An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

I want to see the temple, I’m going there someday

  • Isn’t the RLDS temple in Independence, MO THE PLACE where the Lord will return? I was told this, you see.

    LOVE the photo. Great work.

  • Monica

    Is that South Jordan or Bountiful? Or maybe even Timpanogos?

    And tell me I’m not the only one that uses my Google toolbar to spellcheck like I just did for the word Timpanogos?

  • Doode! I’m so retarded, I thought it was my capitol building. Nevermind it’s right next to a river. And there are no mountains here. And technically the Arch should be right behind it. Or in front. Too bad.

  • jules,

    the rule is officially no tea or coffee, but many mormans have taken that further to mean no caffiene.

    i’m still not sure on the special underwear though. i’d be less skeptical if i heard it from an honest to god practicing mormon

  • I’m an actual practicing Mormon. Yes, there is special underwear. It is to remind us of covenants we made with God in the temple. Not all members wear it, only those who have visited the temple.

  • Monica

    Paul – here is some info on garments from honest to god practicing mormons:

    They are really not that wierd but maybe I just think that cus I grew up with my parents wearing them and now my brothers and all my friends from college now wear them. I just personally never really got behind the whole idea.

    I can understand why it would seem wierd if you had never heard of it before though.

    And not all Mormons wear garments because only those that have gone through the temple for marriage, going on a mission, or personal choice wear them. You only wear them after you go through the temple.

    But yeah, visit that site for more info, cus I’m not a very good expainerperson.

  • Cassie

    Oh man, fire proof underwear? Wouldn’t that be nice. It’s true though…though I’ve never heard of anyone refer to them as “garmies”. And yes, you do have to wear them closest to your body, which means bras and underwear over them.

  • Kiki

    I’m a real, practicing Mormon, too!

    I wear special underwear.

    I have the special card to get in the temple.

    I drink about 12 very special Diet Dr. Peppers every day.

    I love Dooce.

  • We live in Utah and my dh grew up here, although he’s not Mormon. He mentioned something last night about Mormons not ever being without their “garments”. Meaning, when they take off their panties, they start to put on the clean pair at the same time. LMAO! Anyone know if this is true? If so, it’s hilarious. Although certainly not the most far-fetched LDS practice/belief I’ve heard of.

  • Odd.. that’s exactly what the Temple looks like from my balcony…


  • nice, a little surreal because the rest of the valley seems particularly dark. what was your vantage point for this shot? and, are there any filters on this, or is the grainy sky just a feature of time and method?

  • The photo has a cool feel to it. But it also reminds me of those In Search Of mockumentaries on Big Foot, Count Dracula and UFOs. I am *not* going to buy into this hoax that “The Temple” exists. Unless you get Leonard Nimoy to do the investigations and the voice over. Then, *maybe*.

    So, umm, this special “fireproof” underwear: does it prevent hot boiling diarrhea?

  • Erin

    That f*cking rocks. It’s really gorgeous.

  • Ali

    gorgeous photo. it really does look like a painting which like twelve people said already….

    i must say though, nothing comes close to leta. more leta! more george!

  • The sky in the picture is amazing. It shows such *DARK* feelings…
    *Spooky Temple*

  • Maybe it’s the frequent talk of constipation on this site, but I swear that building looks like an enema bottle and the moutains behind it look like a giant tushie. Are we to gather some sort of subliminal message here about the Mormon church?

  • GirlA.

    Hey! It does look like an enema bottle!! But I think it looks even more like a *hair coloring bottle tip!*

    OMG, that’s why there are so many blondes in Utah. Subliminal Messages.

    Dr. Fever, do you think that is why Heather is constipated? *Secret desire to stick the Mormon Temple where the sun don’t shine?*

  • GirlA.

    And I think the mountains are less like a tushie than like boobahs. It is an advertisement for breast augmentation. It’s a Utah thang, y’all.

    (Hehehe I almost posted “*beast* augmentation” )

  • Maggie

    Actually, the temple is quite extraordinarily beautiful. My husband and I strolled around the grounds around Christmas time a few years ago – and I have never seen so many trees *wrapped* with lights…dedicated people doing that job. **Dedicated** – every single branch was covered with strands of lights. Plus the temple just *glows* in the evening.

    And, no, we’re not Mormon. We’re Jewish. I’m sorry, Elizabeth, that you think not mixing dairy and meat is ridiculous. We keep them separate for a whole lotta reasons – foremost among them to remind us of our covenant with God…which is why you’ll also see men wearing yarmulkes all the livelong day. 🙂

  • I wonder if there a Mormon architectural rule about the temple having to be the one of the most visible structure in every city they are built? One was recently built here in Brisbane at a very high vantage point and it has a huge golden thingy on top (which is visible from quite a distance) and caused much controversy because it was considered by many to be quite ostentatious. There was an open day here when it was opened and now only Mormons can enter.

  • It reminds me of the Bahai Temple in Wilmette. Places of worship can be so awe inspiring.

  • koof

    becky- i have yet to see the christmas toilet….
    only cowbells.
    at home AND work, so what gives?

  • Wonderful shot…does the SLC temple not have the angel meroni blowing a horn on top? The one in Lubbock, TX does. You can see it from miles away…

    if you get lucky as a non-mormon you can visit a temple before it’s blessed. I got to see the Lubbock one. kind of like the vatican – elaborately freaky and designed to inspire awe.

    and yes, there are mormon underwear, but only for those who’ve been ‘sealed’ – ie gone into the temple. there’s even special ones for nursing!

    I had an lds roomate who even wore them while swimming…and her parents wore them while having sex.

    becka – not a mormon just an interested observer.

  • Andrea

    I don’t even want to know how she knew her parents wore them during sex.

    They’re opening a new temple in San Antonio and my Mormon friend is taking me to see it before it’s blessed. Did they sky actually look like that or is it photoshopped? Photoshopped, right?

  • Monica

    Becka – that is really wierd (the swimming and sex thing) because that is definately not required or even expected.

    My Mormon girl friends that have gone through the temple (and “sealed” is actually only referring to getting married and you can go through the temple without getting married) sometimes wear bikinis!

    I know, the scandel and horror!! 🙂

  • Tracy

    Surrender, Dorothy!

  • Cassie

    Swimming? Sounds like she was just freakishly strict. That’s not required.

    All the temples have the Angel Moroni on top, pointing towards Israel.

  • Danielle

    Amanda B., I was thinking of the Bahai temple today too. 🙂 I think it is the way both religious buildings almost seem to glow.

    Side note, some of my favorite pictures are of the stonework at Bahai and the windows at the Alice Millar chapel at NU (back when I took pictures the old-fashioned way).

  • Laurie

    Pretty nice, has the picture been placed under the “dooce affect” on photoshop?

  • I was just reading

    Facts that the Mormons probably don’t want you to know
    A Former Mormon”

    And WOW. I know someone who is LDS and she is really nice, although I only know her via the net. I have never asked, or even thought to ask, if she has special undies. But that article talks about some strange shit.

    All religion is strange. Who knew the voodoo we would do.

  • Everyone thinks we wear special underwear, what the heck is with that!? First everyone was saying Tom Cruise is gay, now all Mormons have special “Keep Away” panties..where do you guys get your rumors from? lol. I think I’m the only person so far who has recognized that hymn. “I want to see the temple, I’m going there someday”. It’s a song they make us chant around the bonfire while we all sew “keep away” panties.

  • lmao….

  • I google mormon underwear just because of all the Dooce mormderwear talk.

  • My parents went to Provo and all I got were these stupid Joseph Smith condoms and this lame Marie Osmond “Keep Away” undies.

  • Paula

    Wow, 2 Paula’s on here and I was the first commenter this morning!

  • beachgal

    Great shot, Dooce. Tho the sky looks kind of freaky. Love all the underwear talk.

  • HEY!!! Dooce, didn’t Leta turn 10 months old yesterday or today? I’m waiting for her new little tribute!!!

  • Danielle- The Bahai Temple really is beautiful. The structure seems to defy whatever motives we humans have for whacking others on the head with religion.

    I feel the same way when I visit St. Louis Cathedral in New Orleans.

  • i wear special underwear, but only because i want to feel pretty.

  • p-hawk

    If you want more religious garment information, google for Catholic Scapulars.

  • Is this the temple in Cardston? After the renovations they had an open house for all the world to see.

  • Julie

    I’m Catholic…and I have never heard of a scapular before! I googled it and still can’t figure out what the damn things are. I’ve even been to the Vatican…and more importantly, all of the Vatican gift shops that surround it and try to sell you everything a “Good Catholic Girl” could possibly need – saw no scapulars there! Very weird…

    What godforsaken kind of religious garment would you call all of that What Would Jesus Do paraphenilia????

  • Mrs.C

    I asked my mormom friend in college if her “garmies” were like panties or like a onesie that babies wear… she just gave me an odd look and laughed…

  • I really do wear underoos like I said last night. They give me special super powers.

    I like my Power Puff Girls pairs the best, so that’s why I have about 13 of them. But I also have Spider Man, Bat Man and Super Man. I wear the boys when I have to do somethin ballsy & serious at the same time.

    Those boy supa heroes are very very dire and serious. It helps me keep a very straight face.

    I mean, when I am giving a presentation to the CEO/CFO/CIO/CMO, I can’t risk cracking up(sad, but true) – so I can’t wear Power Puff Girls *every day*.

  • Colleen from NJ

    Scapulars are those necklaces made of two little pictures of someone like Mary, (don’t really remember) but they are plastic with a felt backing connected to a cord you’re supposed to wear around your neck. I think it goes that if you die wearing this, you are automatically going to heaven, NO MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU KILLED, or burgers you ate on Friday, or times you’ve had premarital sex, or voted for Kerry.

    I am a pretty bad Catholic though. Can anyone else verify?

  • You don’t have to slip the garments off and on at the same time. You can go to a temple before its dedicated. You only wear garments after you’ve been through the temple for ordinances. You don’t have to wear them during sex. You don’t have to wear them when you swim or exercise. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir doesn’t sing inside the temple. Anyone can hear them, go to Temple Square when they’re performing or on their tour. And the title of this picture from Heather B. is from the song “I Love To See The Temple”

    the end.

  • Tip on Finding Shit

    Go to
    Type in define: scapular and hit enter.

    a feather covering the shoulder of a bird

    garment consisting of a long wide piece of woolen cloth worn over the shoulders with an opening for the head; part of a monastic habit

    relating to or near the shoulder blade

  • Catholic Encyclopedia

    Catholic Encyclopedia

  • Colleen from NJ

    According to a pious tradition the Blessed Virgin appeared to St. Simon Stock at Cambridge, England, on Sunday, 16 July, 1251. In answer to his appeal for help for his oppressed order, she appeared to him with a scapular in her hand and said: “Take, beloved son this scapular of thy order as a badge of my confraternity and for thee and all Carmelites a special sign of grace; whoever dies in this garment, will not suffer everlasting fire. It is the sign of salvation, a safeguard in dangers, a pledge of peace and of the covenant”.

    I think that’s what I was taught.

  • p-hawk

    There are end user license agreements for scapulars. First, you have to live a chaste life (no sex with anyone other than spouse). Second, you have to frequent the sacraments. Third, you have to pray to Mary, either in the form of the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary or, more commonly, a rosary. However, a priest exempts you from praying the Little Office in order for you to pray the rosary instead.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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