An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

How to Annoy Me

Come within 20 feet of me after consuming a Budweiser Beer. You can’t hold me responsible for the vomit on your shoes.

June 10, 2003

How to Charm Me

Ask me with genuine 5-yr old concern why my dog’s “front bottom” is pink and sticking out.


Beth Gibbons & Rustin Man: Out of Season


How crazy would I have to make my signature before someone would actually notice?

Feeling Guilty

For getting into my car and driving to the grocery store just to buy a box of cake batter.


It’s officially time to break out the Utah Baby Namer.

Eat Your Heart Out, Trading Spaces

Our guest room redecorated for under $300, with the kind assistance of Super Target and my mom. Too bad it’s only going to look like this for 7 more months.