An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Moments before I swallowed her cheeks whole

  • becaru

    Not sure that kids become redheads. My niece had flaming red hair from birth; there was no mistaking it.
    Leta’s hair has red highlights, but I haven’t seen any other pix of her that called out “Redhead”!!
    She’s bloody cute, Dooce.

  • boobs frequently give me the exact same expression.

  • haha Ladybug. That’s funny.
    I had that same bug. When I called my boss to let him know I wouldn’t be in to work he said, “be careful.” I’m still trying to figure out what that meant. teehee.

    And Leta is an adorable little lady (sounds much better than fella) 😉

  • Stacy, I think dogs’ feet came before Fritos, but I’m just not sure. 😉

    Other comparisons include the fact that Cool Ranch Doritos smell like Turkey poop. (yayaya I said poop!) I remember one time we were driving past a turkey farm and I smelled CRD and I was looking around the car at the other passengers to see who opened such a horrible smelling snack in such a tiny (windows closed) vehicle. Everyone laughed at me – I was a newbee to the whole turkey farm thing, I guess. (a fact of which I am very proud) haha

  • that is one cute baby!

  • Colleen from NJ

    Mighty Jimbo… you’re cracking me up!

  • She’s so cute when she sqwaks. 🙂

  • MrsDoF

    Such a beautiful baby Girl!
    For Colleen (#29) and KarenRani (#42)(my browser has a counter, Thanks, Husband) the third time charm didn’t work for us either. Three sons, all great guys.
    And the vasectomy is a wonderful thing–Christmas and anniversary gifts year after year.

  • sab

    Dear Santa,

    Make that both of Leta’s chubby cheeks!

  • what a little dumpling…yummmm…

  • Sheryl

    Leta Leta Bo Beeta Banana Fana Fo Feeta Me My Mo Meeta Leta

  • Thanks for making me realize what a wonderful realtor I had (she was an acquaintance 1st) she sold our house in a week, and no creepy hittings-on!

  • pam

    Our dog — all of him — smells like Doritos. Well, I guess any corn-based Frito-lay product could be substituted.

  • Sheryl

    Leta is saying – “I’ll have what she’s having.”

  • Re: “Thinking” entry for today:

    Sick husbands everywhere appreciate your support.

  • So when he’s done torturing gingerbread boys, Lord Farquaad sells real estate??

  • Liz

    And WHY must things smell like corn chips? I recall my cousin telling that she dated a guy because he had “a nice, Dorito-like odor.” Nice?

  • Oh, she is a treat isn’t she? Damn, what a cute kid.

  • rj

    Mmmmm. . . baby drool. So much more appealing than doggie drool.

  • I love the way you love Jon. It makes my heart swell.

  • Susie

    Today’s “Thinking” really touched me; brought tears to my eyes. I feel just the same about my love. So blessed. Somehow there’s a Thanksgiving prayer in that “Thinking,” Dooce. Holy. Sacred.

    OK, that’s a little heavy for the venue, isn’t it? Let’s see . . . POOP! Of France!!!! Frito feet!

  • Jewel

    i love your wonderful pictures!

  • ella’s ma

    I was thinking about scrambled eggs for breakfast, but my daughter’s lusciously chewy cheeks are just screaming to be doused in butter and rolled in cinnamon-sugar. Thanks for the reminder that babies are the yummiest thing since……? Buffalo wings?

  • Oh yeah dog feets do smell like fritos, I always thought they smelled like stale popcorn too.

    Why are we smelling our dogs feet anyways? And why do my cats feet smell kinda good?

  • i love your wonderful pictures

  • Seeing how people are putting the D70 on their Christmas lists, you better be getting some kinda kickback from Nikon, Dooce.

  • Sheryl

    “I love the smell of poptarts in the morning…smells like…victory.”

  • Stacy

    My cat’s feet smell good because I saturate her litter with carpet fresh powder. Now everytime she pisses it smells like a gentle spring breeze.

  • What sort of amalgamation of nasty/not so nasty sources does the frito-smell come from on dog feet? I mean, come on. Dogs step in a lot of shiznit (some of it their own).

    Maybe that frito-smell is to smells like brown is to colors. I wonder whether the bottom of my shoes smell like that, too …

    hmmmm *fish wonders pensively*

  • (no, I’m not smelling my shoes right now).

  • I’m sorry your sweetheart is sick- I’m sure he knows all the appropriate home remedies so I will dispense from leaving them all here. However, if you don’t have Traditional Medicinals Throat Coat tea, it’s a godsend when you’re all weak in the pookie. That’s a technical term in my family, by the way. WITP is sometimes close to death if there is no relief from a stuffed up nose.

  • So how do you feel about being a “Post-modern Erma Bombeck” sharing her crazy life as per AdBrite’s description sales description.

  • DOS MUCHOS!!!!!! I’m about to scream with my mouth shut…she’s too much! Too much cute!

  • Dooce, you need a Hair category for your posts.

  • Heart melting perfection and innocence.

  • I’m laughing here, picturing all of you out there in The World at Large sniffing your collective dogs’ feet. You have to admit it makes a pretty funny mental image.

    Of course, I too knew that dog feet smell like fritos, so I’m hardly exempt from the whole picture….

  • Okay, so now I’m gonna HAVE to smell my dogs’ feet when I get home. My curiosity is absoLUTEly getting the best of me. We have a huge yellow lab and a small spring-loaded terrier-type mutt…So, I’m wondering…will BOTH dogs have Frito feet? Will they smell the same? Or might one have Chili Cheese Frito feet? Also, how the HELL will I get these rambunctious varmints to sit still long enough to 1) actually get a good, um, *sniff* and 2) do so without getting myself killed with jumping, drooling doggie affection?

  • I was more interested in the Realtor with the Lexus.

  • A friend of mine who is a veterinarian told me that that “Fritos” smell is a sign of a (usually minor) bacterial infection called Pseudomonas. He recommended washing the dog’s feet with a non-irritating “surgical scrub” like ChlorhexiDerm, twice a day for a week (between the toes, too). Call your vet or visit the pet store to get some surgical scrub to treat pseudomonas.

  • Aww, she’s so terribly cute. How can you live with so much cuteness?

    I hope mine’s that cute, and I sure he will be. 🙂

    Love in Christ,
    Amber <><

  • Huh. I guess the bottom of my shoes don’t have bacterial infestations. I’m relieved.

  • TheNoseKnows

    Didja ever notice that nursing puppies have breath that smells like coffee?

  • GirlA

    Smell My Feet Gimme Somethin Good To Eat

  • Josh

    So here’s what I’m wondering. If Dog’s feet smell like Frito’s, and this is because of a bacterial infection, What the hell are they putting into my Frito’s???

    Suddenly the world has shifted.

  • Dooce:

    We on your comment page have decided that you should not give Leta any fritos because of the horrible bacterial infestation that is SURE TO RESULT.

    Your Readers


    Just looked it up on the web…It’s the yeast and fungus! Pseudomonas is a mild fungus! Dog’s feet smell like corn and cheese (Doritos) because of the fungus and microorganisms (yeast) that grow after you walk in mud and, well, shit

  • Tracy

    Man – I know where my dog’s feet have been… you all are braver than I, huffing your pup’s toes. It’s bad enough that she jumps on our bed when we’re not looking and humps our pillows. We call it ‘Gina Dancing (there’s even a theme song for it, to the tune of the Chili Peppers’ “Rollercoaster”).

    Still, here’s to suffering the slings and arrows of inappropriately lusty, Frito-smelling dogs and sleep-deprivingly sick (or snoring, fit to shake the paint off the walls) husbands… In the sagacious words of Huey Lewis, that’s the power of love.

  • Frito feet are NOT necessarily indicative of a Pseudomonas infection! NOT! I’ve worked in veterinary medicine for 15 years -infected paws are itchy, red, raw, flaky, etc. Normal, uninfected dog paws have an odor -from natural flora. The same thing is true of your breath, your armpits, and various and sundry other body parts… these flora only become a problem if there is overgrowth. I’m sorry, I had to correct D. Brown.

    Enough out of me. No more talk of fritos out of this woman.

  • How in the WORLD have I gone thru life without knowing the glory of NOSE SPRAY. Holy shit. why did someone wait until i was THRIRTY to tell me about this. Stuffed up.. take some nose spray and SLEEP THRU THE NIGHT! what a breakthru in medicine! It has it’s drawbacks, of course, but when you haven’t been sleeping because of a CRAPPY, shitty , dry, hot stuffed up nose… a good night of sleep thanks to my little target-brand bottle of nose spray (that was $1.67!!!!) is a GODSEND. hmm.. will i get smited for relating nose spray to god?

  • can we keep the comments to things about like, heather and leta and jon and chuck and that dicksmack realtor and not ‘oo-hey-i’m-first?’ ’cause that’s just…silly.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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