An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

To Grandmother’s house we go

  • Bellychaser

    Evan Dando. Yum. (mind wandering, impure thoughts) Where is that husband of mine when i need him?

  • Green Day IS coming to little ol’ London. It’s crazy – we’ve had some big names since building a big arena — Jane’s Addiction, David Bowie, Yanni…

    Since I won’t be a shit ass ho motherfucker anytime soon, I vote for cum-soaked barn sluts.

  • I’m with the niffer.

    “Dooce: Safe haven for dorks, doocelings, and e-tards since 2001”

  • Gawd, that’s SO last year, Mrs.S …

    How about .. Salad Tossers?


  • Bellychaser

    ooh,the Lemonheads! Haven’t listened to them in a while! …”I don’t need you to suck my dick or to help me feel good about myself. Big gay heart, please don’t break my big gay heart…” My most listened to album of 1994. That and Matthew Sweet. Oh, and Sloan. Ah, memories.

  • How about Dooceburgers?

  • shelly

    Somebody PLEASE come up with a better name, if there really needs to be a name, than f’in Doocelings! Makes me a Pukeling.

  • How about cum soaked barn sluts?

  • Greenday’s coming to London in May?! WTF – there’s nothing about it on their web site. Are they coming to Toronto any time soon?

  • Tex — It pains me to beat a dead horse (esp. since I’m vegetarian) but David didn’t say the photo wasn’t as good as they usually are, he basically said they always suck.

    David has a right to say what he wants. What I don’t get, and it’s been said much better by tonnes of people before me, is: why the fuck do people visit this site regularly and then comment how shitty they think it is? They need to find somewhere else to play and let those of us who like Dooce’s photos and Dooce’s stories and the stories of Doocelings enjoy it in peace. I think we all deal with enough negativity out in the real world all day, every day, to have to deal with it here too.

    I apologize, Dooce, for the rant and eating up your bandwidth. But Green Day is coming to London in May and they sold out in 10 sec. so I’m in a really pissy mood.

  • Y’all, I am e-tarded!

  • Imagine that – that one’s not on iTunes either. :-S

  • I have PS 8 and can barely navigate through the thing. There are just too many functions! I’d love to take a class on how to enhance/correct digital photographs using PS8, but I don’t know where/how to find such a class. Like at a local college? I am so technologically DORK-TARDED. I need help.

  • It’s a great song, so sweet.
    I will check out Rhapsody. emusic has a free trial – I might try that.

  • The song I have been listening to endlessly the last couple of days is Big Gay Heart by The Lemonheads. It’s a sweet song, too.


  • One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Barbie Dolls, Heidillydoo …

    I used to love iTunes, but right now I’ve really been enjoying Rhapsody. For $10 a month you can download all the music you want.

    Now… back to watching Grease.


  • Lauren – Pizzicato Five’s not on Canadian iTunes! I put in a request. I love the song, “Baby Love Child.” My hubby and I heard it on Futurama. Do you have any suggestions? I suppose I could look for a ‘real’ album at the store…

  • Thanks, Lauren, I shall investigate. My PS skills are limited, and I’d like to change that.

    I don’t know if it’s for good or evil, but we’ll deal with that when the time comes. . .

  • This picture’s so pretty! Are stoplights blue?

    What the hell does one DO at a blue traffic light? Drink? Fondle oneself? Is it the light of vice?

    Because I really want it to be.

  • I didn’t look on iTunes. Rhapsody has a bunch of their music, including Baby Love Child.

    I’m listening to it right now. Thanks! I love finding new songs.

  • bean

    #195. HA! WITH RELISH!! perhaps my all time favourite line. rizzo: quelle badass.

    the great comment debate is cracking me up. there are a lot of class presidents out there.

    to further yesterday’s conversation re: chocolate. just tried the Turtles egg today. Nestle sucks anyway but guys—Turtles are turtles, not eggs. don’t do it. if you must, eat a turtle…

    and finally, to comment on the pic. it’s amazing isn’t it? this little world we’re on? we got the exact same sky today. there must have been extra stock.

  • Has anyone heard of Pizzicato Five?

  • BFE – you could probably cheat and use a different blend mode and change the opacity settings.

    I’m using 7.0, not CS and I have the Linear Light blend mode, fyi..

    Or REALLY cheat and download the 30 day trial.


  • Oh, Niffer. We all miss Uppercase GOD. But, alas, he is doing God’s work – you know… family, kids… etc. Are there trolls here tonight? Haven’t read yet…..

  • Mrs. S – boot camp. military-type ass kicking outside-get-your-ass-all-dirty-and-sweaty-work out. But seeing as you’re in Cuse, may have to wait for the Spring. If’n you have other ques. let me know.

  • Scarah

    i <3 you, TexaRican.

  • Aaaaaah comments, sweet sweet comments. Gotta say: Chuck yesterday? My cold, dead heart melted for the sleepwalkin’ doggie.

    Tried the Dork Effect in PS 6.0.1, but was missing the option “LINEAR LIGHT” in blend mode (step 5). May have to investigate PS CS. Or is it because I’m on a Windows box?

    Huh huh. “Box” There’s a window in my box. Huh huh huh

  • Henryk_

    I am so tired, my eyes are crossing. I need a nap and its almost Sunday – noon!

  • TexaRican

    1. David did not state HIS pics were better…merely noted the quality wasn’t as good as usual. I think as a fellow blogger and photographer he is entitled to his opinion and/or curiosity about the difference.

    2. Even if he was being a dick…Heather is a big girl, mucho strong. She is MORE than capable of defending HERSELF, if she feels someone is giving her shit.

    3. For those of you “hostile doocelings” (you know, the ones I have noticed via lurkage who LOVE to pounce on the asses of newbies/anyone who appears to be critical of the Armstrongs), I’m sure my “Suck it!” is on the way. So here’s my preemptive response, in the words of the immortal Rizzo: “WITH RELISH!”

  • Where is UPPERCASE GOD when you need him. I see a couple of folks who need some smiting tonight.

    Dr. D, you’re doing a pretty good job in his absence. Smite away.

  • Part timer, do tell….

  • AndiMAC

    I am so tired, my eyes are crossing. I need a nap and its only 7 pm.

  • Dear Leon,

    I have ahint for you, but not a very subtle one. Feel free to create your own blog. On that blog please write about the fact that you wish people would stop commenting on Dooce and write in their own blogs.

    At least the prattlings of most people on here are amusing, unlike comment #182.

    Yours Truly, Dr. D (Treating the dumbasses of the world since 1984)

  • Erika – sorry. Didn’t catch your second comment. And it’s all good. I’m a bit snippy today. Womanly reasons.

  • David I just checked out your blog, and have to say your pics are not of the most superior quality either. And you should really brush up on your grammar. btw – you have the same birthday as me! Except 7 years later.

  • Mrs. S – two words…. BOOT CAMP

    hope you have one near you. it kicks your ass and you’ll see a huge difference in two weeks.

  • lady (#22) and Leon (#182): there *are* other places to go to discuss dooce-related things. just click on my name or roo’s name. i’m pretty sure we won’t have the comments die today or tomorrow, as the weekends are never busy. perhaps by monday, people will go elsewhere to post all the fun stuff they normally post here. :o)

  • Erika

    like I said…I thought I read those comments before (just didn’t think it was today) It’s been a very long day.

  • i wonder if physical push-ups would help to build *up* the boobage, or at least make mine not continue to go in the southward region…

  • Erika

    OOPS guess I was wrong about my last comment…didn’t think I read those comments today! I thought they were 2 days ago…sorry guys.

  • Get the breasticles off your brains people. I meant the physical activity.

  • Erika – what are you talking about?

  • Leon

    02.25.2005 (numeric symbolism/pattern)

    We shall call it “The 1035 – The Day The Comments Died”

    Also known as – Take the hint party people, start your own blogs and prattle away on them.

    Not here.

  • Roo


    Many of the effects that Heather (and others) achieve can be got by using most decent image manipulation software. If you won’t be using it professionally, you’re right to not want to spend hundreds of dollars 🙂

    Try GIMP [] — download and install both those packages, its a great image manipulation program.

    Its Free Software [], so it won’t cost you a penny, and never will.

    I use it for all of my design work, and have been for years. All it lacks (as far as i’m concerned) is the most top-end professional features, but with every release it gets better and better.

    You’ll have piles of fun, and at no cost 🙂

    — Roo

  • I am so happy to see the comments page working again!

    *does a happy dance*

  • Not very good picture quality, like most of the other pictures you take.

  • Erika

    Why are heidillydoo and bluedevil posting the EXACT SAME COMMENTS they posted 2 days ago when the server crashed????

  • Oh correction – it was only 40 dollars. With 10 per cent off because it was the last copy and has a crinkled back cover.

  • K, f’n hell. I NEED to get some work done. I’ve been here all friggin’ day. I think I’m officially a dooceling.

  • I bought a 70 dollar “teach yourself visually” book for Photoshop 7 back in August. Haven’t looked at it yet. Perhaps when I’m done school, I will be able to commit myself to this. For now, I just play with the filters.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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