Where the hell I’ve been

This is where I’ve been for the last five months, why I was so quiet during the election, and why I should have worked harder.

“I wear my heart on my mouth”

Three ways to tell the woman in your life, “Look! I don’t take you for granted ALL of the time!”

A little bit rock ‘n roll

Hear this post in your head as if I am reading it out loud while smacking my gum.

Halloween 2014

I did not trick or treat with maxi pads taped to my feet, no. But everyone who knew who I was dressed as asked where that part of my costume was.

Continuing status

Seasonal allergies are getting the full blame for this, and when they send me hate mail I will publish it.

Dog hacks

Oh, look who decided to wander out of his basement lair and grace us with his presence?

Current status

If you have a testimony about any home remedies for a cold, I am currently looking for religion.

Preparations

I may sometimes frighten her friends, but something tells me I can remedy that.

To juice or not to juice

A sprawling post about my diet that does not include a single reference to poop. I should be fired.

dooce juice

My being an idiot has nothing to do with deciding to do a juice cleanse and everything to do with my I.Q.