An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation


  • Beautiful!

    My husband was in SLC recently and with his photos and stories I want to go now, too!

  • Awwww. Now I want a weekend away!

    And a new camera.

  • Romi

    you guys are so awesomely awesome.

  • What a lovely picture!

  • merleb

    wait, right AFTER you had champagne, but BEFORE you left the lodge — as in “driving?” Looks nice, but you are going to get drinking/driving hate mail.

  • katy

    My cat does the same thing with the bathroom tissue when I leave him alone all day and go to work. So, I feel for you. I always figured it was my cat’s way of telling me he didn’t much appreciate being left behind. I liked the Chuck story; it made me laugh.

  • Darcie

    Leta’s going to love that photo someday.
    I’m right with you on the period/meds issue. When I have PMS, I always think I’m sliding back into PPD darkness and then, ta-da! Soon as my period is gone, I’m back to “normal.”

  • Awwwwwwwwe!

  • i can’t handle the cuteness!

  • Oh, that unsolicited advice is called assvice. You got a whole lotta assvice.

    Anyhoo, lovely picture, you are totally sucking face because you are totally in love. Nice.

  • I don’t have a husband or a baby or a dog. Yet this makes me uniquely qualified to offer you unsolicited advice- so here goes:

    Drink bourbon and watch jeopardy, yell at kleenex and stuffed animals, put clothes on your child, kiss your husband, eat doritos, wrap spaghetti around your dogs nose, and for gods sakes woman, document all of it in words and pictures!

    Did I forget anything? Oh yeah, comments and email to Dooce are a priviledge that have been taken away before.

    So to you all know-it-alls out there ask yourselves this question before you fire off an unsolicited missive: Would I really want someone I don’t know flooding my email with “helpful” scolding and advice?

    Rock on, Dooce. Rock on!

  • amy

    Ahh, but people love you and feel they are part of your world, giving wisdom or advice comes naturally I’m afraid. They just care.

    Hear you on the PMS stuff.. this month was not pretty over here either.

  • Amy

    I’m sorry about my advice from yesterday, about the peanut-butter kong and bitter apple–I’ll refrain from giving any in the future! Just wanted to help. We used to have a dog that destroyed things, and I know how frustrating it can be.
    Lovely photo today!

  • ella’s ma

    I love smoochie pics! This makes me wish more than ever that I was no longer breastfeeding and the hubby and I could enjoy a weekend alone in San Francisco.
    Oh the reconvention that would be done….

  • Last night between the hours of 2 and 4 am, my dog and my toddler took turns in a coordinated attack on my sanity. First, the baby cried because his “diaper spilled”, so I stumbled to his room and changed him. Then the dog started having a seizure. Then the baby cried for a bottle even though he hasn’t needed a bottle in the middle of the night for months. I got him a sippy cup and went to check on the dog, who crawled into my lap and puked all over my nightgown. As I was changing clothes and trying not to barf from the smell, the baby caught on that I had given him water instead of milk. I managed to wash my hands and find a clean bottle to put milk into, just in time for the dog have another seizure, being the selfish, inconsiderate epileptic that he is. Then the baby wanted a blanket, or as we call it at 3 am, a goddamned motherfucking blanket. I got him a blanket and crawled back to bed, but had a hard time falling asleep because the dog spent the next 45 minutes making horrible licky, mmmm yum I just vomitted so I’m going to lick my lips for fourty-five minutes noise.

    I was almost asleep – O sleep! – when I heard my husband say, in a clearly annoyed voice: “What was all THAT about?”

    Stab stab stab.

  • beachgal

    I don’t think dooce minded the advice in the comments as much as she did all the email she apparantly got. I’m thinking people were getting rude with some of the things she described as doing, and I don’t recall that so much in the comments.

    Anywho….wonderful picture….You guys are obviously so in love.

  • Big ups (I feel so urban) on not getting a mammoth amount of arm in your self picture. Mr. Jack and I always seem to have the bottom of our faces and gargantuan amounts of arm in ours. I’m glad you both were able to reconnect with nature, each other, and being in love. I think when seeking peace and reassurance, time away is almost as good as looking at things retrospect.

    P.S. I so agree with the unwanted advice. It was actually a good reminder to me (who has recently developed the habit of believing she KNOWS all) that our opinion isn’t always necessary or needed. So thanks! Because of your #13 I might actually NOT give my opinion to the next person. (We can only hope!)

    Have a good weekend.

  • Dez

    Damn, yelling at the chewed up things works? Wish I would have known that when my parents’ dogs chewed up all the underwear out of the laundry. File that for when we get a dog.

    Sandy and Tipsy (above mentioned underwear bandits) used to chew entire rolls of toilet paper off the roll, not just out of the garbage. My stepdad worked from home and they were horribly spoiled about being with him 95% of the time, so when he had to go somewhere he couldn’t take them, they got awfully bitter. Trust me, people who are saying Dooce is a bad Dogmommy, they all do it when they get pissed off at you. I don’t think it happens as much if they’re used to being left while you’re at work all day. But if someone’s almost always at home, being left is a bit more of a big deal.

  • Dana

    Hard to believe such a nice looking couple can be so cruel to innocent animals and children.


    my dogs have chewed everything we own practically.

  • jenn

    what a great picture. it is so wonderful to see how strong you two are with all that has been going on in your lives. You are truly blessed!

  • ck

    do you by any chance have a twin sister who lives in columbus, oh? i just saw a dooce body double at chipotle. cah-razy. i wish i had had my camera with me!

    nice pic btw!

  • Elizabeth

    Actually, I went to a Chris Zink seminar (author of some great dog training books) and she demonstrated this yelling thing for correcting dogs who were too lazy to jump bar jumps cleanly — getting down on the floor and scolding the living daylights out of the fallen bar. Or, for dogs that would like to lay down on sit-stays, to prop up a stuffed animal on the dog and when the dog lies down, (it should be sitting) the stuffed animal falls over — then you go and scold the stuffed animal for breaking position, rather than the dog. And basically, the dog thinks that it would just be better not to see you have a nutty and take it out on poor defenseless pieces of equipment or stuffed animals. I haven’t had to try it myself, but it’s definitely a classic training method. So, no advice, just adding a round of applause to your chosen method of dealing.

  • It’s true: There *is* porn on the Internet!

    Something for everyone in this picture: Those who love guys, those who love girls, those who love trees, and those who love drinkin’.

  • OH my gosh. You guys are so CUTE!

  • nikki

    There’s just no way the sky can actually be that color. It almost makes everything I hate about Utah melt away. Almost.

  • Mindy

    2 Points:

    #1 Hubba Hubba!!

    #2 Do people not ready that you really really do not want any advice???

  • anything for cats that puke trails when pissed (certainly better than the reverse)? i’m sure it’s the result of pure provocation (all tests scream “otherwise healthy”). great photo, great site.

  • Aw!

  • Hey! Knock it off! We want to know what George is up to!

  • *Barf*

  • Great picture! I’m loving your hair.

  • Keep THAT sort of shenanigans up and you’ll end up with another one!

    Just kiddin’.

    Quit looking at me like that!

  • just looking at you two fills me w/ love and a wee little bit of jealousy b/c you are both so damn hot together!!

  • That picture is love. Seriously. You just look at it and know that it says love, what with the joint picture taking and the snuggliness of it all.

  • Aspenchick

    The cutest of all cuteness.

  • suey

    ‘mon– isn’t Leta ready to be a big sister 😉

  • Leon

    Am I the only person that finds it impossible to take a picture of myself with a camera and not look as though the rocket boosters affixed to my butt have just been ignited?

    …..perhaps it’s just bitterness because my purdy girl won’t submit to having her picture taken with me whilst making with the smooch

    grr grr grumble grumble

  • Oh my gosh, that is sooo romantic! It reminds me of the time (how long ago? lol) that my husband (he *still* gives me tingles) surprised me and came home early from work (on a thursday no less) to whisk me away (literally) on a hot air balloon ride, complete with champagne, that he had secretly arranged without my even suspecting (with three kids to chase after I’m not usually thinking romance) We had such a wonderful time. He even arranged for his parents to take the kids for the weekend so when the balloon landed and my heart was out of my throat we could go to this darling bed and breakfast nestled in the catskills. So decadent! I hope you had a wonderful time getting to know each other again after the baby. It is so important to find the time to do things like that. I’m not just talking about extravagant balloon rides but also small things, indeed like sharing a pop tart in the morning or a bottle and a half of Makers Mark (lol) at the end of a long day.

  • DG

    Leon! Arf! 🙂

  • Kim

    and sometime AFTER reconvening the procedure some more!

  • Liz

    Shmoopy! No, you’re shmoopy! No, you’re shmoopy!

  • You are truly a kick. I love that you leave your daughter alone in a burning room with sharp objects and porn, with vodka, and your pictures are great. I wish you nothing but effortless bowel movements in the future and keep up the good work.

  • ksea

    My gosh you’re such a pretty couple.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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