An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

How to Annoy Me

Whole. Raisins. In the poop. Raisins she ate only two hours ago. WHOLE. UNDIGESTED. RAISINS. PRECIOUS. SENSIBILITIES. OFFICIALLY. OFFENDED.

January 11, 2005

How to Charm Me

Fart in the face of the physical therapist as she bounces you around on the exercise ball. Well done, grasshopper. Well done.

Yet another reason I am unfit to be a parent

Just now NBC preempted the “Today” show for President Bush’s announcement of the new director of Homeland Security, and my immediate reaction was, “SHIT! They were just about to give us more news on why Brad and Jen split up. Goddamn Homeland Security.”