Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

Media blitz

This week was swallowed up in a chaotic frenzy that started Monday morning when a photographer for a local Mormon-owned newspaper showed up to take a picture of me and the dogs to run with a story from the Wall Street Journal that they would be re-printing. The photo that they chose shows that all the work we’ve been doing with Coco is starting to pay off, and you can’t look at her regal profile and not be totally confused about how something so dashing would be so willing to guzzle its own feces.

Also featured in the photograph: all the prints that are hanging in the wrong direction on my living room wall, and so I think this means I have to leave them this way. Not that I ever had any intention of correcting this wrong, but now there is this Official Picture of Heather B. Armstrong, Her Two Champion Canines, and Hard Physical Evidence that Prozac Changes Lives. If I moved the prints around now I’d be denying my true self, would be saying that I couldn’t look at that wall one more second when in fact I could look at that wall all day long and not once have the urge to reach out and flip around a frame. This is why they need to change the literature on the side of certain anti-depressants to read: side effects may include finding yourself reacting to certain situations LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.

Wednesday I was in an all-day meeting with two lovely people from a management agency in Hollywood, and the only detail I can really reveal about all that mess is that if we ever have to hold a casting for someone to play Jon, I’m totally gunning for John Larroquette.

Wednesday evening Jon and I participated in a round table discussion about blogging with a local ABC news journalist named Chris Vanocur. The program airs locally on Sunday morning at 10 AM on channel 30, but you can see it online now at the ABC 4 website. I’m also going to embed it here because the ad server on the ABC website keeps refreshing and restarting the video and HEY, ABC 4, CUT IT OUT.

(video removed because of a very annoying auto-start feature that was giving me and many others a migraine, sorry about that)

Just want to point out that I think Chris Vanocur has the hots for the other blogger on the show, Sarah Nielson, and at various points in the video you can see that his passionate crush is making him flustered. You’ll see them exchanging loaded glances at each other, and there is this specific moment where he can’t remember that the word he wants to use is “complimentary” because he’s so focused on the alluring curve of Sarah’s hair as it cascades down her bosom that both Jon and I suddenly felt like a third and fourth wheel.

(Also: how hot is my husband in that video? SIZZLING.)

Thursday a reporter for the local CBS affiliate visited the house and spent several hours interviewing me and Jon about what it’s like to run this website. He and his camera crew startled Coco when they rang the doorbell, and she greeted them with enraged, raucous barking and by running head-first into the glass door. The reporter was concerned that Coco might have hurt herself and wondered if she temporarily blacked out, but I assured him that Coco had weathered far worse circumstances, like that one time she wouldn’t stop barking at the garbage can so we threw her inside it and then tied it shut with a bungee cord. I think he took me seriously so I assured him that we only left her in there for three days.

The interview lasted all morning, and then they returned in the afternoon so that they could get footage of us hanging out with Leta. When we picked her up from school we told her that a photographer was coming over to take pictures and then spent the next hour saying, no, Leta, you cannot take off your pants. But she wanted to take off her pants, she always got to take her pants off after school, and I was all, I know, I hate wearing pants, too, but she was going to have to find the strength somewhere inside her to remain clothed for at least the next half hour. So she said, “If I leave my pants on can I have four treats?” And I was all, of course! I don’t see anything wrong with rewarding such hard work.

We’re not sure when that segment is airing, I’ll certainly keep you posted, and I’m wondering if they’re going to be able to use any of the footage they got of Leta because suddenly her vocabulary shrunk to three words: pee-pee, poo-poo, and POOOOOOOP. Because she wanted to stand out from all the other four-year-olds on earth.

  • Bibi

    Wow!

    Despite the fact that you get 4 million hits on your blog, it remains incredibly personal and endearing to me – as if you were one of my good (but drunk and inappropriate) friends.

    Seeing that video segment was thrilling and I am SO PROUD! Congratulations – and yes, the sexual tension between Sarah and Chris is palpable, and more than a little awkward…

  • Stephanie

    The Wall Street Journal article was awesome. It almost made me teary-eyed.

    I love what you do and I check your website multiple times a day. And I think I’ve recommended your site to every single person I know. I’ve even gotten my 18 year old sister hooked!!

    Keep it up! 🙂

  • Kris

    Rhymes with moose!

    I definitely am going to give myself four treats for keeping my pants on ALL DAY. And by treats I mean beers.

  • …with special guest star: Jack Osbourne as GEORGE!

    (Only because Jorge Garcia’s tied up with his LOST commitment.)

  • Oh Heather, you make me laugh.

    The picture with you and your dogs is perfection!!! You look so pretty and the dogs are angelic!

    Congrats on all the good stuff coming your way….

    Who will play Heather???

  • Carolyn

    WOW! How awesome for you guys.

    Ya, what’s up with chu wang? His undies are all up in a twist.

    I love that you share your life with all us little people! 😉

  • i’m so jealous my eyeballs hurt!

    can i say jon is sexy, or does that make you want to jump in your car with your dogs and drive to cache valley and beat the shit out of me? dayam!

    and duuude…good for you. what an amazing time in your life.

  • I laughed so hard at that…I could have sworn I was watching a sketch on the Daily Show, or the Colbert Report. I think the fact that he was so SERIOUS, was absolutely the funniest part. (And, did they have to wipe the drool off his chin every time they cut to a close up of one of you?)
    Anyway, it was very heartening to hear that Chuck is not some kind of Stepford dog…good to hear that even such a fabulously trained dog will still go for the Cheerios when your back is turned.
    You guys are both incredibly talented…keep up the good work!

  • I love your accent. My boyfriend was all, “Did she just say ‘Chook?'” I was all, “She’s from Utah!”

  • I vote for Ed Burns to play John.

    What? Why are you making that face?

  • Right on, Leta! I hate keeping my pants on when I get home too.

  • Jon – Sizzling – Yes.
    You – Great Voice.
    Her – Funny post about “purse envy” (my words) on her site.

  • Erin

    Hubby is the best kind of nerd hot.

    You yourself are even hotter than I realized from pictures. You have to know you are the target of many a girl-crush.

  • I would tune in to watch it on Sunday but I’ll be busy keeping my wife away from church. Thanks for posting it so I could watch it at work instead.

  • he’s totally throwing google eyes.

  • Wow. I went to work, the grocery store and disputed the pre-existing condition also known as my boobs. I want your life.

  • Good job, you two! And I love the selection you read. It was cool to get to hear how it sounded in your head when you wrote it.

  • Heathyr

    You are so inspiring… and how hot both YOU and Jon were on TV. Jon is such a pinchable nerd, I love it.

    I have to wonder how many of us will hit Sarah Nielson’s website after you plugged it; so awesome that her entry today was dedicated to your Angela Adams purse. ha.

  • Forgot to say – LOVED the photo of you and the dogs…and yes, BOTH looked obedient and even regal!

  • Because those three words out of Leta could really give people the wrong idea about your Web site.

    I thought the WSJ story was very interesting, and I’ve been wondering what you thought of it, Heather. I’m sure it has inspired a lot of mockery along the lines of, “It must really be rough.” That certainly crossed my own jealous-blogger mind. But once I got over that I realized how very difficult it really must be, and the enormity of the social experiment you are living.

  • cb

    whoa, that’s coco? all of you look so . . . civilized. like, hello upper middle class white family.

    i mean this with love, of course.

  • Congratulations! You are an inspiration – thank you so much for your site!

  • Wendy

    Oh my god y’all…..Britney Spears should totally be Heather!!!

    I think this is the first time I have posted twice in the same comment thread….damn the thesis!!

  • Jennifer

    Actually, I’m sorta afraid to say it, but I think Chris Vanocur might have the hots for Jon. His gaze lingers just a bit too long. Of course, I have to agree that Jon is hot. You both sounded great!

  • That’s so cool that as a blogger I’m doing, as your husband calls it, a Captain’s Log. Beam me up, Dooce!

  • purpleME

    Holy shit JON IS SMOKIN!

  • SWSNBN

    I even clicked on the link and read the story. Not something I do for everyone! lol.
    I think you rock!

  • hee hee. you said management agency.

  • Congrats Heather! You did great!

  • I have to say my favorite part was when Jon said, playa as in “hate the playa not the game”. And yeah, the host totally had the hots for Sarah. He wants to enjoy some of those special heterosexual male feelings for her.

  • I’d never been to Sarah Nielsen’s blog before. I can say with utmost sincerity that I’ll never go back. I got through one-half of one post and couldn’t stand it anymore. Watching her on that video is also painful. Not only is she trying too hard in her writing, but she’s trying too hard with Vanocur.

    I love that you’re candid, open, honest, and unphased by things. Thank you for the breath of fresh air, and for writing about things that are actually interesting.

  • Just talked to Sarah on the phone and she said she’s gonna go out with Vanocur this weekend.

    Not really though… next weekend is when they’re going out.

  • Ann

    Loved every minute of it, but the sexual tension…made me pull back and recoil, actually. Oof-da. You’re hot, Jon is hot – you totally should’ve insisted on having Chuck and Coco on the panel.

  • another jon

    your jon is hot! you both are!

  • Anonymous

    Heather & Jon: I’m so happy to see how some good things have evolved for you over time. It’s been fun following you and your lives. Thanks for sharing.

  • Congrats!
    My kid comes home and disrobes too…so funny. He just turned 5. Most of the time he is in underwear and a t-shirt.

  • Fabulous picture. Chuck and Coco look so well behaved. Our dog runs from the camera as if it’s going to steal his soul.

    Terrific to have voices to go with faces. Congratulations on all your well deserved publicity.

  • what a great interview. i’m new to your blog (i can’t believe i’ve never run across it before)… but it was fun to “virutally” meet you thanks to the interview. i hardly ever watch clips like this, but you guys totally had me glued to the screen. i loved seeing your hubby on there two – you guys seem to really compliment each other. anyway, congratulations on all your success.

    & you are so right… i could totally see the sparks flying between those other two.

  • Meranath

    OMG DOOCE MOVIE!!!

    “Dooce – The Final Frontier”: Cpt. Jon Luke and Commander Heather search the galaxy for a food that their mysterious alien offspring will eat. During their journey, Commander Heather’s pointy elbows punch a hole into space/time, lauching them back into the early 21st century.

    “Dooce 2 – Future Wars”: A cyborg from the future travels back in time to stop Leta from starting a blog that becomes sentient and declares war on humanity.

    “Dooce 3 – First Blood”: Heather launches a rescue effort and allies herself with rebels to get their help in trying to rescue Jon from a Russian Colonel.

    That last one mighta been the plot to Rambo 3.

    <3 you guys.

  • Christy

    Good press. This is awesome. Way to go. I heart this place.

  • OMG – he’s totally into that other blogger! I’m embarrassed for him.

    Congrats on your blitz – all of your hard work is coming to fruition. I think it’s great!

  • If I keep my pants on, can I have Jon?

  • HeatherJ

    Jon makes me want to take off MY pants.

  • lindsay

    i seriously love you and jon.

    that was fantastic

  • Anonymous

    Hey, I’m not wearing pants now!!

    Seriously.

  • I totally felt the sexual tension as well. Creepy!

    Great show! Thanks for sharing as I read dooce, blurbomat, and Sarah’s blog! Yippee for bloggers!

  • Janice

    Nice work. Way to go.

  • Ashley S.

    My dorky-ass just now figured out how to watch the video..

    Good lord, who the hell pumped Chris full of extasy and pot before the interview?!? I kept thinking any minute he was gonna lunge at her and do his best to ravish her. He acted like that creepy dean of admissions on Orange County! Okay now I’m giggling thinking about Chris and the dean. I don’t know HOW ya’ll got through the interview without laughing. Bravo. John – you sounded so smart though! And Heather – what the heck!? A Southern Accent? I can’t believe it. How cool.

  • Heather/Jon,

    Please don’t take this the wrong way… Before this clip, I never really thought of Jon as “scrumptious bearded” Jon. I mean, he’s definitely above average looking, but “scrumptious” seems like a level (or many) above “above average.”

    Now, with the whole multi-angle motion thing, I SEE the scrumptious!! He reminds me of that guy in My Big Fat Greek Wedding (and I think he was in Sex and the City too, but I never watched that show). And let me tell you, I mean that as a COMPLIMENT.

    Anyway, fun to see you guys “in live action”! And I thought Jon made a really good point about blogs needing to have a “personal voice,” not just be random stuff people update every now and then. Good food for thought for the rest of us.

    And just because it seems weird to be complimenting Jon so heavily on Heather’s web site, let me assure you that my 2 friends that met you (Heather) thought you were unbelievably GORGEOUS.

    Done being awkward,
    Kristan

  • JMB

    Was he deliberately being naive or was he really that stupid and ignorant about blogging? There is nothing wrong with ignorance, but generally when you are doing a professional interview with someone, you should have a general idea of the topic, not just read questions off a notecard.

    Anyway, go you! More media attention=more signs of insane minds (!!!!), but hopefully also more fans. May every negative new reader come along with 19 people who love your work half as much as I do. 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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