Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

This is what happens when you tell the dog that no, he can’t come to the grocery store with you and the baby

  • My daughter’s horse lost its head in similar circumstances. Toy horse, of course. (No, it didn’t talk like Mr. Ed.)

    *Fish!* You are funny. I hope you don’t have to make yourself too scarce. I’m missing you already.

  • eco2geek

    This just in:

    “What does regret smell like? To Heather T. Ross, it reeks of a cedar armoire, lovingly restored by a former boyfriend who knew his way around vintage furniture.

    “Her line of women’s underwear, which she introduced in the fall of 2003 in camisole-and-brief sets, bears cartoon images of past boyfriends. When scratched, the images emit scents.”

    “NY Times article”: — soul-stealing reg. required, or use “Bugmenot”:

    “Munki Munki web site”:

  • Wasn’t Chuckie the name of a demonically possessed doll in some movie? *Chuckie’s baaaack*

  • Dang cold..

    Or I could just check out your blog and find out for myself, eh shiz? what a novel idea. I love vancouver. visit every summer.

    4:27pm and thats it I’m logging off and blowing this taco stand. Have a good night all..

  • Dang cold..

    just gave your comment a second read Shiz…I take it you’re out west..lucky you. except for the flooding of course.


  • Dang cold..


    Toronto. And you??


  • Dang cold…

    “it is illegal”

    AMEN!! and I second that emotion!! I’ll wager its illegal in any first world/G7 country with well defined, well articulated labour laws. The loop holes that exist are mind boggling though. As for reporting it. There’s always some dilbert in the work place thats up managements ass and would squeal on you for their own personal gain. Shit look what happened to dooce!!


  • Me too, Dang Cold, but in the warm part of Canada, the Canadian tropics.

  • not-that-Andrea

    i’m in illi-noise and work in higher education pushing pieces of paper around to make myself look important.

  • Danika

    I come in at 8:30am and leave at 5pm. I have a half hour unpaid lunch… *sigh* wish it was in at 8:30 and out at 4:30. Especially since it takes me 45min to drive home.

    Thankfully I don’t have to wake up super early. Mornings are NOT my thing.

  • It is illegal

    What state are you in, not-that-Andrea ?

  • Dang cold…

    I have a bit of flexibility also and it does make things worth while. I don’t really hate my job (not yet anyways) I like the fact that I’m not on a “clock” per se. Christ on a day like today I’d just cut out 20 minutes early because I ate at my desk while working. Thing is the CEO is in my department right now shaking his dick around and showing us what a big man he is. Don’t care to attract his attention as I scurry out the door to the bus stop like the thief of baghdad.


  • not-that-Andrea

    Unfortunately i’m an exempt employee so they can torture me as much as they like. i wonder what folks who work for the Dept of Labor do when *they* have labor law issues?

  • It is illegal

    To prevent an employee from taking the number of breaks described in labor law for their work situation.

    not-that-Andrea, if they won’t allow you a break, you anonymously could report them to the Department of Labor for your state.

  • beachgal

    I’m an in at 8:30 or so and out at 5:00 or so…but it’s quite flexible. Makes up for being a crap job.

  • Ern

    If I meet Dooce readers in person, they are gonna know I read Dooce too, because of all the neat-o phrases I pick up here! (Suck it!, Of France!)

  • Leta: Don’t take that route if you get a bad job, 151 is vile! Have yer mum suggest some tequilas.

  • Dang cold…

    its not original folks…from a simpsons episode years ago that I don’t fully recall. Used it ever since..


  • Canned Peaches

    Dang cold, will you marry me?

  • not-that-Andrea

    i’m supposed to be delighted to be working here because “here” is supposedly lay-off proof. but somedays, i kinda wish it wasn’t.

  • if my organization wants me at work for 9.5 hours they can supply me with a bottle of 151 and let me drink it throughout the day.

  • not-that-Andrea

    but today i get to leave early because a friend of the SO’s dad passed away and i get to go to the wake. it’s so pathetic that i’m happy to go to a wake! (but the dad was quite ill and suffering badly so it’s not like i’m being *really* horrid – just a little horrid)

  • Ern

    Dang cold…kiss my ass and call it canned peaches!? LMAO! HAHAHAHA!

  • “…they can kiss my ass and call it canned peaches…”

    My favorite new phrase! 🙂

  • Dang cold..

    “not that andrea”

    that sucks ass. don’t you just love how the rules change AFTER you sign the job offer and start working there??

  • Ern

    I would enjoy any “in at ____, out at ____” schedule. Because I have class all morning, labs most afternoons, and guilt anytime in the evening or weekends when I am not studying.

    Speaking of which, I’d better get back to the books. 😛

  • Dang cold…

    If my company wants me in earlier than 8:30am they can kiss my ass and call it canned peaches.

  • not-that-Andrea

    what’s with this in at 8, off at 4 thing? can i have one of those? i’m in at 7:30 and off at 5. something’s not right here!

  • do you get an hour lunch?

  • not-that-Andrea

    when i started here they said i’d get a lunch hour which rapidly shrunk to a lunch half-hour and then to a lunch-10 minutes and then just to a tummy grumble

  • Dang cold…

    keep talking guys the the WIN XP clock on my shitty laptop just changed digits…home time closer…mmm…good.

  • hrmm mine depends on where i was on the page when i hit refresh.

  • No Gooooder… you can always read Dooce at work, WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IS WATCHING THE KIDS remember?! 🙂

  • Ern

    Does anyone know why when I hit refresh it sometimes returns me to the bottom of the page, and sometimes to the top? Just the computer’s whim?

  • oh man, kids would take up so much of my dooce reading time.

    SO MUCH!

  • Gooooder: Heh, for a second there, I thought you wanted a kid so you can wake up early… I was about to recommend one…

  • that’s why i have to look at pictures of chuck all the time. vicarious dog owning.

  • Heh… My work days are 7:30am to 4:30pm, but I leave the house just before 6:30am to “park” all the kids at the daycare/before/after school care places before I get here.

    I leave here at 4:30pm, then pick up one of the kids (Hubby gets the other two on HIS way home), then rush home, make dinner, do dishes, straighten up the house, make sure everything is ready to go for tomorrow morning, get the kids all ready for bed, shower and collapse on the couch, wake up, go to bed and start it all over again at 4:00am when Buddy decides he and I have had enough sleep and begins with all the happy 4:00am chatter that sounds suspiciously like “MOM! MOM! ARE YOU AWAKE, MOM? HEY! HEY! WHADDAYA MEAN YOU WANNA GO BACK TO BED, MOM?! LET’S PAR-TAY!!”

  • i wake up at 645, to be to work by 8. cutting it a little close, but 645 hurts so much, i cant even think of earlier.

    i obviously have no kids either. or a dog that needs to get out to pee or something. i wish i had one! or a cat. HRMPH.

  • Dang cold, you in Canada?

  • Dang cold..


    I am

  • Ern

    I only leave the house at 6am for something I want to do. Like look at birds.

    Of course in a couple of years I will be a resident, and the hospital will own my ass, so of course I will be leaving the house AT WHATEVER TIME THEY PAGE ME. Suck it.

  • squirll

    i work on the east coast but i have to work from 8-5… I need a new job. also… static question from a day or 2 ago… why dont you get shocked pushing the shopping cart? -sara (resident of state with no static electricity.)

  • That was when I was desperately poor, carless, and living in Kansas City where the transit system is virtually nil. I started work at 7 am every morning, but I had to take what I could get. Ugh.

  • Dang cold..

    leaving the house at 6am??? jesus I wouldn’t be up that early for my own wedding. A house fire maybe. Can you tell I don’t have kids? 😛

  • No wait, that’s GO home?

    I so can’t read today.

    I’m AT home by 4:45. Gone at 4:30. I used to have a job where I left the house at 6:00 am and got home at 5:45 pm. THAT was the shits, especially since I only got paid for 8 hours of my day; the rest was commuting and breaks. That job EXHAUSTED me. Plus, the hourly pay wasn’t too terrific and I had trouble makig ends meet, anyway.

  • Home at 4:00? That does rock. I’m 4:45, so I’m sorta lucky.

  • Dang cold…

    yeah…I leave at 4:30pm because I get here at 8:30am. I hate public transit in the morning. The prolitariate chariot. could be worse I could be that faceless duck. 🙂

  • Annejelynn

    I’ve now reread “Hi Ho Silver” for maybe the 3rd time, and I’m still laughing… “Ran-JON!…LaVelle and Parley…flaming hole in the sheets…Foo..Fart, Fart, Faaarrrt!”


  • Ern

    (Calculating in head…) Wait, you get to go home at 4:00? That’s a nice job!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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