Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.


Beulah: When Your Heartstrings Break

September 5, 2003


I know I’m supposed to feel pregnant and sexy, but right now all I feel is pregnant and water retention efficient.

How to Charm Me

Let me use your torso as a body pillow.

How to Annoy Me

Try to kiss me while I’m sitting on the toilet. I know it may surprise you, but I DO have boundaries.

Feeling Guilty

For blaming Little Debbie for my 10 pounds in 4 weeks weight gain, that fucking bitch.

Battle of the Bump

In less than two weeks Jon and I find out whether we’re having a boy or a girl, or God forbid one of each or two of one. I think my fears of giving birth to multiple babies may be a little more profound than…