An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Victory declared in Clog Wars

  • A friend of mine recently introduced me to your site and now I’m hooked. You write exactly how I wish I could. It’s great!

  • Maria

    You’re such nerds!… But the battle reports have been so entertaining, and the snapshot to link to the video is priceless. How could you resist?

  • LMAO! You guys are awesome!

    But I’m inclined to agree with some of the others here – you two have WAY too much time on your hands! Apparently Leta and Chuck aren’t cracking the whip enough!

  • Cadbury

    shouldn’t the headline at Dooce be:


    and Jon declaring victory?

  • KelliT61903

    I nearly peed myself. I wish I could convey to my husband the hilarity of Clog Wars.

  • vivaciousj

    I’m ready for the sequel. Y’all left us hanging!

    A fan,

  • Oh. My. God.

    I needed that, after a day of being pregnant and waiting on the most HORRIBLE people on earth.

    My first laugh of the day! Thank you. Thank you.

  • anneelizmary


  • I would TOTALLY love to be your neighbor. Not the taxidermist, but someone who would bring poptarts or Doritos anytime I saw an injured Armstrong falling onto the grass.

  • fernicus

    The Great Battle of Clog appears to have left Jon incapacitated. Quick woman – victory is at hand. Grab the clog and run as fast as you can in your fashionable shoes…………………

  • Omg. I may have peed myself.

  • glumica

    I think you guys are having fun, this is great entertainment, love reading this every day, etc… One thing that bothers me are people sucking up to you with their posts. Honestly, sometimes it’s like being in high school again and listening to people say ‘Oh teacher! The way you teach frog intestines is just precious!’. You know what I mean? Sort of strange coming from a whole bunch of grown ups, nerds or not.

  • GingerCostaRica

    you guys never had time to do stuff like this, before you know…when you had a ‘real’ job.

  • Bird Lover

    As I watched the video I shook my head in disbelief. Y’all are crazy. The “we need to drink together sometime” kind of crazy.

    Also, when I saw the image of Tim McGraw (on Blurb’s site) in Cornflower Blue clogs (!) I gasped at the offense. I had to look away for fear of the image searing my corneas.

  • I so hope you guys got those at payless. Because those ugly ass clogs do not deserve the full price they are asking for the real ones. I got some for the garden at payless, at like $10.

  • Yay! Bloody domestic clog battles are my favorite! I only wish you were posting all your vids on Youtube. I’m not sure why. Maybe cause I’m addicted to that site, and the that Chuck video just seems so lonely on there by itself.

  • Fantastic.

  • Aw, man! Well, I guess if the damn shoes were so important to him, he can have them.
    This was a riot! Thanks!

  • M

    VIVE Le CLOGS!!! right arm – Jon! Love the soundtrack too. One has to wonder tho….will there be a retaliationary move from the clogcamp?….If I were U missy…I would put those strappy pink things under lock and key! …….

  • The agony of the victory is worth the smell of defeat.

  • Yay! The Horrible Reign the Tyrant Clog is Over!

  • Oh, Heather. This does not bode well. What fashion atrocities will he attempt now that he has succeeded in liberating the clogs? White patent leather shoes? Floods? The possibilities are endless.

    Just make sure that there aren’t any Leta-size clogs in that house.

  • Awesome. I’m laughing my Birks off!

    Down with Crocs!

  • Radical Pie

    Who won? I think Jon is just spinning it his direction.

  • patchuga

    Vive le clog!

    My six year old son saw the clip and said, “That man sure loves his shoes, doesn’t he?” and walked away shaking his head.

    I wanted to say, “This, son, is what happens when you live with a shoe-fashion control freak. Remember this when choosing your wife. That could be YOU on the lawn, bloodied and battered, fighting for your right to clog!”

  • That is fabulous! Wars in the Armstrong camp are FUN!!!

    Great music with the video. I see a new doors opening up for the Armstrong Media :)!

  • ritsgirl

    Funny. When I saw Jon on the ground the first thing that came to mind was…Hurry! Get up! You know there are TARANTULAS crawling around.

  • TripTikGirl

    I love love LOVE it! 😀

  • Elle

    In response to Glumica and the sucking up they think posters do here – according to the definition of suck up is “One who patronizes a person in a sickenly manner, usually ostenting to “sum points” with that person or enhance their friendship easily.”
    Being a loyal fan and letting Heather know how much we dig her kid, dog, house, haircut, delicious cookie concoction making ability…the list is truly endless, isn’t sucking up. It’s letting her know that what she devotes a major part of her life to is resonating with people, that what she does is valued, enjoyed and respected. We love our Dooce and we want her to know it. There’s no patronizing going on here.

  • dinis

    Oh. My. God. That was hilarious.

    Even though he looks like a zombie on that still picture.

  • J_Bo

    Is that bbq sauce all over Jon’s shirt? I’m pretty much anti-croc, but they’re all the rage with the kids.

  • AWESOME!! although i feel a little bad for mr. armstrong… 🙂

  • oh, okay maybe not. looks like this was HIS victory…??? me’s confused..?

  • Hilarious! I guess there’s not much that can come between a man and his ugly shoes. (Spoken from experience as the girlfriend of a man who insists it’s okay to still wear his Air Jordans from high school.)

  • Hope there was a car driving by at that same moment. Does he only have the one clog?

  • Um, can I please have your job?

  • J_Bo above asked if that was bbq sauce on his shirt.

    I read that it said “Blog Sauce”.

  • saywha?

    You two are retards. I mean that in the nicest way, I swear. So where is the other croc? I say, rock on with your croc on Jon.

  • I was hoping towards the end of the video Jon was going to pass the clogs off to Leta and with his dying breath tell her to keep them safe. Or maybe have Chuck gnawing on them like a pig ear.

    Ok, ok… Spielberg I’m not.

    Great video!


  • Ryan

    I wonder what the neighbors thought…

  • Stephanie B

    Noooo! Damn, I HATE those things.

  • Talon


    Sorry Heather…*grins* YAY CLOGS!!!

    The worms clog in, the worms clog out…they steal your clogs and wear them out…on the town…and…stuff…things…snails…

    I think I’ve had enough of both elipises and starbucks today…

  • wow… you guys were drama geeks in high school, right? =)

  • Oh. my. god. You did not just use the music from Puppet Rapist!

  • Dude…..

    You are too damn funny!

  • Oh, dear God, I think you made me pee my pants! The way he raises his head and takes one last, loving look at his clog!

    One day, I hope Leta fully appreciates how totally cool her parents are.

  • Are those melted crah-ons on his shirt? I mean crowns?

  • Sandy

    love it!!!!

  • Heather, all you have to do is leave the crocs in the car on a hot, sunny day. They shrink! They are so popular in Los Angeles right now, even the hookers on Hollywood Blvd. are wearing them. I wrote about them on my blog,

    Loved the clip. Love your sense of humor.

  • Ummm, I don’t wish to create any question of your and Jon’s relationship, or to create gender stereotypes, etc. But does he not realize that those plastic, pretty clogs are….um….for females. Really, the ones with the holes and the strap. Ya, for girls, for sure. Sorry Jon. Go buy some birkenstocks. A little more masculine.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more