An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation


  • My cat likes to grind her gums (she has no teeth to speak of) against things.

    She sometimes sleeps with her eyes open and then growls and meows in her dreams while she’s looking at me. Between that and her chasing something invisible into the corners, it is a wonder I am not paranoid yet. Not *super-paranoid yet.*

  • Where is the insulin, that is too cute. Love the look on her face.

  • heeehe

    “What an unusual growth your husband has coming out of his torso”.

  • 2mommiesandababy

    hey dooce,
    our son did the same thing with his new teeth. (although we say grinding 🙂 i think he was just getting used to new things in his mouth. we were always distracting him or handing him something to chew. that noise is awful! so don’t fear, she will stop! even making funny faces that he tried to imitate would distract him enough. good luck.

  • MyChelle

    too many michelle’s posting and I am not witty enough to come up with a different tagline, so in honor of my Country Southern granpapa: MyChelle with emphasis on MY. He also says Eye-Talian Soss when requesting italian vinagrette for his salad. Thank god he eats salads sometimes in addition to the pepperidge farm summer sausage and sharp cheddar cheese that comprises his majority of his daily caloric intake.

    Back closer to topic…the photo essay rocked – does Chuck get it now? Maybe you could teach him the happy piddles trick – “i love you mommy’s friend Emily so much and I am so excited to see you that I am going to jump on your legs and tinkle with joy on your shoes.” It made me pay significantly less attention to little Sammie and he eventually returned to adoring his mama, my good friend. I am convinced she taught him to do this, as I was the only recipient of this treatment ever!

  • carolina

    that is so adorable! you have such a wonderful family.

  • Jon’s got a little Roo-Baby in his pouch!

  • sak

    It’s The Leta Look: “Sigh. And she gets exasperated with MY need for toys.”

  • koof

    life is good, yes?
    soooo cute.

  • PS…It looks like he’s hopping too! Go Roo-Daddy go!!!

  • MyChelle

    comprise. verb subject agreement and all that.

    My niece gritted her gums and teeth until she got four and four (top and bottom) – because she couldn’t set her lower jaw at an angle anymore. Sounds weird, but she would set her 9-mo-old jaws all askew and rub her gums together for a few minutes then switch to the other side. Sis and I were convinced she would end up all slingblade-mouthed, but she grew out of it when her teeth got in the way. Weird and annoying

  • That is THE cutest picture!

  • I heard you on NPR, Heather! You sound great (and not like you’re crying, either).

  • Em

    I listened to your interview, Heather. You don’t sound like I thought you would – which doesn’t really mean anything except that. Anyway, you’re a smarty. Which we already knew.

  • The Teeth Grinding!!! MY 22 month old does that, I HATE IT!

    BTW, Your interview was great. The best thing about being a SAHM and writing about your job is your kids can’t Dooce you! SUCKERS!

  • Em

    PS. You are The Verb in so many ways.

  • That is such a frigging adorable shot!

    And there is NOTHING wrong with sounding Southern! I miss my accent now. I sound really weird.

  • How adorable.

  • “say hello to my little friend”.

    Dooce, you rock. Seriously.

  • Awww, she has such pretty eyes! =)

  • Re: the teeth gritting? Is it anything like the unabashed near constant THROAT CLEARING that goes on in my office? Because THAT is pretty terrible, let me tell you. I’m excited to go on maternity leave to get the hell away from it for a while.

  • At least she is warm! It is cold in Utah!

  • DM

    I loved the dog park slide show. That was great. This picture is adorable as well. Your site rocks. In case you weren’t getting enough validation from all of the other dooce fans out there.

  • anja

    I don’t think you sound like you’re crying at all, it sounds like you’re amused at yourself warning your neighbour… You sound nice, too 🙂
    Great pics, both this one and the dog park ones!

  • ROFL oh my god! there’s a tiny person in my shirt!

  • Alica

    Hi Heather – You sound different than I thought you would. Why you would sound like the voice in my head that reads your posts outloud to itself I have no idea. But your actual voice is much prettier and more grown up.

    Oh and the people who posted above are right – you don’t sound like you’re crying, you sound like you’re laughing at a toddler with goldfish on her head.

  • I like Em’s PS comment. Is there perchance a masthead tagline in there somewhere?

  • Gia

    Loved the interview Heather! Great job. Makes me think twice about blogging though…

    Thought about it… I’m self employed so who cares!! Ha haha

  • Jen

    That is a ridiculously adorable picture. Your interview sounded great…you have a very pleasant-sounding voice. I was laughing, imagining Leta at your feet covered in gold fish.

  • Jill

    This morning I have the worst cramps physically possible, and I was just about to get a butter knife to perform a self-hysterectomy when I saw this picture. My uterus thanks you for saving its life, because now I know that I might actually want to use it someday.

  • You sound nothing like I imagined! I pictured a very, very southern drawl and a higher pitched voice! Nice interview.

  • Crangirl

    That was a nice interview! And as if you couldn’t get any cooler, you have a really nice voice.

  • mvh

    My daughter has been grinding her teeth for at least 8 months now (she’s 17 months). In spite of all the time that’s passed, it still horrifies and repulses me. It is The Worst Sound Ever. EVER.

  • Just wait until she grinds the enamel off, breaks a tooth or exposes a nerve. It’s a LOT of fun!

  • Leta looks so cute all bundled up like that!

  • *collective awwws*

  • this is the best picture yet.

  • I have a picture of my two nephews, the small one tucked inside the tshirt of the big one and it is priceless. I have to see if I can find it and scan it and post it.

    I thought the interview was fine. You made it sound like Leta was a non-stop bubbling presence and I didn’t hear a peep. Did they edit her out or just run parts where she wasn’t a participant? Is there somewhere we can hear the whole thing, not just the excerpts they chose to use?

  • Katie

    Oh my gosh I love this photo. So adorable.

    My mom told me that when I was around the age that Leta is now, I looked exactly like my Dad – people would call me “Little Bob.” Now at age 27, people take a double take when I walk in the room because of the uncanny resemblance I have to my mother. I wonder if the same will be true for you and Leta?

  • No worries, you sounded fine (and pretty much the way I thought you would) in the interview.

    Back when Dinosaurs Roamed the Earth and I did radio stuff in college, the compression would make my tenor voice even more tenor-y, unless I used this really old microphone; I think it dated back to the 1940s. Then I sounded sexier’n Barry White.

    Juli, I’d have to presume that NPR didn’t give anyone the raw audio. Even when I gave out copies of the interviews I did, they only got the finished product.

  • Suzanne

    our wee bundle o’ joy (yeah) starting gritting her teeth as soon as the first top sabre tooth came through. sends shivers up me spine. hopin’ leta finds something else to chew on other than her teeth…

  • Kari G.

    Love, love, love the picture. too damn cute. You are a lucky girl!
    Heard your interview – nice job. loved the dog park pics too – again too cute.

  • Cristin

    LOVE the picture! And, now that I finally figured out how to get the interview to play, I love that too!
    Great job Heather. After reading about the experience yesterday, I was expecting you to sound frazzled, but you are cool as a cucmber!
    My hubby wishes he had his camera around last night to catch me banging my forehead on the desk when I couldn’t get the clip to play. Who knew my pop-up blocker was getting in the way?

  • i heard you on the radio, too. i caught the part about the lady from delta and thought, “hmm, someone was just talking about this,” and then i remembered from where. i heard you! on npr! ha ha! just by happenstance, but i’m glad i did.

  • Whoa. Two-headed offspring of The Verb. Sweeeeet.

  • Hele

    He is cute blah blah blah she is cute too blah blah blah you are sooooo cute too.

    Oooooh what a cute family you are

    blah blah blah

    BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! boring comments!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • I really like Leta’s hat. Did you knit it?

  • feebs

    That is such an adorable photo!

    And the whole gritting the teeth thing….my 13 year old still grits his teeth while he sleeps….I can hear it sometimes from the other room and I swear it sounds like he is breaking his teeth…my teeth are hurting now just thinking about it…ugh!

  • Jon looks kind of like he’s doing a dance number from Fiddler on the Roof, doesn’t he?

    “all day long I’d bitty bitty bum, if I were a wealthy man! Hey!”

    Right? Right?

    No? okay. sorry. maybe not.


  • i seriously can’t take all this cute. STOP WITH THE CUTE!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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