An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

A very tired New Year’s Eve

  • ok… smiley Dooce and Jon are nice to see.
    But that Boohbah shit is scaring me.
    All I see is WARTS. Warty little uncircumsized peee peee!

  • Heather:
    From briefly skimming your web site, I hate to tell you that your daughter sounds like she may be almost totally illiterate. You should definitely talk to your doctor about your concerns about her poor reading skills, and the many ways she tries to mask her struggles by pretending that she would rather chew on Go Dog Go than read it. Over 20 million Americans are illiterate, including many young children. Although I haven’t had him tested, I strongly suspect that my child is functionally illiterate as well. I’m a pretty crappy mom though; I keep forgetting to mention it to the pediatrician.

  • Zeb

    good idea amber. that was pretty bad.

  • Unfunny Tiffany

    That was sad, tiffany.

  • You two are adorably cute. And you have a very pretty smile. 🙂

  • Ottoman

    I like the pic of Jon that Beth has up better. 🙂

  • hey look – a smile!!!


  • Yeah, my engagement ring was free, too, from my Nana A. But a marriage is not about the ring….on your finger!(ahem)
    PS love the smile.

  • dear people posting unsolicited, uninformed, and presumptious parenting “advice” here,

    please shut the fuck up.

    thank you,
    xo trace.

  • Heh. 10:30 p.m. I’m usually still at work at 10:30 p.m., so I was definitely still awake at midnight.

    I don’t have any kids, though. But my new puppy sure does make me get up early. This morning he woke me up at 7:30. And, for someone who works until almost midnight, that is LATE!

  • My apologies to any of you Dooce readers who are illiterate or who, like me, have babies who cannot even recite the alphabet. I did not mean to make you sad. I was trying to make fun of that curious joe person who, by the way, I can tell from his sentence structure may have adult onset diabetes and needs to be tested immediately.

    No offense to anyone who has diabetes or autism or whatever. 🙂

    ps. Heather, you look terrific. Jon looks happy. And very, very beardy.

  • Happy New Year, you guys! I’m so happy I found this site. 🙂

  • karen

    great pic, but my guess is Jon wasn’t sucking on a bottle, he was sucking on “jay” … yehaw…happy new year!

  • La Pixiatrix

    Dooce, I feel the same about not being able to wrap my head around the loss that’s happened in other parts of the world. And that it makes me feel more deeply connected to the people that are most precious in my life.

  • The pirate joke, -driving me nuts-
    I FINALLY just stop laughing. It was so lame it was funny.
    Thanks, I needed that this morning. or…late morning…

  • Dazed & Confuzed

    What an absolutely wonderful letter, Heather. I can imagine a 35 year old Leta, commanding the troops of the 40,000 employee company she runs, espresso being pumped into her veins via I.V. and then stumbling across your beautiful letters and for a moment, JUST for a moment, smile a bona-fide Leta smile and think of her lovely mamma back home in Utah, boozin’ it up with Pop.

  • Another great letter that makes me wish I had been doing the same thing for my babies, but it would just come out so dorky.

    We also do very little for Christmas for the kids because you know the Grandparents will go totally overboard. And that’s what grandparents are for, I suppose.

    Hmm … can I get a nomination for the dumbest comment ever? Thanks.

  • Dazed & Confuzed

    Oh…and Tiffany…I agree. Surely an 11-month-old child is old enough to at LEAST have gone through a couple volumns of Proust.

  • wix

    wonderful picture, and how wise of you to just go to bed early!

    we foolishly kept CX up to ring in the new year, which he did with bleats of protest. (his bedtime is between 10 and 11, so we weren’t keeping him up *that* late.) we also tried some sparklers, but, um, i was a dummy and got the newfangled fancy color-changing kind with the lovely paper wrappers, which also pop, and (worst of all) smoke, and are just too much for daddies and babies and mamas to handle. come july 4, we’ll go back to the old-fashioned metal kind.

  • Lisa

    My wedding ring is from WAL-MART. So is my husbands( and cost under a total of 70$’s). How C.L.A.S.S.Y are we?? Lol.

    Whoever said that Leta was autistic seriously needs to get his head out of his a**. If one of the signs of autism were crying and biting cardboard and paper then we better get every single baby in the counrty tested including my own child because she has actually eaten a half sheet of notebook paper before. I guess that means she’s severly autistic and needs to be in a home.

    I’m being totally sarcastic by the way….

  • Fiona

    I’m amused that people who think they are posting first hardly ever are.

  • zchamu

    Awesome pic!

    Are Uncle Tom and Jon twins? Because I seriously had a triple take on that picture..

  • Lisa

    Sorry for the typos….

  • i cry every damn time i read one of those newsletters!

  • Em

    I adore the letters you write each month! What a treasure they will be to her one day! She is so beautiful!

    My youngest is getting her 1 year molars. I think all babies should be born with their teeth – would put a damper on breastfeeding – but ya know somethings are just really too much to deal with!

  • I’ve been waiting so long for a smiling Heather picture! This is an exciting moment for me.

  • *sob* those freakin’ newsletter’s get me everytime! Damn it! I was fine till I got to the “search the world over…” part, then the tears started. Man, I bet next months will be a doozy.

  • Reading your monthly newsletters always makes my heart happy.

  • Liz

    Question for y’all – how does one go about finding someone across the nation? I have tried white pages and regular directory assistance. I have even tried this very cool search engine that I am only supposed to use for work but we won’t go there. Does anyone have any bright ideas?

    I am well aware that this does not have anything to do with dooce, but I thought y’all could potentially help me. Thanks a million. 🙂

  • Liz

    PS Dooce, you about kill me with those newsletters. Geez, might as well just grab the tissues when I see the title.

  • I am so not a sentimental fool, but those letters get me a bit misty, too. Damn. I imagine a teenaged Leta reading them and rolling her eyes but secretly thinking about how much her mom rules.

  • Happy New year!

  • The more I read your blog and look at your pictures, the more I see bits of you in your beautiful daughter.

    Happy New Year!

  • Lisa

    I talked to GEORGE! It was totally by accident but I got to talk to him through aim…..he probably now thinks he’s being stalked of course but I talked to GEORGE!

  • Careful Lisa, Mrs. George #2 might attack!! hee hee.

  • Lovely monthly newsletter. I hold my little girl a little tighter every time I see the news. Thank you.

  • Wow…you totally get me, too, with those newsletters to Leta…she will cherish them so much when she’s older. You are an amazing mom…and make me want to be a mother. Thank you for sharing the love you have for your family.

  • Jenie

    OMG–that last pic of Leta made tears come to my eyes…she is so adorable. (I know I’m a sap!) If my future babies are only half that cute, I’ll be thrilled.

  • Jenie

    oh…and I just went back through the comments…our wedding bands are from wal-mart too. (One year ago on New Years! yay) I guess we’re C.L.A.S.S.Y. too….

  • That last picture of Leta in the latest newsletter is gorgeous!

  • Don’t mean to comment 2x in 1 day, but your newsletter first made me laugh and almost snort hot cocoa out my nose, then made me cry. You rock, Dooce, you do.

  • Thanks to you, Dooce, humping Zing Zing Zingbahs is not just for kids anymore.

    Takes the actual risk of STDs out of the rush of risky sex with a bumpy penis.

    Sex with psychedelic ritual-scarred PBS toys is still risky, it’s just so much less defined what the possible outcomes could be.

  • Lisa

    Hehehehe. Mrs. George#2 can probably talk to him too he’s very nice.I don’t know if I’d ever IM him again though, it was an accident the way we started talking and of course being me I was amazed to be even talking to George and was incredibly lame…..

  • I love your letters to Leta. And as if I didn’t already love you, you go and mention Stewart Copeland. Can you be married to Jon and me??

  • TulsaOkie

    Wonderful letter to Leta dooce.. You have a beautiful way with words.. That is an awesome thing you do for your daughter!!

    Happy New Years.. a little late.

  • I saw those Boobah things while running errands this morning. How on Earth do people think these things up? They’re sillier than Teletubbies!

  • what? there is a brother armstrong?

    more photos of uncle tom, por favor.

    happy 11 to leta and man, that last paragraph wiped me out.

  • the other Paula

    What an awesome letter to Leta, I hope someday if I ever have a daughter I can write her such heartfelt letters also. Your family is beautiful too.

  • Donnelle

    I just realised that my little boy is exactly nine months younger than your Leta! You inspired me, I wrote him a letter yesterday on his two month “anniversary” (yesterday… time zones, you know).

    Every time I see the news, I think about my little boy and how I would battle for him, and it just makes me so scared and sad.

    Your little girl is beautiful.

  • Dooce, thanks for posting your letter to Leta. I enjoy your experiences as I, too, discover who these little people are.

    I cannot comprehend the devastation of the tragedy as well, and I feel a bit guilty of that fact. It is nearly too painful for me to think about it. What a luxury it is for me to even say that as I busy myself with the every day crap, huh?

    Thanks for letting me know I am not alone in not getting my head around what happened.

    Sorry for the serious post, people.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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