That I sound like I’m crying toward the end of the interview, but really, I was laughing because sitting next to me was my child surrounded by a thousand goldfish and a wallet emptied of all its cards and receipts, and she was leaning over as far as she could to see just where she [...]
One should be careful when one is making breakfast for the family and not accidentally feed the dog cereal and the baby the dog biscuit because the baby will go ahead and eat that dog biscuit and then one will have to write about it on one’s website which will then prompt the critical masses [...]
Earlier today someone sent me a link to a livejournal site talking about people who have lost their jobs because of their websites and someone said this about me, “She’s pretty cute, but her sex-appeal is ruined by her mental issues and her frank discussion of her perma-constipation.” And here I was thinking that my [...]
Just now Leta extended her little dimpled hand and fed Chuck a piece of her pop tart, and I realized that this moment should have been on my list of things to do before I die. If it’s not on yours it should be: Witness child handing unhealthy breakfast pastry to hairy, fanged beast.
You know you’re crazy when you approach the pharmacy at the grocery store and the clerk whom you’ve never seen before says, “Mrs. Armstrong! Which one will we be refilling for you today?” WHICH ONE, INDEED, Buddy.
Dear Internet, Please, if you meet my husband in person do not refer to him as “My Little Temple Worker” because then I will have to kick your ass because he will have kicked mine for planting the seed in the first place. Love, She Who Reveals WAY TOO MUCH
I know that what I am about to say could be considered too much information, but isn’t that why you come here anyway? Why do my farts smell like Leta’s shits? It’s not like I’m eating applesauce or drinking formula all day, and every time I change her poopy diaper I’m like, wait a minute, [...]
You know you’re a mother when you refer to the dog by your husband’s name.
The child has taken to eating toilet paper. Now tell me again, why are we wasting money on food?
That A+ I was working on in sanity is now looking more like a C-. I have never even made lower than a B+ on anything IN MY LIFE.