that she wanted to play Elmo on the computer for the tenth time in one hour that Elmo was dead. He died. NO MORE PLAYING ELMO ON THE COMPUTER BECAUSE HE’S WITH HEAVENLY FATHER.

Feeling Guilty

For being THIS excited that Mallory from Real World Paris is in the pages of the 2005 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition IN A BIKINI. WITH HER BOOBS HANGING OUT. Did you know about this? If I find out that you knew about this and didn’t tell me then we need to sit down and talk [...]

Feeling Guilty

UPDATE: It didn’t work. How stupid of a mother do I have to be that MY kid won’t fall asleep in the car AFTER AN HOUR of driving around? My death, it will be a slow one. I am going to remain calm and resist the urge to write in all capital letters even though [...]

Feeling Guilty

For dressing Leta in a pair of pants, size 6 months, because she doesn’t have any clean clothes due to the fact that, um, I haven’t done laundry in a week, and um, last night Jon made a comment about “airing our dirty laundry,” and I thought he was referring to the fact that I [...]

Feeling Guilty

For coaxing the dog into smelling a Sharpie marker so much that he started barking in soprano and licking the walls.

Feeling Guilty

For licking my hand and then using it to pat down the left side of Leta’s hair and then going ahead and using that same hand to wipe the snot from her nose. While. Horrified. People. Looked. On. I couldn’t help it! IT WAS AN INSTINCT.

Feeling Guilty

For noticing that my daughter has the dog’s half-eaten rawhide bone in her mouth, and instead of rushing over to yank it from her mouth thinking, hmm. At least she’s not screaming.

Feeling Guilty

For getting home from our walk yesterday, and yes, yes. Only then did I realize that Leta was only wearing one sock. AGAIN. I. GIVE. UP.