A Story About My Ass

I am the youngest of three children and the only one my mother breastfed. I was born at a time when it was vogue for women to formula feed their children, but by the time I came along my mother wanted to experience breastfeeding, and did she! 22 months of nothing but breastfeeding — no [...]

God Bless Merka!

It’s been a troubling weekend for the Merkin People. Creed split up, Ronald Reagan died, Smarty Jones didn’t win the Triple Crown, and Jennifer Lopez got married, again. Someone please tell me, how do we pick up the pieces and move on? One of the reasons Jon and I make each other very happy is [...]

The Armstrong Returning of the Garbage Disposal Disaster

Last October the Armstrong family bought a dishwasher in the hopes that when we die we will go to heaven like all the other dishwasher-owning parents who sterilize bottles. I’m still a little confused as to how someone who bottle feeds their baby can end up in heaven, though, even if they sterilize the nipples, [...]

If I Don’t Write About It I’ll Cry About It

On Saturday afternoon my mother agreed to take Leta for a few hours so that Jon and I could go see a movie. A movie in a movie theater. A whole movie with opening credits and a plot and closing credits with actors and music and a life lesson and everything. A MOVIE! Jon and [...]

The Stupid Standard

So I think I’m getting the hang of this thing, this thing being my new job as mother of a two month old baby. I haven’t mastered this thing by any means, but I’ve at least come to a point where I don’t panic when Jon leaves for his job in the morning, and I’m [...]

A Labor Story

The format of this post is inspired by Mrs. Kennedy’s brilliant account of the birth of her son, something I read studiously in the weeks leading up to the birth of Leta, something that had me squarely convinced that any labor not involving a toilet was really no labor at all. Friday, 30 January, 7:00 [...]

My Husband, The Bank Robber

Although Jon has already written something about his recent run-in with the law, I believe the whole incident deserves mention here if only because the whole thing was my fault. It’s my fault that 10 minutes after he left for work last Tuesday morning he had to turn around and drive back home to take [...]

Count Your Many Blessings, Name Them One By One

It’s no secret to anyone who has read this website that my husband is my most favorite person in the whole wide world, and I’m pretty sure that many of you have reached a point where one more mention of how cute I think he looks in protective goggles is totally going to make you [...]

Obligatory Reflections on The Year of The Belly

Best Day of 2003: Wednesday, May 28, the day we found out I was pregnant. We’d bought a pregnancy test and were holding on to it, trying to wait long enough to use it after my missed period to ensure an accurate reading. And we were going to try and wait seven days, but about [...]

The Paper Anniversary

This week marks the one-year anniversary of the trip Jon and I took to Yosemite National Park and eloped on a cliff overlooking Half Dome. It was a trip we had planned for a little over a month, and something we kept secret from everyone we knew except his mother, my mother and my father. [...]