Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Media blitz

This week was swallowed up in a chaotic frenzy that started Monday morning when a photographer for a local Mormon-owned newspaper showed up to take a picture of me and the dogs to run with a story from the Wall Street Journal that they would be re-printing. The photo that they chose shows that all the work we’ve been doing with Coco is starting to pay off, and you can’t look at her regal profile and not be totally confused about how something so dashing would be so willing to guzzle its own feces.

Also featured in the photograph: all the prints that are hanging in the wrong direction on my living room wall, and so I think this means I have to leave them this way. Not that I ever had any intention of correcting this wrong, but now there is this Official Picture of Heather B. Armstrong, Her Two Champion Canines, and Hard Physical Evidence that Prozac Changes Lives. If I moved the prints around now I’d be denying my true self, would be saying that I couldn’t look at that wall one more second when in fact I could look at that wall all day long and not once have the urge to reach out and flip around a frame. This is why they need to change the literature on the side of certain anti-depressants to read: side effects may include finding yourself reacting to certain situations LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.

Wednesday I was in an all-day meeting with two lovely people from a management agency in Hollywood, and the only detail I can really reveal about all that mess is that if we ever have to hold a casting for someone to play Jon, I’m totally gunning for John Larroquette.

Wednesday evening Jon and I participated in a round table discussion about blogging with a local ABC news journalist named Chris Vanocur. The program airs locally on Sunday morning at 10 AM on channel 30, but you can see it online now at the ABC 4 website. I’m also going to embed it here because the ad server on the ABC website keeps refreshing and restarting the video and HEY, ABC 4, CUT IT OUT.

(video removed because of a very annoying auto-start feature that was giving me and many others a migraine, sorry about that)

Just want to point out that I think Chris Vanocur has the hots for the other blogger on the show, Sarah Nielson, and at various points in the video you can see that his passionate crush is making him flustered. You’ll see them exchanging loaded glances at each other, and there is this specific moment where he can’t remember that the word he wants to use is “complimentary” because he’s so focused on the alluring curve of Sarah’s hair as it cascades down her bosom that both Jon and I suddenly felt like a third and fourth wheel.

(Also: how hot is my husband in that video? SIZZLING.)

Thursday a reporter for the local CBS affiliate visited the house and spent several hours interviewing me and Jon about what it’s like to run this website. He and his camera crew startled Coco when they rang the doorbell, and she greeted them with enraged, raucous barking and by running head-first into the glass door. The reporter was concerned that Coco might have hurt herself and wondered if she temporarily blacked out, but I assured him that Coco had weathered far worse circumstances, like that one time she wouldn’t stop barking at the garbage can so we threw her inside it and then tied it shut with a bungee cord. I think he took me seriously so I assured him that we only left her in there for three days.

The interview lasted all morning, and then they returned in the afternoon so that they could get footage of us hanging out with Leta. When we picked her up from school we told her that a photographer was coming over to take pictures and then spent the next hour saying, no, Leta, you cannot take off your pants. But she wanted to take off her pants, she always got to take her pants off after school, and I was all, I know, I hate wearing pants, too, but she was going to have to find the strength somewhere inside her to remain clothed for at least the next half hour. So she said, “If I leave my pants on can I have four treats?” And I was all, of course! I don’t see anything wrong with rewarding such hard work.

We’re not sure when that segment is airing, I’ll certainly keep you posted, and I’m wondering if they’re going to be able to use any of the footage they got of Leta because suddenly her vocabulary shrunk to three words: pee-pee, poo-poo, and POOOOOOOP. Because she wanted to stand out from all the other four-year-olds on earth.

  • I’m totally okay with your stardom as long as you promise never to wear red-framed RayBans.

  • Seren

    Thanks for streaming that programme. Heh, I bet that chap never thought he’d be watching in the UK. (And whie I think, could you please give Jon a kick and remind him that there is more than one country in the UK? Hmmm?!)

    It’s funny, but I just realised that blogging had been around for a long time, before the net. Back then, it was called apa-hacking; amateur press association writing. We’d make little magazines of whatever we wanted and would often write about our lives, with comments on other’s pieces. It really was the same thing, but on paper and photocopied. So I guess it’s true, there is nothing new under the sun. Anyway, I enjoyed that and it was nice to hear your voices. What cute accents!

  • Jessica

    Thank you for sharing the Wall Street Journal article. I know it must be a challenge, but I’m very glad you have kept the blog going. I can relate so well to your experiences with Leta. In the middle of one of our daughter’s tantrums, my husband and I actually quoted something you said to each other! And, there are times that your blog is the only thing that actually gets me through the work day. Thank you for saying what we’re all thinking. 🙂

  • Kristy

    Goodness, Heather, he sounded so awkward. That would have been a terrible interview for me to get through.

    You and John looked wonderful, by the way.

    Just as a side note, I adore your site and have been reading it for more than six years — since my freshman year of highschool (gosh I sound so young). Maybe I’ll be so lucky as to make your acquaintance in the future — if you’re ever in South Carolina, or Connecticut, well that would just be fabulous! — but in the mean time, I’ll keep reading.

    Which reminds me, where’s the monthly newsletter? 🙂

  • OMG John is SUPER HOT! I totally never noticed HOW SIZZLIN’ he was!

    RRRRROOOOOOOWWW!! (Picture me doing that cat-claw thing while saying it…)

  • At least Leta doesn’t use the f-word – repeatedly – in front of guests. I might have a three year old who likes to drop the f-bomb when my mormon grandmother comes to visit. And no, I can’t possibly punish him when he’s uses it in perfect context.

    Kids, they know good timing.

  • Ack! Please tell me that there is going to be a Heather and Jon reality show! PUHLEAZE!

  • Meg

    How did Chris get his job? He’s TERRIBLE! Did he even pass Intro. to Broadcasting 101? That poor, poor man.

    Neat to see you live!

  • Bethany

    I TOTALLY agree with some other posters… PLEASE do a reality TV show! I would TiVo that shit and never leave my couch! 🙂

  • I totally know how Leta feels. Recently my husband and I spend three glorious day drinking … er, I mean visiting San Antonio and after every 30 oz. Hornitos margarita I had to go back to the hotel room and take off my pants.

    The theme for that trip was, “Robin, put on your pants!” Oh sexy.

  • jon is so hawt i can hardly keep my pants on.

    aside: reCAPTCHA has me entering “verman KEBABS” to verify i am a human visitor. de-lish-us!

  • Djuna

    Thanks for posting the video. Nice to see you live. Jon is indeed hot!

    How on earth did Chris Vanocur get that job? He is one of the worst interviewers I have ever seen….crush or not.

  • HA! HA! Everything about that intro with Chris is so funny! So funny! It reminds me of The Colbert Report, except of course that the Colbert Report is SATIRE. But no no, it appears that Chris is VERY, VERY SERIOUS. The music! The intonation! “*I’m* Chris Vanocur, and this is ON THE RECORD.” Yes. Yes, you are Chris. We GET IT.

    It’s like Evan Baxter in Bruce Almighty! HA!

    Oh my hell, it’s hilarious. Seeing you is always a pleasure, but I have to tell you, watching Chris take himself that seriously is one of the best things I’ve seen in a long time.

  • You guys did so great! and yes, Jon is H-O-T! You lucky girl you!

    but seriously, are there really people who don’t know what a BLOG is? Is this 1994 or 2008? Ah, wait you are in Utah. Nevermind. 😉

  • Laura

    O.k. delurking for the first time because I have got to say Wow, you guys did great. You are both very good communicators and very well versed. I really enjoyed watching the two of you. And yes; Sarah, was definitely flirting with him; kinda creepy actually.

  • A, cute doggies, B, I’ve been watching Night Court reruns on TV land in the mornings the past few days (classes have been making wake me up at 6 in the morning, yuck), and all I can think of when I see John Larroquette right now is of him on that show.

    The whole point of that being that I like John Larroquette as an actor and giggled a lot when I saw that.

    Now I might go and fix my sleep deprivation issue before I have to correct any more typos, or start taking my sentences apart and making sure that they are grammatically correct.

  • Aime in Ohio

    That’s exactly how I imagined Jon in my fantasies….when I masterbate…OOps! Did that just slip out?????

    Heather you rock. How much bigger can this get!? WOW!

  • HA HAAAA! And you’re TOTALLY LAUGHING AT HIM. That’s EVEN BETTER.

  • Stacey

    Great interview. Chuck should’ve gotten some love on this show, though. And Jennifer (post #13), when a guy that hot is talking about ANYTHING and using his hands that much, you don’t overlook it, you stand very, very close!

  • Ryan

    Oooooh. I caught some Tennessee accent in that “You better not eat those Cheerios” command. As a Tennesseean, I know it when I hear it.

  • I very much enjoy how adorably flustered you and Jon both seemed. For famous people, you’re awfully normal.

    Also, how long did it take you to get Leta to restrict her vocabulary to those three words?

  • Talon

    Jon is HAWT!!!

    *fans self*

    And so is Sarah!!

    You are too my dear, but we already KNEW that!!

    And I heard that TWANG come out when you read your excerpt!!

    ANd I’m with Leta. Pants are for…um…other people.

  • Ash

    Love it!! While watching the interview, I could tell that Chris had a thing for Sarah. Poor girl. It just made him look stupid. Keep it up!

  • Sarah Clayton

    You are BOTH lovely to watch ..

    And you’re right Heather, Jon is HAWT 🙂 .. lucky girl!

    Kudo’s to both of you on your continued success!

    (oh … and Jon! We canadian folk read you too!! 🙂 )

  • Mary

    I’d say you are both quite sizzling.

  • Wendy

    SO…”a blogging superstar” and “FOUR million page views”…I certainly hope this does not mean that you will get too big for your britches to talk about poo and boob grabbing! Congrats on all the success….and I agree – the news guy totally had the hots for the other blogger.

  • Chu Wang

    Heather, seriously, did you not know you would be video taped? Could you not do your hair, or wear some decent clothes, or throw some “paint on the side of the ole barn”?! You look awful and every time the video stops you look like you are posessed… You should have asked this guy to do this interview in an Instant Message because you write better than you talk.

  • Kim

    I agree with the other commenters who mentioned a reality show for you guys. Maybe VH1 would be interested? Your mannerisms are very Cameron Diaz!

  • kellyrutledge is not that obsessed with dooce. and definitely not watching the whole 25 minute video of her appearance on a local (in slc) news show.

    kellyrutledge okay okay i’m totally single white female. so?

  • Loyal Reader

    As a loyal reader of several years, it makes me all misty-eyed to read about your success, your Bloggies, your rising fame. Congrats and keep up the good work. You brighten my day!

  • I was expecting to hear a southern accent but it only came out once. And Jon is way more nerdy then I had expected and I mean that as a compliment!

    Awesome job!

  • Renaat

    I totally get it now. Jon is awesome. And you’re not so bad yourself either. 🙂

  • Leslie

    He’s kind of a tool. Not your husband, the “old media” guy.

  • Rhonda

    I noticed the earrings! They do look great on you. I love your accent, your genuineness, and I thought you were much prettier than Sarah.

    Keep up the good work with DAILY STYLE. Ive gone to URBAN O and AVEDA to buy the products you’ve featured. Not sure how many are doing the same, but you could soon have OPRAH-influence and will be tapped and heavily paid for endorsements.

    Good job Heather, I am a new reader and I love the conversational tone of the blog.

  • That man is UNBELIEVABLY slow. Who let this guy on television?? I cannot believe you lasted the whole 25 minutes without pulling out your hair.
    “I’m the old …..(pause could not be longer)…media”
    Good Lord.

  • I’m so glad I discovered your blog after reading about it in the WSJ. It’s become part of my required daily reading.

  • Heather, you’re so incredible. I love your accent, I always forget about it when reading your site. You are THE superstar! (can’t wait for the book!)

  • Ashley S.

    Wow – Chu Wang (or should I say Chris Vanocur)! Pipe down up there! Go deal with your boner and shut up!

  • I missed Chuck. There should have been some Chuck.

  • Awesome interview. Very interesting to watch and, yes, Jon is hot.

  • Did anyone else find it odd that the interviewer kept defaulting back to Jon with most of the questions? I mean, I heart Jon just as much as the next avid reader of this web site, but his own blog is much less far-reaching and iconic than those of the interviewees up there without penises. Is is just because he was in the middle, or is it because he’s male, and in Utah you can’t acknowledge that a woman could be -gasp!- the main dish?

    Maybe I’m reading too far into it. I’m from New York, after all. But nobody puts Heather in the corner, goddammit!

  • Sizzling indeed.

    Jon = eye bacon.

  • Meg

    Please tell me they’re making a movie of your life! The important questions is who will play you?

  • Ashley S.

    Heather.. I discovered your blog a while back and I am absolutely, desperately, addicted..Every 10 minutes at work I’m popping in to read old posts and involuntarily laughing out loud. You’re too funny – and too real. You’re my long lost BFF soul sister!!!!! (just kidding – not really a stalker)

    I find myself ridiculously happy for you and your family and your success.. (the ridiculous part being that I don’t know you) But in some weird way – you’re living my dream life and I can’t hear enough about it. When I’m reading your day to day stuff it’s scarily relatable. Ya’ll are us, just without the boring jobs. So I guess by celebrating your success I’m really celebrating my own – or maybe the possibility of my own. Congratulations! And at least Leta didn’t moon them like another 4 yr old I know.. during the Lord’s Prayer..at a nursing home.. Don’t ask.

  • Who should we cast as Heather?

  • Cal

    You are truly inspirational, Heather. I only just learned about you during SXSW, but I’ve already come to respect you immensely and identify with quite a lot of what you have to say. And you’re funny as all hell, too.

  • Liked the article, loved your blog.
    Thanks for sharing your stories with us!

  • Stenar

    Heather, Chris Vanocur is an OUT homosexual. So, if he had the hots for anyone during that interview, it was Jon.

  • Joy

    Why didn’t I see it coming? They are so totally going to make a t.v. show out of your lives! I just pray that Leta doesn’t beome the MaryKate/Ashley of her generation and starts wearing velour cumberbunds around her head…

  • My favorite part is when Chris starts trying to change the subject after Jon mentions you having blogged about “the groping”, and then Jon just goes on to horrify Chris with the start of, “When a man and woman love each very much…”

    The video scared me at first though because it started streaming immediately and before I had scrolled down the page enough, I was thinking, “Where is that sound coming from?!”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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