An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

I promise I’m smiling behind the camera, maybe

  • Shmee – the website is I apologize in advance for its “lack of corporateness”. Sorry if it offends you 😉

  • Carol

    I think the watch is cool and “outdoorsy” like you’re going to go kayaking or something.

  • there is a job for you on the price is right.

  • no you’re not! your eyes would be twinkling! you can’t fool me, heather b armstrong! i know you’re not smiling. smile, dammit! 🙂

  • Sherly (aka Sheryl)

    It looks kinda like my heart rate monitor/watch. kool.

    Dooce, you are beautiful.

  • She is so not smiling. Thats a serious photographer who took that picture..come now, serious photographers don’t let their subjects smile, do they?

  • She’s taunting us with that camera.
    Can you hear that faint sound in the background??
    neeenerrrr, neeeener, neeeeener.

    I will not fall prey to your evil temptations.

  • RazDreams

    I’m choking on my spit because I’m laughing so hard at Dr. Johnny Fever’s comments…

  • popsicle

    great picture.

    your hair looks sexy.

    Are you constipated? You are one person in this world that can look good constipated.

  • Beautiful!

  • squashlist

    How can you be so nicely thin with all of that poop in you that you claim you can’t get out?

  • Lovely Dooce, hope your day is lovely too.

  • Some things you shouldn’t get too good at, like smiling, crying and celebrity.

  • James

    You have such broad shoulders and big hands! Very nice! Were you ever a swimmer? And I agree- that watch is the king of nerdy accessories! You are too cool.

  • i am wearing a wedding band, but the way my left hand is positioned you can’t see it.

    and my watch, well, yes, it’s HUGE but it does so much stuff, and it can cook and clean ALL ON ITS OWN, and being a mother, I have to be able to know what time it is every single second of the day, so I never take it off. ever.

    it may not match my daintier outfits, but by god, i will always know what time it is!

  • [Realizes they’re trying to figureout pickle panties, not niffer…turns bright red]

  • I don’t know which one revs my motor more: the pretty girl, or the badass camera.

    I’m a big dork.

  • She is pretty, that’s for sure.

  • pretty hell! She’s gorgeous.



  • It’s insane in here.

  • Elegant Goose – good point on the deep, supermodel thing. I think I meant them as two separate thoughts: dooce looks deep and also like a mysterious supermodel. Poor sentence structure on my part.

    Also congratulations to fish on the new guppy!

    The Niffer – my husband calls me Yamaguchi. He thinks it’s funny every time.

  • George

    When did dooce incorporate a chat room?

  • she’s didn’t. We just hijacked it. *LOL*

  • Michael

    The thumbnail on the mainpage makes this look like the author photo from a 70’s novel. Question for the group: What is the novel about?
    (Remember,it’s fiction: No “Constipation Stories”.)

  • The eyes. THE EYES! So intense! You’ve got good eyebrows too.

    How heavy is the watch though? dang.

  • al

    Why won’t anyone tell me why Leta needs therapy…..Dr.

  • Stacy

    Al- check out newsletter month 8.

  • a little tea leoni, no?

  • PoeticaL

    This is Leta’s most familiar view. Mommy with her favorite toy! 🙂 My name is Kristy and I’m in love with George. George has a big smile and apparently it matches his big heart.

  • That Nikon D70 is pretty sweet. We’re looking at replacing our film camera. I might need to check one of those out up close and personal.

    (a nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat!)

  • Man, this placw has gone to heell.

    (I left the typos in to show you all that I am, indeed, typing with one hand, the other holding 7 1/2 lbs of little fish, and to piss off the person who crticized the fact that I’ve mispelled two lousy words in my blog.)

    Thanks all you doocesters for your concern over the weekend. We are all well, and I’ll be around more soon.

    Take care,

  • George

    Did anyone else notice the google ads today? Colon cleansing! OH JOY!

  • Colleen from NJ

    ok Aaaaaaaron, you have to tell me where that quote is from, because try as I might, I. Can’t. Remember.

  • Colleen from NJ,

    nudge, nudge
    wink, wink
    say no more, say no more

    (it’s from a Monty Python skit about taking “candid photos”)

    What’s up with all the “aaaaa’s”?

  • Hey Dooce,
    Just wondering what your thoughts are on Ken Jennings finally losing on “Jeopardy!”? Is there, like, rioting and whatnot in Utah today?

  • Fish: Yes, you missed a particularly weird couple of days. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or look away.

    Congratulations again and welcome back!

  • Hey Carol. could you email me at

  • Carol

    Hey Fish- can’t wait to hear the story….

  • Colleen from NJ

    Aaron, sorry bout tht overdose. hd problem when lptop sliding off lp nd decided to leve it in.

    Yes! Monty Python!


  • Gotta say I love the self portrait. Very sophisticated.

  • Bec

    I still love your hair.

  • This is most distressing. Not only do you write beautifully (I love your site, your are very, very funny and I don’t even know any mormons) but you are terribly sleek and sophisticated or maybe, hopeful pause, you just photograph very well?

  • annelise

    me at four…

    stuck a pair of tweezers in the bathroom socket and my arm turned black to the elbow. my little bro stuck a car key in at three and tried to turn it on. again with the black arm. still alive.

    leta could be really creative like my kid who constantly stuck hot wheels in the vcr (that sounds so old) and bananas in the tape deck. also played in the kitty litter, but didn’t bother with the sockets at all. the cycle has been broken…

  • This may be of topic, but is GEORGE! single?

  • I was just rereading some old archives from here. I found the one why Dooce should not work from home.
    I don’t know how anyone can do it. I have avoided ALL work today.

    It’s pretty simple. Just keep hitting ‘refresh’.

  • Erin

    You are not, Dooce!

  • [checking label on underwear]

    Nope, i’m not Dooce.

  • Sherly (aka Sheryl)

    I’m not dooce either …
    But I did write her name in my underwear. Is that bad?

  • Yeah, some of us schemed up the IRC chatroom thingie last night.

    Channel names?



    Whatchoo all got out there? 🙂

  • Just_Dooce_It almost made me snort cheez-its out my nose.

    How about Doocerstars?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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