Thinking

My mother refers to this website as “doocie,” pronounced DOO-SEE, and recently she called to tell me that a few of her co-workers had daughters who read my website, doocie. Normally this would not be acceptable behavior as I am not an ending-in-i-e type of person, but I’m just thankful that she’s not referring to [...]

Thinking

Today as I was driving to the grocery store I stopped at a four-way intersection near an elementary school. It’s a four-way stop as well as a cross-walk, so I had to stop anyway, but before I even pulled to a stop two kids just walked across the street having full faith that I wouldn’t [...]

Thinking

There’s nothing so disarming as to show up a little worried to a predominantly Mormon play group with Mormon mothers and Mormon babies and be greeted by the hostess with, “Wassup, Ho Bag?”

Thinking

OKAY OKAY OKAY. You wanna see the goo and the cyst? YOU WANNA SEE IT? GO SEE IT. I warned you. Plus, you should also check out THIS SITE and see if you can stop clicking and clicking and then calling your husband at work and going OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS. [...]

Thinking

I just spent $20 to have my dog’s anal sacs squeezed because he’s been greasing the couch lately. That may seem a bit exorbitant for a little gland squeezing, but it will definitely go down as the best $20 I ever spent: I DON’T HAVE TO SQUEEZE THEM MYSELF.

Thinking

JAY WON “PROJECT RUNWAY” ! WOOO! HOOOO! That was Prime Time validation. An Artist winning for being an artist. I AM SO HOOPPPY.

Thinking

These are just a few of the best comments ever: Dr. Johnny Fever said at 06:46PM, 02.16.2005: Why don’t you post a pic of your ugly-ass self, badweebisis, and let us see how much you actually resemble a squirt of food poisoning diarrhea at the business end of some 10-year-old BVDs? Trance said at 06:46PM, [...]

Thinking (and totally freaking out)

ABC World News Tonight is sending a crew over to my house right now. In case you didn’t know, I lost my job because of this website THREE YEARS AGO. And Leta just put the circle block into the circle hole by herself. Anybody want to come babysit? (Jon will be staying here with the [...]

Thinking

What the hell am I doing? What is that smell? How did that get on her face? Am I losing my mind? Why are there cheddar cheese goldfish in my panties? What the HELL am I doing? Oh my god, you didn’t just put that in your mouth, did you? What would it be like [...]

Thinking

I just realized that today, the 2nd Inauguration of George W. Bush, the only thing Leta has wanted to chew on to soothe her teeth is my Official Notice of Voter Registration card I pulled out of my purse as I cleaned it out this morning. Pure coincidence, I suppose, but I’m glad it’s making [...]