Heater, Mother of Lance

Go forth and multiply

When my sister was pregnant for the fourth time she gave my mother a frame with places for five pictures as a christmas gift. I was standing directly next to my mother when she opened it, and I noticed before she did that the first three mats in the frame corresponded to my sister’s first three children, and the other two mats indicated that two more were on their way. At first my mother thought that her oldest daughter had miscalculated the size of her own family, and as she was pointing this out the frightening reality hit her like a brick in the face, “But you don’t have . . . THIS DOES NOT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS.” The frame was my sister’s creative way of saying that she was trying to populate the Earth by herself.

My sister’s house has always been a suburban recreation of Lord of the Flies, except her version has always had a little more cannibalism. When my mother processed the fact that my sister was going to be bringing twin boys into the mix her face became a physical manifestation of The World Ending. It’s not that she wasn’t joyous about the prospective new additions, it’s that she knew one would be hard enough. But two? TWO MORE? JUST IMAGINE THE BLOOD SPATTER.

My sister’s twins are now five years old, and since their birth she has been harassing me to do my part in expanding the family. I always thought I would have three or more kids. I guess it’s because I have two siblings myself, and that’s the kind of family I’ve always wanted. But after the experience I’ve had with this first one, with my precious Screaming Leta, I’m not so sure I’m the type of person who could handle three kids. And that has been hard to accept. I see other mothers who have that many kids, and deep inside I am envious of them simply for the fact that they seem to be handling it even if they think they aren’t handling it at all.

I am frequently asked if Jon and I plan to have any more kids, and the answer to that is long and winding:

I finally feel like I have a handle on the responsibilities of this family, like I know what I’m doing, like the role of Mother makes sense. Finally my instincts have kicked in at the right frequency, and I don’t go around all day thinking what is this creature that runs through my house and why won’t it stop making that noise?

Only recently have I started to have that baby itch again, have I wanted to put the shiny, bald heads of infants in my mouth. I think that’s a good sign because it means I’ve been able to forget a little bit of the sting of those first six months and am now at a point where I would even consider going through it again. I’m the one at the neighborhood party grabbing the babies off their mothers’ laps because the urge to bite their nubbly ears is too overwhelming. Wanting to eat babies is a good indication that I have healed.

But the decision to have another baby is so complicated. What if when we try it doesn’t work? What if when we try I end up like my sister, pregnant with twins? Can we afford to have another child? Because now our insurance is such that we have to cover the cost of the delivery. Is our house big enough? How will I continue working and supporting my family if anything goes wrong?

Add to that my history of postpartum depression and the fact that I am now more likely to to experience it again because I did the first time around. Am I ready for that? Is Jon? Should I even risk putting him or Leta though that again? Should I risk destroying the peaceful home that I’ve spent the last two years building?

I don’t know.

336 Comments
  • Kelly

    2006/05/18 at 7:09 pm

    Although I only know you from the past couple of years, reading your website. I have to say you are an EXCELLENT mother and Jon is an EXCELLENT father. You both make BEAUTIFUL babies. Learn from the past don’t let it haunt you. You have done far more good than bad. Leta needs a playmate 🙂

  • dre

    2006/05/18 at 6:58 pm

    It is such a tough thing to ponder… I am 31, and my husband and I have had the topic of having a child on the table for two years now. We thought we were ready, started trying – and nothing happened. Never in my life did I think it would be so hard to accomplish the very thing I’ve tried to prevent since I was 15! Now I’m wondering how agressively to pursue fertility, or if I would ever regret never having a child. I feel like I am at a crossroads, and I don’t like it. I’ve never come to a place in my life where I’ve felt like I had to make such a grand decision, one in which there is no turning back. It can be quite overwhelming!

    Due to my own lack of the “answer”, I don’t really have any words of wisdom for you. What helps me is to talk to my friends, family and most of all my husband. You and Jon seem to communicate very well, and that is something special and precious. So long as you’re both able to share your feelings with one another, it seems to make everything a-ok.

    Thank you so much for sharing your feelings with us, and in doing so, showing your vulnerabilites and your humanity. You are courageous and oh so appreciated, girl!!

  • Amy

    2006/05/18 at 6:50 pm

    Have no fear, the answers to all your questions are here:

    1. There’s always adoption.
    2. Give one to your sister.
    3. Nobody. Has ever. Been able. To afford. Another. Child.
    4. It’s a house. If the old woman with too many children lived in a SHOE, surely you can fit two kids in a HOUSE.
    5. If things go “wrong” you deal with them then. It’s a waste trying to avoid the future because of problems that haven’t happened.
    6-10. You just said your medication was working, right?

    In addition to all that, you’re practically guaranteed a smooth time around the next time. Don’t you know that the second pregnancy/baby is always the opposite of the first?

    Besides, the internet wants you to have another kid so we can read about it. WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY??? Don’t you know you’re supposed to have kids because other people want you to???

    Sheesh 😉

  • the kim half of glamorouse

    2006/05/18 at 6:50 pm

    Man, I feel like swill all the way back here at commen eleventy-hundred-million, but am compelled to write just the same as the depression/procreation debate is a well worn track in this house.
    Mild depression after #1, with some seriously stupid behaviours to boot.
    Severely profoundly bad depression after #2, the first of two extended rounds on Luvox. (He came along because we were spontaneous, I was forgetful and the morning after pill didn’t work – as we decided with #1’s special needs we wanted to wait a little while longer and see how he developed before having another one.)
    Surprise! #3 came as my Luvox dose was down to 50mgs every second day and I was tracking really well so hadn’t got the script refilled. Two courses of antibiotics on the mini-pill=#3.

    On Wednesday this week, my shrink put me back on Luvox. #3 was 7 months today. Dr J was all – “you got through an entire pregnancy and 7 months into the post natal phase in good mental health. Recognise that for what it is, particularly in light of your history and what you have going on in your life.”

    I was amazed I didn’t get PND straight after he was born.

    When I went all boohoo why me, why now, when I’ve been tracking so well etc etc blah blah blah – his reply was on the mark: because depression is a dark insideous disease.

    I am bummed, but I know these meds make me a much nicer person – to myself as well as the world around me.

    Here’s the jib – whether I’d had one, three or five kids, the risk of me suffering another depression was a case of when not if. I can now see episodes way back when I was in primary school. It is just part of my luggage I guess.

    And my three precious little men, and my delicious hulking mass of a husband mean I’ll pop friggin’ white pills the rest of my life if need be.

    You guys do what is in your hearts. You will get through it.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    2006/05/18 at 6:40 pm

    I’m glad I’m past the age where people look at me like “Well? When can we expect pouchlings from you, bitch?”

    Then again, I have what I assume to be a working uterus, and girlfriend who frequently gets baby fever. If she comes home one day with a bottle of tequila, a turkey baster, and a jar whose milky contents she mysteriously refuses to explain, I think I may be in trouble.

    Seriously, though – if you are content with your family unit the way it is now, it’s perfectly acceptable to have no more of your own and just be a baby grabber at parties and family gatherings. The questions in your mind are valid and important issues to consider.

  • Bess

    2006/05/18 at 6:37 pm

    It’s always a gamble, isn’t it? My nephew Spud was a howling grumpmonster from day one (and has matured into an intelligent, sensitive, and very active little boy), while his little sister Beanie is pretty much all smiles and sweetness and, for a 9-month-old, amazingly capable of keeping herself entertained. And one of my aunts had really terrible anxiety attacks while she was pregnant with her first child, to the extent that she wasn’t sure she could face being pregnant again even though they wanted more children; then when she did get pregnant again, she didn’t have nearly the same trouble, nor did she with her third child. It could have gone either way, but it went the good way.

    The past year or so, I’ve had a lot of changes going on in my life and in my family, and it’s had me thinking about how we make the decisions that shape our lives. And one of the things that it comes down to is just choosing to live in the direction that you want your life to go, with love and toward rightness. So you might choose to expand your family and have another child, knowing that things might get rocky but that you have to take that chance because that’s what’s right for you. Or you might choose to keep your family as it is and build on the love and the strength that you have there, knowing that you might think now and again about how another child might have changed things, because that’s what’s right for you.

    Best wishes, however you choose. And no matter how many kids you have, babies will always be good for nibbling.

  • Donny

    2006/05/18 at 6:18 pm

    Amen, Ali. Kinda what I said in comment #260.

  • Anu

    2006/05/18 at 6:33 pm

    I am the youngest of three girls. My oldest sister is eight years older than me while my second sis is only 2 years older. Growing up, me and my second sis were very close and we both looked up to our older sister. Today we are all very close to each other inspite of the age differences and distances between us. So I guess in some sense the age gap didn’t matter in the end. I say don’t feel pressured by the age gap between kids. Listen to your heart and got for it if and only when you feel its time.

  • jlf

    2006/05/18 at 6:17 pm

    Heather B.,
    I do not understand why people think they should VOTE on whether you and your husband choose to have another child…seems presumptious to me.
    I appreciate that you share your experiences in a manner wihich is so accessible (your writing style).
    Best wishes, thanks for the blog.
    jlf
    ps- keep on keepin on…

  • Ali

    2006/05/18 at 6:14 pm

    I’m a little peeved at some of the replies saying “Yes, have another child you’re not certain you want, so Leta has a sibling! Siblings are natural friends and will always be there for each other.” Okay, so they don’t say quite that, but still. That’s part of the reason my parents had my younger brother–they wanted me to have a friend when they’re gone. A built in friend for life. Well, it doesn’t always work that way. We don’t get along, and we are certainly not friends.

    If you decide you want another child, wonderful. I think you’re great parents, and Leta seems like an incredible kid. But don’t try to justify it as “doing it for Leta” so she’ll “always have a friend,” because speaking from experience that does not always work the way one might hope.

  • jody2ms

    2006/05/18 at 5:54 pm

    The first one is always very hard. The self doubt, the limited knowledge, feeling overwhelmed.

    The second one is easier, from a “oh, this is a baby” standpoint. You know, you have been there done that. It is difficult dealing with the issues of baby #1 and how he/she deals with baby #2 but it all works out.

    Our third had clubfoot, and…well, you just deal with it. You love them with a such intensity that the clubfoot, or whatever problem, is not a problem at all. And you would go to hell and back for the child, so you do. The love, it overcomes it all.

    With our 4th, we embraced the concept of chaos, and learned to love happy hour. ;*)

    One thing……when I see my kids huddled together sleeping at night with each other, I know that giving them a sibling was a good choice for us….no matter how hard it all is, the love is overflowing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

    My husband had a stroke 3 weeks ago, and I have worried myself sick over how I would raise 4 kids on my own, if it came to that. My husband said, “the bottom line is, it would all work out. It would be hard, but somehow we would manage. No sense in worrying over something that hasn’t happened”.

    You will know when the time is right if you decide to have another. I have read your posts about your daughter, and it is obvious that the instinctual love is there. Don’t ever doubt yourself in that area.

    Can’t wait to see what you decide!

  • Melessa

    2006/05/18 at 5:57 pm

    And here I thought you were just into the idea of being “too cool” to have more than one kid. (A friend of my oldest DD is a proud only child and her mom likes to make me feel like white trash for having four.) I kind of stumbled into four kids because apparently I suck at predicting my own ovulation. I always wanted a big family, but after the second one arrived, I thought we might be ‘good.’ Nevertheless, two more arrived. I suffered massive and debilitating PPD with the first and third, mildly with the fourth, and not at all with the second (Also my only son-I wonder if there’s a connection?). While I love all four of my kids, I think we may have done better with fewer kids. My youngest is two, and only now do I truly feel I’m coping with being so greatly outnumbered. You mentioned that you are just now feeling in touch with your instincts. I think if you trust them, they will let you know what’s right for you and your family. Also, now that you, your Dr., and your family know you could suffer from PPD; they can be more proactive about it should you choose to have another child. They definitely were in my case.

  • swtkaroline

    2006/05/18 at 5:26 pm

    My best friend hit the mark, I think:

    “One is an accessory, two is a lifestyle change….”

    I was an only child and I managed to survive into adulthood with half a brain and a fairly decent disposition.

    Then again, every time I start to think “We should have stopped at one puppy”, I stop and watch them conniving to steal my underwear or fighting over (and subsequently shredding) the favoured sleep pillow, and I think….”Aw, isn’t that precious? We *really* should have stopped at one puppy…”

  • Ellen

    2006/05/18 at 5:52 pm

    My exact quandary. I so miss taking care of a baby. And I can see the look of longing in my husband’s face when he sees a newborn. Just a week ago, we saw twins being brought out of the hospital nursery, and they were soooo cute and pink.

    Sure it was hell for the first few weeks, which seemed neverending, but when things stabilized, it was fun (though not all the time), especially now that she’s in full conversation mode already.

    My daughter will be turning 3 this August, and she’s so into babies. She even made a promise that she’s gonna be the one to mix the formula and clean the poo…and I’m almost believing that she’s gonna do all the things she promised just to have a baby brother or sister. Money-wise, well, my husband and I always say that God will provide…much belt-tightening might be involved, many Moccafrapps might be forgone, but it seems all worth it.

  • Donny

    2006/05/18 at 5:42 pm

    PS: my repeated use of the word “it” at the end of my last comment was not in reference to Leta. I’d never call a child “it”.

    Wanted to clear that up just in case someone misread my comment.

  • Donny

    2006/05/18 at 5:39 pm

    I hope you don’t feel like you have to have another kid because that’s what everyone else expects and because others have multiple children. Having just one is okay too. You’ll always have a desire to experience a baby again… no matter how many you’ve had. You’ll also always have a desire for a new puppy if you spend too much time around puppies. That doesn’t mean Chuck needs a sibling.

    One really is okay. And don’t listen to that “only child” garbage people preach either. To each his own. If one is good for you, accept that. Be happy with it. Celebrate it.

  • keagansmom

    2006/05/18 at 5:20 pm

    I wish I had better advice for you. The only thing I can tell you is that I waited 5 years after my daughter was born before I had my son, and while I would NEVER EVER give him up there are alot of times that I feel like kicking myself in the crotch for having him. Two is really really really really hard, and sometimes the meds just don’t cut it. I used to be totally anal and OCD and have had to learn to let quite a few things go to shit. I’ve had a very difficult time trying to make it all work, and sometimes I just feel frazzled and stressed. I too have a wonderful husband, we both have full-time jobs, and sometimes it just seems like I took on waaaaayyy too much. My daughter will be 6 in a month, and her brother 1 in two months, and she is such a huge help that I am glad I waited. My son had some health problems at birth (he now has a g-tube) which resulted in a NICU stay of 48 FUCKING HELLACIOUS days, during which I considered suicide. I had serious PPD with my daughter, and the NICU just exacerbated a preexisting condition. I guess what I am trying to say is that you will never know what is right and when it’s right. You kind of just close your eyes and leap. Good luck and please, whatever you decide, please please keep writing!!! Love ya!

  • Laura S

    2006/05/18 at 5:20 pm

    All I can add to these comments is that the love you have for your family comes through in every post you write. It’s a deep love, Heather, and I have no doubt your family will always be a strong one, whether you have one child or two or three. Leta and Chuck are so incredible, that’s because they’ve had great parents every step of the way.

    Financially, the costs never really go away. If I had known how much it would cost to raise my two girls, I might not have done it, because i’m overly practical where money is concerned.
    But there has never been a day when I regretted it. Ever.
    Best of luck to you and Jon, whatever you decide. 🙂

  • Angela

    2006/05/18 at 5:19 pm

    I had a simular experience with my first son. It was bad and when we got pregnant with our second I couldn’t help but be, well, freaked the fuck out. What if it was bad again? How would I deal with a new baby and a toddler? I cried, I screamed. But once the baby was there it was like I had worked it all out of my system. I never cried or was sad or angry. It was bliss. It is what being a mom to a new baby is “supposed to feel like”. I am glad we did it so I have both things to look back on. I know everyone says it, but once you have them you can’t imagine your world without them…however many there may be.

  • >^..^<

    2006/05/18 at 5:16 pm

    My husband and I decided to only have 1 child and it’s been fantastic in every way, except one. No matter how many playdates & neighborhood kiddie get-togethers we have, my kid still thinks he’s a mini adult. He doesn’t have the patience to play well with other kids because he is use to adult interaction the majority of the time. This is really a problem at school. There are 35 other kids in the classroom, and my son thinks he should receive all of the attention! Believe me, we’ve tried everything (except having another kid!).

    There are many pluses to just having one kid though. The best plus is the FINANCIAL one! Only one college tuition for this family 🙂

    You will make the right decision for your situation, Heather.

    Love your blog 🙂

  • monkey

    2006/05/18 at 5:07 pm

    Not only did I decide I wasn’t going to have any more kids when my oldest was 3, but I threw out all the baby stuff- old crib, old carseat, clothes. And then when he was about 5, I thought “Hmmm…maybe when I finish school in 2 years.” And then (oops, I might add) I was pregnant with #2 just a mere few months after that thought. It was like being a new parent all over again cause I wasn’t mentally ready for it. Yes, it’s tough, and I feel unraveled a lot…but it is definitely worth it. In some ways, it is easier since the first kid is kinda like the test run…lol You can fine tune with each new kid!

  • toddlermama

    2006/05/18 at 5:01 pm

    I’m nervous about commenting on this one in some ways for fear that someone will recognize me and judge me for what I have to say… but I’ve been reading your blog for about a year know, and if anyone knows what it’s liked to be judged, it’s you, and somehow that makes me comfortable enough to open up. (Did that make sense?)

    Anyway, we made the decision to go ahead with family expansion, and we now have two children, a daughter who’s 5 1/2 and a son who’s 15 months (so about 4 1/2 years apart). I love both of my kids, God do I, and I wouldn’t trade either for the world. But every single day, I miss my life with just one child. My first was not necessarily easy, but manageable. My second gives High Maintenance a new meaning. If he’s not scaring us medically (falling off the growth chart, breathing difficulties), he’s freaking us out by head butting everything in site or eating Polly Pockets (if you don’t know what they are, be ever so glad!). Thank God, he’s developing normally or ahead of schedule with regard to motor skills, speech, etc. — but he’s so very, very challenging that my husband often suggests that I see a doctor to get a “mommy’s little helper” because he can’t see how I can get through a day without it. I probably have some mild depression and anxiety, and it only seems to be getting worse the bigger he gets. At some point we’ll turn the corner, I hope, but we’re so far from there. I worked full time and went to graduate school full time with my daughter; with my son, I’m now a SAHM who can’t pee without him being on my lap, probably nursing all the while.

    I could go on and on, but, after sharing a glimpse into my life, I will say that the thing that makes having a second the most worthwhile is bearing witness to the bond forming between my two kids. In my darkest moments, when I’m daydreaming of buying a one-way ticket to Timbuktu, my daughter will giggle, then my son will giggle, and they’ll look at each other with the same eyes — co-conspirators in filling my life with so much agita yet so much love my heart could burst. Those moments come regularly enough to keep me sane and glad that we added one more. Most of the time.

  • firestarter

    2006/05/18 at 4:59 pm

    FWIW, your post reads to me like it was written by someone who is ready for another child. But I could be biased because I share many of your concerns (depression, finances, managing responsibilities) and I’m ready to have a second one anyway. I feel like there is never a GOOD time and if we don’t have a second one, we will always regret it. My daughter is 19 months, and although she’s a lot of work, she’s starting to become a person who is lots of fun. I definitely need another one. And I’m getting long in the tooth, so it’s now or never.

  • Margaret Kennedy

    2006/05/18 at 4:58 pm

    I’m still stuck on 5. FIVE. One more and you need two hands.

    I was raised a very happy only child. I loved not fighting over anything, always being the spoiled one, and generally getting what I wanted.

    What I’m trying to say is, that if you decide to have just your one? That’s okay too…

  • leaseuhd

    2006/05/18 at 4:56 pm

    my sister has three boys, 22 months, 4 years, 9 years, and sometimes when i see her with them i think she is ccccccccccccccrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaa
    aaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
    yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy – but then there’s a bright moment and i know she wouldn’t have done it any other way –

    me – no kids for me – what do i need any for with three nephews? 🙂

    as everyone else has said – it’s something you’ll know when you know it – sappy, but so true

  • Heidi Dillon

    2006/05/18 at 4:53 pm

    I think I can vaguely sympathize with how you feel. My (now) SIL just had a baby, and I just found out last week that my actual SIL is expecting in January. The peer pressure is incredible! And I don’t even have one yet!

    Anyway, I wish you the best in your decision. I’m sure that you will be just fine, no matter what you decide. You and Jon are wonderful parents. Seriously.

  • Tara Whitney

    2006/05/18 at 4:22 pm

    tough question-simple answer. it sounds so trite and so obvious. but you know when you are ready. when you know, you know.

    it just is.

  • Amy

    2006/05/18 at 4:39 pm

    Oh – you’ve heard from me before that I can’t wait for you to have more so you can see that it is easier with two in a lot of ways and that it is more fun and just feels so good. But, the thing is – look at how many people just love you and your family, Heather. There is so much love directed your way. That means a lot. So many people want happiness for you and your family that it will work out.

    Take note of that feeling that you finally have the hang of being a mother. Like any job, you learn how to do it well at your own pace and now that you know, the second, third and so on are a breeze. It’s really, really true. I’m rooting for you.

  • gorgeoux

    2006/05/18 at 4:05 pm

    Ask any mother of 1+ and they’ll tell you volumes of the manifold benefits of that +. Benefits that, with your nature and Jon’s, will also return to you both (and even Leta) manifold. Even financial issues will have a different light shed upon them, and I don’t think ‘negative’. Don’t trust me, ask your prolific sister. And embrace your God sent call 😉

  • Nicole

    2006/05/18 at 4:04 pm

    I know how you feel. I wanted desperately to have a second child and after an IUI I’m now nine weeks pregnant. And scared to death. I don’t know why I didn’t think of all this before, but I am so nervous about number two. My first was the easiest baby ever, but I was just diagnosed with major depression, and trying to deal with that along with the knowledge of all the extra responsibilities that come along with an infant and toddler together are making me have second thoughts…and it’s too late! My first took seven weeks to sleep through the night (I don’t know how you did it–you must be a saint) and they were the worst seven weeks of my life. Even now that he’s almost 19 months and talking and running around and generally fun, there are still days when I don’t want to get out of bed…and I feel guilty for being a horrible mother. And I wonder how much worse a second child will make me feel…

    But I keep trying to remind myself that those seven weeks were only seven weeks and eventually kids grow up and get older and are more fun…and that after my pregnancy I can find the right medication and hopefully won’t go through what I went through with my son…and I’m providing my son with a sibling, which is very important to me. And I’m trying to remember that this will be my last child, so I should just shut up and enjoy the damn pregnancy.

  • Ter

    2006/05/18 at 4:16 pm

    I can only offer my own experience in hopes of easing any concerns you might have.

    My first (a girl) was horrible. The whole experience — she cried continually, we knew nothing about babies, I had PPD (though, admittedly not as bad as your’s, then again this was 1987 so perhaps I didn’t even fully acknowledge what was going on because I didn’t quite know)– made me vow to never have another child. I couldn’t face the idea of dealing with another difficult baby. For 2 years I held this stance — it actually became a topic of major dissent between me & my husband because he definitely wasn’t ready to stop at one child.

    When the difficult child was almost 3, I started to feel like I might be emotionally ready to have another. I can’t explain what happened — she was still hard but I felt like she’d hit an age where coping with her & a baby would be possible. Heather, you have time & maybe you’ll have some sort of “revelation” like that as Leta gets older — that you’ll be ready to take on another. Or you may decide one is what you’re meant to have. Either way, I do believe you will know at the right time which way to go — whether it’s instinct or God telling you or whatever.

    I did go on to have 4 more — twin boys three & a half years after the difficult girl. And none of my other babies were as difficult as she was (and still can be) including the twins. For what it’s worth, I’ve heard that mothers who have difficult first babies rarely think the babies that came after were as hard as that first one.

    I wish you the best, how many children you decide to have is such a personal thing, I hope you don’t get too much grief from anyone on what you & Jon choose to do.

  • jodimichelle

    2006/05/18 at 3:55 pm

    This might be a left wing hunch – but you’re already pregnant aren’t you?

  • novelle

    2006/05/18 at 3:58 pm

    Never having had children myself, I could be talking out my ass, but have you considered that it might be easier the second time around?

    I can’t imagine the difficulties of raising a child (let alone the birthing process), but even my mother, who swore I was a devil baby, opted to have two.

    Also consider this: Do you want Leta to grow up knowing what it’s like to have (a) sibling(s)? Think of the relationship you have with your sister. Now imagine not having that in your life. Just a thought to complicate matters.

    Good luck with your decision. It seems like you’ll be comfortable with it either way.

    By the way: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for not using the word “preggo” or “preggers” anywhere in this post. That’s one of the reasons I love you a little. (In that strictly platonic web-based sort of way.)

  • marnie

    2006/05/18 at 4:00 pm

    Personally.. I think the world needs more members of the Blurbodoocery.

    WE DEMAND BABIES DAMMIT!!! Imagine the exciting posts if you had triplets or something… my mind is exploding just thinking about it.

    More babies please, that’s right, huh?

    …I asked nicely so please multiply…

  • Melanieflorida

    2006/05/18 at 3:55 pm

    Two children will have each other when you and Jon are gone. On the one hand it’s a morbid thought, but on the other, it’s a comforting practicality.

    But only you can decide that for sure. And in the meantime, when people come up and ask you things such as, “Are you going to have any more children?” I’ve found that a good reply is, “Why do you ask?”

    Take care and hugs to Leta.

  • Nat W.

    2006/05/18 at 3:50 pm

    Okay, after reading through the comments, I have some more thoughts.

    I have a half-brother, a half-sister, a full-blooded sister, a step-sister, three step-brothers, and an adopted sister. My half-brother is 10 years older than me, so we’re not close at all–I see him maybe twice a year. I haven’t seen my half-sister in about a year, and I’m fine with that (for lots of reasons that you probably really don’t care about). I’m not close to my step-sister, but we have a good relationship, and I can’t wait to be an aunt to the kid that she’s trying to have. I haven’t spoken to one of my step-brothers in over 5 years, while I want to kill the other two half of the time–you know, that love/hate thing… My adopted sister and I have an interesting relationship, to say the least. My full sister is about 3 years older than me, and she used to beat my ass just about every day. I remember telling her I hated her, but I also remember how she was my constant companion/playmate throughout my childhood. While I have all of those other siblings, she was the only one I grew up with throughout my entire childhood, and I can’t imagine life without her. We definitely had our rocky spots–and we still do–but I’m also going to be her maid of honor in October. I just think there’s something very special about having someone to grow up with. But you have siblings, so you know that.

    While I’m one of those people who can’t imagine having an only child–probably because I come from such a huge family–a lot of my friends are only children, and they’re all relatively normal, well-adjusted young adults.

    Only you and Jon know what’s right for ya’ll and ya’ll’s family. Good luck figuring out what that is.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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