An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Merry Christmas Eve… FROM MY BUTT!

  • It is so hard for any girl to resist a good beard!

  • Yet another one from the Santa Series.

  • thank you! for making me laugh when I am having a major meltdown!

  • doocebooty! Wooo!

  • ash

    Thank you for making my christmas eve so much better!!

  • 80

    Happy Schmolidays Dooce & Blurb!

  • Now THAT is not your average clenched-cheek sprint to see Santa!

  • DOOCE! This is in reference to your fart smell. Cora is the same age as Leta…I noticed that my farts smelled like Cora’s poops. Weird. Merry Christmas!

  • Leta: I saw mommy kissing?? Santa Claus.

  • Dazed & Confused

    Merry (and Mary) Christmas to all you Dooce-kateers.

  • Happy Christmas Eve everyone.

    Wow Heather, nice ass. I’m fairly certain you could take Heidi Klum- she’s all silicone and big talk.

    For some reason I’m imagining Santa as the Ladies Man…”Well! Hello there Lady…”

  • RazDreams

    (dooce, is “the husband” above really Jon, or is it someone impersonating him? methinks it’s your wannabe-hubby.)

  • I saw a movie like this once but the lighting was much worse…

  • Heather, I’ve shouted both, “YOU’RE A NOSY BASTARD!” and “SHUT UP!” to my husband, RIGHT in his face while we were sleeping, “speaking” to someone in a dream each time. But it was never Heidi Klume.

  • Ali


  • patricia

    Am I the only one who only cares what brand of jeans those are?

  • Also? I’m with Sarah (21): “You totally look like you are doing something completely perverted to Santa.”

    Am gutterhead.

  • I’m excited to see Leta’s Christmas morning face. Excited to see what Santa brings for her. I hope Santa brings her pink frilly dresses! *chuckles*

  • hehehe MERRY CHRISTMAS !

  • And I thought it was a lap dance picture at first then I thought… nah she’s rescuing Leta.

  • Wonderful and appropriate picture 🙂 Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!!

  • Becky

    There you go, multitasking again. Giving us a funny Christmas greeting AND providing evidence of the mission to rescue Leta from the sca-wy Santa man.

    Merry Christmas to the entire Armstrong clan!

  • wheezer345

    nice picture! Have a merry christmas!

  • Scott, come out of the woodwork. We’ve found the true pervos: Shiz, Sarah, Cammie, Amanda B. (Duh), Girl.A (double-duh), Dr. Fever, Danika, LittleHoney, Ashik, and Jess. (And we love them dearly for it!)

  • Merry Christmas– and cute jeans.

  • Yes, but is it the butt OF FRANCE?!

    Someone had to say it.

  • Okay, I’m working today, and one of my co-workers just came by and wished me a very heartfelt Merry Chistmas.

    During which he called me by the WRONG NAME. I feel so loved.

  • Mir

    Well that is the nicest Christmas greeting I’ve ever received from a derriere. Merry Christmas to you and yours, Heather. 🙂

  • Stan

    Dazed and Confuzed… that’s Soooo funny. Who’s singing that? Any idea?

  • Dazed & Confused

    Stan – that was Fay McKay and it was recorded (I think) in the late 60’s. I nearly peed when I heard it.

  • Danika

    Perfect merry christmas greeting!!! Thanks ONCE AGAIN for the laugh!!!

    And I just love reading all the comments.

    I must admit when I saw the thumbnail I thought to myself “I hope thats a pic of her ass”.

  • Hate to tell you, but I think he asked for a hand, not a hand-job. Nonetheless, I’m sure he’s quite happy with the result.

    Kidding aside…

    Get it? *Ass*ide…

    Ha ha ha… eh… bah-humbug.

  • donnaly

    I must admit when I saw the thumbnail I thought to myself “I hope thats a pic of her ass”.

    I think Danika wins the prize so far as the biggest prev…or at least the one most likey to use their ‘aloud’ voice.

    The picture does make one think of lots of ‘giving’ , I must admit

    Happy holidays and enjoy that first Christmas, dooce.

  • and what a lovely butt it is, indeed.

    God bless us, everyone!!!

  • amy

    Well you can tell what Jon considers picture worthy 😉 Nice butt Dooce!

  • flovie

    Check out this site to track Santa. It is quite clever. The kids obsessively check this all day long.

  • I saw mommy shtooping Santa Claus …

    Am crass.

    And I’m normally such a good girl.

  • Danika

    I’m not a perv I swear.. I uhh just can’t get enough of Dooce. Um. Really was mostly meaning that I hope it was her ass in the pic because then it would be another pic of Dooce. I swear. Not because I really wanted to see her ass. (but what a nice ass it is) 🙂

  • It’s also very interesting who they consisder to be a celebrity.

    Eric Estrada, the Gaither Vocal Band, … and they have the WORST photograph ever of Paul Gross.

  • Merry Christmas from my butt…OF FRANCE!

  • Awwww Metro…you bring a tear to my eye.

    Shiz- you said Eric Estrada. I heart you.


    it is so fucking liberating.

    like the butt shot because i am in a liking the butt shot kind of mood.

    happy christmas dooceland!

  • Are you trying to hump Santa?

  • Heather

    That is one ridiculously huge chair!

  • Funny pic! Great jeans, though. Brand?

  • Amanda B. – A tear to your eye? Wow, I usually don’t bring out emotion in women. I’m lucky to get a half-hearted shrug.

  • Shit – my x-mas present to Dooce is going to be late. Fukkin’ UPS.

    “Your package is in the UPS system and has a rescheduled delivery date of Dec 27, 2004.”

  • Danika, don’t be retracting anything on my account.

    I for one wanna see all your asses.

  • What’s in my head? That damned Old Navy commercial where they sing, “Your son’s coming home from college with his girlfriend; he’ll be so embarrassed if you re-gift.”

    Thank YOU, Old Fucking Navy.

  • Right back at you.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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