An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Go forth and multiply

When my sister was pregnant for the fourth time she gave my mother a frame with places for five pictures as a christmas gift. I was standing directly next to my mother when she opened it, and I noticed before she did that the first three mats in the frame corresponded to my sister’s first three children, and the other two mats indicated that two more were on their way. At first my mother thought that her oldest daughter had miscalculated the size of her own family, and as she was pointing this out the frightening reality hit her like a brick in the face, “But you don’t have . . . THIS DOES NOT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS.” The frame was my sister’s creative way of saying that she was trying to populate the Earth by herself.

My sister’s house has always been a suburban recreation of Lord of the Flies, except her version has always had a little more cannibalism. When my mother processed the fact that my sister was going to be bringing twin boys into the mix her face became a physical manifestation of The World Ending. It’s not that she wasn’t joyous about the prospective new additions, it’s that she knew one would be hard enough. But two? TWO MORE? JUST IMAGINE THE BLOOD SPATTER.

My sister’s twins are now five years old, and since their birth she has been harassing me to do my part in expanding the family. I always thought I would have three or more kids. I guess it’s because I have two siblings myself, and that’s the kind of family I’ve always wanted. But after the experience I’ve had with this first one, with my precious Screaming Leta, I’m not so sure I’m the type of person who could handle three kids. And that has been hard to accept. I see other mothers who have that many kids, and deep inside I am envious of them simply for the fact that they seem to be handling it even if they think they aren’t handling it at all.

I am frequently asked if Jon and I plan to have any more kids, and the answer to that is long and winding:

I finally feel like I have a handle on the responsibilities of this family, like I know what I’m doing, like the role of Mother makes sense. Finally my instincts have kicked in at the right frequency, and I don’t go around all day thinking what is this creature that runs through my house and why won’t it stop making that noise?

Only recently have I started to have that baby itch again, have I wanted to put the shiny, bald heads of infants in my mouth. I think that’s a good sign because it means I’ve been able to forget a little bit of the sting of those first six months and am now at a point where I would even consider going through it again. I’m the one at the neighborhood party grabbing the babies off their mothers’ laps because the urge to bite their nubbly ears is too overwhelming. Wanting to eat babies is a good indication that I have healed.

But the decision to have another baby is so complicated. What if when we try it doesn’t work? What if when we try I end up like my sister, pregnant with twins? Can we afford to have another child? Because now our insurance is such that we have to cover the cost of the delivery. Is our house big enough? How will I continue working and supporting my family if anything goes wrong?

Add to that my history of postpartum depression and the fact that I am now more likely to to experience it again because I did the first time around. Am I ready for that? Is Jon? Should I even risk putting him or Leta though that again? Should I risk destroying the peaceful home that I’ve spent the last two years building?

I don’t know.

  • Dennis and I are going through this question now too.. I think we are going to hold off… just cause I want to not have them 2 years apart. I will be going back to school to get my 2nd degree (nursing) and then after I am done we will have #2. Well at least that’s the plan, and I will be around 31 or 32.. we had our lil screaming wonder at 26.. so I think we need some recovery time. I too love babies and want to just eat ’em up!

  • Fanneedoolee

    I suffered PPD after both of my children, now 5 and 2, were born. Both times, I recovered. My second bout was much worse, and my second recovery has been much more meaningful.

    I am considering a third (which in itself may be proof that my mental capacity has not fully returned) and have all the same doubts, concerns and “what if?”s running through my head. Instead of focusing on the fact that I suffered PPD twice, I am focusing on the fact that I’ve recovered from PPD twice, and will do it again if I have to.

    This doesn’t mean that I’ve totally decided we will have a third (maybe we’ll just get a dog, who knows?) but if we don’t, it won’t be because I was too afraid to try.

  • i have two kidlets. you never have enough time, money or space but somehow it seems to work. if we had planned for the second one i’m sure i would have been asking the same questions you and your husband are asking. only when i miscarried recently with a third did i stop to think, am i ready to end my fertility spree? i’m now asking those same questions….

  • Lowter

    I’m not a breeder so this type of talk makes me crazy. I’m all for people having babies but I don’t understand the need for lots of babies. How do you reconcile the pros of cuteness and baby head smell and Leta having someone to play with the cons of what’s going in the world. I’m just asking. None of my friends with kids will even attempt to answer my question.

  • Lorrian

    Heather, as always, thank you for your candor.

    I’m about to be married for the first time at 42. My fiance’ is 47.

    We’re already getting the ‘when are you going to have kids?’ pressure from family and friends.

    We don’t know…if it’s ‘if’ or ‘when’.

  • Like you, I always thought I’d have at least 3- possibly 4- kids. I also figured I’d have my kids very close in age.

    I just had my son in September and it was a rocky pregnancy. I also had some extreme depression afterwards, though it only lasted the first three months. And since he’s been 5 months old he hasn’t been healthy. My husband and I discuss this issue on a near-daily basis.

    This is the first time in so long that I would be horribly upset if I were pregnant. Not because I don’t want another child, but because I don’t know if I do. I love my guy so much that I’m not sure if I want to add anything else to the mix just yet. Then again, I’ve always wanted to have children close in age because I like to get out and about and the idea of changing diapers for 10 years is disabling for me. So, when would be the right time if there is a right time? Who knows?

  • Kathleen

    No one can make this decision for you. And this is such a copout, but seriously, whatever you decide is the right thing. There is no real need for you to have other kids. But if you do get pregnant, even if you have twins, even if you have TRIPLETS, you can and will survive it, postpartum and all. You have a wonderful husband to help you through a second baby. And not all babies are as demanding as Leta. My 2 year old is a handful, but my 4 month old is calm calm calm. I would have 2 more, if I wasn’t sure my husband would leave me first. But that’s me.
    Leta is beautiful, and she is enough. And if you do have another baby, he / she / it will be loved. And somehow you’ll muddle through the postpartum, just like the last time.
    Good luck to you, whichever it turns out to be. I look forward to finding it out.

  • Kathy B.

    As the parent of an only child, I will tell you this — it’s ok to have “just one.”

    For many reasons, I chose to have just one child; you cannot believe (or maybe you can) the crap I took from people telling me that “you HAVE to have more than one.” Nah — she is now 25 years old with no visible scars.

  • di

    I remember when I was deciding whether to have a second child. I remember being very fearful that I wouldn’t be able to afford it, wouldn’t be able to handle the additional stresses, wouldn’t be as good of a mother with my attention divided between two kids. I worried about everything!

    That was 16+ years ago. My daughter was a wonderful addition to our family, and I discovered that I was a better and more confident parent the second time around. I had the love and support of my family nearby as well, which is a blessing and is much needed in the early months when the new baby is up all night and the toddler is up early and raring to go. It wasn’t always easy, but it certainly was always worth it.

    I’ve also determined that those questions are never easily answered. You may plan for X and end up with Y, because we all know that life is what happens when you’re planning your life. You have the basic elements to succeed no matter what you decide to do.. just make sure that you’re following your heart in regard to what you want and need and the rest will fall into place.

  • Christina

    Since you have a choice, consider this. If you and Jon get really nutty in old age, Leta will become solely responsible. She’ll have no one to help her explain her quirky parents.

  • kal55128

    Sorry if people have already mentioned this, I’m a little lazy to read all of the comments. If you decide you are mentally and finacially ready for more kids you could consider adoption? Going this route could be expensive but it would eliminate the chance of postpartum depression and the chance of having multiples.

  • trophywife

    I think for me some important questions to ask myself were more about the bigger picture, not the day to day stuff. Will #1 benefit from having a sibling? In most cases a big “yes”. They will have someone to grow up with and when the parents are old and need them they will have someone to share the burden with. When kid #1 and #2 grow up and have kids of their own, those kids will have more family- aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. To me, like my mom always said, family is the most important thing. It seems obvious you and Jon share that idea too. I know many ‘only’ kids that are my age that wish they had a sibling to share some of life’s ups and downs with.

    And now that we have #2 I can’t even imagine our life without her. She fills us with joy and laughter everyday and we always say “we are in so much trouble” meaning when she hits any age near puberty. Her older sister is of course as much of a blessing to us, but seeing their differences is completely amazing.

    In hindsight, pregnancy and babyhood go by so quickly. I let thoughts of the future weigh heavily in our decision to have #2.

    Good luck to you and Jon whatever decision you make. It will be the right one for your family.

  • The problem with waiting—at least, the problem I have experienced with waiting—is that you can wait yourself right into too-late. Life was never 100% right for us: too little money, too little insurance, too little time, too much work, too much stuff, too little space…and so on down the hyper-analytical line. Obviously there are considerations to adding another child to your family. But sometimes they obfuscate more than they clarify.

    My son is now 12, and, really, it’s too late for us to think about adding to the family. While I recognize the positives of having only one child, the situation does make me feel strange, sad pangs of loss. And, yes, parts of me—primarily the part that believes in time travel—wish we had tried to have another child years ago. But, like I said, the situation was never 100% amenable to such a change.

    Fortunately, my extended family has started having babies. I’ve now got two infant nephews upon whom I can shower endless kisses (and, as you might suggest, Heather, barbeque sauce).

    I don’t have any advice for you—seems you’ve gotten plenty—but I certainly hope you can come to a decision without tons of hand-wringing, mind-boggling anxiety. Best to you and Jon.

  • h.m.

    ask yourself this: if you peed on a stick right this minute and saw two lines appear, what would your reaction be?

    happy and excited, but nervous?

    scared and upset, horrified?

    if it’s clearly one or the other, there’s a good indication of what you really want.

  • Urgh – I mean to write “should we have another one” decision right away. My first time commenting! Ack.

  • I have all very similar questions to you and 1,000 more … except they are all about having a first child. I think I will make this an entry at my blog this week.

  • I haven’t read all of the comments, but the ones I did read were unanimous in telling you to go for it. Let me just say no. Don’t do it. I don’t believe it will all work out in the end. We are in for some deep shit, politically, economically and environmentally. I’m scared for all the children we have now. But mostly, I’m scared for the young families who are already scrambling to make ends meet. Sorry to be the voice of doom.

  • I can’t offer you advice, but I can share my experience.
    1. Postpartum depression is a vengeful bitch. Each and every time.
    2. Each time you have a child your independence decreases by a factor of 5 (not to mention your disposable income).

    If you can handle those two factors, as a mom of 3 I say go for it.

    I wouldn’t have/not have a kid based on money, because if you want a kid, the money will come (like those baseball players in Field of Dreams.

  • As an only child, I offer this perspective: I think it would be nicer to have siblings. Both in childhood and adulthood. But what I also think is that you are young enough that you don’t need to make the “should we have another one” right away. Either way, I think you’re a great mother.

  • bee

    yay for healing. and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

  • lyssann

    on a non-serious note (well sort of), Breed! we need more liberals to breed! Crazy conservatives are out reproducing us and we’ll lose on sheer population numbers alone.

    On the serious note, take your time. I’m trying to tell myself that as well. I’m getting married in 4 months and all my friends have adorable little babies and I want one of my own and I’m trying to tell my uterus to stop ticking. At least you know you can reproduce, I never had regular periods and I’m terrified I won’t be able to.

  • I had a struggle with whether or not to have #2 as well. When my first son’s shoulder got stuck during delivery with his head crowned for FOUR HOURS, they were either going to a)push him back in and do a C-section or b)have my husband and sister-in-law each grab a leg, splay me like a wishbone and PUSH. 10 minutes later he was out. Besides coming to terms with the fact that my lower quadrant will never be the same again, I was also depressed I swore I was done, then there was this trip to Vegas…The upside was the labor was short, delivery was even shorter and he was such a mellow baby I thought at first he was retarded. We called him Buddha as a nickname.

  • KarinGal

    Having a second child was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s also the best.

    I’ve learned that it’s often better to wait until your “I don’t know” turns into an unqualified “I’m ready now.”

    Besides, toddlers/little kids are still quite needy; there’s no rule that says your kids can’t be three, four, five, etc. years apart, when the older one’s a little more self sufficient.

  • Pamalamadingdong

    I have 2 kids – they are close in age (17 months – shoot me). I’m really bad at making decisions, so I consider myself lucky that it happened by accident. I also come from a long line of martys, so this works for me.

    I do not regret having a second child, but I’m all over the place and most of the time am not the parent I want to be. I have no patience and find the ‘fairness’ thing really hard to manage. I look at my friends with 1 child and think they have no idea how simple and focused their lives are (but I bet they don’t feel that way…). And I wonder if I’m not doing my kids any favors by spreading myself so thin. Maybe I’d be a better parent if I had less to do?

    On the other hand, what in the world would I do without this amazingly sweet and funny and unique little guy who is my second child? I spent most of my pregancy with him feeling inconvenienced by the whole thing, and honestly did not think about the fact that this child was going to captivate me just like my first. “OH, it’s a HUMAN BEING with a PERSONALITY! Not just a baby who will suck the life out of me! OK!”

    I’ve been a docce-aholic for some time now, and encouraged my friend Lori to send you her book “MAYBE BABY” – essays by amazing writers on this very decicion (sorry for the plug – but it is really right up your alley). I hope you got it, and I hope you’ll read it. I love this book for the same reasons I love your blog and your voice, it’s refreshingly real and makes me think.

  • Samantha

    I have a weird suggestion for you–and I know that you’ll probably delete this as soon as you see it, but this is said with love.

    Are you interested in having the pregnancy again without all the hastle?

    What about Beth your neighbor that is having the infertility problems?

    If her meds don’t go well and she’s just not able to concieve–you might want to make the offer of serigute(sp–i’m a horrible speller sorry) mother. So you could help her have another baby–you could have a minor claim on the baby and your friendship would be forever linked due to the experience.

    You would help a friend in need and you would be able to experience the joys (well sometimes) of being pregnante. Plus not having to worry about the late nights of crying and the feeding (although you might be able to help wet nurse–but tmi).

    Just my crazy suggestion for two people who are in the same place.

    Love and Peace!

  • So, so hard. My brother and sister-in-law (who had post-partum depression after my niece was born) were trying to figure out all of the above and weren’t sure what to do…and then she got pregnant. They’re both really excited. Still a bit nervous, but more excited than anything. We’re keeping our fingers crossed that the after-birth portion is a bit easier this time around.

  • arloa

    I didn’t read all the posts so I’m sure I’m repeating someone, but if you really want another kid, it will happen. You know what you can handle and what you can’t. I say this as a reformed mormon (I am one of 8 kids), who wants a big family.

    Guess I should have my first one and then see how I feel.

  • jes

    Really. These are the things that plague me at night.

  • There’re no certainties in life. Even the best layed plans all go to hell when life gets in the way. That doesn’t mean you don’t plan and try to have the best of intentions for running your life, but I’ve known too many people (even in my own family) who’ve been too afraid to let go of the chokehold they have on their lives to just let it happen. They’re so afraid of the stuff they didn’t/can’t plan for that they arn’t living their lives. Just make sure you’re not “that guy” 🙂 I guess that’s my advice. “Don’t be that guy.” It’s like “let go and let God,” only with the addition of your friends not ridiculing you behind your back for being “that guy.”

  • jes

    My only concern would be: Can and (or will I) write as endearing Monthly Newsletters to my second child, or is that a special treasure for the firstborn only?

  • I won’t offer you any advice, mostly because I am not you and I am not inside your head and therefore have no idea what all the factors are (besides those listed) that will lend themselves to your decision.
    I know several old wives’ tales that came true for me and for my two daughters: one, the easier the first kid, the harder the second, or vice-versa. Nature seems to compensate for difficult-to-manage children by sending easier-to-manage children that second time around. Or, again, vice versa.
    Also, the truth really is that none of us out here, no matter how much we admire you and your mad blogging skillz and your awesome personality, can really give you the right answer. As you know, of course. The best thing I can offer you is that I think whatever choice you make will be the exact right one for you, for Jon, and for Leta.
    (And that “have the second kid for the first one’s sake” stuff is just nonsense. IMHO.)

  • Gosh, I have pondered with the thought of having more children. I have always invisioned myself having at least three children. I now have a 6 and 4 year old (both daughters) and FINALLY out of that baby/diaper stage. The thought of having more, going through a tough pregnancy (I am sick all 9 months) and then caring for a newborn scares the heck out of me!

  • I always wanted a large family — at least five kids. And while I did get pregnant six times, I only had two children who have lived. With each miscarriage, I was crushed, but resolved to keep trying. My oldest was 11 when his sister came. After that, my husband and I adopted a sibling group of three kids. I can honestly say, the more difficult part was going from one to two kids than going from two to five. After two, it does not matter. You buy everything in bulk and load up!

    I know it’s a very personal decision and one that only you and Jon can make. I wish you the peace and answers you are looking for as you continue to figure your path.

  • jagamom

    Heather you are so sweet and caring I can’t imagine that you are anything but a great mom! Having said that my personal opinion is that the decision whether to have or not have another one is deeply personal. I know families that have 18 kids and families that have 1 kid – and neither one of them is perfect.

  • I understand what you’re going through…I too had PPD after my son, and am terrified of having it again when we have our next child, because I’m now just getting over the desire to throw myself down the stairs in order to not have to deal with a baby who won’t sleep. But really.

    I don’t know…should you decide to have another baby, this time will be different. You’ll have much more confidence because you’ve done it before AND you’ll have Jon home. That’s huge. So huge. I think those two things alone should be comforting. They at least get to replace the blissful ignorance of choosing to have your first child!

  • RzDrms

    whoa. after reading the last few lines of this post, like a ton of bricks, i saw you a few years down the line with a new baby and sheer and utter love for it like you have for leta. wow.

  • I don’t have incredible advice on this matter; what I DO have is complete admiration of you for being so open and sharing this with a million strangers! You have a beautiful family, and I hope for all the best, whichever way you go.

    Right after I delivered my son, I SWORE I would never, never do that EVER again. Then my daughter surprised me by inhabiting my womb unexpectedly…and every day since she was born has been a surprising delight to us! AND I even experienced postpartum for the first time with her – not fun. I wondered if I could really love another child as much as my first…and when my daughter was born, I felt my heart just get bigger. And seeing my son meet his sister for the first time made my every struggle with pregnancy and depression seem non-existant. Time stood still in that moment.

    I love even the hard things that two children bring into my life, because it is still incredible and so worth it. I did not expect to have two children, but I now have a hard time remembering life before.

    I love it.

  • literatigirl

    I am one of seven. I was the only girl amidst five boys when my mother became pregnant for the sixth time in eight years (not including one miscarriage). When my mother told my father- at about month seven in the pregnancy- that they were actually going to be adding numbers six and seven to their already huge brood, my Dad apparently walked out of the house fully dressed for work, but sans slacks.

    My two sisters were born a couple of months later and I can’t imagine my family without them. I have no idea how my mother managed it- I think she just didn’t think about it too much (which maybe wasn’t the best thing) and maybe her expectations were different from what they seem to be today. Were we a seven-headed monster that she probably wanted to slay most of the time? Probably. But now we’re seven unique individuals with whom she has different, sometimes complicated, and (I hope) rewarding relationships.

  • victoria

    One of the thngs that I really like about your blog, Heather, is how candid you are about things that lots of people feel like they’re not allowed to say, or even think: like the fact that some babies are more dificult than others, the fact that the arrival of ANY baby is as stressful as trying to host a permanent tornado in your house, the fact that motherhood, even when you ache with love, is overwhelming and exhausting.

    I’ve never wanted to have kids, partly because I knew I just wasn’t up to the challenge. Too much work, no way out, no way to give them back if it’s not a good fit, no way to change your mind. Too big a risk if I discover I’m not cut out to be the right parent for that particular kid. (I often wonder about others’ confidence in this area. How do people automatically KNOW they’re gonna love kids they haven’t even met yet? Not every parent does love their kids. Some parents can’t stand their own kids, and it’s a tragedy all around. Why does no one ever seem to be awake to this risk when they think about having a family? Why does everyone assume that it’s just all going to work itself out automatically?)

    Having said that, and acknowledging that I am not exactly the world’s most pro-procreation person, I think you should have another. You love kids and you’re a great mom. You want another baby. It’ll be hard, but I think you know what you’re doing this time, you’re better prepared to handle it, the next kid is almost certainly gonna be easier than Leta, and Jon’s around to help this time. The first three months are going to be hard, but this time (unlike the last) you’ll know that it really does get easier. And the joy you’ll experience after the first rough patch of newbornness is over will be phenomenal.

  • I say listen to your heart.
    My first was so difficult I waited 6 years to have another. When I decided to have a third I was 35 and broke and had no insurance. We did it anyway. He was born at home with a midwife.
    My Mom always said there is no right time to have another child, just listen to your heart.
    Worked for me.

  • The world is populated enough. I’ll keep the one and then stop adding to the swarm of humanity. Maybe adopt.

  • lizneust

    Yet another variation on the theme:
    When we got married, we wanted three. I LIKE middle children – I even married one. But having one took longer than expected (miscarriage, laid off, blah blah blah), and then there were LOTS of issues (PPD, bi-polar diagnosis, meds during & post pregnancy, colic, breast feeding trauma, et-freakin-cetera). But Abby was SOOOOO worth it, and now she’s almost 2.5 yrs old and an active, funny, lovely, frustrating child.

    I distinctly remember the night I turned to my husband and said, “you know, two wouldn’t be so bad, but three is off the table.” And now we have two – Sarah arrived six months ago.

    I gotta tell you EVERYTHING was completely different: the pregnancy, my post-partum reaction, baby’s temperament, breast feeding, you name it.

    You and Jon will make the right choice for you, pro or con, but be sure to give yourselves credit for what you’ve LEARNED over the past 3 years. You are no longer new to this whole thing, and although I must admit I still haven’t figured out how the heck to get of the house in a timely manner, this time around I was able to finesse most of the issues I had with Abby. Good luck to you, Jon, Leta and Chuck -and have faith in yourselves.

  • Leora

    Must be something going on in the blogosphere waters these days! In the same week, my two favorite bloggers are talking about having another kid. Don’t know whether you read MetroDad but he was just mulling the same thing over at his place. Me? I have two kids mainly because I didn’t think it was fair for my eldest daughter to be an only child. Maybe it’s because I was an only child but I think having siblings is the greatest thing in the world.

  • Y

    When I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with my third (THIRD! THREE!) child, I freaked the fuck out because I had just been through a horrible depression and was on anti depressants and my psychiatrist said things like “We’ll have to watch you closely because you’re a severe risk for postpartum depression.”

    I was scared. My husband was scared and I cried a lot.

    I’ve not been on any anti depressants since finding out I was pregnant with her and I’ve never been happier.

    If I had let the fear of PPD keep me from having her, I’d not know the Joy that is My Farting on Command Princess.

    But, I totally understand the fear. It’s valid and it’s real and I would never tell you “You’ll be fine, just do it!” Because I don’t know that. But I felt like sharing my story.

    God, I hope that doesn’t make me a dick. (Because, you know how sometimes when people tell you their “stories”, it comes across as “dickish” even though they probably mean well and were just trying to help? Yeah.)

  • Heather –

    All of my friends that had terrible, screaming, monster-resembling infants have all resigned to having “one and only” children.

    I had a super sweet, angelic, perfect infant. No kidding. And, it was still hard, but nowhere near as hard as monster-bearers had it. So, it made it easy for me to have a second.

    However, my second child was a terrible, screaming monster-infant. But, you know what? Second time around, with more experience, and dealing with the older brother who outgrew being an angel baby and turned into a monster toddler, it still made the new monster infant not seem half bad. In fact, I’m due to have my third child in a month, that’s how unscarred I was.

    I feel sorry for the moms I know that always WANTED more than one kid, but had such a hard time with the first one that they threw in the towel. All kids are SO different from each other. And, you are so different now than you were 2+ years ago. I’m certain that the two experiences won’t even be able to be compared, so don’t look back – just look forward.

    I, also, experienced post-partum depression for six months with baby # 1, but had none with baby # 2… Second time around, I’m pretty sure my mild baby blues were gone by the time I left the hospital. Knowing your history of post-partum depression, I’m sure your doctor would watch you more closely, and not let it get out of hand.

    So, in a nutshell, GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY! You are going to reach a point in the next year or two where Leta will start talking back, using “ugly words”, lying, and competing to the death in power struggles with you, and you’re going to wish that you had a little person around whose biggest fault is that they scream night and day. 😉

    Kristen in Colorado

  • lyndsey_elise

    I had all of those same concerns after the birth of my daughter. Did I really want another one? After the first year mark I felt like I had control of things once again. My husband and I decided that we indeed wanted one more child but not for a few more years. Then WHOOPS! My daughter is only 21 months older than my son and, for me, so far all has gone well. I thought for sure my daughter would try to smother him at some point. So far, her worst offense is tipping him over while he’s sitting up or maybe trying to feed him with her babydoll’s bottles.

    And I don’t know if it is because he’s a boy or just the second child, so many things that freaked me out before cause little concern now. I’m sure Leta would adjust fine to a new addition.

  • callchel

    Carpe Diem.

    You’re a great mum Heather, and you have the support and love of your family, friends and husband for what ever your decision may be.

    Good luck!

  • not_me

    My 2nd was a HUGE surprise (birthcontrol baby). My 1st was 18 mos and we were shocked… Somehow the pregnancy didn’t really register for me until I was about 6 mos pregnant. Anyway, we were freaking out, but made it work. I might have actually changed my mind about having a 2nd had we waited until we “felt ready”–ready financially, emotionally, and any other “-lly” you can think of.

    I hear that the transition from one to two is harder than the transition from two to three, and it certainly proved true in our case. Especially since my now 16.5 month old STILL won’t sleep through the night. Two is enough for us and our family feels ‘complete’ now. [Also, my DH likes even numbers and he didn’t want to have 4 kids. LOL!]

    At any rate, it’s obviously up to YOU GUYS whether or not your family feels complete… The timing can always be worked on. ;o) Whatever you guys decide (or is decided FOR you like in our case), just remember that something always works out!

  • thejoyof

    There is no better gift to give a child than a sibling. I was scared out of mind to have a second child but time erases the labour pains, the sleepless nights, the worry. Two is not as frightening as it may seem. It gets easier. Your child has a built-in playmate. They play. They entertain each other. They scheme against you. Oh wait, that’s later.

    You will never regret having another – trust me…

  • Lauren

    i vote yes!

    turn up the volume ..

    “..We’ve both been very brave
    Walk around with both legs ..”

    don’t be a woose go make yourself a baby!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more