An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

On the count of three: three, two, one…

  • Sarah! Oh my god that is too funny!!

  • ADD

    Wood paneling…I dig it the most! Good times in the rec room….

  • The Rapture! The Rapture is here!

    P.s. I am calling Child Welfare…Chuck needs to be saved.

  • now that’s timing! or a mirror. i’m not sure which.

  • Julie

    Heather –

    Do you use Internet picture printers like ofoto, shutterfly, etc. ever? If so, when you do the Dooce effect, does it ever come out right? I’m truly a novice, but am trying to learn…Thanks for any advice!

  • Carol

    Sheryl- sounds amazing and you are hilarious!! I’m glad you and Mark (Uncle Mark?) had fun.

  • It’s THE RAPTURE!!! 🙂

  • its like cocoon. only with drunk people.

  • Caro

    I did my Christmas cards on Shutterfly this year (cheap is good) and did the Dooce Effect (thanks Heather… I actually felt a little guilty using someone else’s “effect”). Anyway, they came out nice. I ‘m not so sure the quality is all that it could be, but the image looks a lot better (my kids look a lot more angleic) than it did before.

  • exploding dooce. now we’re talking festive!

  • Michael

    Finally someone mentioned the Rapture. I was thinking this picture obviously called for some mention of how someone has transcended the mortal plane and become a SuperMormon Cherabim (wrong spelling, right?) or something.

  • Scott

    At Albertsons, just tell them your phone number when they ask for your preferred card. I lost my card soon after I got it.

  • Slim

    Dooce: This explosion of the head must be your interpetation of you not being able to find your keys. You know if you ask out loud where keys were he would have brought them to you:-)

  • Joe

    I read the title in my rss feeds and immediately screamed “George!!!” for some reason.

  • beachgal

    I thought it was Leta that hid the keys. Chuck has half eaten books? Hmm.

  • Gia

    Look at that smile! I knew you had a big smile lurking in there somewhere! 😉

  • I have pictures like that, except I was really drunk when I took them because in my drunken state I believed that I looked really hot and wanted to capture it on film.

  • I think Snow White’s head just exploded.

  • Sheryl

    I think it’s cool when the resulting image of a light effect is partly absolute white space.

    If it was printed on paper, nothing would be printed there. So if you think of an printed image as kind of being a membrane, or a skin, a print of this membrane/image would have an irregular hole in the center.

    There would literally be an opening into the space on the printed page – or through the membrane.

  • This is a picture of what Leta thinks her mom looks like.

    “My mommy has long legs and a big, bright, flashy face.”

  • Carol

    Pass that big fat one, Sheryl. I want a hit!! : )

  • Caroline

    Puff puff pass! Sheryl, quit hoggin it!

  • Heavenly Mormon Heather!

  • this is not a picture of me. it wasn’t taken in front of a mirror. this is a picture of Nikki taking a picture of me. story to follow soon, if the babysitter’s car doesn’t break down again.

    ps. story involves large amount of tequila.

  • Carol

    (you gotta give it a few seconds)

  • oh my,, i see the virgin mary in the light! i’m totally selling you on ebay! 😛

  • Ahh! my eyes, my eyes!

  • Blinding! I almost see those flashing red lights. You people and your cameras.

  • Cheryl

    In almost every roll of film I have a picture like this… and for some reason or another someone’s ass. It always happens intentional or not!

  • jodi-no-blog

    TICKLE ABUSE!!!!!!!!
    Its a real thing people… I have 3 older brothers, and they would sit on me and tickle me until I either couldn’t breathe or I peed myself.
    OH. WHAT. FUN.
    I think I even stated “do not EVER tickle me” to my husband on our first date. It is a LAW in my house as well.

  • I also hate being tickled…only one brother, and he was evil about it…it would HURT, people. Red splotches all over my belly from his fingers digging into my skin.

    Ironically(or evily), I find torturing someone else by tickling to be EXTREMELY good fun.

  • I see the Light!

  • so you’ll be needing a sitter then?

  • Susie


    dooce, you give us such fun things to say! To EXCLAIM!!!!, I mean.

  • blu

    i love the title for your tickling story…
    “its gettin..its gettin..its gettin kinda hectic”

  • A bit of _unsolicited advice:_ I’ve always found making a hideous and most pitiful high-pitched screeching noise works well in a tickling situation. If I’m good, I can get the cat to join in (on the screeching, not the tickling).

  • Mary

    Eww. Tickling sucks. Every single time I get tickled I wet myself, but my boyfriend thinks it’s funny, so he tickles me all the time anyway. I hate it. It means I have to either do laundry or wear pee soaked pants and I usually opt for the latter.

  • Caroline


  • Sheryl

    I’ve got the *power*
    Oh-oh-oh yeah-eah-eah
    Gettin’ kinda heavy
    It’s gettin’ it’s gettin’ it’s gettin’ kinda hectic

    Ya gots ta do whot ya gots ta do.
    Fuck tha Police. *Carpe Nads*

  • One time I tickled my mom so much, she threw up. I feel bad about that now.
    Are women genetically more ticklish? I start to squeal if someone even looks at my ass with tickle-intent. Yet I know no men with this problem.

  • One time my first daughter dropped the keys in the sink and they fell into the garbage disposal. I won’t even tell you how long it took to find them.

  • Laura

    My dad did that hold-down-and-tickle- until-I-cried move when I was growing up. Tickling is now an unforgivable sin in my marriage. It shalt not happen. Ever. Luckily Mr. understood this from the beginning.

  • Carol

    I abhor, hate, loathe being tickled. At. All. Ever!! And when someone grabs the bottom of your thigh when you’re sitting? That SUCKS.

    But my kids LOVE it!! I’m always ticking them roughly but very softly and in little spurts (because I just can’t believe they are enjoying it) and they giggle and giggle and roll around and love it.

    Speaking of big sib torture… my big sister used to hold me down and drop spit almost on my face and then suck it back up. She really loved to do it after she’d just had some chocolate milk.

    ugh, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  • //Ok – now dooce is just messing with us to see who will say “Ohmigod! What a beautiful photo!”//

    hahaa I thought the same thing.

  • I came across this link and it seemed appropos to post it here – what with this being the “now with more cowbell” site. It’s a skit from SNL featuring… THE COWBELL.

  • Jen

    I don’t know what’s funnier. The grabbing story itself, or the fact that it is filed under a category called Nubbin.

    Jon’s poor nubbin

  • MrsDoF

    Didn’t Jon speak in his wedding vow “I will Love, Honor, and Cherish”
    He must hold to this promise.

  • Has anyone else noticed how the comments are getting to be a bit… oh how do I put this .. manic?

  • Sheryl

    . . . . . . . . .
    But I do like the photo – not for aesthetics as much as the story – Dooce looking back at teenage life and Nikki looking forward to motherhood, both eras different/cooler than remembered/expected.

    Carol & Caroline, I do NOT do drugs. Besides red wine and liquor.

  • Yeah, the pin-down-and-tickle-till-choking was second only to the fingers-in-ribcage “electric shock!” in my older brother’s lexicon of favorite tortures. Telling my husband not to tickle me and DAMMIT I MEAN IT usually makes him do it a couple more times more out of sheer contrariness… Next time, I’m SO grabbing the POWER.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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