Heater, Mother of Lance

Scrumptious Bearded Armstrong

271 Comments
  • Anne

    2004/12/09 at 6:18 am

    Five bucks says that by the end of the day these four comments will be made about this picture (or variations thereof):

    1. JON IS SOOOOOO HOT!
    2. Leta sooooo looks just like Jon.
    3. Jon soooo looks just like Leta.
    4. OH MY GOD! I’M COMING!!!!!!!

  • Dale Cruse

    2004/12/09 at 6:18 am

    I’m still not first! YAY!

  • tangoali

    2004/12/09 at 6:18 am

    I want to hump his leg.

  • Lindsey

    2004/12/09 at 6:22 am

    Yummers 🙂

  • Liz M

    2004/12/09 at 6:26 am

    Anne wins the funniest comment thus far award…

  • `jen

    2004/12/09 at 6:28 am

    i SO need someone like that to “help” around the house. 😉

  • Em

    2004/12/09 at 6:28 am

    Damn your man is hot! Don’t you love the feel of his beard on your skin? mmmmmm…….

  • becky

    2004/12/09 at 6:29 am

    Scruffy!

  • LadyBug

    2004/12/09 at 6:34 am

    Yes, ’tis a nice beard.
    And I like the weird angle of the picture, the “up the nose” shot. Of course, we’re lucky there were no little, um, _Chrismas elves_ playing peek-a-boo out Jon’s nose.

  • LadyBug

    2004/12/09 at 6:34 am

    Shit. _ChrisTmas elves_

  • Fish

    2004/12/09 at 6:35 am

    Anne: ten bucks says someone comments on how cool Dooce’s blinds are.

    Hey, wait. They are cool blinds.

    *Fish winks*

  • Laura

    2004/12/09 at 6:38 am

    LL Cool J

    Ladies Love Cool Jon

  • atomic

    2004/12/09 at 6:38 am

    I want to see more tree! Tree close-ups! (Does Chuck ever make to piss on the tree?)

  • Fish

    2004/12/09 at 6:38 am

    Ladybug: re: “Christmas elves.”

    1. Chrismas is celebrated by one of my old neighbors in college, whose name, predictably, is Chris. He was kind of a dork.

    2. When my son “fills his pants,” I used to say to DL that he “took a shit.” DL didn’t like that, so now we say that he let some genies out of the lamp.

    bad, bad genies.

  • Robin

    2004/12/09 at 6:40 am

    Dude. Short-time reader and first-time writer. I’m so in love with the love you have for your husband. I hope I can find that.

  • Girl.A

    2004/12/09 at 6:40 am

    “She was a cross-eyed, horny-horned, Scrumptious Bearded Armstrong Eater.”

    I think there’s more than one of those in the room. Run, Jon, Run!

  • Girl.A

    2004/12/09 at 6:49 am

    The freakin ANTHROPOPHAGISTS are comin!

  • LadyBug

    2004/12/09 at 6:51 am

    Fish: re: genies. Hilarious. When my son was brand new (now almost 6 months), he pooped A. LOT. Like, five or six times a day. We would say “Fire in the hole!” or I would simply hand him to hubby and say, “Your son has a present for you.”
    He’s down to once every four or five days now, btw. (Yay breastmilk!) But I’m sure all things poop-related will change dramatically now that he’s starting solids…had his first cereal last night.

    _And, yes, this comment was totally unrelated to the picture, so sue me. But it DID include the word POOP. More than once. So there._

  • Kelly

    2004/12/09 at 6:52 am

    I also love how you love your husband. Those are my favorite posts to read…just makes me smile. 🙂

  • Sheryl

    2004/12/09 at 7:05 am

    It’s in the works. Look what I found:

    UNITED STATES SUMPREME COURT
    DISTRICT OF UTAH

    Civil Action No. 69-BJ-666-UTI

    ANAL RETENTIVE READERS OF DOOCE.COM,
    Plaintiffs,
    v.

    LadyBug
    Defendant.

  • Katy

    2004/12/09 at 7:09 am

    “Opening a bag of Ruffles” is a nice family-friendly way to say your child just shat him/herself.

  • Anne

    2004/12/09 at 7:10 am

    Fish – and those blinds are INSIDE MOUNT. That’s so fucking hot! Just like Jon. And the Christmas tree. And that upper corner where the molding intersects at a 45 degree angle so professionally.

    Wait a second, it just occurred to me that Paris Hilton could be single-handedly monopolizing this comment board by posing as numerous personalities, all of them sycophants. Hmmm.

  • kristine

    2004/12/09 at 7:13 am

    I think they are all the same person.
    Jon, Leta, Heather….even Chuck.
    They all look alike.

    Well, when Chuck has his hair all gussied up he looks like Leta.

  • Mari

    2004/12/09 at 7:13 am

    Jon’s got a serious case of bed head going on. I like it!

  • honestyrain

    2004/12/09 at 7:16 am

    i never liked beards. and not to be all I WORSHIP YOU PEOPLE but he looks good with a beard.

    this is so off topic but i just ate a piece of feta cheese and oh my gawd i love feta cheese. seriously.

  • Amanda B.

    2004/12/09 at 7:18 am

    Sheryl- Civil Action No. 69-BJ-666-UTI

    Oh, how I heart you.

  • The Mighty Jimbo

    2004/12/09 at 7:20 am

    now without juicy bits of vomit!

  • christy

    2004/12/09 at 7:21 am

    Fish – my husband still says “he shit his pants” when referring to our son needing a diaper change. To me it implies a sort of adult-level of control like he could have gone elsewhere, but chose not to. So I can see where your DL is coming from on this one.

    Then again, I called my own 2-yead-old “tard” the other day, so who am I to talk?

  • Caroline

    2004/12/09 at 7:26 am

    Ladybug, how did you make your font in italics? I’ve been trying to figure it out.

  • moose

    2004/12/09 at 7:31 am

    re: Anne’s 1-2-3-4

    GUFFAW!

    Hands down winner for today’s best comment.

  • chickenHead

    2004/12/09 at 7:33 am

    Do you like your tree topper? We’ve been hunting for years a tree topper that does not suck. We’ve been using a red bow until we find one.

  • chickenHead

    2004/12/09 at 7:36 am

    I rwalized my last post, #81, might read as though I don’t like your tree topper. I can’t reaaly make it out so my post was really more about: there’s a tree topper; I wonder if it has a story.

  • Sarcastic Journalist

    2004/12/09 at 7:38 am

    what leta would look like with facial hair.

  • ranae

    2004/12/09 at 7:42 am

    after picking hundreds of shreds of broken christmas tree bulb (courtesy of a *very mobile* babysitting charge) perhaps you are lucky that this christmas little leta will just be sitting stationary on her adorable little hams, grunting and just wishing she could grab all the shiny.fragile.glass.bulbs tempting her on the christmas tree 😉

  • Marti

    2004/12/09 at 7:43 am

    I, too, love feta.

  • Russ

    2004/12/09 at 7:43 am

    Did you take this picture right after you gave your frightening retort describing the pains of womanhood and childbirth in response to his argument that being punched in the nads is the most painful thing ever?

  • Fish

    2004/12/09 at 7:50 am

    Sheryl, Amanda B., and other plaintiffs in the putative class action styled Civil Action No. 69-BJ-666-UTI. I am writing to inform you that I have been retained by Ms. Ladybug in this matter, and all further correspondence is to be directed to me and our legal team here at the offices of Fish Fish, & Morfish, LLP.

    Counsel for Ladybug intend to raise the voluntary pooping doctrine as their primary defense, which states that, “whereupon any website is largely dedicated to the functioning of the bottom systems of the subjects and host/hostess of said website, comments regarding or pertaining to poop may be made despite the non-existence of any direct relationship to the purported subject matter of the comment.” See Crapper v. John, 1000 U.S. 2000 (1898).

  • Fish

    2004/12/09 at 7:51 am

    That’ll be $400, please.

  • shy

    2004/12/09 at 7:52 am

    HOT!

    beautiful christmas tree up. we still have yet to put ours up but i’m not exactly sure what to do with chaeli. as soon as she sees the tree, her everyday goal will be to crawl over and take off all the ornments w/in her reach.

    worse… she’ll also try to eat the pine needles.

  • JulieT

    2004/12/09 at 7:53 am

    You’re a lucky, lucky woman.

  • LadyBug

    2004/12/09 at 7:57 am

    *Carol:* The underscore makes lovely _italics._

    *Fish:* Thank you for volunteering as my counsel. I’ve needed counseling for quite some time. You see, it all started when I was a child, and my mother….oh, my MOTHER…. *Sobbing*

  • LadyBug

    2004/12/09 at 7:57 am

    Oh, geez. Seems that, while I may have the _italics_ thing figured out, I’m a total retard when it comes to *bold.*

  • LeChico

    2004/12/09 at 7:59 am

    have all u “me first” commentors done ur daily duty of voting for that woman whose huband u lust after, daughter u’re obsessed with and dog u adore??

    http://www.2004weblogawards.com

  • Sheryl

    2004/12/09 at 8:01 am

    Fish,
    I am not a plaintiff in this case!
    (Neither is Amanda B, I’m sure) Just a court reporter. lol

    I’ll interview LadyBug as she steps out into the hall after the battle. And do the voice-overs.

    “The litigants in this case are NOT actors…”

  • Marie

    2004/12/09 at 8:02 am

    Dooce,
    I spend all day with The Kids (I teach high school), and I still don’t have a “sense of what they’re up to these days” apparently. The other day, some kid said something like “Oh yeah, he totally called her out.” I had to ask them what that meant. Then they told me that I am “SO white” and that I need ebonics lessons from them.

    BTW, nice picture. From the angle, it looks like Leta could’ve taken the shot!

  • Amanda B.

    2004/12/09 at 8:05 am

    Fish- I would like to retain said services, after making the following “has little to do with anything” comment:

    Jermaine Jackson named his children, Jaafar and…

    wait for it…

    wait for it…

    Jermajesty.

  • Kieran

    2004/12/09 at 8:05 am

    He is like a big old sexy woodsman! ARRRRR

  • Carol

    2004/12/09 at 8:05 am

    Who knew there was internet access at “Jumpin’ Joes”??? I’m in heaven!

    Speaking of HOT, my hubby saw Paris HIlton last night in Vegas. I think he had a big boner under the table.

  • lulu cornichon

    2004/12/09 at 8:08 am

    Amanda B.–

    _Jermajesty_ ?

    no.
    way.

  • Big Gay Sam

    2004/12/09 at 8:08 am

    “He’s so totally gay”

    grrrr…

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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