Feeling Guilty
For obsessively smearing Baby Orajel in my mouth ALL DAY LONG to get that yummy numby gummy feeling. It’s like cocaine, only legal and safe for babies!
Feeling Guilty
For accidentally feeding the dog a piece of my pizza when Jon wasn’t around to interfere with said transgression. Okay, since we’re being totally honest here, I fed the dog a WHOLE piece of pizza. On purpose.
Feeling Guilty
For finding a Cheerio in my bra and then going ahead and eating it.
Feeling Guilty
For putting a pair of pants on my kid’s head and pretending she was a Native American Chief. What else are we going to do in the afternoon?
Feeling Guilty
For abusively and obnoxiously wrapping pasta around my dog’s snout and posting pictures of it on my website.
Feeling Guilty
For causing the baby to smell like my saliva because I CAN’T STOP SUCKING ON HER FACE.
Feeling Guilty
For sneaking sips of the Children’s Motrin. It tastes like Sunkist!
Feeling Guilty
For being completely and utterly OBSESSED with sticking my finger up my child’s nose.
Feeling Guilty
For blaming my farts on the baby. You knew this was bound to happen.
Feeling Guilty
For fulfilling my father’s worst nightmare by growing up and becoming a Democrat.
