An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

You turn it like THIS to focus, dude

  • It is seriously crazy how much your child looks like that man. I especially notice it from a distance.

  • Can you really blame the little goof, though – I mean… LOOK at her… wedding band and poopy-diaper-talk aside… the lady’s HOT! Men have a congenital deformity that lowers the amount of brain cells they are capable of using in direct relation to the level of hotness in the woman in front of them. Major hottie = minor brainpower.
    I’m surprised he could form whole words…

  • The only time in recent history someone tried to pick me up it was a lesbian, but her “pimp” did all the talking. It was funny. Lesbians dig me.

  • Heather- you matched your shirt PERFECTLY to the red napkins at the restaurant… of all the crazy things you do this has got to be the craziest! I mean really, it is hard enough choosing an outfit to go to dinner in without the added hassle of having to match the decor of the proposed destination, but somehow you manage to do it, and to do it well…

    Now I am hungry for Sushi and it is only 9:44AM.

  • Cheryl

    At first glance I thought it was Leta telling Shan how to focus the camera. She is a SPITTING image of Jon.

    She may look like Jon– and then she’ll act like you, the PERFECT combination!!

  • Now if I could just find my 3D glasses…

  • Ashly

    Becaru, the Utah martini is really more of a symbolic thing rather than the kick-ass beverage it is meant to be seeing as how only ONE OUNCE OF LIQUOR can be served at a time. Thank God I don’t live in Utah anymore.

  • That was a perfect response from Jon. I need a guy like that to tell all the losers who hit on me where to go. I actually was hit on once where the guy asked if I needed another drink, I said sure & then he asked me for MONEY for it! There are some really clueless boys out there.

  • My cousin’s wedding last summer basically turned into an all-night camping rave afterwards, and all of my cousin’s drunk friends got a little too drunk. Someone even had to go to the hospital after she cracked her head open on the pavement! It was awesome, of course.

    However, there was this one guy who tried to pick me up, WHILE I WAS WATCHING THE AMBULANCE TAKE THIS GIRL AWAY. Its like, you are so tactless, number one, and number two, I’m your friend’s COUSIN, and number three, there’s a freaking ring on my finger!

  • Em

    You look BEOOOOTIFUL, Heather. Love your red-ness.

  • Heather, despite the internet nerds who may grumblie that “she’s hot but she talks about constipation too much,” I think this photo proves once and for all that YOU ARE STILL FINE AS HELL. Poop, or no poop.

  • Melanie — I told my husband that I’d rather have a new car of my choice. He laughed.


  • mmmm, sushi!

  • I want that camera SO bad. I told my husband that I’d rather have that camera and the zoom lense, than get a new car of my choice.


  • You look very contemplative…like you’re mentally composing your next Daily entry.

    And, I agree, you do look fantastic.

  • Jon: Just relax, I’m just going to take your soul.
    Dooce: [internal monologue] Hmm… stir fried soul on breaded chicken, side of rice, a little wine, and set ablaze. Garnish, and serve. dee-lish.

    Not that you’re soul stealers, or Iron Soul Chefs. It just looks that way.

    But in the off chance you ARE…
    [runs off]

  • Do they serve Yoohoo at Shogun?

  • “Once this guy tried to pick me up with, ‘Hey, I’m from Hoboken. Where you from?'”

    That’s nothing. Around here, it’s “So, do you smoke? You know, pot? Do you want to? You know…smoke?” or “You look like you could use a few beers.” Eesh.

  • Ms. Belle

    Tune in Tokyo!

  • You know what they say about guys with big hands…… so what do they say about guys with ONE big hand? Love the pic + caption, it’s the first thing to make me smile today.

  • It’s Leta in a beard. Out for her first sake.

  • the claw! the claw is our master!

  • Jon is totally like “Tune in Tokyo Tune in Tokyo”

  • Silly question: How do you get kids to actually EAT lima beans? My kids have never eaten lima beans — ever.

  • becaru

    Dooce, you speak of martinis, but those look distinctly like sake bottles on the table. If you can combine those two beverages, you have my respect.

  • kim

    your sweater actually matches the napkin. man, am i retarded. must be the weather..

  • Tiff

    I’m beginning to think pooping lima beans whole is a right of passage for babies…I bet the truly talented babies poop them in the form of a smiley face.

    not that I’d check for that in my son’s diaper…nah…never.

  • DM

    You know what I’m hoping for? That this guy or one of his friends actually reads and comes across his picture and realizes what an idiot he is. That would be funny.

    Love the red. Very becoming.

  • red

    shogun’s?? that’s one of my favorite restaurants! you look great in red. 🙂

  • IF i have to i will get married too! JUST gimme the camera!

  • beachgal

    Just got caught up on posts and pictures from the weekend. I really like this shot. You look great, Dooce, really really great.
    Man I wish I could be that skinny AND tall….instead I’m short and chunky.

    Loved the photos from the weekend, as well…. I really need to start using my home computer to check dooce on the weekends.

  • Cathi

    It looked like you were bound to have thousands of pictures of the “give me that camera pose”; but whodathunk they wouldn’t all be of Leta?

  • Please share more of your photography know-how with us (beyond how to focus). Are you an “automatic” user or do you actually manually set all that crap?

  • AAP


  • Jon: “I’m crushing your head! I’m crushing your head!”

  • Good GOD, Heather, why have you never told us about Jon’s grotesquely gargantuan hand before? Does gigantism run in his family?

    I suppose such large hands have their uses, tho …

  • hehe, nice mood lighting shot. I don’t know how you did it. Still getting used to my Canon Digital Rebel.

  • Your fist is clenched like you are really trying to restrain yourself from jumping up and snatching the camera out of Shan’s hands and just
    Doing It Yourself.

    You have a bit of that (I will stay calm, I will stay calm) look about you.

  • Heather you look great in this pic…. are you at Showgun??? Amen

  • For a second there, I thought Dooce was sporting the Chachi-bandana-on-the-thigh-look.

  • Jon: “So after taking 10000 pictures of the guy trying to pick my wife, I took my hand around his neck, snapped it like this, and then…”

  • I love photos like that! They’re not posed with a fake plastered on smile.

  • closest i’ll probably ever be to one. YES

  • dooce got a bit of the kate moss thing going dont you think?

  • Did you wear you shirt to match the napkins? Ha Ha!

  • That photo of that poor little Utah kid is hysterical!! Hot, scalding coffee just squirted out of my nose and all over my keyboard!! (Hmm… how am I going to explain this one to the tech guys when I beg for yet another keyboard…??)

  • Southern Fried Girl

    Heather, for someone who has given birth, you are TINY. I am a might bit jealous being that I have yet to have children and I would have to starve myself to death to even hope to be within 10 lbs of you. Woe is me. 🙁

    Cute pic though. Jon is a hottie.

  • Nice work on coordinating the napkin with your shirt! Very visually stimulating.

  • does heather even read these comments?

  • RazDreams

    the “shogun” sushi restaurant where i live has AWESOME food. hope it was just as good there.

    (is that your scarf on your lap, or does your sweater just happen to match the napkins?!)

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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