An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

This one is for you, GEORGE! Leta and Chuck miss you already

  • The tsunami is a dick, but the earthquake is the big ugly cock of death.

    Has anyone heard about the Red Cross or other such organizations’ needs here in the U.S. for these poor folks?

  • Paula

    I could just pinch and smooch and pluck on Lita’s cheeks! (we Italians tend to do that sometimes). She is so cute!

    Chuck has the patience of a saint.

  • Is Hor-hay back yet? I miss him so.

  • ashik

    Another organization that helps and has very low overhead.

    Besides helping those in dire dire need, this is an opportunity for all americans to show that (and I mean this in the least political sense possible) we’re able to offer true international help even when oil does not glimmer in our eye.

  • I found it-

    The actual line is “the big black cock of death” via Bill Hicks. I didn’t want to offend. So I’ll let him do it:

    “I finally got my own show on TV coming out this fall as a replacement series. Don’t worry, it’s not a talk show. Thank God! It’s a half-hour weekly show that I will host, entitled ‘Let’s Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus’ I think it’s fairly self-explanatory: Each week we let the Hounds of Hell loose and chase that jar-head, no-talent, cracker idiot all over the globe ’til I finally catch that fruity little pony tail of his, pull him to his Chippendale knees, and put a shot gun in his mouth like a big black cock of death — Pow! Then we’ll be back in ’94 with ‘Let’s Hunt and Kill Michael Bolton.’ And we’re kicking the whole series off with our M.C. Hammer/Vanilla Ice/Marky Mark Christmas Special.”- Bill Hicks

  • GEORGE!, if you ever ARE in Austin, you can sleep on my couch. I don’t mean that in the stalkerish way it sounds, though.

  • Leta: How do I make a silk purse out of a…oh, wait, this is not a sow’s ear.

  • Yeah George you can sleep on my ANYTHING ANYTIME George!!!

    And I mean that LITERALLY.

  • eco2geek

    Not to take away from the seriousity of the tsunami victims, but…two words, “vibrator cozies”: .

  • Eco – too bad you didn’t point those out before the Holidays. They would’ve made their way onto a lot of wish lists.

  • Oh Chuck! What a sweetheart…going out, getting lost, and gettin’some. What a single-guy thing to do. He’s in his dog-teenage-years…

  • A Yorkie whore is a terrifying concept. I keep picturing that most horrifying scene in Last Exit to Brooklyn featuring Jennifer Jason Leigh and an abandoned street mattress.

    That poor Yorkie. Never stood a chance.

  • I totally know that “heart stopping limp body, hotness washes over you” feeling. My father lost my dog once while visiting them. That feeling is one of the scariest things ever.

  • Dogs, open gates…

    been there-i stupidly left the gate open, one time in the 3 years i have lived here.

    I was in the house, my phone rang and at that very instance I realized I had not shut the gate.

    the dogs, all 4-one who is deaf and 1 with three legs, were out.

    like you i was screaming my dogs names, flying around the yard, into the alley when my neighbor comes out on her deck and screams to me that they are all in her house.

    All of them, except the 3 legged dog (I-Lean)ran up the stairs to her deck. Her dogs were barking at my dogs, the deaf one was scratching at the door. I-Lean was under the deck happily sniffing around.

    I was lucky-I had visions of dead dogs all along the road.

    I was so lucky-

  • I’m tortured with visions like that every time one of my cats escapes our back yard. We’ve fenced it in and made it as cat-proof as possible, but once in a while one of them will escape and I spend hours picturing them flattened in the street. Bah!

  • Gia on Guam

    It’s been some time since you’ve had a photo collection a la the Armstrong Kitchen Remodel Disaster. I think a Leta First Christmas Photo Collection is in order. From her first visit to santa, to her opening gift wrap to her sheer delight in finding Boobah. Thanks.

  • i see ear wax. break out the qtips.

  • rabooka

    Whenever I am at my in-laws house I am in constant fear that our two pups will escape. It never fails- someone will open the garage with out warning and there go the dogs. Do they tell anyone that the dogs are out…no! How would they like it if I let their 2 yr old out the front door to roam the town all alone? I don’t think so.

  • Pringles kick so much ass it’s not even funny.

    As an aside, we have renamed our daughter GEORGE!, in memoriam.

  • I’m telling ya, RIGHT NOW…that comment up there? at 2:51 PM? The one that has “amber”‘s name on it and makes blatant sexual overtures to George? There’s no way the REAL Amber posted that.
    I just felt the need to jump to (the REAL) Amber’s defense, is all.

  • You guys know what I’m saying?? The real Amber is a whore and all, but NOT THAT MUCH OF A WHORE. I mean, who do they think they are kidding? GET A LIFE YOU PRETENDER!!

  • Hey, Dooce, I don’t want to scare you (_much,_ LOL), and I don’t want to detract from all the lost dog/cat stories…but that feeling you felt when you were running in your good boots, desperately searching for Chuck? Just wait ’til the first time Leta gets away from you (and out of sight) while you’re shopping. God, my heart starts pounding, just thinking about it.

  • Oh my LORD! I finally got one! My own Dooce Comments Section Imposter! Woo-hoo, Lucky me! Now, how do I get rid of it? Have it lanced? Burn it off?

  • Thanks, LadyBug. Finally someone sees what I’ve been saying!! LOL


    Ladybug, way to RUIN my night!

  • The imposter’s been caught! HA

  • waiting….

  • This is SO not funny…and I refuse to play mind games with a troll…I make it a habit never to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

    So this will be my last comment tonight. Anything with my name on it after this is NOT ME.

    To clarify, I commented at 7:34 and 7:53, and then at 7:56 when I realized I was being impersonated. Anything else with my name is NOT ME.

    And I’m almost certain NONE of these “amber” comments are really Amber.

    How sad, to have such a pathetic life, that your “fun” is spending time lurking in an internet forum, impersonating people you’ve never met.

  • So goodnight all. Talk to you all tomorrow. ***sucks thumb and grabs blankey**** Hmmph!

  • Jackie

    Let George know that if he were to start a blog of his own, he’d have an automatic audience. We’d all read it!

    Have a happy new year Heather!


    So many imposters, so little time….

  • Chuck just wanted an adventure. He wasn’t thinking clearly after traveling.
    I think it will work… if you click my name and read about a small child lost and found.


    I’m actually working on a blog right now, but you have to be 18 to view the images and there’s a small fee involved.

  • dänika

    small monetary fee, or small “A microwave would be great” fee?

  • HDC

    Ah Dear George, the Internet will miss you so! Best of luck at school and keep in touch so we know how it goes.

    The state of Texas is far less intolerable now that George is there. And the internet is that much more intolerable without him.

    Everyone now, for posterity’s sake, one last GEORGE!

  • Janie

    Ack, those cheeks! They are positively edible.

  • I don’t know George, but I’m sad to see him go. Oh, George. He was so loveable. Sigh.


    now I have an imposter, the last one by “george” was not me. Asshole.

  • Mary in Sacramento

    Oy! All these impostors!!

    But you know what, y’all?

    I was impostored….FIRST!!!


  • Mary in Sacramento

    PS, I love GEORGE!

    Have fun in Texas, man. We’ll miss you. But you have to PROMISE to send Heather pictures of all of your wacky college-y escapades. Promise? Pinky swear? Okay?

  • seriousgirl

    she really looks like a clone of jon, but that is okay…being that she is so cute. Man you are lucky to have a dog who is so tolerant of the weird touchy stuff kids do. Even pheobe, who is the sweetest dog in the world…will walk away, unless we have her chained down.

    by the way…where are suprised expression pictures of leta and the boohbah whatever. I have to see how you’ve contributed to the commercial “corrupting” of your little frog…

  • too precious. we’ll miss you george! don’t forget to write.

  • Day

    George? GEORGE!
    I’m not sure I can go on.

    How much do we love Chuck? Such a good boy.

  • Jennifer

    Hubba, hubba, George. Welcome to Texas:) If you’re ever near Denton, give me ring!

  • Bob


    time to close the book on this one…

  • hey now!

  • Stacy

    Choke chain? Choke chain! I thought that was what I saw, you animal cruelating bitch. I bet you let him play with paper towels, too.

  • Stacy

    And before I get attacked by the Dooce squad, I am totally kidding.

  • stacy

    GEORGE!, you know you’ve made it big when people start posing as you. Enjoy the fame.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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