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Humanities major vs. English major

dooce — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:48:37 -0600

While watching one of the many Olympics recap montages and snacking on heavily buttered popcorn, both Jon and I can't believe that some of the swimmers' bodies are actually real. I've already mentioned to Jon more than once that if Michael Phelps can eat 12,000 calories a day and still look like that, then maybe we should get a pool.
"And then look at Dara Torres!" I scream, pointing to a set of abs that could probably pull an eighteen wheeler out of the mud. You'll note that I pronounce her first name as if it rhymes with Laura. Because I'm dangerous that way.
"That's DANA Torres," he says, boldly correcting me.
"No, it's DARA."
"DANA."
"DARRRRRRRRRRRA."
"You're wrong."
"You're delusional."
Suddenly, the voiceover talks about Dara's (pronounced like Farrah) medals, and Jon claims victory.
"Not even," I say.
"You pronounced it totally wrong," he points out shielding his head from potential assault.
"But at least I got the letters right."
"Doesn't matter, my pronunciation was closer."
"Correct letters trump closer pronunciation."
"You just made up that rule, Heather. Pulled it right out of your ass. When the history books are written it will show that I won."
"In that case, it will also show how much restraint I showed by not dumping this entire bowl of popcorn on your head. You'll have won, but everyone will have been rooting for me."

by dooce in Nubbin

Justin Vernon of Bon Iver

dooce — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:27:05 -0600

This is one of my favorite new acts in recent years (I wrote about him here), and I was lucky enough that I got to stand just a few feet away and take photos. Totally unpretentious and down to earth, and he sounded even better live. At the end of his set he told the crowd that he was only allowed to sell one piece of merchandise at the festival, so he brought sweatshirts. From Wisconsin. I don't know why, but I find that weirdly adorable.

by dooce in Daily Photo

Buffet

dooce — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:15:50 -0600

This is the bin where we store all the dog food, and the day before it was time to refill it we were going to dump out the hand full that was left and wash it out. But the dogs were going nuts because we were NEAR THE FOOD BIN, TOUCHING THE FOOD BIN, LOOKING AT THE FOOD BIN, so I took pity, saved some water and let them have a go. And afterward that bin was cleaner than the day we'd bought it.

by dooce in Daily Chuck

Antique candlesticks

dooce — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:09:30 -0600

Picked these up on my recent antique shop run because of their mid-century shape and the fact that they match the red bursts of color throughout our living room. When Jon first saw them he said, you know, some kid in high school shop made those. And my response was what it usually is when he says something derogatory about an antique I bring home, which is, does it look like I'm even paying attention to you? Because if it was up to him he'd decorate the walls with USB cords.

by dooce in Daily Style

The outnumbered men in this family

dooce — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:37:42 -0600

Jon likes to put on a really brave face and pretend that he doesn't miss the dogs as much as I do when we travel, but that's total bullshit. And you shouldn't believe him.

by dooce in Daily Chuck

Handmade octopus dress

dooce — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 10:59:01 -0600

I found this dress at an Etsy shop called Tuff as Snails while searching for girl's dresses. I love the octopus print and the lovely blue ribbon, but Leta's favorite part is the blue buttons which she fidgeted with for a half hour this morning before school. I wanted her to wear her white sandals with this, but she insisted on wearing her pink crocs. And so now it looks like the person who dressed her is completely color blind.

by dooce in Daily Style

Jeff Tweedy of Wilco

dooce — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 09:43:19 -0600

This was the third time I've seen Wilco, but the first time I was close enough to see all of their facial expressions. Interestingly, the Canadian band Broken Social Scene played this stage before Wilco, and as they were leaving the stage Kevin Drew, one of the fourteen hundred members of the band, thanked the audience and told them that the best band in America was about to take the stage. I don't think I can argue with that statement.

by dooce in Daily Photo

Partnership

dooce — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 10:57:13 -0600

Last night was the sixth anniversary of the evening Jon and I stood on a cliff in Yosemite National Park and vowed to give each other shit for the rest of our lives. This weekend that we have spent in San Francisco at a three-day music festival was planned at the last moment, and it was something we thought would appropriately commemorate this anniversary. He and I met at a music festival in Utah in 1997. He was married to someone else at the time, and I knew this, respected this, had heard stories about him from some of his close friends, but I couldn't help falling in love with him on that very hot summer afternoon. And he was totally oblivious.
Yesterday morning I was thinking about all of that, how it's a miracle and a blessing that even though I knew there was no hope and had given up on the idea of Jon Armstrong, had moved on with my life, had said to myself that I could settle for someone else, that here we are, six years later, knocking each other in the head every night with our twin skinny elbows and knees.
We've spent the last three days running around Golden Gate Park with two heavy professional cameras, one that we rented on a whim the first morning we got here, taking photos of some of the bands whose music has been the soundtrack to our lives together. Last night when it was all over and we were back at the hotel sipping cocktails on the roof overlooking the city we couldn't believe what we've lived through in six short years together: unemployment and moving into my mother's basement to owning our first house, a kitchen remodel, pregnancy, postpartum depression, physical and occupational therapy on our child, hoping and waiting to see if she would ever walk, two MRIs, starting our own business, getting sued by a publishing company, marriage counseling, skin cancer, traveling all over the country, to Canada, to Europe, adopting a dog who eats her own poop, and several deaths in the extended family. We made it through it all. And it wasn't easy, there were times when both of us didn't know if we were going to make it but loved each other enough that we were willing to try.
My friend Leona gave me some really profound advice last night as we were talking about how much better our thirties are compared to our twenties. She said, "No matter what horrible thing you're going through, when it's all over it only takes three seconds to sum it up. Remember that."
I lost my mind, got some help, and then I found it again.
We thought we were going to lose our house trying to pay legal fees. Thankfully, it didn't work out that way.
My dog likes to pee all over the house. I thought I might kill her, but I didn't.
Once I threw my keys at my husband's head because I thought he didn't understand. He didn't leave me.
My daughter wouldn't put any weight on her legs, and the doctors said she might not ever walk. They were wrong, and now she runs.
I am very much looking forward to the morning six years from now when he and I are taking a few moments before the chaos of the day consumes us, and we can look back and talk in three-second sentences.

by dooce in Daily

Gold leaf coyotes or foxes, I can't decide

dooce — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 10:07:24 -0600

Okay. So. These little guys called out, no, SCREAMED out my name when I walked into the Green Ant the other day. I found them sitting behind a stack of Eames chairs, and I scooped them immediately into my warm embrace. I was told they are covered in gold leaf, but I wanted to know how the person who made these fifty years ago knew what my miniature Australian Shepherd was going to look like. Because OH MY GOD. I just bought a golf leaf sculpture of my dog. And I know that's tacky, beyond tacky even, that's plastic flowers lining the soil underneath the mailbox that's been painted to look like a pig kind of tacky, but there was no way I could let anyone else own these. Jon refers to them as The Abominations. Have you ever seen such an adorable abomination?

by dooce in Daily Style

Fearing potentially fatal warts

dooce — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 09:57:03 -0600

Chuck is usually docile when he's working, but during this photo shoot he kept pointing out that we were violating his terms of employment by putting him in mortal danger. And then he threatened to call his lawyers.

by dooce in Daily Chuck