Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Evolution of the Mormon Cusser

When I was eight years old and lanky with huge square teeth I used to spend hours at a neighbor’s house indulging in every contraband known to a child reared in a Mormon household: MTV, Nintendo, re-runs of “Three’s Company,” and endless experiments with flammable…

January 10, 2002


Could someone please tell Britney that she shouldn’t appear fully clothed in public? I’m hurting over here.


Starlight Mints: Dream That Stuff Was Made Of



How to Charm Me

Imitate Rachel Ashwell from “Shabby Chic” pleading with her assistant, “Shall I fuck you rotten? Right here alongside this rustic chimney cabinet?”

How to Annoy Me

Hold an awards show for popular American music and actually give out awards. For what?