My favorite part of the day

About a week ago Leta was playing a game on one of our phones before school when I told her it was time to go get dressed. She set the phone on her lap and asked, “Can I resume playing this game when I’m done?” Um, excuse me, Doogie? I looked at Jon to see [...]

Newsletter: Month Eighty-Four

Dear Leta, Last week you turned seven years old. When you were born other parents told us to relish that time with you because in the blink of an eye you’d be seven or eight or nine like their own children. I asked those parents if their seven, eight, and nine-year-olds were sleeping, and when [...]

Here’s where my mom brings up the apples and peanut butter

It should surprise no one who has read this site for any length of time that my older child does not like food. It started when she was eighteen months old with a three-day hunger strike and continues to this day: she won’t eat bread, certain kinds of pizza, or cake. Don’t even bring up [...]

In the scheme of things

Jon: “Leta, it’s an orange, not a poisonous snake. Just open your mouth and taste it.” Leta: “BUT I HATE ORANGES!” Jon: “Have you ever tried one?” Leta: “No, BUT I KNOW I HATE THEM.” Jon: “It won’t hurt you to at least try a small bite.” Leta: “UUUGGGHHHH!” Me: “Okay, this is ridiculous. Leta, [...]

All she wants for Christmas

Last night my oldest child lost her first tooth. I’m not sure Christmas is going to live up to the celebration that occurred when it happened, not unless we have Cinderella arrive on the back of a flying unicorn carrying a bag stuffed with four tons of chocolate ice cream. And even then that princess [...]

Surveillance

I should probably be more embarrassed than I actually am to admit this, but we didn’t stop using a baby monitor with Leta until she was almost five years old. And even then we only stopped because her twin cousins had come over, spotted it next to her bed, picked it up and began shouting, [...]

The audible eye roll

Yesterday Leta had a play date, and while she and her friend were snacking in the kitchen I was in an adjacent room sorting through some mail. I heard them start to tell each other knock knock jokes, the ones that have been passed down for generations, like the one about the banana, and then [...]

On the drive to school this morning

Leta: Who’s going to pick me up from school? Me: My butt. Leta: MOM! THAT’S NOT FUNNY! Me: Why is my butt not funny? Leta: IT JUST ISN’T! Me: Leta, pretend you’re a boy for, say, two minutes. Then it might be funny. Leta: Can you just answer my question? Me: My butt can. Leta: [...]

The good news

For those of you who heard the squeals of joy yesterday, it’s because pizza was on the menu in the cafeteria. PIZZA. Kind of like The Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, except a little less religious and totally edible. MOM. DID YOU KNOW THERE IS PIZZA ON THE MENU. MOM. MOM. MOM. That’s what I [...]

Order Araneae, Class Arachnida

Me: “Oh my god, it’s 7:10! How did we sleep in so late?! Where’s Leta? Is the baby still alive?” Jon, awake and calmly reading the news on his iPad at the other side of the bed: “Everything’s fine. The baby is still asleep. I think I heard Leta get up and turn on the [...]