An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Alas, yet another Ceramic Abomination, this time: Baby Jesus!

  • And how funny is it that the mouse is not only staring up the roosters ass, but is nearly the size of the rooster?

  • That cow has serious issues!

  • JP

    Is someone taking a ceramics class?? Just curious.

  • Karen, the prize is being exalted and admired by all you second-string commenters who have never known the pure bliss that comes when being first…a fucking rush of adrenaline like you’ve never experienced…an elation seconded only by the orgasm…a, a, a, …, maybe not. No prize. Just a playground mentality of ‘nah-nah na boo boo, I’m first and you suck’.
    Try it, it *is* really fun.

  • Kellie

    Why does it look to me like the animals are all waiting to eat Baby Jesus?

  • Jenie

    Where the hell do people get this stuff?? And better yet why?? Creepy….

  • MrsDoF

    For Sarah (#14) the only time I could find a mention about “rooster in the desert” is of a cock (the male domesticated fowl) in connection with Peter’s denial of Christ, when the cock crowed three times in the morning.
    This particular bird in the picture looks in awe of the Baby.
    Somehow, this is a charming scene–my mother would love it, but I am afraid it would get lost amongst all the other dust-collectors of her house. And I already have her Christmas gift on order.

  • that cow’s back is all messed up… man I din’t know the animals celebrated the little guy, what else do they do that has been captured in clay!

  • Bill

    I can accept the chicken and the mouse, but what’s with the scoliotic cow? Were they hoping the baby would be doing some healing?

  • Thanks, MrsDoF…I’ve never been taken quite so literally before! 😉

    Bill…Scoliotic cow….LOL! The cow is in serious pain, it is obvious.

  • that’s awesome–i’d buy that in a heartbeat

  • definitely the most constipated group of animals ever assembled before Jesus!

  • Ryan

    I almost bought a similar nativity at the dollar store, but somehow, even though I am not religious, it felt wrong. You should not buy a dollar baby Jesus. Or one made of chocolate.

  • oh dear god…why are all their butts so huge! and sticking up in the air?

    the horror…the absolute horror…

  • CA

    All the animals look like they have hairballs that are about to come up. Hide under that cabbage leaf kid, it’s about to get gross.

  • Kitchy, but not as bad as the pig.

    BTW, reconvening the procedure could have something to do with it, too.

    (At least I waited a day before saying anything) 😉

  • debbie

    yikes, if i were baby jesus i’d be freaking the fuck out with all those creepy things looking at me!

  • I feel scared. And a little confused. Will you PLEASE look at the cow!?!? What is going on….?

  • As a stopmotion animator I think the models look kind of cute but dude I would not give it house space(!). I could see it in my mother’s garden though – she has a great sense of humour.

  • Agree with Jenny. Look at the cow!

  • Laurie

    Maybe this is my southern upbringing, but I think that is cute in a “so bad it goes past bad round to good again” kind of way. You should SEE some of the stuff old southern women wear around the holidays. Now THAT is scary stuff.

    Although the cow’s eyes bugging out of its head kind of freak me out still.

  • Whoa, baby Jesus has a bun in the oven.

  • Laura

    So have you seen the animated short before “The Incredibles”? I think it’s called “Boundin'” These are SO the characters from that. They all look like they’re ready to, well, bound.

  • Don’t eat him!

  • Well golly. No wonder it’s taking Him so long to come back, if that’s what He thinks is waiting for Him.

    Run away, Jesus! Save yourself!

  • Meagan

    This is perhaps the best Nativity scene of all time, though it would be outlawed in Provo…

  • Allyson

    You KNOW it’s her mother’s.
    Just look at all those barn animals awaiting application of Avon products —
    wide eyes and lips puckered in preparation. It’s an advertisement.

  • Now seems an appropriately Jesusy moment to mention my two favorite bumper stickers:

    but I’m his favorite


    he was under the couch this whole time

  • As Kurt Warner said – Thank you jesus!

  • A farm animal nativity scene… I think it’s cute…in an odd sort of way 🙂

  • Why do all of those animals have their asses in the air?

  • Mrs. DoF said cock….. heehee….gawd I’m juvenile this morning…….

  • KS

    Laura C. re: the pasting/refreshing –
    That is hilarious!! You go.

  • “Scoliotic Cow” would be a great name for a blog.

  • Em

    My favorite Jesus saying is “I gave myself to Jesus and now he never calls”.

    I also like to say “Sweet Baby Jesus!” which seems to apply here.

  • Maybe they’re constipated, Dr. Johnny Fever. Although, the horse looks like he watches a lot of Queer As Folk.

  • What in *the* fuck is wrong with that cow?

  • The animals look like they are going to eat Him.

  • liz

    i once stayed at someone’s house that collected creches. she had creches from all over the world, some carved out of stone, some made with reeds, but the one that took the cake was the one made of dead laquered cockroaches. shudder.

    honestly, i think that ceramic animal nativity might even be scarier than the dead shiny cockroach baby Jesus.

  • Is it just me, or do all of those animals look just a little hungry–and such cheeks the baby Jesus must have had!

  • I don’t remember a mouse being part of the story, nor a scoliotic cow.

    Ok, maybe I am missing something here, but isn’t this nativity scene, technically speaking, WORSHIPPING FALSE GODS??

    (You know, kind of like Plato’s philosphy of forms – how they’re only perfect in the mental concept, but when you try to represent them they are no longer what they were…)

    That is not the baby Jesus!

  • becaru

    Love the ceramic Baby J.
    BTW, do you get paid every time you mention TiVo?

  • It reminds me that it’s time to get out my one Christmas decoration — Nativity in a Nut. It’s the entire nativity scene inside a half of a walnut. My husband picked it up for me when he was in Austin, TX. It’s quite festive.

  • This is a free-association inspired by the Oklahoma ‘knick-knack’ comment. My Mom is profoundly Mid-western and uses the word whatnot quite often, as in “There were plenty of Nativity Scenes and whatnot at the flea market.” My Lovely Wife and I have made it a practice to mentally substitute the word ‘shit’ for ‘whatnot’ when listening to my Mom. It makes conversations with Mom much more entertaining.

  • Stacy

    Liz- What the hell are creches? And yes, I did attempt to look it up on

  • Sherly (aka Sheryl)

    You should SEE the SIZE of the whatnot that came outta my ass this morning. An whatnot.

  • Tip for Finding Shit

    I mean whatnot.

    Go to
    In the search box, type *define:* and then whatever word you want to know about. Hit enter.

    C’est tres les whatnot!

  • J

    Sherly –

    Creches are replicas of the nativity scene, basically. Not to be confused with the Putz, which is also apparently a large creche. There’s one in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania – only one I’ve heard of (I grew up there). Putz, man. They should have renamed it.

  • lac

    My boyfriends mother has around 100 nativity scenes. She informed me that if I married her son, I would inherit them one day.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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