An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

You turn it like THIS to focus, dude

  • Rebeka

    Question: Girl, what kind of jeans are you wearing? They look gorgeous on you…

  • Leta is sitting up on her own! YAY
    Work it babay!

    That mobility thing – it sure is a double-edged sword tho. You guys have had it easy in the scooter-arounder-like-mad department. Up to this point. They learn quickly. Especially when motivated by reward like freedom. Or fear.

    My niece had her leg broken by a 150 lb dog who was trying to show her love by standing on her chest, while she was standing up. When she had the cast off at 3 months later at 14 months, the saw they used to remove the cast scared her somethin fierce. Hence, a few days later, when she was napping in her crib and a neighbor started up his chain saw, she learned how to pole vault.

    And even though she had only been walking a little before the broken leg, she learned how to run like the wind right after the vault. Poor baby.

  • olaf

    At first I thought that red piece of cloth was a part of your jeans and said “Damn, that’s kind retro-cool” and then I realized it was a napkin… that’s all i have to say.

  • GSV Micturition to Windward

    Re: #80 Amazing how big women’s egos are. No matter what the situation they always assume that any male who tries to strike up a conversation is hitting on them. If exactly the same conversation had taken place between the boy and Dooce’s husband no one would have assumed that he was gay and trying to hit on her husband.

    Reminds me of a family reunion a few years ago. I tried to strike up a conversation with a cousin I hadn’t seen for years. After a few minutes up cold, monosyllabic replies I gave up on her. Half an hour later she comes up to me and apologizes – with the explanation that she didn’t recognize me and had assumed that I was going to hit on her as soon as she saw me walking towards her.

    Also: at my favourite pub a couple of the bartenders will keep my usual seat open for me if I’m expected to show up on a busy night. When I arrive and sit down, if there is a woman on the next stool I am sometimes preemptively put down even if I haven’t said a word to her or even looked at her. Responses I have used include:
    “Sorry to have given you that impression. I just sat here because I wanted to talk to you about the line of weight loss products I market.”
    “Ewww. That whole /older woman/ thing just grosses me out.”
    “This was the only seat left in the bar and now I know why.”

    A couple of times favourite bartender has helped me out:
    “Dang. We were kind of hoping you’d be interested in a little three-way action.”
    [Slaps me (gently)] “You bastard! Hitting on another woman right in front of me !”

  • girl in sf

    you know how in pics people say Leta looks like Jon? i think in this pic Jon looks like Leta. (yes, there’s a difference!) maybe it’s the hand grabbing for something. 🙂

    as for pickup lines, yesterday i was walking home from the train station and i can’t believe someone actually leaned out of a car and asked me: So, do fries come with that shake?

  • kari again

    are you sure the boy didn’t run up to the table, grab the camera and take a picture? that’s Jon saying, “You little shit…..give me that camera before I crush your head…” and Heather thinking “Uh uh, you DID.NOT.JUST.GRAB.MY.CAMERA. What can I do to hurt this little boy…” Ha!

  • cat

    It’s a sad fact that ONLY “boys” try to pick me up. Apparently, I look twelve.

  • Susie

    Here’s a totally uncalled-for comment because it a)is redundant and b)contains the hated unsolicited advice:
    a)you are quite stunning
    b) definitely stick with the darker hair

  • kari g.

    way too cute and perfect looking couple! heather – you look smashing dahling – very pretty! Loved the story about the boy – very funny. But can you blame him?! also – I have had “V”Electric Avenue running through my head ALL FREAKING DAY – thank you very much

  • you look very pretty in red! mmm makes me want to go to the japanese steak house – does the chef throw shrimp at you when he is done cooking? here they toss the shrimp at you and you try to catch it with your mouth. fun fun.

  • nadia

    i really think you were blowing that “pick up” incident out of proportion. i didn’t think it sounded like he was trying to pick you up at all. any chance of that? eh? (i’m a gemini and like to be a devil’s advocate. sorry.)

  • Jon is using the Force to get his camera back.

    “Anger, fear, Nikon… These are the ways of the Dark Side.”

  • Cristina

    I love these daily photos, I actually used them to sell my husband on getting the D70. While our pictures are nothing compared to Heather’s and Jon’s the camera is awesome. I am actually able to get pictures of my girls in a cute pose before they move!

  • ha, surprise!

  • GSV Micturition to Windward

    Yum. That would have been a great pic of the chickie in the red shirt if only the photographer had cropped fur-face out of the picture. 😉

  • Matt in London

    Hi Amanda, I have no idea what you’re talking about…and now I’m going home after a hard day at work surfing the internet 🙂 I’ll try and figure it out for tomorrow…

    Night night

  • we had sushi the other nite. first time i’ve craved it since i had my kids. finally done breastfeeding so i guess the seaweed desire gland is back in action.

  • Ok, confession time… I once tenaciously pursued a cute coworker for two months before asking him out on a date. He was so flustered, (although knew what I was after), that he said yes.

    We’ve been together for 18 years now. Poor sod never even saw it coming…

  • (a different) Erin

    Late comment, so who knows if anyone will actually read it, but…

    Back when my husband was my boyfriend, an (annoying) guy tried to pick me up while I was studying. I tried to get him to go away, but he wouldn’t, so I told him that I had a boyfriend. And he said, “What does that have to do with the price of tea in china?” And he STILL wouldn’t go away!

    I guess if they don’t even care that you’re married, a boyfriend is just a trivial detail!

  • “I hope that’s not how people see me”

    People in bars and restaurants tend not to be the most perceptive about body language and even verbal language (as in “No, thanks! Please get lost!”)

    To those who posted today and yesterday who said “I hope that’s not me…not what I am like or how I am perceived…” If you are reading someone’s body language and it says “Let’s hang out” then stay. And if it doesn’t, then go away. If you don’t know about body language, visit the bookstore and check out a book of body language pictures. Practice empathy.

    And I gotta say this – some people are just too subtle and afraid to say “Get lost” when they straight-up oughta.

  • Laurie

    I have always had a soft spot for men with big hands…..

  • Hey. Matt in London said, “cucumber”. Perhaps my “I’ll do that if you’ll do this” technique has made it across the pond.

  • Matt in London

    hey Lulu – pink leotards are in over here…you should see the hours I put in just to look fashionable in the office..suck in that belly, push out that chest, make sure the cucumber is all lined up right and off I strut…

  • Totally off-topic, but Amber (aka Relentless Christian Amber — she said she thinks she’ll keep that name) had her baby. Just thought some of “the regulars” here might want to pop over there and wish her Congratulations.

    Here’s her site:

    I now return you to your regularly-scheduled programming…

  • Yeah. I think it’s a really awesome idea for everyone to modify their *body type* in accordance with what’s trendy. Good call, Matt.

  • U.B.

    It’s a great photo, and a great story.

    But I can’t help but wonder if maybe the poor, socially inept kid was just trying to make conversation with other people out having fun? Perhaps he’d had a few and was convinced that his rapier wit was just reaching it’s apex.

    I talk to strangers all the time (hopefully, with a bit more skill than Hoboken-boy), but it doesn’t mean I’m really hoping to do the lambada with them.

  • Funny story bout the boy. And also makes me think you must be a really genuinely nice person because I have no problem shutting boys right down.

    I think it was my days as a go-go girl that hardened me.

  • I’m pretty sure the BOY was Prince Harry.

  • Matt in London

    Hey – all drunk guys try and pick up good looking girls – once your mind is made up, you just go for it…or maybe he just wanted his picture taken??? I reckon Heather needs to eat a few pies…waif is out donchyaknow…

  • Heather, you’re looking radiant! No wonder there were teenage boys trying to pick you up!

  • Lila

    It must have been something in the air last week because it happened to me too, and I’ve been married longer than you have. The thing is, you are much more perceptive than I am because I didn’t pick up on all the meaningful looks coming from the friend standing next to me or my husband a few steps away. I actually had to be told, out loud, using short sentences, what was going on. By the time my friend clarified, for the third time, that the boy really was trying to pick me up and got past my disbelief and amazment, he had gotten bored and wandered away. This sadly left no place for the quick comebacks I’ve since stored up from the incident.

  • MaurasDad

    Shogun? Yummy. Been to Takashi yet? It just across the street, next to Kristauf’s.

  • sadie

    you have supermodel looks, but i dont like supermodels unless they look like supermodels who are not supermodels
    anyway i’d pick you up in front of your husband too

    that photo is a great shot, very funny, well done shan

  • Ali

    You look fantastic, Heather. Red is a lovely color on you, though I think Jon, Leta, & Chuckles are clearly your best accessories.

    Have a nice day 🙂

  • Adorable picture, the perspective is amazing!

    And I LOVE the post about the CLUELESS IDIOT BOY. Good on you and good on Jon. Sounds like you handled yourselves very well.

  • That story about the BOY is great! LOL Even though it makes you feel uncomfortable at the moment.. it sure feels GREAT to know you’ve still got it! LOL

  • Good Greif Heather. Could you *be* more beautiful. It’s completely ab-scusting. 😉

  • You and Jon are adorable.

    P.S. I live in The Colony, TX with George! Isn’t that crazy?

  • The boy; clueless, indeed. However, you gotta hand it to him for the ginormous set of balls he must have on him. Married or not, I could never walk up to a woman who looks as hot as Heather and hit on her, much less refuse to be deterred, even by the big, strong husband.

  • I was on urban dictionary today (because yeah I defined mallado) and the first word on the start up page is Dooced.

  • His arm somehow seems abnormally long in that photo.

  • *Nothing to do with the photo of the day OR the current post*

    IM conversation with my mother just now:

    blah blah blah and then:

    Her: And I’ve read more of Heather’s site – she’s a really good writer.
    Me: Right. I know.
    Her: Just don’t talk about anyone at work on your site, and don’t get caught working on it at work.
    Me: …You HAVE been reading dooce.
    Her: Yes. Yes I have.

  • ::laughs:: I second the “Jon is chanelling The Hulk” idea. He doesn’t look like he’s explaining technology, he looks like he’s say, “Here, allow me to adjust *your head*…” Hee.

  • nadia

    you’re lying. jon’s really trying to show your friend how to hold that big container of sake. stop being a liar. jon obviously looks like an expert sake drinker.

  • bb

    You are sooo skinny. Especially after a baby.
    Deeply jealous.

  • “The Lady In Red
    Is NOT dancing with the idiot from Hoboken
    Cheek to cheek…”
    (change station)
    “Big Hands you’re the one”

  • KBinCA

    “Let’s see”, she seems to be thinking, “I’m in Utah, which is populated by something called ‘Mormons’, we come to a sushi restaurant miles from an ocean, fresh fish and Japanese, and the thing they need to instruct me on is how to operate a camera…”

  • Too right, Meg – I second that motion.
    Anyone else think Heather should supplement her family’s income by modelling? 🙂

  • Lisey

    whose the hottie in the background? another of your dinner buddies?? Im hoping so! Im also hoping you email me with details and tell me that is not his partner sitting beyond Jon…grrr, its always the way!


  • Meg

    Heather – you are beautiful. Like, model-type, Vogue-cover beautiful. Cheekbones and all.

    wow. 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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