Email: Poop

Hey Heather, Few people in the world will find this amusing…thought you might be one of them.  A co-worker told me 5 minutes ago that she was uber constipated while pregnant due to her triple dose of iron pills and the fact that pooping is a chore for her to begin with.  While giving birth — not [...]

A Story About My Ass

I am the youngest of three children and the only one my mother breastfed. I was born at a time when it was vogue for women to formula feed their children, but by the time I came along my mother wanted to experience breastfeeding, and did she! 22 months of nothing but breastfeeding — no [...]

A Heartbreaking Work of Super Pooping Genius

warning: The following post contains frequent mention of poop and poop related activities. If you are offended by the talk of poop, whether of the infant or adult variety, you might want to wander elsewhere and offend not thy precious sensibilities. What hasn’t been perfectly manageable, however, is the inhumane aftermath of labor that no [...]

All Too Appropriate

I don’t think there’s anything more fitting than to be recognized as “that girl” who runs “that website” while I’m standing in line at the grocery store buying nothing but a TOILET PLUNGER.

A Couple Questions

1. My best friend from high school is moving to Denver soon, and I was wondering if any of you have any information about good neighborhoods or real estate in the Denver area that you wouldn’t mind passing along. 2. It’s been another crazy week at the Hamilton Family Compound, which I will gladly detail [...]

Happiness is . . .

Pooping on a regular basis.

The Great Poop Debate

Having recently endured several weeks of bowel disorientation wherein everything just, well, stopped, I’ve become acutely aware that men and women practice wildly opposing bathroom rituals. I guess I should say more acutely aware, because I’ve always been aware. I’ve just never been so positively sure that the woman’s ritual is the better ritual, and [...]

I Resolve To in 2002: Things Brought to My Attention Whilst Visiting Utah

1. Eat more french fries. 2. Make a point of telling Aunt Lola at the dinner table that her shoulder pad has done come down over her titty, and not over her bosom, as the word “titty” is just so much more descriptive than the word “bosom.” 3. Ask Granny if she has gotten any [...]

Pack the Flask

Things to remember before I embark on a weekend jaunt to Utah to mingle with Mormons and relatives with missing teeth: Steer clear of Aunt Lola. Granny will fall sleep on the toilet. Use the one in the basement. The three year old nephew will announce to everyone his inconvenient state of poopiness. Aunt Lola [...]