An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Little Lady

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    1. Never been shocked at the grocery store. Could it be a geographical, humidity thing? (Obviously, I’m NOT an astrophysicist.)

    2. Um, about the cup thing, how do you know it’s in the right place?

  • kate

    I don’t know if it’s already been mentioned – but your ring? It’s beautiful – can we get a close up?

    Of course, only someone with long thin fingers could get away with a ring like that – but it’s GORGEOUS!

    just like Leta!

  • Dooce – I was looking through a website and came across this shirt

    I thought of you when I saw it!

  • Amy

    I love this comments section. You learn something new every damn day.

    Off to diva cup website……..

  • shocking revelations was fucking hilarious. brilliance.

    the kid is as cute as ever. she’ll always be cute. i can tell. it’s in the eyes to mouth ratio or something.

  • ksea

    Plus, nonabsorbent reusable menstrual cups do not carry the risk of TSS that tampons do, and you don’t get that horrible “drag” feeling as you pull one out. Also, I don’t dig the dangling string on a tampon. I don’t use the Divacup but I use the Instead cups, one per month. Just backing up Spokesperson.

  • 1. Personally, I don’t find the DC any more gross than tampons.::shrug::: It’s made of surgical grade silicon and is easy to clean.

    2. You just pull it out like you would pull out a tampon (same sensation, basically), dump it in the *toilet*, not the sink (you don’t even have to look at it if you’re repulsed by the sight of your own blood), take it to the sink, squirt in some antibacterial soap, rinse it out, re-insert. It’s no more or less difficult than using tampons, ime.

    3. I like it b/c I don’t have to buy any sanitary products for the rest of my life (the DC is only 30ish bucks), it’s never leaked (unlike tampons), I can wear it for 12 hours without worrying about it, and it’s easy to use. Women have been using similar devices forever.

    That said, it’s not for everyone. To each her own.

  • Brant is my new boyfriend.

  • april

    To Jessie #41
    Super Target is the only place I get shocked at too, and my sister has only noticed it at her Super Target also.

  • She gets prettier and prettier every day.

  • Cheryl

    Awwww… the look in her eye as she stares Beth down. WHY AREN’T YOU HOLDING ME!! WHERE IS THE LOVE?

  • Her hair is getting so long – give us some pig tails, mama!

  • beautiful picture. 🙂

  • I get shocked constantly from my car, but I’ve never been shocked while grocery shopping. I didn’t even know that it happened to others. Now, it’s for sure going to happen to me, because I *know* about it. Crud.

  • What a beautiful child!! And like some of the others, thanks for acknowledging the dance. I have been doing it for years and have passed the tradition on to my 3 girls. My husband however, will not do it. And summarily gets his assed shocked at least once a grocery trip. bwahahahahahaha

    thanks for the reads too, your blog rocks.

  • Henry have you been sniffing bleach?

  • awwwwwWWWWWW!!!!! damn she’s cute. have y’all invested in a shotgun for the teenage boys that will surely be invading your front doorstep?

  • 01234

    How many times must the comments contain the word _shocked_ before the Google ads respond in kind?

  • Henryk_DTG070807KFEB05

    Bread and butter and all sorts of nice things which, if not careful will settle and fill out portions od the Gluteus Maximus in either her late teens or middle age.

  • Leta is so adorable! She’s totally a little lady.

    Also, I don’t recall ever being shocked at the grocery store. Now I feel weird.

  • wig

    your baby looks a bit like ben kweller. err… no offense.

  • Brant is no rocket scientist, but i think he has a point. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

    Can you tell me where all of my socks go after I put them in the dryer?

  • Henryk_DTG070802KFEB05

    Bread, butter and lotsa sweet stuff to help fill her out.

  • cohesash

    you guys get shocked while grocery shopping? i get shocked getting out of the car, but that’s because i slide my ass across the seat. is being shocked wherever you go specifically a midwestern thing?

  • Brant

    I’m a trained astrophysicist with a PhD so I thought I’d explain in my best Teaching Assistant mode what is happening here. It’s the action of the cart generating a static charge, probably from the wheels rubbing/rolling on the floor or possibly from the wheels turning in their bearings, although I think that’s less likely. It works just like those Van Der Graff generators from high school physics classes or the local science museum, where something rolls and rubs inside the machine and charges up the big sphere on top. It seems like it depends on the cart having a certain kind of hard plastic wheel, rather than rubber, and it also seems to depend on what kind of shoes you’re wearing. Probably the more insulating, the bigger the effect. The strength of the shock depends on how much you’ve been moving the cart around. Roll it up and down a complete aisle, touch a metal shelf, and it can really hurt! It’s not dangerous at all, but it can sure be annoying! Sometimes my daughter and I have fun with it. I build up a bit of a charge by circling around an aisle, I hold her hand, she holds the metal frame of the cart with her other hand, and I touch a metal shelf. Then we both feel a weak shock, and she thinks this little science experiment is pretty neat!

  • Ern

    Regarding #61 (&74), does anyone remember those cup-like tampon alternatives that came out a few years ago? I think they were called “Instead.” But they were disposable. I actually tried them, and the, uh, removal was so gross! I almost vomited. I can’t imagine taking it over to the sink and washing it out!

  • Ern, no, but thanks for sharing. What grosses me out the most about this is that I am so uncoordinated I would surely trip and spill my cup. Talk about biohazardous waste!

  • Dooce – You made yourselves a cute kid.

    Sarah (#54),
    My daughter hates barrettes. She wears them all the time and pulls them out all the time. In keeping with today’s theme, I wonder if I should try shocking her whenever she goes for the barrette. ?

    Jenniffer (#61)…
    THAT IS SO GROSS! That is more gross than the sponge. REUSABLE?!? EW!!

  • Heather,
    You had to be at Albertson’s or Raley’s. I swear I think they hot wire that place.

    STAY OUT OF THE FROZEN FOOD! Nothing hurts worse than grabbing for whipped creamed and wetting yourself because the shock was so great!

  • Jen

    Oh I *hate* the frozen food section for that very reason. Here I am, innocently and healthfully trying to get some frozen stir-fry vegetables.. and WHAMMO! I’ve tried wrapping my sleeve around my hand but it only lessens the blow. I’ve always blamed it on my chunky Land’s End clogs, but maybe the problem is universal?

  • she has such big eyes!

  • RazDreams

    D@MN, I wanted to be number 69. **pouts**

    Bagels and cinnamon rolls are only one aisle over from the tampon section?! What kind of store were you IN? Do they only sell things that are in elongated packages? I *must* be allowed to shop there!!!

  • i went to one of those indoor playgrounds and shocked the shit out of some dumbass kid who wouldn’t get out of my way. static electricity was my arsenal.

    the kid was at the bottom of a slide, and all the little kids were afraid to go down because he was like farkas on “a christmas story”. i’m not usually that evil.

  • 01234

    I’m *SHOCKED* that people are out there electrocuting themselves in the name of shopping? *SHOCKED* because there’s a simple solution? It is known as _The Grounding Strap_ , and yes folks, it’s _every bit as kinky_ as it sounds? You’ll want to run right out and get one for yourself? Get a spare, and maybe even get some for your LOVED ONES or as thoughtful gifts for your next office gift exchange?

    You can go for the SOLID COPPER strap, which is quite the glamorous fashion accessory, or take the more discreet Velostat preferred by electrical professionals? No trailing wires? Solves the problem of what to wear in WAVE SOLDERING and AUTOMATED INSERTION situations?

    For a complete accessorization, make sure you also get some CURB FEELERS for your car?


  • Why do grocery stores have such bad static electricity? I worked in one and I would shock other customers BADLY and I always felt so horrible when I did it. It happened whenever I was touching the metal on the conveyor belt and went to reach for their keys to scan their card at the same time. I mean I learned this shocked both myself and others, but still totally did it by mistake randomly and I would feel so horrible. Meanwhile the customer would think I was some sort of leper and make it a point never to actually make contact with any part of my body again, haha.

  • If you can pry your car keys from the child, hold the metal key in your hand and touch the key to the rack. The spark will jump painlessly from the key instead of your hand. A little practice and you can make big giant blue lightning bolts that will make your arm tingle.

  • annie

    man. those eyes are e-normous!!!!

  • She is looking more and more like mom every day! Watch out Jon…hey at least she is not loooking more and more like Chuck…well in my opinion Chuck is the more adorably thing anyway…Have fun as you all enter year 2 together!

  • Jonna

    Heather, I have to say that I showed this entry to my husband becaues finally – FINALLY – someone else does the Static Electricity Dance. He’s thought I am insane for YEARS (not just because of the SED) Mine is not limited to the grocery store, but also is used when entering or leaving the car, and while wearing slippers around the house.

  • This is my first visit to your site. I love it and your daughter is adorable. 🙂

  • Two words: Diva. Cup.

  • That is So gross. Eeewww.

    But….The DivaCupâ„¢ is bell-shaped.

  • What a great picture of Little Lady Leta! I just love those eyes.
    My 11-month-old just saw that picture and smiled, made his sucking in air noise, and pointed – behaviour he usually reserves for pictures of himself. 🙂 So if you’re ever in the Dallas area Jayce would like to get together with Leta for a play date.

  • permission to eat those cheeks?

  • What a pretty little lady!!

    And your shopping for Grands! reminded me that my Grandma used to call them “Glands” which was always so much fun at the holidays.

    “Make sure you get me some Glands!”

  • I think if I stare at that photo for too long I might get pregnant.

    /me runs off and eats 10 birth control pills…

  • Coffee, you’ll only get pregnant if you sit on your monitor.

  • Mmmmm. Sliced bread with butter….

    Now you’ve made me hungry!

  • Hey at least she can be a good babysitter for you! Since she loves Leta so much.

  • That’s one smart lookin’ bubba. You can just see her mentally composing her one-liners already.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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