This here bringer of the pooper to the fun party

Oh mon, mon, mon, mon, you are

Leta has recently figured out how to operate the DVD remote and because of this we are now forced to watch a certain Sesame Street DVD over and over again. Never mind that we have seven different episodes stored on the TiVo including the one featuring a skit where two Weimaraners are dressed up as old women and are making peanut butter from scratch with their human hands. She couldn’t care less about that episode, pity her bad taste. My one hope in life is that when we all die and go to heaven a Weimaraner dressed up as an old woman will greet us at the gates.

Also, since we’re on the topic of Weimaraners, here’s a reminder of why the Daily Oliver is the best website on the Internet.

The Sesame Street DVD is filled with all sorts of children’s songs like I’ve Been Working on the Railroad and She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Mountain and that insufferable Jacob Jingleheimer song which I’m certain is being played right now at an unbearable volume in some prison to torture a terrorist suspect. Dude is probably wishing they had instead just cut off his arms and forced him to eat his own fingers.

Leta now knows all these songs and sings them line for line, a remarkable feat considering she had never heard any of them before this DVD. Last night as we were getting her ready for bed she broke into a violently off-key version of Row Row Row Your Boat, and I realized that she had learned it solely from watching television, that it required no input from me as a parent. People, this is an example of everything that is right with America.

Last night we also got out the video camera because she was singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star with so much gusto it could have been the national anthem. She may not have all the words right, or any of them for that matter, and in this clip she doesn’t even start in the right place, but this video shows that the television is doing a pretty good job of raising my kid.

Flash movie
Quicktime movie

  • Insulin pump……STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • elise

    I showed this to my 2yr old son and he thought that every time he hit the shift button she would start over. he has the biggest smile. I think he’s in love. now back to the shift key….I promised.

  • I think that you need more prayers…mine obviously aren’t working…despite my best efforts.

    Cheers,
    You’re Salt Lake brutha frum anutha mutha..err sumthin’.

    D-mode

  • The movie just ain’t gonna happen for me. But cute pic of course. How does being madly in love with your daughter feel and having 500 people agree with you?!

  • lyndsey_elise

    Now my 2 year old daughter has a new video to watch. We have watched Leta at least 10 times in the last 5 minutes. Also, did you end up eating that marvelous chocolate chip cookie the other day?

  • alicia lynn

    dude, seriously i just went through a big stupid run around of registering for typepad just so i could comment to say that your kid is MOTHERFUCKING ADORABLE. jesus christ, she is pretty. she reminds me of my nieces. dangggg.

  • american idol? is that you? we have next year’s winner right here.

  • She’s precious! Does she give autographs yet?

  • K8

    I just love how utterly pleased she is with herself. May she always be that way!

    And I too loved the sounds of your laughter in the background…

  • Laurie

    We used to have my daughter on video (actually it was a movin on. commercial) singing a slightly different version of twinkle twinkle It went like this:
    TWINLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
    I WONDER WHY WE WENT TO WAR
    DEFICIT SPENDING IN THE SKY
    WAS IT ALL JUST ONE BIG LIE
    PLEASE OH PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME PAY
    FOR MISTAKES YOU MAKE TODAY!
    Teach Leta that one.

  • Oh man, that’s too cute. She is going to HATE you one day for recording this kind of stuff, but it is SO WORTH IT.

  • You soooo have to keep doing this with her!

    My son is 8 now and talks to me like a teenager. I had forgotten that “little voice” until I had ran across my home videos of various holidays. It was the Christmas video of my son when he was 3 that got me to melting on the couch. It had snowed that year, which doesn’t happen much in Texas. We ran out and made miniature snowmen with what little snow was on the ground. My son’s little voice saying “kno man” is something I had totally forgotten. I wish now I had captured more of my baby’s “little voice”. Makes me wonder….what else have I forgotten?

    Now when he begs me not to embarrass him in front of his friends and I fall apart realizing my son is beginning to turn into a teenage Martian, I just go and pop this video in and pretend everything is right with the world.

  • I love how she does the Christina Aguilera thing where she turns one syllable into five–“a-a-a-a-arrrrrre.”

  • Lucy’sMom

    Seriously, Dooce, that is by far the cutest thing EVER!! I’m half afraid my computer will explode, but I MUST play it ONE MORE TIME!!!

    Thanks for sharing your wonderful humor, and especially Leta’s VOICE!!

  • but the real question is how can the story of one gold coin inspire you to change your world?

  • Talon

    Oh my gods…my ovaries just exploded.

    No we will NOT make one just like that. NO WE WON’T!!!

    THRICE DAMNED OVARIES!!!

  • Don’t jump into the fire Chuck! It’s not worth it! Move away from the light.

  • Jeff, the film prof

    This is fucking HILARIOUS. I have a feeling my one-year-old (whoops, I mean 13-month-old) would have a grand time boogying down to this rendition. If I were evil, I would go wake him up to test that out (but no, I am not evil, and I worship the sleep gods, and the cuteness of Video Leta will have to wait until tomorrow).

  • That ‘Chuck being like Jack Handy’ comment above makes me laugh HARD.

    Have you ever seen this site: It’s pretty old, so you may have already been there done that, but it’s always good for a laugh.
    http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule

    It cracks me up. Check out all pages.
    I love the videos, keep posting them!

  • As adorable as Leta is — and she definitely has talent — I really want to know what Chuck is up to. That was too funny!

  • Leta, Claire says thank you for making her smile again! She thinks you are a “funny and cute” little girl!

  • holly

    That is too cute! She and my daughter should sing duets together. However, no matter what song my daughter sings, it’s always to the tune of “Jingle Bells.”

    Oh, I couldn’t help but notice Chuck in the background, sticking his face as close to the fire as possible. “Hey, they’re paying attention the baby again. I wonder how much attention I’d get if I burnt my nose off.”

  • Holy crap that kid is adorable.

  • Pants

    Chuck appears to be pitching himself into the flame…
    talk about roasting a hot dog! Or maybe he’s just desperate for some on camera time.

  • wrongwaywy

    I sincerely believe she is the cutest 2 year old on the planet! And she’s got pigtails to die for!

  • kierewalker

    …ovaries…still…twitching…must…reproduce…

    Little Leta is so lovely. And Chuck is the most fabulous dog in the world. Was the former congressman burning some incriminating documents from his term in office?

  • I think that was sweeter than the death by cookies!!

    AWWWWWWWW! Leta is adorable 🙂

    The kids raised without benefit of TV are boring anyway (kidding, kidding, I swear I’m kidding!)

  • Kate

    Oh. my. god. I love your daughter. And I love Chuck nearly setting himself on fire in the back.

  • How about this one? J, J, jumpin J… Does the Jackal jump? The jackal joins the jump.. jumpin J… that’s the ticket in our house.

  • That is sooooooooooo adorable! I want to bite her cute little nose 🙂

  • The more you watch it the funnier it gets. I’m afraid I just broke my computer by laughing so hard my intestines fell out onto the keyboard.

    I’m gonna have to go share this with my roommate.

  • Dooce-

    I love Leta’s spunk. I hope she never loses that.
    This is a bit off topic, but I just want to tell you that the picture you posted about a week ago of Leta and Jon reading together with her sitting on his lap is one of the most beautiful pictures that I have ever seen. What a perfect moment.

  • Fucking priceless. For some reason, however, Leta’s little voice made my dog perk up and start howling, too.

    And so, we had “Mon Mon Mon…” and “AEEEEEEEOOOOOOOO” in our household, which is not as cute as Leta solo.

  • jennyk

    that is the only thing that has been able to make me smile all day.

    i think i need to get myself a leta.

  • Carrie

    I was so into the video, and then I see Chuck’s head move into view and I shrieked, I was so excited to get both in one sitting!

  • These are the moments that just make you want to melt as a parent. I find myself saying ‘I could die a happy person right now!’ and then regret it because 2 minutes later the kids just do something even cuter and even more heartwarming.

    She is just so precious! Thank you for sharing.

    I think the dog was ready to jump into the fire in the background there. You better keep an eye on him!

  • Orion

    what comic timing. kid has a mouth like Jim Carey. I’m especially enjoying the big finish- and that heavy breathing off-camera. thanks for the mood lift!

  • The Bold Soul

    My nearly 45-yr old still barely functioning ovaries are clenching right now after that. She is even cuter in motion. By the way, what’s with Chuck almost climbing into the roaring fire in the background? Was Leta THAT off-pitch that he was ready to throw himself into the flames, or was he jealous at not being the focus of the video?

  • love it!!

  • Rob

    My son learned “If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me” from a video, and proceeded to stand atop a climbing frame in out local playground singing it to anyone who would listen.

    We think he did it so that when he learned “Achy Breaky Heart” from the same video we’d be so relieved we’d forget to kill him.

  • So I have never in my life wanted to have my own children… I have contemplated adoption, but still never very seriously.
    However, if I ever do in fact have one of those kids some day in the very distant future, I will blame YOU first because that was seriously the cutest thing I have seen in a very long time.

  • My favorite is the recent controversy regarding the Sesame Street Beginnings videos. Of course, I couldn’t RESIST, I didn’t want to leave my baby boy out of that sweet controversy, so I bought the Making Music one. I will be posting later this week about it, but in short, I was actually impressed. The video is downright boring UNLESS you get involved with it by holding your baby, dancing and singing along. Frankly, I haven’t really had that impulse for dancing and singing while watching Baby Einstein.

  • 🙂 So adorable it hurts. Thanks for sharing – it was definitely the bright part of my Monday. Oh, that and the 4-minute phone call with my doped-up post-Lasik fiancé. (For someone who only had a laser shining on his eyes for 30 seconds each, he sounded an awful lot like someone had been clubbing him with a crowbar, instead…)

    I’ll have to remember to bookmark all your videos of Leta being cute so when I decide it’s time for the future Mr. and I to have wee ones. I can use them for bait. 😉

  • Anu

    Wow!! A spanish rendition of twinkle twinkle 🙂 I’m kidding. Leta is soooooooooo adorable. Keep ’em coming.

  • momma 2 angels

    Much obliged! You just helped me get my 3 year old into her jammies. We watched the mon action 5times straight, then I withheld as a successful bribe. I giggled at both girls (singer & admirer) and was told sternly “no funny”. My daughter was Seriously trying to learn the song:)

  • Paula Schmitt

    She is totally in control, mom. Sign her up for TV auditions — really 🙂

  • Stephanie B

    Your kid can work the DVD remote? I can’t even work my DVD remote. And your kid speaks French? Awesome.

  • Paula Schmitt

    What else can she sing…? 🙂

  • SHE’S SO CUTE!!!

  • Performances like make for questions like “what plumbing problem?” Too cute.

    Having missed the comments for the worst week entry, may I submit mine?
    1. We have guests in town for my daughter’s 3rd birthday. The AC goes into death throes. (Saturday)
    2. Daughter vomits on Mommy (me). In a startling display of self control, Mommy does not throw child from lap and run to the shower. (Sunday)
    3. Mommy gets the same stomach virus. (Monday)
    4. AC being replaced, so even minimal functioning is gone for 8 hours. It’s August. In Georgia. (Tuesday)
    5. Husband spends day in bathroom or bed. (Tuesday)
    6. Many loads of laundry are done, along with many flushings of commode and showers. (Sunday through Tuesday)
    7. Waste water, from toilets and laundry, discovered on basement floor. Water is a minimum of one inch deep, but cardboard boxes have wicked it up. (Tuesday pm)
    8. Guests flee for somewhere with indoor plumbing. Mommy and daughter spend night at sister’s home. She has no kids and has the least-babyproofed home in the world. Scissors! Sharpies! Dangling cords with small hot electrics at the end! (Wednesday)
    9. Plumber and county water people collaborate to rip up lawn, and destroy my favorite bush. (Thursday)
    10. Mother and daughter check into hotel, still suffering from stomach virus. (Thursday)
    11. Father spends days cleaning basement, evenings at hotel. (Friday) Manages to remove the worst of it & throw away the bottom layer of boxes. Mother joins for project on Saturday.
    12. Finishing basement project now underway, once plumbing issue resolved. Current time overrun: 2 years. July 26, 2006, my daughter will turn 6.
    13. Did I mention I was 3 months pregnant at the time? My son hasn’t seen the living room without all of the boxes of stuff from the basement (salvageable stuff in new boxes).