Feeling Guilty
For putting my baby’s diaper on backwards in the middle of the night and being too tired to fix it.
Feeling Guilty
For forcing my daughter to watch CSPAN.
Feeling Guilty
For pretending that my breast pad was a yarmulke and that my dog was Jewish.
Feeling Guilty
For eating asparagus just to see what it would do to my baby’s diapers. Well I certainly found out!
Feeling Guilty
For continuing to gobble up my baby’s chubby neck when the screaming and the flailing of the arms indicates that she no longer enjoys the gobbling up of the chubby neck.
Feeling Guilty
For dropping a bagel — cream cheese side down — on my baby’s head as she lay there attached to my breast.
Feeling Guilty
For having any idea about what is going on in the lives of the characters on “Days of Our Lives.”
Feeling Guilty
For farting in front of my OBGYN.
Feeling Guilty
For being scared shitless of Howard Dean’s upper lip.
Feeling Guilty
For wanting to bathe in bacon grease.
