Heater, Mother of Lance

Happy Dooce Got Fired Day

A year ago today I got fired from my job because of my website. And I thought that instead of celebrating with vindictive destructive behavior, like asking everyone to write an email to Her Heinousness inquiring about her recent botox injections, how about I resurrect a past Dooce challenge that many of you may have missed the first time around.

In its former incarnation the challenge consisted of choosing 12 songs and 1 book you’d take with you if you had to flee a nuclear holocaust and/or a second term with George W. And as I got thinking about it, I realized that 12 songs is just too easy. What this challenge needs is a Sophie’s Choice type dilemma: do you choose the socially responsible Bob Dylan song or the Marvin Gaye song that signifies the lusty implosion of your innocence? Could you live with yourself if you forsook the Bee Gees? Choices, people, choices.

I’ll go first, and this was seriously fucking hard:

“Tupelo Honey” by Van Morrison

Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi

  • MusicEmissions

    2003/02/25 at 3:10 pm

    Song: “5 Days In May” – Blue Rodeo (the whole album if I could)

    Book: “Life after God” – Douglas Coupland

  • blue rhino

    2003/02/25 at 3:11 pm

    River Hymn by The Band and since we gots ta flee, I’d take my crew to Moab and read Edward Abbey’s Desert Solitair

  • MusicEmissions

    2003/02/25 at 3:13 pm

    Changed my mind:
    Song: “Mayonaise” – Smashing Pumpkins

  • sonya

    2003/02/25 at 3:56 pm

    song: any version of Caravan

    book: anything by Nabokov

  • Dan

    2003/02/25 at 4:05 pm

    Are you kidding? Bush serving a second term? There’s no fucking way people will vote for him, with the economy in the shitter like this. And to that, I say: THANK GOD.

  • jimmypage

    2003/02/25 at 4:14 pm

    “dazed and Confused (live)” by led zeppelin

    how to grow chronic during a nuclear winter by woody harrelson

    and fuckoff all you george w. haters… move to fucking france and don’t shower. -jp

  • Myopic Joe

    2003/02/25 at 4:33 pm

    I reckon if I was ditching all my friends to toil in a pre-apocalyptic Mad Max prequel, while I floated safely away in a Snoopy hot air baloon to the land of endless Captain Crunch and Godiva’s Honey Roasted Almond Truffles, that playing “So Long Farewell Goodbye” by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy would be fitting. I hope that during their hour of agony, my friends could atleast see the humor of this, smile, and have the decency to wish me a safe and pleasant voyage.

    But as for a song after the fact…I’ll have to agree with Miz_A and pick Pachelbel’s “Canon” conducted by Jean-Francois Paillard.

    For a book…I suppose “Norwegian Wood” by Haruki Murakami, just to make him roll over in his grave.

    Hmm both are potentially suicidal choices though…ah well, one can only stand Captain Crunch for so long, especially when you run out of milk.

  • Myopic Joe also

    2003/02/25 at 4:41 pm

    DA, I did not know Alton Brown wrote a book. I would love to have his entire Good Eats series on my deserted island. Once again, another suicidal choices, seing I probably wouldn’t have the proper ingredients to follow his recipies.

    Ha ha remember his Cast Away spoof?

  • gm

    2003/02/25 at 4:41 pm

    Have to go with:

    song: “Crescent City,” Lucinda Williams

    book: “As I Lay Dying,” William Faulkner

    Happy Phoenix From the Flames Day, Dooce!

  • onegirl

    2003/02/25 at 4:43 pm

    Book: “The Girl in the Flammable Skirt” by Aimee Bender

    Song: “California Stars” – Wilco or “Talk Dirty to Me” – Poison. Tough call.

  • the mighty jimbo

    2003/02/25 at 5:10 pm

    “u stink but i love u by billy and the boingers” and the book that came with it (geek kudos to anyone else who gets that).

  • GK

    2003/02/25 at 5:39 pm

    “Get Off In It” by Eddie Hinton

    “The Complete William Shakespeare”

  • blamb

    2003/02/25 at 5:40 pm

    Song: The full MacArthur Park Suite by Donna Summer because it’s a song of total regret you can dance to.
    Book: Disgrace by J.M Coetzee because it reminds you that once you’ve hit rock bottom, life goes on.

    Also, those people who listed ‘Me Talk Pretty One Day’ may want to consider reading his two earlier, better collections.

  • Suicide Blonde

    2003/02/25 at 6:01 pm

    Song: Sweet Jane by the Velvet Underground
    Book: The Fountianhead by Ayn Rand

  • Broch

    2003/02/25 at 6:07 pm

    Hrm, Okay,

    Song: How soon is now, The Smiths

    Book: Tao te Ching, Lao-Tzu

  • shel

    2003/02/25 at 6:19 pm

    Book? The Stand, Stephen King. Because really, it’d either be light humorous reading during the apocalypse, or, a play by play. Either/or.

    Song? Robbie Williams and Tom Jones, The Full Monty Medley. Why? Because it’s really cheesy, and you can dance to it. Since it’ll be the apocalypse, no one will be around to see me dance like a dork.

  • Brenda

    2003/02/25 at 6:22 pm

    “All Of Us Kids” by Hawksley Workman

    The Portable Dorothy Parker

  • Laura

    2003/02/25 at 6:22 pm

    “Killing An Arab” by The Cure, because it’s kind of a bummer of a song, but you can’t help dancing like a fool to it every time.

    NINE STORIES by j.d. salinger, for the genius and the variety.

  • UnderwearNinja

    2003/02/25 at 6:38 pm

    Murder was the Case, by Snoop Dogg.

    Cryptomnicon by Neal Stephenson.

  • jenb

    2003/02/25 at 6:51 pm

    jimbo – deathtongue is one of my all time favourite bands. 🙂 I will forgive you for the Megadeath thing now…

  • e

    2003/02/25 at 6:52 pm

    tool – ‘the patient’ as it may quickly become a mantra. Oh, wait..

    the bible – to remind me just why this holocaust is happening.

  • christa

    2003/02/25 at 7:05 pm

    song: Trompe le Monde, by the Pixies
    book: Son of the Circus, John Irving

  • lauren

    2003/02/25 at 7:09 pm

    song: “you” by switchfoot

    book: “the perks of being a wallflower” by stephen chbosky

  • peggy

    2003/02/25 at 7:22 pm

    “Natural Woman” -Aretha
    Cathedral, Raymond Carver

  • elissa

    2003/02/25 at 7:29 pm

    the glove song by reggie and the full effect

    sphere by michael crichton

    p.s. i have “everyone poops” in the original japanese. it’s called “the elephant’s poop” in the strict translation. :O

  • buckycarmichael

    2003/02/25 at 7:38 pm

    book: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson

    Song: Walking in My Shoes, by Depeche Motherfucking Mode

  • Ching

    2003/02/25 at 7:41 pm

    “Breakout” Swing Out Sisters (“Walking on Sunshine” was actually my first choice but I can’t think of the dang artist who sings it!)

    “The Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  • occasional kate

    2003/02/25 at 7:47 pm

    Symphony No. 25 in G Minor, 1st Movement; W.A. Mozart [1st cut on the “Amadeus” soundtrack]

    Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

  • anonymous reader in atlanta

    2003/02/25 at 7:48 pm

    take me home by phil collins

    a diary

  • Jason

    2003/02/25 at 7:59 pm

    “Love is Blindness,” U2

    “Remembrance of Things Past,” Marcel Proust

    …although I’m partial to the sketchbook idea, that just isn’t practical. I mean, what happens when you fill it? I’ve almost filled two sketchbooks so far this year, but I haven’t finished Proust in 3 years of trying.

  • resonance

    2003/02/25 at 8:15 pm

    Song: definitely nothing from Tori Amos, that’s for sure.

    Book: definitely nothing from Tori Amos, that’s for [more] sure.

  • Los Feliz Freak

    2003/02/25 at 8:27 pm


    “Here Comes Your Man” – The Pixies

    “Infinite Jest” – David Foster Wallace

  • So Interested In The Interesting

    2003/02/25 at 8:36 pm

    Man, Dooce. I’ve always been a fan. But these are some of the best responses to this question I’ve seen. Sure, there’s the incumbent “Perks of Being a Wallflower” digs (which I have NO problem with) but there’s some good licks here. I mean, I’m pretty sure I saw both “Lonely Teardrops” and some Narnia references. What a fucking party.

  • randy

    2003/02/25 at 9:00 pm

    Would have to go with:

    Song: Show Biz Kids (Steely Dan)

    Book: The Left Hand of Darkness (Ursula K LeGuin)

  • Minnie

    2003/02/25 at 9:09 pm

    Song: “Womb of God” – Monk.

    Book: “LOTR” [the boxed set] by J.R.R. Tolkien.

    Ha! I am a cheater. I’d get 3 books in one set. 😉

    The other book choice would be “Naked” by David Sedaris.

  • soleilani

    2003/02/25 at 9:33 pm

    book – Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins

    song – Gramarye by Remy Zero


    2003/02/25 at 9:38 pm

    The last book I read was Box Car Children with my 10 year old for about the 10th time. I started Anna Karinina when I was pregnant (10 years ago) and would like to finish it. I would take that book – Anna Karinina, Tolstoy.

    Song: Crash – Dave Matthews

    In review of those choices, looks like I need some sort of sexual release? Too tired, though. You moms can relate. And also relating to the intermittent Bush-bashing, a couple of days ago someone suggested that Texas be bombed!?! Not funny.

  • Billy

    2003/02/25 at 9:39 pm


    “Won’t Get Fooled Again” — The Who

    “The Making of the Atomic Bomb” by Richard Rhodes

  • shauna

    2003/02/25 at 9:43 pm

    so glad you’re back around. what a year, eh?

    pyramid song – radiohead
    cloudstreet – tim winton

  • keneumey

    2003/02/25 at 10:04 pm

    “I love the nightlife”
    “Atlas Shrugged”

  • leblanc

    2003/02/25 at 10:15 pm

    “Dreams” Fleetwood Mac.

    Emerson’s Collected Works

  • the mighty non-propagandist jimbo

    2003/02/25 at 10:45 pm

    uh, jenb, i’m not the propagandist. the megadeth post was his. we are different people, not unlike la toya and michael. maybe similar. but definitely different. honest.

  • Emily

    2003/02/25 at 10:46 pm

    Book: The Collected Poems of Sylvia Plath (because there’s so much there!)

    Song: “The Same Deep Water As You” by The Cure (I keep discovering new layers)

  • LK

    2003/02/25 at 10:46 pm

    is anyone gonna read this far down?

    song: st. ides heaven by elliott smith

    book: on the road by jack kerouac

  • kismet

    2003/02/25 at 10:59 pm

    I admit that when it comes to the song, I have no idea. however, the book would be “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath.

  • lindsay

    2003/02/25 at 11:18 pm

    the fountainhead – ayn rand
    and probably, uhm…the live in central park s+g version of “america”

  • HRH

    2003/02/26 at 12:24 am

    Hey Dooce, you should email Her Heinousness and tell her the bad news that recent studies have found that Botox makes the face react in a way that actually causes wrinkles. He he…

    Song: Rhapsody in Blue, George Gershwin
    Book: Atlas Shrugged

  • fairycakes

    2003/02/26 at 1:10 am

    Poison by alice cooper

    American Gods – Neil Gaiman.

  • scot-on-the-rocks

    2003/02/26 at 2:43 am

    Song- 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

    Book- Anything with pictures

    The song..to remember the good imes and the book, for kindling on a rainy day.

  • heather

    2003/02/26 at 3:33 am

    Song: “Growing Up” by Peter Gabriel
    Book: _Ender’s Game_ by Orson Scott Card

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more