An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

The beginnings of The Beard

  • Oh sorry great pic btw! and they cost the same grr.

  • Wow is he hot.

  • Jon looks nice with his winter plumage – and it matches his hair colour, which is good.

    My husband has brown hair but his beard hair is ginger – that is NOT good. (Nothing wrong with ginger, but blimey – hair should match)!

  • Where the hell were all you beard-lovin’ females the last time I was single, hmmmmm? Mind you I don’t look like the Blurbmiester, sigh.

  • Tracy

    You know where you’re going if you sing ONE MORE MORMON HYMN? Just ONE more line? That’s right, lady – ass-first into the leaf pile.

  • Looks mostly to me like he’s doing that ,”you know … the thing … with the part … and you … with the squeaking …. You know?” thing.

  • I surprised you weren’t singing “I am a child of Gooooooood, and HEEEEEE has sent me heeeeerrreeee.”

    ahhh… Mormon culture.

  • Meep

    “See, now, if you’d let me buy that leaf blower like my horoscope said, I wouldn’t be out here, still . . . “

  • I really think he looks like a young Robert Dinero in that picture.

  • Josh

    Reminds me of Christopher Walken right in the middle of an awesome monologue.

  • Four hours raking leaves! That must have been one big leaf pile.

  • Trish

    Dear God … If I had that in my house, I’d be singing hymns too …


  • Sheryl: Smart ass?

    I prefer playful and fun-loving.

  • Damn… That is one fine looking man you have there.

    Way to go girl, way to go 🙂

  • Sharon

    “Yeah, you’re right, I have been raking leaves a loooooong time. I was clean-shaven when I started!”

  • karen

    He’s enough to make this ol’ lesbo want to reconvene the procedure with men.

  • Sarah

    Ooo, ruggedly handsome!

  • Sheryl

    Josh: As Christopher Walken, Jon says, and waves the finger:
    “I could’ve used a little more COWbell.”

    Fish. Why you shy violet, you.
    Coy wench, umm…err, wrench.

  • Suzy

    Hmmm, Is it me or does he look a little like Charles Shaughnessy from “The Nanny” in this pic?

  • jodi-no-blog

    I just have to say, after reading the comments left by those who are faithful Blurbodoocery readers… what an f-ing COOL community we have here! I love how folks have worked previous Dooce postings into the humor of their comments. What a bunch of smart and funny folks, if I do say so myself. 🙂

    Um, that wasn’t lame or anything… was it?

    Uh…OF FRANCE! Or something.

  • Liz

    WOW! OK sorry… have to wipe off the drool. You are a very lucky lady, Dooce.

  • There’s definitely something excellent about a man with a beard. My husband has a mustache and occasionally threatens to shave it off – but I think he does that just to make me scream NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 😉

  • You think that’s cool? Try a Tastefully Simple party. You get to taste all 30 of their products! It’s the best party EVER!

    By the way, your husband is totally hot. Mine just grew a beard, too. What is it about that that’s so hot?

  • Hey!You changed “hozana” to “hosanna” and now my comment looks stupid. Hmph.

  • Hey for you people who no and again ask about so and so commentor’s blog or web site… (and mind you, Dooce draws some infamous and good authors pretty much daily)

    < >

    Aight? Aight! **

    I can see a few of you blinking at me – ok, come over here.
    You know how when you post, it asks you for your name and email *and a url otherwise known as web address*? If you enter a url when you leave a comment here and then someone clicks on your name, it will take them to the url you entered! *It’s magic*

    < >

    **(`aight’ is a nonstandard variant of `all right’)

  • jodi-no-blog

    I just went to a Tastefully Simple party last weekend, Sonia. It was awesome! You get to have all of the food they sell, and you become so attached to the stuff you HAVE to spend the money for fear you will never taste anything so perfect again. Its actually pretty ingenious….and evil.

  • H in Chicago

    He looks like THE BOSS! 🙂
    I love facial hair – so glad my hubby has it year round! Ahhhh.

  • prileee

    He looks exactly like John Corbett from Northern Exposure and My Big Fat Greek Wedding

  • Ruby

    Hey, ‘Fish’ shared his website from here and has the audacity to list YOUR website under “BLOGS THAT WASTE MY TIME”. Your site does seem to waste a lot of his time!

  • From the thumbnail I thought those were going to be Leta’s pinkies.

  • “For relaxing times – make it Santori time…”

  • kim

    damn, he is hot!

  • Heathertoo

    Those tupperware people are freaks! I had tupperware lady stalk me for 2 years, because I had whispered to a friend that “I might have one of these parties” Well you know how quiet we Heathers are when we’ve thrown back two glasses of wine….

  • Julie

    Drunkenstein is pretty cute

  • Sue From Ohio

    Leta’s got it going on…as a person with …*gasp*…anxiety, I personally enjoy the rawhide chews myself. I figure they HAVE to be safer than pen caps (which I about swallowed once, not pretty).

    And the Tupperware party was GRRRREAT! I just hosted (that’s right, HOSTED) a Pampered Chef party and they give away orange peelers too! Check out one of those parties..not only do you get a free gift, but FREE FOOD TOO!!!

  • Dude… He totally reminds me of Luke from the Gilmore Girls in this picture.

  • …. And apparently I’m not the only one.

  • God, I love the fact that all of the Dr. Demento song was quoted herein.

    Dooce, reading your posts about domestic life in SLC is like watching that scene in the Brady Bunch movie where Alice and Roy are tripping on mushrooms.

    Utter domesticity with a psychodelic edge. I fucking love it.

  • Jon’s lucky. His face camo is filling in great.

    I’ve been working on mine now for a couple of months and I still look like Jebidiah Yoder the Mennonite.

  • Oh yeah: for those of you who asked:

    (Sorry, dooce, they asked, what can I do? Ok, once again, you may block my IP address if you want).

  • Heather fourteen billion

    Helooks like Phil Hartman in this picture! ‘Round the eyes! Do ya see it?

  • Sheryl

    (J – EFFIN – CHRIST, Heather fourteen billion!
    That means there are waaaaaaaay more anglo-saxons on the Earth than we ever thought!)

    Is the whole Asians are the majority populace on Earth a lie?
    Call David Duchovny!

  • Raking? Raking the leaves? No, no, no. You don’t rake, you mulch. You burn. Anything but rake. At least that’s what I learned when I moved to a house that has over 100 freakin’ oak trees. I could rake for four hours every day and still not get ahead of the leaves.

    Oh, if I wasn’t a lesbian, I would definitely go for the guy with the beard. You sure hooked a cutie.

  • A real, live lesbian? Like with the horns and the tail and EVERYTHING?


  • Tracy

    Dr. Demento. Heh. “Existential Blues” is still one of my very favorite songs. OK, and, “Dead Puppies Aren’t Much Fun.”

  • sheryl

    Pismire – all I can think about, right now, is the stack of a dozen foot-long wooden metal-edged rulers rubberbanded together with a (faulty) requisition form on my desk. Metal-edge. That would be self-mutilation. Paper cut times ten in violence ratings, oh hell, make that paper cut to the 10th power.
    The thing is, I ordered 12 Pilot Rollerball Pens. Those sphincters at Boise-Cascade-OfficeMax. How do you mix up pens with rulers? The stupid 35 digit item number isn’t even close. Normally they would send the pens rubberbanded together. That seems pretty painful too – but maybe one pen wouldn’t be bad…
    OK, WTF, Dooce did you promise someone you would include MASTURBATE in your post? The problem is, Pismire, I can imagine an old Mormon woman who likes to masturbate (escalating geriatric sado-masochist!) with metal-edged Ticonderoga rulers and I don’t want to meet her.

  • alls I can say is, those women looked liked they needed a good rogering, even if it had to be with a good Ticonderoga ruler, you know?

  • GirlA

    Would that be a –

    Roger Clemens

    Roger Daltry

    Roger Moore

    Ginger Rogers! Maybe more lesbos in SLC than previously thought

    (Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels)

  • What the hell happened while I was watching Reno 9-11. Sharp pointy masturbation? What did I miss? Damn. Damn.

    Dooce. You said “Rogering”. I heart you so.

  • Sheryl

    Suddenly I am wondering about the parallels between the religious conservatives:

    Old Catholic women (nuns) hit children with rulers

    Then they give them to old Mormon women to masturbate with?

    Do the Ticonderogas pass through the hands of Amish women in between the two, used to measure the “shapes” in their “quilts”?

    Sorry, this is a direct result of Goldschlager being the only drink in the freezer.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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