Playful, elegant, and not above the judicious use of the word “shit."

By the look on her face I don’t think she appreciated being photographed by a mere civilian

  • 01234

    *Jenn*
    How brave of you!

  • Carol

    Fishy Fishman: Maybe Uppercase GOD will put a Black Mamba in his camper.

    Nick’s going on 30 hours of legal.

  • Carol: Pai mei says: one of the gods is false, i believe.

  • Don’t respond to that, it’s just going to make for 445 comments at the end of the day.

    ANYWAY…

    DOOCELING QUESTION OF THE DAY:
    I was thinking if Heather’s mom had a blog…what would it be like?

    then I started thinking ‘what if my mom had a blog?!’ what would she say?

    How about you all? What would your mother write about?

  • Monica

    Oh, they will find you where ever you go. I graduated from BYU and then moved out of state and stopped going to church and they called my brother for my new address.

    Then I got married and changed my last name and moved again and they still found me.

    They are very good at that…

  • In Honor of Today’s “Feeling Guilty,” and in keeping with the theme, I introduce Mr. Don Henley:

    Kick ’em when they’re up
    Kick ’em when they’re down
    Kick ’em when they’re stiff
    Kick ’em all around

    Dirty little secrets
    Dirty little lies
    We got our dirty little fingers in everybody’s pie
    We love to cut you down to size
    We love dirty laundry

    We can do the innuendo
    We can dance and sing
    When it’s said and done we haven’t told you a thing
    We all know that *crap is king*
    Give us dirty laundry!

  • Carol

    Well, don’t feel too bad about hitting Jon in the chest. At least it wasn’t the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique.

    Since when are there two Gods?

  • hannah

    that woman does not look happy in the slightest.
    i thought i’d stop lurking and comment purely to tell you that “congratulations you’ve made it!”. or in other words, well done you got mentioned in the university of warwick’s student magazine. yes, we had an article on being dooced. you’re famous on this side of the water now.
    that and you have the cutest looking baby ever. and i don’t even like children.

  • emji

    The background guy does look like Ray Romano!

    I think all alumni associations have special evil powers to find grads, even my non-Mormon, Canadian alma mater. The last time I moved I didn’t bother to inform them and they still found me. I have an unlisted phone number, too. There was an odd Canada Post code on the mailing label of the alumni magazine. I think they buy lists of changes of address from the post office and then match against their own database against the list. Very stalkerish.

    And finally, please keep in mind that all the haters and their hateration are no match for your legions of fans.

  • shy

    Strizz:
    ewwww ewwwwwwww Tracy Bingham. Frightening! And she soooo would have given Ron the business. Nothin’ says loving like a sweaty balding man with back hair who’s hung like horse.

  • Jenn

    /me sticks her finger in Person’s butt to calm him down

  • Person,

    I think that YOU’RE being a bit of a reactionary here, and for someone who is so appalled by Heather’s Hate Spewing, I think your tone is a bit hateful, and therefore hypocritical.

    I can appreciate that you feel that there’s a bit of a double-standard; Heather doesn’t appreciate comments that are critical of her family, but occasionally Heather does make a sarcastic comment or wry observation about a person in an image she’s captured or, in the case of Utah’s former governor, was pushed through the mailbox door.

    However, I rarely (if ever) have witnessed Heather making a comment (either in her picture captions or in her blog) that was just out-and-out hateful or cruel. I think the vast majority of her postings fall into the category of comedic banter, not with ill intent. The newswoman does not appear to be happy in the photo, which is the genesis of the title…in the caption, does Heather say bad things about her? NO. Jon makes an observation about someone looking like a Berenstein Bear. That’s poking a little fun, but is really harmless (and don’t you see the resemblance? GO TO BARNES AND NOBLE, PLEASE!). I hardly think these qualify as hate crimes.

    Heather spreads HATE? Give me a break. I’m sure that there are some who take a sarcastic comment or a little dig at the Mormon church to the extreme and THEY spread some of THEIR hate, but last time I checked, Heather didn’t exercise mind control over them and make them write any of it. (HEATHER, DO YOU HAVE SECRET MIND CONTROL POWERS????) The comments section, for better or worse, is a free forum for anyone to express their own take on what they see on this site.

  • GOD

    WHAT UP My Biatches! It is the orginal G to the O to the D…better know as J-Hova.

    Just checking in on what is the dealio….you people chillin or what?

    Anyway I gotta let the kids swim in the pool if you know what i mean…I ate Taco Bell last night and that stuff has be running for the border! Damn those Mothefuckas know how to make a bean burrito!

  • Annejelynn

    Anyone?

  • Annejelynn

    Anyone? –

    Shy, I remember it.

    (love the Ferris tribute)

  • I *always* feel guilty when I punch my husband, even a little bit. Because he always says “Ow!” in a really shocked and hurt way (the human equivalent of the look a dog gives you when you kick him and he didn’t deserve it) and then I remember yet again that he may be really really strong and tough but no one expects to be punched, even a little bit, by their wife, even if it was an accident!

  • shy

    Anybody remember Eddie Murphy’s bit about “brown sharks”?

    “GI Joe was swimmin in da water…and then a big brown shark came…then GI Joe got stuck….

    no?…Bueller…Bueller…eh[shrug]

  • To PERSON:
    Did Bob Hope generate hate when he made fun of Bing Crosby’s looks?

    Does Regis generate hate when he makes comments about Gilman’s nose?

    What about the guys in the Rat Pack? They made fun of each other all the time, and NOONE in THEIR RIGHT MIND would accuse them of generating hate.

    Don’t be such a dork. Find a more worthy cause than this, I am sure you could do some good with all that feistyness.

  • That was it. I liked that show. It had Tammy Faye on it, and I actually ended up LIKING here…make up and all!! That black girl was a whore though,and she so wanted to do Ron Jeremy. heh

  • teacher

    HEY PERSON– NEWS REPORTERS HAVE THEIR FACES ON THE TV EVERYDAY, WHEREIN THEY OPEN themselves to criticism, negative or positive, everyday. Dooce’s picture is just another piece of publicity that they themselves are subjected to. Relax you lame god pusher. yea, you’re a pusher

  • Ponch was also on that show from VH1…what is it called? He and Vanilla Ice got tight.

  • victoria

    “sucking on ‘brown sharks'”???

  • shy

    Strizz:

    What is The Surreal Life?

  • Huh? Brown sharks? Where?

  • Annejelynn

    said “PERSON” (how lame) – no ill-will attacks have been made here on the poor lil’ defenseless newsreporters – so you can go away now!

  • Annejelynn

    ah-ha! my premintion was right on! Poncho from CHIPS! I’ll have you know, it’s a downright rarity for me to know anything when it comes to TV trivia/whos-who kinds of stuff!

  • To the “anonymous” Person:

    What verbal attack? She stated that she didn’t look happy getting her pic taken and then goes on to call her lovely.

    Can you read?

  • Nutter

    I am a daily reader (with a little girl about two weeks younger than Leta) and while reading entries I have literally fallen off my chair laughing and cried so hard that I couldn’t read the monitor any more. I don’t think I could be a SAHM (the longer version which my mom loves and my father doesn’t think is funny AT ALL) without the daily injection of Dooce. THANK YOU for all the laughter, Heather and all her admiring fans!

    And (tagging onto yesterday’s conversation) when I was a wee one, I thought Mick Jagger sang “Pistachio” instead of “Start me up”. Listen carefully to the first time he says it and you too will hear it!

  • Person

    Heather,
    You generate hate in others. The thing you have a problem with the most are those who say harsh things about you and your family—you’re a charlatan. You’ve got people calling that woman ugly, from BYU and now they’re calling the news reporter a bitch amongst other things. Why do these people deserve this, and why are you simpletons okay with random acts of verbal attacks on people based on a picture! You know those News reporters as well as you do Heather (and no you don’t know Heather either, you just read her,) yet if anyone said anything derogatory against her you’d be all over him or her. Did any of you follow the links, they seem like nice decent people, who volunteer and give back to the community, that’s more than most of you can say. The just happen to be in the path of Heather camera, so now it’s fair game and open season on them. You help spread Hate Heather, and that is not good in God’s eyes. Is this one of those entries you’re going to be so proud to show your daughter too, “How mommy picks on people looks and then let’s other jump on the bandwagon to spew hate” wow, she’ll be so proud wont she?

    http://www.photo.net/bboard/q-and-a-one-category?topic_id=23&category=Legal+(incl.+Copyright)

    Copyright laws about posting pictures

  • Goodness, all of those typos…..sorry, am in a hurry….gotta get some work done!

  • I’m baack….just wanted to add some more “rainbows”!!!! I love this site…dooce, you promted me to start a blog, convincing by sisters in dance to do one to gether. We are all novices at this and they haven’t even read other blogs!!!! Anyway…I just had an interesting thought. I wonder how many of your readers are over 30??? Because of you and your fans, Ive been turned on to several other bloggers that I enjoy reading and you are all new parents! I think that you all have confirmed that I am a good parent, did all that I could to ensure that my kids grew up healthy and happy, despite all of the mistakes I made. Not all of them are healthy and happy but I know now that I did the best I could, and did a damn good job as well. You all have confirmed that one way or another. So keep up the good work, keep inspiring me, and keep distracting me from doing my “real” job!!!

    Love ya!

  • Annejelynn, Ponch is the character played by Eric Estrada on the show CHiPs.

    Now, he does cheesy daytime spanish soap operas.

  • RazDreams

    Okay, now they work. Hm. We all must’ve been clogging up their server with hits. HA!

  • Annejelynn

    Um, pardon my ignorance – who’s Ponch? C.H.I.P.S. comes to mind, but I don’t even know why… do tell and remedy my ignorant state.

  • Is that Ray Romano in the background? =)

  • RazDreams

    dooce, your links to the Olene Walker lady and the Bearenstein Bear don’t work (I get a Page Cannot Be Found for both).

  • Annejelynn

    U.B. – oh how I do wish my Mormon STALKERS only checked in on me once a year (well, actually, I wish they’d fg roll off me n’ die already!). I’ve moved 5 times -within the Las Vegas Valley- in the last 5 years, and they always find me. When I came here from Provo, I never told anyone where I was going. I thought it would be perfect – they’d lose me!

    This past xmas, I was inundated with calls –I quit counting at 20– and I HAVE NEVER ONCE RETURNED A SINGLE PHONE CALL! one would think they’d get a clue??? I was also given two lovely fruit baskets, baked bread and a huge tin of cinnamon rolls, a “Joy to the World” DVD, and 4 xmas cards, from visting teachers, home teachers, the Singles ward, and the bishopric… My bewildered roommate has served as courier – taking these said-items from the front door to the kitchen. I’ve told her she shouldn’t and doesn’t have to answer the god damn door every time!!! The few times I’ve been fooled into answering the door myself, I have never let anyone in.
    I get a call from my home teachers on my cell phone (obviously, a grandma has gotten involved here) about 2-3 a month now, despite the fact that I have NEVER ONCE returned a single fg call!!!

  • Fish, I didn’t want to have to do this, because you have a kid now. But you’ve left me with little recourse.

    38 Special Baby:

    You see it all around you
    Good lovin’ gone bad
    And usually it’s too late when you, realize what you had
    And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago,
    Who told me
    Just Hold On Loosely
    But don’t let go
    If you cling to tightly
    you’re gonna lose control
    Your baby needs someone to believe in
    And a whole lot of space to breathe in

  • ab

    My husband calls that look “THE WRATH”

  • Hey some girls do like PAUNCH.
    BBMs.

    Hi Kristine. I am at home in bed with my PJs on, sipping coffee. ahhh.

  • Heather, delurking here too. Just wanted to say you write good. Awesome, even. And if people don’t like it, well, screw them.

    Keep it up. We all love you (in a totally non-psychotic, restraining-order-prompting way. totally).

  • Ponch stayed at a bed in breakfast in WA and I got to see his autograph.
    *swoon*

    Hi Girl A

  • Careful, GEORGE!, you’re going to send Amanda B. on another Eric Estrada fantasy trip. That girl luuurves her some Ponch.

  • Annejelynn

    When we (my immediate family) lived in SLC, back in the 80s when Michelle King was a sweet young thang, my father thought Michelle King was “a cutie-patootie” ???

  • Is that Ponch in the background?

  • U.B.

    Please, no more Foreigner.

    CSI: Mormons

    There’s no escaping the Mormon sleuths. I moved a lot after college and was only able to keep them a step or two behind.

    Now, I’ve been in the same place for almost ten years and they just check in once a year or so to make sure I haven’t had some life-altering experience that would pull me back in.

  • Annejelynn

    The Mormons are so wrong! I knew it~ GOD, himself, drinks coffee!(see Uppercase God @ 8:35am) Tell everyone!

  • Hi Dooce!
    I’ve been a big fan of yours for a while now. Don’t worry, I won’t get all Single White Female on you. I just had to comment about the asshats who leave mean, nasty comments on people’s blogs. I recently had an experience like that and I thought “What would Dooce do?” and I knew that I had to rip that jerk a new one, but in a funny– hopefully!– way. Keep blogging!

    And Happy Birthday, Mike!

  • She stops to “de-lurk:

    20,20,20-4 hours to go-o-o-o
    I wanna be sedated!

  • LetterB

    Sometimes I dread clicking on the comments page. After reading for about 10 minutes i see that the wee little cursor is still in the middle of the page. Then I ask myself, will i read until the end of the page? Will I? And then I do. Everytime. And then I come back an hour later and read the latest. I am continually amazed by the power of dooce.