An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

The Loni Anderson Effect

So I’m on the phone with my father last night, and it is reiterated to me as it was throughout my childhood that the two most important things about a woman are her boobs and her cooking.

And so I turn to Jon, my darling husband, and I say, “It’s always the same with him, the boobs and the cooking, can you believe that?”

And Jon looks at me and says, “You know that’s crazy. There’s so much more to you than your boobs and your cooking.”

And I’m like, exactly!

And he says, “But, I really do like your boobs.”

And I say, “You really like my cooking too, right?”

And he says, “Of course. God, I love your cooking.”

And we both pause and think for a second, and then look at each other and say simultaneously, “Maybe it is about the boobs and the cooking.”

  • HRH

    Can’t cook at all, but I have to say that I have a pretty fantastic rack. Hopefully that makes up for the hideous things I try to create for dinner.

  • Natasha

    Correction Officer: I totally realize that Freudian stuff about oedipal and electral urges and why I’m really attracted to my dad. I was just wondering what Freud would have to say about my being attracted to females as well. Such as, was I attracted to BOTH of my parents? At the same time? Yikes.

  • I wonder if having a really great spice rack would make up for everything. Hmm… something to submit to the itty bitty titty committee.

  • I’m sorry HRH. In order to be taken into consideration, you have to provide hard (no pun intended) facts. That means numbers, and preferably letters. Which is to say that a 38 by itself means nothing. If it is coupled with a D, or (even better) a double D, then you’ve got my attention.

    Ball’s on your court now, sweetheart.

  • one or the other is acceptable but no “spice racks”!.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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