An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

To replace the other song you had stuck in your head

Get ready for the most fantastic 35 seconds of your life:

I have watched this video over 40 times this morning, stopping each time to cherish the look on the guy’s face at about 24 seconds in. And it gets better every time.

This video is about so much more than a simple bidet, it’s a challenge. It’s asking you if your life is fulfilling. No really, is it? Because if you’re not making faces like these at least once a day YOU DON’T KNOW FULFILLING.

(thank you, Bucky)

  • AK

    Hey, I found your blog through Sarah Nielson – you’re hilarious.

    Having lived in Korea and Japan, I have to say one thing I miss is the bathroom technology. The toilets that automatically open when you walk into the room (and close when you leave); the heated seats; the bidets; the two flush volumes (small and big); the temperature controlled baths and digital shower temperature controls… One of the biggest surprises was a seat that when you sit down, it adds water to the bowl because it knows what’s coming….

    Great commercial!

  • I always feel like I can’t properly appreciate Japanese television without dropping some brown acid first.

  • Jen

    Don’t hate me but “Dooce for douche” just popped into my head like some bizarre campaign slogan!! LMAO!!

  • That almost makes me wish I’d kept the bidet when we renovated…

  • Okay, that was probably the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

  • Kris

    @ Stephanie: I love the 5 dollar foot long song! I don’t know why, but I do. I sing it on the way to work – it’s really sad. And porny.

    I also love Japan. Which is also kind of sad and porny.

    In other news, I ran into a dog yesterday named Dooce. Except it might have been Deuce. But he looked like Snuffalufagus – pretty awesome stuff.

  • Bibi

    You’d never see a commercial like that in the United States. I’m not sure if that is a good thing or not.

    Gotta love the soundrack!

  • The other song I had stuck in my head was Leta’s “Be A Friend.” I don’t know which I prefer, actually.

  • I should get one for my stepmother. She could use a little Loo Loo in her life.

  • That was……..so weird but absolutely hilarious. I loved it. I loved the commenter who found the Korean potty training video! That was even more funny!

  • Anonymous

    Last year, while visiting Times Sq. In NYC, there was a tent where they were demonstrating these toilets. They interviewed my husband for aisian tv. It really was a very interesting concept…first you poo, then press a button and your butt gets washed. Press another button and warm air dries off your butt. Go green up your ass…

  • I’ve watched this and plan to watch it until I break YouTube. I just love the clean splurts of water and the swing music – especially the pseudo-American grunty voice in the background. So appropriate.

  • Refreshing!

  • Personally I prefer the “Bumper Dumper”. No shit – look it up.

  • Hey AK (comment #107):

    Can’t help you on the potty technology, sorry – but as far as the digital shower temperature controls, we currently have that in our house (we’re in upstate New York). We installed an Endless Hot Water System, which is a hot water system that heats water on demand. So, instead of a big water tank that you have to keep warm for when you want hot water, you have a little box mounted on the wall that heats the water as you need it. It takes about the same amount of time for water to heat up as with the conventional system, and you save money by not having to keep a big 100 gallon (?) tank of water hot. Plus, you get a control panel that lets you set the temperature of the water digitally. It’s great – you just set the temp and turn the shower all the way to hot, and it’s the same temperature every time. Anyway, just thought you’d like to know!

  • I had the same look on my face when I had my IUI at the infertility doc 2 weeks ago.

    And for some reason, I don’t see a damn thing wrong with that.

  • Is that guy single?? Mommy likey…

  • Sorry – AK was comment #101. Can’t think straight after watching that video – all I can think of is how much I need that loo loo!

  • As I was watching that I wondered, “How does Dooce FIND this stuff?”

    My next thought was, “I don’t think I want to know.”
    .

  • jaclyn

    Heather, we returned from Tokyo last week and had the pleasure of experiencing these toilets. What a coincidence you have this link; my husband had just asked me to try to find this toilet in the US. Let me tell you something: I completely understand the expressions of rapture. These toilets are AWESOME!! It’s all about really warm water aimed at just the right spot, giving you freshness and um…a much brighter attitude….

  • Denise

    Here’s a link to the Washlet by Toto. Kinda funny commercial if you ask me…

    http://www.washlet.com/

  • This is exactly why I married a Korean.

  • Tiana Crystal

    This totally just made my day complete! I had the crappiest day… and then I logged on to Dooce and I saw this, and I burst out laughing! This is amazing!!
    I totally just used two exclamation points. I apologize.
    I want one of those bidets now. I want to make faces like that and bounce around like that! I want funky music to follow me around all the time just for the purpose of making me dance!
    Okay, I’ll stop now. We all want that.

  • Tricia

    Okay, so your butt has to actually come into contact with the toilet seat for that to cleanse you properly, right? That poses a problem for hoverers– as far as the public fun goes, anyway.

    Oh, and NoCal #80- YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE- probably a big dirty one in need of the Loo-loo. Go away.

  • Oh Lord. It’s like my daughter at the pool. They have these gurglers that spit water straight up. She always positions her 2 year old booty right over the stream and just hangs out and smiles.

    Wondering if you ever got some vintage button hair slides I sent to Leta. Lost amongst the big old piles of Dooce fan mail I’m thinking.

    But if you see your mailman wearing a bobby pin with an old realistic duck button on it – he’s totally skimming off the top of your mail.

  • There was a LooLoo in my bathroom at a hotel in Korea (and it IS a Korean commercial) and it scared the hell out of me! I did finally manage to turn on the “seat warmer” and I would own one just for that feature! No more cold toilet seats!

    Thanks for sharing!

  • Anonymous

    I just have to say about today’s Chuck photo: he looks like such a little deer–seriously, like a doe–all peaceful and serene. And then, if you look carefully, you can see Coco’s teeth baring down into his neck. Poor, poor Chuck.

  • Maybe someday, when my writing salary picks up a bit, I will be in a position to consider purchases like this one. I’m really not sure I’m a bidet kind of girl… but you you never know.

  • Steph

    Why does everyone immediately believe silly commercials featuring Asians to be Japanese? We have a similar product in Tokyo, but this is Korean.

  • Yeah, and THEY HAVE THEIR CLOTHES ON!

    Makes dry-humping look tame and boring.

    Now I’m wondering why none of the four toilets in our new house is a bidet. Must. Call. Contractor.

  • Dude, that entire video is beyond words. Also, I would be so much more willing to use public restrooms here in the states if they had heated seats.

  • ak

    @ astrogirl426 (comment #118/115) – thanks for the tip! That sounds like exactly what I had in Japan and Korea… would love to install that in my house here in the States…

    And again, Dooce, thanks for the craptastic video!

  • yeah so when i was living in korea the place i stayed in had one of these. and it was amazing. it even had heated seats. i was lucky enough to understand korean so i could use it without a problem but it was funny hearing my friends shrieks of surprise when they were in the loo. they do have pictures on them tho. so i always found it amusing that they couldnt figure it out.

    also yes all korean commericals are amazingly cheesy. as is most of their gameshow/talkshow programing. my favorite was the domino’s pizza extreme commercials (which are ancient now).

  • gotta love that ending… LOOLOO! it’s so orgasmic that even saying the word makes him faint

  • I totally needed a break and a pick-me-up (i just had to 🙂 from all this schoolwork. Thanks for the laugh!

  • Paula

    Our company actually has a couple of these (same type of product, different maker). If they weren’t $900+, I would have one on every toilet in my house! Everyone should know the glory of a heated toilet seat!

  • OMG, that is funny. It’s Korean, that much I can tell and the guy does make an incredibly funny face when he gets his bum bum washed clean!

  • Amy

    Best part of travelling to Europe and Sth America? The bidets. For all their lack of other toilet cleanliness (the loo paper goes where? In a BUCKET???) the bidet makes up for it.
    Dad used to tell us they were for cleaning your feet when you came in from the beach. Then he would snicker and watch us splashing away. Is that weird?

  • My dad told us the EXACT same thing! Hmmmmm, wonder if it was all part of an evil plan…

  • Jennifer Erdosy

    i so totally want one of these. someday when i save my sheckels – i’ll promise DH his big-screen TV if i can only have a heated toilet seat to wash my ass after i aggravate my hemis… after all, it’s his monster children that gave them to me!

  • Deborah

    This is what I want most of all.

  • Jan

    OH YEAH…gotta get me a Loo Loo.

  • Amazing. We may have been the first on the moon, but we completely missed out on the toilet revolution.

  • Yes. I love your damn blog.

  • I gotta get me one of those!

    But first I gotta get me some 30-foot-high ceilings, because I don’t want to break the light fittings with my head.

  • OMGs that is one of the funniest things I think I have seen in a long long time. I can’t wait to show hubby!

  • That is one freakin’ fancy toilet!

    I feel really bad about myself knowing that I never have and never will make a face like that….ever!

    WTG Heather. 🙁

    lol

  • LMAO! (And hopefully someday, Loo-Looing my ass off.)

  • Anonymous

    That video really grew on me! reminds me of my friend’s husband’s obsession with his bidet!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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