An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Christmas at The Blue Plate

  • Photo reminds me of Escher. Except if Escher was a constipated Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker with a D70 in a diner.

    Three Spheres

    Hand with Sphere

  • I’m with Fish, that thumbnail does look like the Lost Highway movie ad and the visual theme that runs through it.

    And I know what you mean about Film Noir (esp Lynch), I mean I laughed my ass off all through Blue Velvet too, all 12 times I saw it, and I didn’t even have a drink first. Sad, beautiful, depressing, hilarious, disgusting, ridiculous all at the same time.

    Kind of like reading Dooce.

  • Merry Christmas!

  • (Colleen in NJ – Whups. I missed your comment or wouldn’t have repeat-posted on Escher. DOH!)

  • Reading Derrida made me quit grad school. Well, not really, but that’s the shortest version of the longest story ever.

    So I got a couple quick hives when you mentioned him, Fish. And I didn’t know he had died, so I did a quick Google, and found this great article:

    He might have gotten me lost inside my own brain, but he wasn’t such a bad guy after all.

  • When I got my early Christmas present this year (a camera) this was one of the first pictures I took. Similarly, my husband and I sharing a kiss, relfected in one of our tree bulbs.

    Great picture.

  • it’s like that part in one of the ramona quimby books where she’s a sheep in the christmas pageant and she looks at herself in the little ornament ball and thinks she looks all ugly and warped…
    except she’s totally cute…

  • Danika

    Thats so cool GirlA! Love the fish highway!

    Awesome pic Dooce. I dream that I’m as good at photography as you. Of course… I have neither the camera nor the talent.

  • LoL–so funny to see that someone else remembers Ramona Quimby…I loved those books as a kid!

  • Ramona the Pest. BOING!

    How can you not be a pest with a sister named BEEZUS for crapsake?

  • Mir

    I am experiencing a sudden craving for greasy eggs and bacon….

  • tom

    nice watch !

  • i love christmas!

  • (off topic, but read it anyway)

    i was just reading some other sites that i found from here and thought about the basically ‘invisible’ community that has formed here. now i am not saying it doesn’t qualify as a community, as i read everyday or i just might die, but bear with me…

    what if a person/place/thing like disappeared? *poof* gone. you click on your bookmark to see if there is a new picture of the congressman and the site just isn’t there. *pauses for effect*

    just isn’t there anymore.

    not that i think it would, but it could happen so easily. those 10 minutes of our everyday routine RIPPED OUT FROM UNDER US.

    just wanted to share that thought.

  • Actually, I believe that Heather did post a picture of a positive pregnancy stick test. When they remodeled the guest bedroom for something like $300, but then she said it would only stay that way for 6 months, or something like that? Wait! Found it:
    Anyway, blah blah not related to the picture blah.
    Our Christmas tree isn’t up yet. And I’ve only done my Christmas shopping for 2.5 people. I’m going to hyperventilate now.
    When I first looked at the reflection, I thought it was someone hugging someone else wearing a black shirt. Then I realized that was the camera.
    Have you hugged _your_ camera today?

  • Girl A., that fish highway is so totally cool. It almost makes me want to have fish!

    But no.

  • Derrida made me sell my soul and become a lawyer.

  • Matt: Ten minutes? You only spend _ten minutes_ a day here? *Amateur*

    Chloe (is here): I was just wondering what you bought the half-person for Christmas? I have a couple of half-people on my list, and I’m just at a loss.

  • JP

    Chloe…don’t feel bad. I’m in the middle of moving and STARTING my christmas shoping today…on my lunch hour…with my anal retentive husband…

    Let’s hyperventilate together, shall we?

  • “premenstrual burritos and beans”
    Dooce, you crack me up.

    BTW, where do you buy premenstrual burritos?

  • ladybug: i was going to do a quick repost and say that i was clearly lying about the 10 minutes thing.

    glad someone called me out on it .. it is more like an hour. damn you dooce. damn you.

  • George Lover

    Matt: You’re a downer. I try not to think of such things.

    Dooce: All your pictures rock. Just like you. Your story about Chuck and Emily is a little like the scene in “As Good As It Gets” when Verdel has a total crush on Jack Nicholson.

  • ‘Bug: I’ve got to do christmas shopping for .1 persons.

    Matt: Very Derridean of you. What if doesn’t really exist now? Are we just a confluence of intelligences existing in space? Or, is Dooce actually writing these comments herself, and are we just constructs of her authorial persona?

    (Hillary, I don’t know what I just said. Maybe you could explain it?)

  • I want to make a slug highway.

  • yes! that would be amazing if she is writing these comments all herself. holy psychological-thriller-in-the-making. the faces of heather b. armstrong

  • Girl.A: How funny is it that Christina Aguliera (I really couldn’t care less if I misspelled that) showed up in your Google search for “slug highway.”

    On another note: Is anyone besides me starting to notice that I’m tired and don’t feel like working today? The comment police will be banging down my door any se….
    Hang on. I have to get the door..

  • Girl.A

    Fish I can’t believe you and Matt just figured this out.

    You two must be two of Heather’s more repressed personalities.

    Dude, Leon and Kano can be prissy here but backstage – – – well, let’s just say you’ll have to see them do body shots and land loogies on the ceiling to believe it! Come and hang with us. Meet me at the toilet and we’ll integrate psyches with dooce.

  • Very cool picture. My husband took one like that, but he happened to be shirtless with bedhead so it didn’t turn olut as charming as yours.

    BTW, I thought the whole idea of leaving comments was to comment on your blog or pictures, not to be one of the first post-ers. silly people.

  • HDC

    Chuck needs to up the Ritalin dose a smidge methinks =).

  • Girl.A: re: “Meet me at the toilet and we’ll integrate psyches with dooce.”

    You are funny.

  • mari2

    That is such a cute story about Chuck. Especially the part about him flinging himself against parked cars. Emily should be very flattered.

  • The image of Chuck flinging himself against the parked car made me laugh out loud.

    Then I got the hiccups.

  • Danika

    GirlA you crack me the fuck up! Thank you!

  • is Emily busy later? my dog could use a trip to the park. and again tomorrow. next day too. that alright? she’s going anyway, yeah?

  • Yes Matt, it would be amazing but sad because then what would we do at work?

    Maybe the government has a system set up where you ping the off switch. Like posting the word ‘poop’ over 650 times. Dooce may be on her way! Or posting the words ‘i still cannot believe Bush got reelected and i still hate him’ 100 times.

  • JP

    LOL. I didn’t get the hiccups, but I choked on my Chex Mix from laughing.

    And really, Chex Mix is NOT a good thing to choke on.

  • I’m having period burritos for lunch. With a Yoohoo.

  • Danika

    *wiping subway bits off monitor* Mental note: Do NOT read Dooce while eating.

    Dooce you also crack me the fuck up… a HUGE thank you to you too!

  • victoria

    My dog loves the guy who takes him to the dog park every day, too. More than he loves me. Sigh.

  • The food that normally makes you feel sick to look at suddenly because the food your desire most during the cycle.

  • one of the only bonuses to nursing is the lack of periods. well, not the only bonus, but in the winter is really sucks to have to haul your boobs out from under big sweaters and whatnot.

    anyhow, yeah. periods. they suck.

  • Oh my God you people are hilarious. I, too, am spitting shit all over my screen and I’m not even eating anything.

  • The visual of Chuck throwing himself against a car AND wrapping his little Chuck body around her neck started it all.

  • Niffer: Don’t take this the wrong way, but if you’re spitting *shit* on the computer, you REALLY need to go to the doctor.

  • I love that picture!

  • Colleen from NJ

    Glad you posted, because I am an idiot and tried to post the three spheres link and I am like totally stupid today and couldn’t do it. I have 8 days left of being able to blame pregnancy on my stupidity. Then, it’s back to blaming my period for being a bitch.

  • Hey, Christmas! I almost forgot it was almost Christmas. There are so few things about to remind one of that fact…Cool photo.

  • Marti

    “Christmas is like anal sex…”

  • _Fresh back from the Comment Police Station_

    Colleen from NJ: Congrats! Didn’t know you were expecting! Is this your first?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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