Newsletter: Month Twenty-nine

Dear Leta, This week you turned twenty-nine months old. I will remember this month as the onset of the expletive, that benchmark moment in my adult life when I finally realized just how much of my vocabulary is occupied by words used to communicate frustration, many of them involving situations with your father and how [...]

Newsletter: Month Twenty-eight

Dear Leta, Over the weekend you turned twenty-eight months old. I think it’s about time that we address the issue of your hair considering that every picture we take of you makes it look like I do nothing but follow you around with balloons and rub them on your head. While it’s true that I [...]

Newsletter: Month Twenty-seven

Dear Leta, Yesterday you turned twenty-seven months old. I cannot even begin to tell you what an amazing month this has been, by far one of my favorites. It’s been so good that I haven’t wanted it to end much like those days when you are in such a great mood we have a hard [...]

Newsletter: Month Twenty-six

Dear Leta, Yesterday you turned twenty-six months old. I would characterize the last month of your life as That One Time You Refused To Eat Anything, with [One Time] being a variable X where X = [Every Single Day]. We have come to realize that food is an area in your life where you are [...]

Newsletter: Month Twenty-five

Dear Leta, A few days ago you turned two years and one month old. People ask me all the time how long I plan to continue writing these monthly updates to you, and to tell you the truth I have no idea. When I started doing this I thought I’d just do it through your [...]

Newsletter: Month Twenty-four

Dear Leta, Happy birthday number two! To celebrate we gave you an enema! I can’t think of a more appropriate way to celebrate a birthday in the Armstrong Family except for maybe a colonoscopy. We thought we had cured your constipation a few months ago when we reduced the amount of milk in your diet, [...]

Newsletter: Month Twenty-three

Dear Leta, Today you turn twenty-three months old. Over the weekend we watched a few hours of home videos we’ve taken over the last couple of years, and I think you’ve finally found something you love more than Elmo: yourself. Any time you watched yourself perform something extraordinary, like a front flip in bed or [...]

Newsletter: Month Twenty-two

Dear Leta, Over the weekend you turned twenty-two months old. If I could give you any useful advice this month it would be to choose a partner in life who isn’t afraid to say FART out loud. Life is too short to be uptight about something so small, and I doubt anyone who would overreact [...]

Newsletter: Month Twenty-one

Dear Leta, Today you turn 21 months old. To celebrate we filled a shot glass with apple juice and let you slam it back. Not really, but what I would give to be in the room when my mother reads that. It’s my way of getting back at her for teaching you how to fold [...]

Newsletter: Month Twenty

Dear Leta, Today you turn twenty months old, and yet, you still haven’t learned how to fix Mama a hot dog. This is a total rip-off. Also, I thought I’d let you know that you’re not allowed to drive a car until you can walk. You’re cutting it pretty close, kid. This past week you [...]