Heater, Mother of Lance

Lover, business partner, best friend

About a month or two ago I signed up for Facebook to reconnect with a group of friends I had in college at BYU and since then have noticed several memes making the rounds among my contacts. I’m not usually a fan of memes and couldn’t tell you exactly why, I think it goes back to being forced to participate in group activities when I was growing up in the Mormon Church and how the trauma of having to act like I was having a good time is such that when someone even mentions Pictionary my brain starts to liquify and drizzle out my nose. The quickest way to get me to sneak out of your party is to suggest we play charades, unless the rules are that you have to take a shot of tequila every time someone yells out, “SOUNDS LIKE?” Then I’ll be sleeping on your couch and stealing your Ibuprofen.

I recently saw one going around where you’re supposed to answer several trivial questions about your marriage, and I realized that as much as this website reveals about me, it says a lot less about the man who runs the business end of things. So I thought I’d bring this meme here to give you a peek at the person I spend my entire day with. Every day. All day every day. DAY IN AND DAY OUT. ECHO… ECHO… ECHO…

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Brooke. Jon’s middle name is Hepworth. Can you guess which one of us is a great-great-grandchild of polygamists?

How long have you been together?
We’ve been married six and a half years, together seven and a half.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I met him in June of 1997 at an outdoor music festival in Salt Lake City, but we didn’t start dating until June of 2001 in Los Angeles. So, four years.

Who asked whom out?
Hmmm… I guess that would have been me, except I didn’t ask him out, I asked him to move in with me. I do not like to dilly dally.

How old are each of you?
I’m 33, he’s OLD 43. This ten-year age difference is an endless source of amusement for me, and I like to remind him that when he was a senior in high school, I was in third grade learning long division.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Jon is the fifth of six kids, I’m the youngest of three. All but one of the siblings live in Utah, so we see both sets quite often.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I think the thing that causes the most stress in our lives, and consequently the most stress in our marriage, is the same as it is for a lot of couples: work. This job is the same as any other in that there are weeks, sometimes months when the toll of it far outweighs the joy of it, and dealing with that toll can upset the balance of the rest of our lives. I’m not as good a communicator as he is, and he’s probably had to spend way too much time than is fair trying to pull things out of me. I’m working on that. I’m always working on that.

Did you go to the same school?
We both graduated from BYU. He got a degree in Humanities in 1992, I got a degree in English in 1997.

Are you from the same home town?
No. Jon grew up in a small northern Utah town called Brigham City, whereas I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee. Sadly, our daughter just looks at me blankly when I talk about chicken wangs.

Who is smarter?
Jon is far smarter than I am and can retain information like a computer hard drive. He remembers everything he reads. I have to work a lot harder to process information, but I’m far more driven and persistent than he is. I have to work twice as hard to be half as quick.

Who is the most sensitive?
Ahem. Next question.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
There’s a great sushi restaurant in downtown Salt Lake City called Takashi run by a chef who is half-Japanese, half-Peruvian. Whenever we plan a date this place is always at the top of our list.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Amsterdam.

Who has the craziest exes?
I wouldn’t call my exes crazy as much as I would describe them as diverse. It’s just, there are so many of them. And I can’t really talk about Jon’s exes as some of them are probably reading this right now. I will say this: none of Jon’s exes ever asked him to stick a kitchen utensil up her butt. He wins.

Who has the worst temper?
Have I ever told you about the time we went as a family to Chipotle after swimming lessons? How Leta was holding her overtired shit together right up until she spilled her entire bowl of black beans down the front of her dress? And she was so inconsolable that we had to pack everything up immediately, and as I was shoving everything into a take-out bag she threw her body face-first on the floor in front of about thirty people. So Jon has to pick her body up off the floor, and she is screaming, SCRAAHEEEEMING, all the way to the car, the entire time we buckle her in, and ten minutes later when she FINALLY calms down, when the chaos has FINALLY silenced and we can all breathe again, Jon whips his head around from the front seat, looks her tear-stained face in the eyes and yells, “WE ARE NEVER GOING TO CHIPOTLE EVER AGAIN.”

BECAUSE SHE HAD NOT CRIED ENOUGH.

Who does the cooking?
Definitely Jon. I have four recipes that I can make, and I don’t ever vary from that menu. Jon loves trying new things and rarely ever goes wrong when introducing something new he found in a cookbook. However, I often have to remind him to add more salt.

Who is the neat-freak?
Let’s just put it this way: I am a much nicer person when he puts away his socks.

Who is more stubborn?
I am Southern stubborn, he is Mormon Pioneer stubborn. And together we gave birth to a monster.

Who hogs the bed?
Okay, fine. Me, but it’s not something I have any control over. My limbs take on a life of their own when I’m asleep, and at least once a night I will wake up to find him picking up my entire body and moving it back to my side of the bed.

Who wakes up earlier?
Jon. He’s always up at about 6 AM reading feeds on his iPhone, steeling himself for the list of demands Leta will rifle off when she darts out of her bedroom.

Where was your first date?
The LACMA on Wilshire Blvd. in Los Angeles.

Who is more jealous?
This information is protected by the therapist-client privilege.

How long did it take to get serious?
We were always serious. There was never a time in our romantic relationship when we did not think we would spend the rest of our lives together.

Who eats more?
Me, no question. I’m usually finishing off the meal on his plate. However, he is the type of person who will stop by the gas station after an hour-long workout to pick up a bag of cherry Twizzlers and a Snickers bar and will have finished both before pulling into the driveway.

Who does the laundry?
Someone cannot ever remember that he is not supposed to put my sports bras in the dryer, so someone is no longer allowed to do the laundry.

Who’s better with the computer?
You should see the veins in Jon’s head bulge against his skin when he looks over and sees that it’s been three months since I ran a software update.

Who drives when you are together?
Jon, but not because he’s a better driver. I lived in Los Angeles for over four years and did enough driving for a lifetime, so I’d be happy if I never had to drive again. However, he’s recently started to drive more slowly, a development we may have to work through in therapy. That session would go like this: I wouldn’t have to nag so much if he didn’t drive like such a dumbass.

Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there. Look how I answered all these questions about my husband without once mentioning his ex-wife!

316 Comments
  • Amanda

    2009/02/18 at 2:44 pm

    First, thank you for not doing the 25 things meme. *shudder*

    Second, I love the LACMA! What a great place for a first date 🙂 I lived right behind there when I lived in LA last spring and always wanted to skip work to walk around the museum instead.

  • Stephanie

    2009/02/18 at 2:47 pm

    I just noticed this meme recently, but I’ve much more of the 25 random things about me meme. Sometime you just don’t want to know.

    I had fun reading about you and Jon and laughed a lot. Thanks.

  • Cathryn

    2009/02/18 at 2:47 pm

    Should we all be scared of comment number #4 ???

  • Leesavee

    2009/02/18 at 2:48 pm

    What are your middle names? Mine is Diane. His is Richard.
    How long have you been together? working up to 7 years!
    How long did you know each other before you started dating? We never really dated. We just decided to be together forever.
    Who asked whom out? See above. It just happened.
    How old are each of you? We’re both 40, but I look 25 and he looks 50… 😛
    Whose siblings do you see the most? My brother and his sister both live in other areas of the country, so we see each about once a year. I, however, talk to my brother all the time.
    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? The nagging. About the housework. That he has to do. Because I hate it more than he does.
    Did you go to the same school? Nope!
    Are you from the same home town? Nope. I’m from Memphis, Tennessee. He’s from a small town in Maine.
    Who is smarter? I’m more book-smart. He’s got far more practical knowledge.
    Who is the most sensitive? Neither of us are all that sensitive.
    Where do you eat out most as a couple? A sushi place in Portland.
    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Thus far, to Memphis. But in a few months, we’re going to Ethiopia to adopt children.
    Who has the craziest exes? He totally wins that prize. I’d tell you stories that would curdle the milk in a momma’s bosom…but I am afraid she’d find out and come after me.
    Who has the worst temper? He does. I am as cool as a cucumber.
    Who does the cooking? I do most of it, though he is one heck of a griller!
    Who is the neat-freak? He is. I am a slob.
    Who is more stubborn? That would be me.
    Who hogs the bed? Me. And the dogs. Poor thing, he gets about two square inches of covers.
    Who wakes up earlier? He does.
    Where was your first date? We really didn’t have one.
    Who is more jealous? Neither of us.
    How long did it take to get serious? As soon as we decided to be romantically involved, that was it.
    Who eats more? He does. I’m 5’3″, 105 lbs. He’s 6’4″ and 290 pounds of muscular guy. He eats like a horse.
    Who does the laundry? He does. Man, am I lucky or what?
    Who’s better with the computer? I am MUCH better.
    Who drives when you are together? He has panic attacks when I drive. So he usually does the driving, unless he’s had a drink to mellow out the anxiety.

  • Silvia

    2009/02/18 at 2:48 pm

    WHO DOES THE LAUNDRY?

    Is it really that hard to remember to NOT put something in the dryer? How many laundry cycles can we possibly go through in a few years? More than enough to remember that I don’t dry all of my clothes. Which leads to the question, “Who has the worst temper?

  • Elizabeth_K

    2009/02/18 at 2:49 pm

    Oh you are so funny. The day you posted about the driving incident my husband and I had just been fighting about driving {me: you drive so slowly. him: you drive so recklessly). I’ll answer these on my Web site — thanks for getting it started!!

  • B

    2009/02/18 at 2:51 pm

    Oh I will answer these over at my blog because I need to post something that isn’t about how my family is insane.

  • AZ girl

    2009/02/18 at 2:52 pm

    Ex-wife……..?????

    EX-WIFE??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    How come you never told us that before??? Nothing wrong with that, mind you, I just found it interesting and since you share pretty much everything this was a surprise. Huh….

  • Sarah

    2009/02/18 at 2:52 pm

    Jon, I actually got pulled over on State Street the other day for going too slow. In my defense, I have lived in a military base for so long that I am use to 15 mph speed limits. SLOW DRIVERS UNIT!

    I answered on my blog.

  • Sarah

    2009/02/18 at 2:54 pm

    @#58 AZ Girl…the ex has been mentioned about 2347827923 times but always in a very vague and respectful manner, pay attention. They were married when Jon and Heather met. Come on, pay attention! :-p

  • Desiree

    2009/02/18 at 2:54 pm

    I had to read your answer to “Who has the worst temper?” to my fiance. I told him, “Let me give you a glimpse into your future.”

    He responded: “One day, when one of our future children acts up one time too many, I will open my mouth and sing the song that ends the world.”

    Jon and he may need to hang out.

  • Lauren

    2009/02/18 at 2:54 pm

    I totally just added you as a friend on facebook….feel free to decline that shizz. It was a moment of weakness.

    That being said, I SO hope I get to meet you possibly in March when you’re out in NYC. I can’t wait to see the skinniest pregnant woman ever!

    Great post. 🙂

  • coco

    2009/02/18 at 2:54 pm

    I thought I was the only one who ate more then her man. Yeah. Go healthy appetites! Love your list.

  • Leslie

    2009/02/18 at 2:55 pm

    Awesome. I loved this. My boyfriend and I met in math class in college as well as through friends. It was a very unique situation. Five and a half years later all is well. Though he probably just wishes I’d help more with the laundry. Hehe.

  • Rio Gringa

    2009/02/18 at 2:56 pm

    I’m a bed hog too. I’ll wake up in the morning wrapped in the whole sheet.

  • Katya

    2009/02/18 at 2:59 pm

    This is awesome! I love your notes.
    My boyfriend drives because otherwise he will have a brain aneurysm every time I slow down for a yellow light.

    I don’t like driving any way. so there.

  • J

    2009/02/18 at 3:01 pm
  • Casey

    2009/02/18 at 3:01 pm

    Holy crap, Jon was married! How did I miss this? You must share this story!

    P.S. I enjoyed reading this meme from you.

  • Kristan

    2009/02/18 at 3:02 pm

    Aww. 🙂 You guys are so cute in your giant ex-Mormon-ness.

    Hmm, I too do not like memes, but YOU are actually asking ME to answer! You want to know more about me! And only me! How can I resist?!

    WHO IS SMARTER?
    I’m smarter but he works harder and has a better memory, so I think ultimately I lose… 🙁

    WHO HOGS THE BED?
    Him. And he tries to claim that it’s because he wants to be close to me, but I’m not buying it!

    WHO EATS MORE?
    Uh… him if we’re talking meat, me if we’re talking chocolate or Cheez-its…

    PS: Andy and I are not actually married, but we’re living together in hot hot sin. I thought you’d approve.

    Oh Heather, I feel so close to you now.

  • Anonymous

    2009/02/18 at 3:03 pm

    LOL, Comment #4

  • msLaura

    2009/02/18 at 3:03 pm

    Just waned to pop in and interject that I’m THRILLED to have found another married couple who address each other as Dude. Jon’s comment above cracked me up.

    I am totally the grandma driver in our relationship, because I’m busy HYPERMILING, bitches! I know I can get 50MPG average if I can just coast on a slight downhill to that next stop sign and avoid stepping on the gas…I also regularly drive 55MPH on the freeways here in the Bay Area, because dude, I don’t want to blow my mileage! It’s all part of the Zen of Hybrid Driving, except I also do it in my VW Passat Diesel Station Wagon….for the record, I once got 52 MPG average in that sucker on a trip back from San Francisco.

    What can I say, I’m a geek.

    My husband rolls his eyes when he drives with me, but he has his own multiple forms of weirdness and I put up with those, so he cuts me a good deal of slack.

    Our kids are weird too. But they are luckily also very funny, so we haven’t sold them on eBay yet.

  • Lynn

    2009/02/18 at 3:04 pm

    Who does the laundry?

    Steve thinks he’s being sweet when he throws all the laundry–towels, my expensive lingerie, our children’s socks, and the ferret bedding–into the washing machine all at once and fills it with hot water and (sometimes) bleach. Then he lets is amalgamate in there for two days, growing requisite amounts of mold, because he forgets that wet laundry must go into the dryer too. Or sometimes, he remembers and dries the whole mess on hot so that my delicate lingerie melds into a lovely ball covered in ferret hair. And then I steal money from his checking account and go buy new stuff.

    It would be a lot less expensive for him if we just took the laundry to be “done.”

    PS what do you wanna bet that you have 530 friend requests on FB after this post?

  • erica

    2009/02/18 at 3:06 pm

    You should write a haiku about that Chipotle experience for http://www.chipotlehaiku.com (or ask Leta for one!). I run the site with my friend and we would seriously love to have them.

  • Rebecca

    2009/02/18 at 3:09 pm

    Loved this post! Here are some answers for mine —

    What are your middle names?
    My middle name is Louise. His is Josef. Yes, spelled with an F.

    How long have you been together?
    About six months.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    About a year.

    How old are each of you?
    We’re 24 and 25.

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    His since he lives with his brother.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    Work. He works for a start-up and I work for start-up. I just wrote about this on my blog. It’s a bunch of crazyness.

    Did you go to the same school?
    I went to UW-Madison and he went to Penn State.

    Who is smarter?
    I’m an ENFP and he’s an INTJ. We have different smarts.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    Me. Me. And me.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    We go to sushi too! I heart sushi. We also carry-out a lot.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    New York and Boston.

    Who does the cooking?
    He’s a good cook… I’m not sure I can claim this one.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    I apologize if I have multiple papers on my desk.

    Who hogs the bed?
    He likes to sleep in the middle of the bed and is super tall. Enough said.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    I do for my job.

    Where was your first date?
    Our first real date was at the restaurant Magnus in Madison.

    Who eats more?
    We both like to eat, but when I eat a lot, it doesn’t show. He gets to go the gym.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    He refuses to be active on Twitter which annoys me to no end.

  • ed

    2009/02/18 at 3:09 pm

    Long time reader first time commenter.

    I posted mine to my site! Drop by if you ever have a free moment!

  • Lolly

    2009/02/18 at 3:09 pm

    The Armstrong Triumverate is a delightful family.
    Thank you for your honesty and humor. And of course, for your smashing sense of style. Delicious.
    I am a first time commentor on your blog, but have been stalking it for a few weeks now. Love it. Love it. Love it.
    I mean stalking in the most flattering and non-psychopathic way.

    Can’t wait to read it frequently, and am looking forward to more and more. Thank you for sharing your life, style and other fun stuff with us.

    Will post my answers to this meme on my blog in the very near future.
    And, I invite you all to visit when you get a chance.
    I’m am new to blogging. Please be nice.

    http://www.wesitbyfire.com

  • Mush

    2009/02/18 at 3:09 pm

    Oh my, the craziest exes was the best one!

  • Anonymous

    2009/02/18 at 3:11 pm

    WHO DOES THE DRIVING WHEN YOU’RE TOGETHER?

    Well let’s put it this way. If our almost 5 year old granddaughter is in the car, her first words are “Grumpa, give Gamma the keys”!!!

  • firerobin

    2009/02/18 at 3:11 pm

    I just signed on to Facebook about a week ago … I see what I have to look forward to.

  • Katie C.

    2009/02/18 at 3:13 pm

    The part about Chipotle made me laugh.

    And who wants to guess that you are going to receive like 10,000 friend requests on Facebook today?

  • reebeme

    2009/02/18 at 3:13 pm

    Oooh I would like to be your friend on Facebook. But then I guess you probably want some part of your life to be private… or at least shared only with your 500 closest friends. I will refrain from stalking you. Sigh.

  • Ana

    2009/02/18 at 3:16 pm

    Dude, long time reader, first time commenter. I, too, am part Luddite and have no clue as to what a “meme” is… but will make it my life’s mission to find out. In the mean time, thanks for the many chuckles (and Daily Chucks while we’re at it). Lesson for today? Apparently, if I ever get married, I’ll need to find a loving way to build “never EVER dry my bras in the dryer” into the vows. Good to know!

  • Emily Rome

    2009/02/18 at 3:16 pm

    What are your middle names? Mine is Moriece, his is Flemming Griffiths
    How long have you been together? 4 years, 10 mos
    How long did you know each other before you started dating? he apparently met me 6 months before, but I didn’t remember him until we re-met a few weeks before
    Who asked whom out? He asked me out, I said yes but then had to cancel at the last minute. My friend was with us when I cancelled and she invited him to a party that night. So instead of a first date we made out at a party…
    How old are each of you? I’m 30, he’s 43…
    Whose siblings do you see the most? My brother lives a few hours away but comes home a fair amount to see my parents (we live nearby) we see his brother and sister only once a year.
    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? financial stress
    Did you go to the same school? I did my masters in the same place he had gone to college. He was still living there.
    Are you from the same home town? Nope.
    Who is smarter? He’s definitely book-smarter and has a memory that sounds like Jon’s. I”ve forgotten something almost as soon as I finish reading it…
    Who is the most sensitive? He is really really sensitive. More than me.
    Where do you eat out most as a couple? Sushi!!!
    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Uhhh, not far. From Boston to Indiana I guess.
    Who has the craziest exes? I’m going to give him credit for that for sure.
    Who has the worst temper? Him? But he only gets mad very very occasionally. I’m much more annoyed more often.
    Who does the cooking? Now we mostly each cook our own meals. After gaining a TON of weight eating with him, we have finally learned that we have different eating needs.
    Who is the neat-freak? Neither unfortunately. When I lived with a really neat person, I was much neater, but since I know Geoff is not going to break up with me if I don’t do the dishes… our house is a total pit.
    Who is more stubborn? Me for sure.
    Who hogs the bed? Him, but it’s not really his fault. I’m only 5 feet and he is over 6 feet.
    Who wakes up earlier? Me, by several hours usually.
    Where was your first date? Making out at a party. The next night (and every night after that) we spent together…
    Who is more jealous? Neither of us are very jealous.
    Who eats more? Him. After trying to keep up with him for a long time, I have finally learned that I can’t do that.
    Who does the laundry? Sadly we still have to go to the laundromat. He does it most of the time, but he won’t do any load that contains clothes I don’t want in the dryer. Thus, I also do laundry fairly often. Neither of us put it away though – we end up living out of clean laundry baskets for an embarrassing amount of time.
    Who’s better with the computer? Him, but we both kind of suck.
    Who drives when you are together? Me. He STILL doesn’t have a license even though he promised me he would get one after our first month of dating…

  • Elizabeth

    2009/02/18 at 3:16 pm

    What are your middle names?
    Mine is Elizabeth. Ha! I go by my middle name. His is Vernon, and no, he does not go by his. Sometimes I call him “Vern” just for fun.

    How long have you been together?
    We’ve been married for 10 years this April. Thirteen years in all.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    A couple weeks.

    Who asked whom out?
    He totally asked me out.

    How old are each of you?
    I’m 28, he’s THIRTY!

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    I think we see his brother the most because he lives next door. It’s pretty much inevitable.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    Our house. There’s always something falling apart or that needs to be done. Now that I’m big and fat and pregnant, there’s not much I can do so I know that stresses him out.

    Did you go to the same school?
    We didn’t go to the same high school, but we did go to college together.

    Are you from the same home town?
    No way. I was born in California and he grew up in our other neighbor’s house—his MOM’S.

    Who is smarter?
    I think we’re the same amount of smart but in different areas. He’s the English nerd and I’m the music/computer nerd. We compliment each other well.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    Don’t make me cry. It can be ugly.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    When and if we ever do go out as a couple, it’s usually our once-a-year meal at the Japanese restaurant. He gets a gift certificate from his boss every year for his birthday.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Maine.

    Who has the craziest exes?
    Tough one! I think it’s been so long since we’ve had exes that I can’t answer that.

    Who has the worst temper?
    Me. 100 percent. I’ll bite your head off if the trash isn’t taken out the “right” way.

    Who does the cooking?
    We both do. It’s only fair?

    Who is the neat-freak?
    Neither one of us. It’s unfortunate for our kids that they have to grow up like this.

    Who is more stubborn?
    Me. And I’m not going have it any other way.

    Who hogs the bed?
    ME again. I can’t help it now though. The fetus is taking up part of the space that I let him have.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    He does. I’m seriously too tired in the the morning to get up and get the boys ready for school.

    Where was your first date?
    It was a group date and we went Cosmic Bowling. There’s only so much you can do as teenagers.

    Who is more jealous?
    Me. It’s part of the reason we don’t do theater anymore.

    How long did it take to get serious?
    Like a week.

    Who eats more?
    It’s a tie. We’re both really good at eating.

    Who does the laundry?
    I wash it and throw it on the papasan chair where it sits until he puts it away two weeks later.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    Me. I’m on it a lot of hours in the day, so I have to be good at it, right?

    Who drives when you are together?
    He does. I get lost even if I know where I’m going.

  • Kasey

    2009/02/18 at 3:17 pm

    Thanks for the laugh.
    My husband also does most of the driving, but that’s more because of him being a back seat driver than anything else.
    So for the sake of our marriage I decided to just let him do the driving 🙂

  • Rachel E.

    2009/02/18 at 3:23 pm

    I liked your answer to, “How long did it take to get serious?” I thought it was a really interesting idea to be serious from the get go. To just KNOW.

    I did mine on my blog: http://www.laughingeden.blogspot.com

    Not sure that my answers are all that exciting but still fun to do.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • Emilie Campbell

    2009/02/18 at 3:24 pm

    Oh Hamliton, please read this post and tell me you agree.

    http://thedailyuncool.blogspot.com/2008/11/me-again.html

    You and John are funny. When are you hanging out with Branden & me? I know Branden would love to talk shop with John as he is a hard core Swim Herschel Swim fan and computer geek.

  • Christopher Bigelow

    2009/02/18 at 3:25 pm

    I felt a little guilty after I did mine recently, because my wife started cleaning up her clutter and catching up on the ironing…

    http://ckbigelow.blogspot.com/2009/02/25-random-married-things.html

  • melissa

    2009/02/18 at 3:25 pm

    Is there a particular reason they ask you to reveal middle names? Seems an odd question…what does it mean if you don’t know his middle name…or he doesn’t have one (at least I’m hoping he doesn’t have one…because I don’t know it!) 😉

    http://www.minihipster.com

  • Abi

    2009/02/18 at 3:28 pm

    My husband drives. I’ve gotten better at driving (didn’t learn until I was 24), but since I’m Asian, I have the can’t-drive-for-shit gene working against me. LOL.

  • Jamie

    2009/02/18 at 3:29 pm

    Alright, here’s my quiz:

    Grumbles & Grunts

    I’m so glad I just spent the last 20 minutes of my work day doing that instead of whatever other horrible thing I’m actually supposed to be doing.

  • Eryn C.

    2009/02/18 at 3:34 pm

    I laughed uncontrollably at my cube at the crazy ex who asked you to stick a kitchen utensil up his ass. awesome.

    the chipotle story sounds like what my life will be like when i finally start procreating.

    i check my blog feed at work obsessively to see when you’ve updated: your blog saves me at work! gracias!

  • Leesavee

    2009/02/18 at 3:40 pm

    Inquiring minds want to know: which kitchen utensil? And did you actually stick it where the sun don’t shine? I remember the story of the A-1 sauce, but the curiosity is killing me. Ladle? Whisk? Can opener?

  • Margaret

    2009/02/18 at 3:41 pm

    Great post…yet another I will have to read out to my husband on the couch tonight. Seems to be a nightly ritual these days…hey babe, guess what Dooce said today! Love reading the variety of other comments so I will throw in my own:

    What are your middle names? Mine is Yvonne his is Arnaldo…and he has another Carlo…can you tell he’s Italian
    How long have you been together? 12 years and a month
    How long did you know each other before you started dating? Two years
    Who asked whom out? He asked me out once I made it clear I would only respond to being pursued
    How old are each of you? I’m 34 and he turns 36 next month
    Whose siblings do you see the most? His, I’m an only child
    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Our current infertility issues and going through invitro (and no my doctor will not be implanting eight embryos)
    Did you go to the same school? Same university at different times
    Are you from the same home town? No, born half a world away from each other
    Who is smarter? IQ-wise I test higher than he does, but realistically, he can remember a gadzillion more things than I can. As a team we can kill at Jeopardy!
    Who is the most sensitive? Definately me…he has tissue at the ready for me for almost anything
    Where do you eat out most as a couple? A little Italian cafe down the road from our house. Saturday lunch every week!
    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Italy
    Who has the craziest exes? Him…she tried to crash our wedding. Can you say psycho?
    Who has the worst temper? Him, definately.
    Who does the cooking? He’s an ex pastry chef who can’t cook. So me!
    Who is the neat-freak? Me although I tend to be more of a neat freak in theory than practice
    Who is more stubborn? Me
    Who hogs the bed? No so much the bed but the covers. I will often wake up with him dragging a portion of the comforter over to his side, effectively unwrapping me from the cocoon I have made.
    Who wakes up earlier? He does…I start work an hour after him
    Where was your first date? At a rave in Seattle, WA (we live in Vancouver, BC)
    Who is more jealous? That would be me
    How long did it take to get serious? He asked me to marry him a month after we started dating!
    Who eats more? He does. To a scary degree sometimes. Two large pizzas should never be consumed by one person…ever!
    Who does the laundry? We both do, but he does have a “DO NOT TOUCH” pile of laundry which he knows not to even look at.
    Who’s better with the computer? Me although I think he’d probably say him.
    Who drives when you are together? He does…I’ve never had a license and since we live so close to the city and Vancouver transit is pretty good, I’ll likely never get one. Doesn’t mean I’m not an awesome passenger side driver 🙂

  • Matej

    2009/02/18 at 3:43 pm

    “…it says a lot less about the man who runs the business end of things.”

    Is that a euphemism? ‘Cause I really hope it’s a euphemism. For sex. In the business end.

  • Natalie

    2009/02/18 at 3:44 pm

    Actually loving reading other people’s memes as well as yours Heather. Here’s an abridged one from me:

    What are your middle names?
    Me: Maree (boring) him: Allan (nerd)

    How long have you been together?
    Together 10 years, married 3 years

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    We have lived together since the day we met (flatmates in a house in London shared with 27 other people) got it together 6 months later.

    Who asked whom out?
    Basically, I had the hots for him for ages but he “just wanted to be friends” … until I went for a long weekend to Dublin to see an ex-boyfriend. He got with the program quick smart after that.

    How old are each of you?
    I’m 35. He’s 30 (when you find a good man you’ve got to hang on to him regardless of age)

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    Mine. My sister lives around the corner from us in Sydney. His brother is in Denmark.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    Money. Domestic humdrum that comes with raising kids (4 and 1)

    Are you from the same home town?
    No way. He’s from Hawkes Bay, NZ. I’m from Wollongong, Australia.

    Who is smarter?
    Intellectually – me. Common sense/everyday life (ie. the practical smarts) – him.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Everywhere – we backpacked for 4 years before settling in Sydney.

    Who has the worst temper?
    Him! (says me) I get annoyed, have a bitch and am over it (mainly because I’m lazy). He explodes and holds grudges – silent treatment (whatever!)

    Who does the cooking?
    Joe – because he can be bothered. Every now and then I take the spatula and I enjoy it because it’s not all the time. Good that our kids aren’t eating toast for dinner every night too.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    Deep breath. I’m just gonna say it: why can’t he just pick up his stuff?! If you are born with a penis is it genetic destiny that you can’t go that one extra step from the sink to the freakin’ dishwasher. OK. I’ll stop.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    Joe – he cannot sleep in! Which is fine with me because it means I don’t have to get up to children at a time earlier than farmers have to get up.

    Where was your first date?
    um … makin’ out on the lounge in our shared house. After a lot of wine. And little food.

    Who does the laundry?
    See Heather’s answer. Apply it to my family.

  • Brittany

    2009/02/18 at 3:44 pm

    Glad to hear I’m not the only one with a mac-enthusiast husband who frowns on my consistency to update my computer. I also get that look when he asks when I last got the oil in my car changed. I try to let him know that’s why I married him, but he doesn’t like that answer very much.

  • Klemptor

    2009/02/18 at 3:45 pm

    What are your middle names?
    Mine is Mae, his is Ferrell.

    How long have you been together?
    Eight and a half years, and we’ve been living together for 7.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    Around three weeks. We met while we were both working at a video store. I interviewed there because I had a crush on a different guy who worked there, and nothing ever happened with him because Brad started pursuing me. 🙂

    Who asked whom out?
    Neither really.

    How old are each of you?
    I’m 27 and he’s 31.

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    We see his brother far more than my sister because he lives closer.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    Dealing with my family because my mother is not incredibly mentally healthy.

    Did you go to the same school?
    Yes, but never at the same time.

    Are you from the same home town?
    No. I grew up right outside of Trenton, and he’s from a rich suburb of Philly.

    Who is smarter?
    Would it be horrible to say I am? Honestly we’re both pretty intelligent but I probably have the edge.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    Neither one of us. We’re the least sensitive people I know.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    Anywhere Italian. There’s a little restaurant we love called Tré Fratelli, and eating there always brings back memories of when we first started dating.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Montréal

    Who has the craziest exes?
    Neither of us has an ex – I was 18 and he was 22 when we first started dating.

    Who has the worst temper?
    Neither of us. We’re both pretty calm and staid. It’s like two Spocks in a relationship.

    Who does the cooking?
    Me. His mother did all the cooking when he was growing up, so he never learned how. And no matter how much I try to teach him, he never seems to absorb it. Same goes for housework unfortunately. *eyeroll*

    Who is the neat-freak?
    Me, but it’s a completely losing battle.

    Who is more stubborn?
    Me, without a doubt. I’m an Italiana from New Jersey – I belong to a completely different category of stubborn.

    Who hogs the bed?
    Brad does. But if I go to bed before he does, I end up sleeping perpendicular to the axis of the bed (I have no idea why).

    Who wakes up earlier?
    Me. Showering, eating, putting on makeup, and drying my hair in time to catch the train in the morning mean I have to wake up at 6. He rolls out of bed at 7:30 and it takes him about 20 minutes to get ready for work.

    Where was your first date?
    We never had an official first date – just a whole bunch of hanging out.

    Who is more jealous?
    Neither one of us is jealous.

    How long did it take to get serious?
    About two months.

    Who eats more?
    He does – he snacks all day long…and of course he’s a beanpole. I eat about 800 calories a day and he probably has four times that in a day.

    Who does the laundry?
    He does

    Who’s better with the computer?
    He is, because he’s a software engineer and is working on his Master’s in Computer Systems

    Who drives when you are together?
    He does, usually

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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