For putting my baby’s diaper on backwards in the middle of the night and being too tired to fix it.
For forcing my daughter to watch CSPAN.
For pretending that my breast pad was a yarmulke and that my dog was Jewish.
For eating asparagus just to see what it would do to my baby’s diapers. Well I certainly found out!
For continuing to gobble up my baby’s chubby neck when the screaming and the flailing of the arms indicates that she no longer enjoys the gobbling up of the chubby neck.
For dropping a bagel — cream cheese side down — on my baby’s head as she lay there attached to my breast.
For having any idea about what is going on in the lives of the characters on “Days of Our Lives.”
For farting in front of my OBGYN.
For being scared shitless of Howard Dean’s upper lip.
For wanting to bathe in bacon grease.