Heater, Mother of Lance

Lover, business partner, best friend

About a month or two ago I signed up for Facebook to reconnect with a group of friends I had in college at BYU and since then have noticed several memes making the rounds among my contacts. I’m not usually a fan of memes and couldn’t tell you exactly why, I think it goes back to being forced to participate in group activities when I was growing up in the Mormon Church and how the trauma of having to act like I was having a good time is such that when someone even mentions Pictionary my brain starts to liquify and drizzle out my nose. The quickest way to get me to sneak out of your party is to suggest we play charades, unless the rules are that you have to take a shot of tequila every time someone yells out, “SOUNDS LIKE?” Then I’ll be sleeping on your couch and stealing your Ibuprofen.

I recently saw one going around where you’re supposed to answer several trivial questions about your marriage, and I realized that as much as this website reveals about me, it says a lot less about the man who runs the business end of things. So I thought I’d bring this meme here to give you a peek at the person I spend my entire day with. Every day. All day every day. DAY IN AND DAY OUT. ECHO… ECHO… ECHO…

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Brooke. Jon’s middle name is Hepworth. Can you guess which one of us is a great-great-grandchild of polygamists?

How long have you been together?
We’ve been married six and a half years, together seven and a half.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I met him in June of 1997 at an outdoor music festival in Salt Lake City, but we didn’t start dating until June of 2001 in Los Angeles. So, four years.

Who asked whom out?
Hmmm… I guess that would have been me, except I didn’t ask him out, I asked him to move in with me. I do not like to dilly dally.

How old are each of you?
I’m 33, he’s OLD 43. This ten-year age difference is an endless source of amusement for me, and I like to remind him that when he was a senior in high school, I was in third grade learning long division.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Jon is the fifth of six kids, I’m the youngest of three. All but one of the siblings live in Utah, so we see both sets quite often.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I think the thing that causes the most stress in our lives, and consequently the most stress in our marriage, is the same as it is for a lot of couples: work. This job is the same as any other in that there are weeks, sometimes months when the toll of it far outweighs the joy of it, and dealing with that toll can upset the balance of the rest of our lives. I’m not as good a communicator as he is, and he’s probably had to spend way too much time than is fair trying to pull things out of me. I’m working on that. I’m always working on that.

Did you go to the same school?
We both graduated from BYU. He got a degree in Humanities in 1992, I got a degree in English in 1997.

Are you from the same home town?
No. Jon grew up in a small northern Utah town called Brigham City, whereas I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee. Sadly, our daughter just looks at me blankly when I talk about chicken wangs.

Who is smarter?
Jon is far smarter than I am and can retain information like a computer hard drive. He remembers everything he reads. I have to work a lot harder to process information, but I’m far more driven and persistent than he is. I have to work twice as hard to be half as quick.

Who is the most sensitive?
Ahem. Next question.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
There’s a great sushi restaurant in downtown Salt Lake City called Takashi run by a chef who is half-Japanese, half-Peruvian. Whenever we plan a date this place is always at the top of our list.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Amsterdam.

Who has the craziest exes?
I wouldn’t call my exes crazy as much as I would describe them as diverse. It’s just, there are so many of them. And I can’t really talk about Jon’s exes as some of them are probably reading this right now. I will say this: none of Jon’s exes ever asked him to stick a kitchen utensil up her butt. He wins.

Who has the worst temper?
Have I ever told you about the time we went as a family to Chipotle after swimming lessons? How Leta was holding her overtired shit together right up until she spilled her entire bowl of black beans down the front of her dress? And she was so inconsolable that we had to pack everything up immediately, and as I was shoving everything into a take-out bag she threw her body face-first on the floor in front of about thirty people. So Jon has to pick her body up off the floor, and she is screaming, SCRAAHEEEEMING, all the way to the car, the entire time we buckle her in, and ten minutes later when she FINALLY calms down, when the chaos has FINALLY silenced and we can all breathe again, Jon whips his head around from the front seat, looks her tear-stained face in the eyes and yells, “WE ARE NEVER GOING TO CHIPOTLE EVER AGAIN.”

BECAUSE SHE HAD NOT CRIED ENOUGH.

Who does the cooking?
Definitely Jon. I have four recipes that I can make, and I don’t ever vary from that menu. Jon loves trying new things and rarely ever goes wrong when introducing something new he found in a cookbook. However, I often have to remind him to add more salt.

Who is the neat-freak?
Let’s just put it this way: I am a much nicer person when he puts away his socks.

Who is more stubborn?
I am Southern stubborn, he is Mormon Pioneer stubborn. And together we gave birth to a monster.

Who hogs the bed?
Okay, fine. Me, but it’s not something I have any control over. My limbs take on a life of their own when I’m asleep, and at least once a night I will wake up to find him picking up my entire body and moving it back to my side of the bed.

Who wakes up earlier?
Jon. He’s always up at about 6 AM reading feeds on his iPhone, steeling himself for the list of demands Leta will rifle off when she darts out of her bedroom.

Where was your first date?
The LACMA on Wilshire Blvd. in Los Angeles.

Who is more jealous?
This information is protected by the therapist-client privilege.

How long did it take to get serious?
We were always serious. There was never a time in our romantic relationship when we did not think we would spend the rest of our lives together.

Who eats more?
Me, no question. I’m usually finishing off the meal on his plate. However, he is the type of person who will stop by the gas station after an hour-long workout to pick up a bag of cherry Twizzlers and a Snickers bar and will have finished both before pulling into the driveway.

Who does the laundry?
Someone cannot ever remember that he is not supposed to put my sports bras in the dryer, so someone is no longer allowed to do the laundry.

Who’s better with the computer?
You should see the veins in Jon’s head bulge against his skin when he looks over and sees that it’s been three months since I ran a software update.

Who drives when you are together?
Jon, but not because he’s a better driver. I lived in Los Angeles for over four years and did enough driving for a lifetime, so I’d be happy if I never had to drive again. However, he’s recently started to drive more slowly, a development we may have to work through in therapy. That session would go like this: I wouldn’t have to nag so much if he didn’t drive like such a dumbass.

Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there. Look how I answered all these questions about my husband without once mentioning his ex-wife!

316 Comments
  • Andi

    2009/02/18 at 3:45 pm

    He has no exes, mine are ALL crazy. & there are a lot of them because I had a whole hell of a lot of fun. (=

    We both drive a lot for our respective careers. But he is a horrible backseat driver and hangs on to the Oh Shit handle which grates on every nerve I have SOOOO he drives most of the time. I thought he was gonna get us killed in Vegas & D.C. Farm boys shouldn’t drive in either of those places, especially when they wave at every car that comes toward them…

  • Caren

    2009/02/18 at 3:54 pm

    Thanks for the invite to share, Heather! I just posted my answers to my blog.

  • Habbala

    2009/02/18 at 3:54 pm

    The Chipotle story cracked my up.

    I did mine on my blog too, not as funny as yours, but you have to start somewhere.
    http://habbala.blogspot.com/

  • Dea

    2009/02/18 at 3:55 pm

    LOVE IT! I will answer these on my blog as a treat for me cuz its my birthday tomorrow 🙂 check it out here:
    http://www.satisfythis.blogspot.com/

  • Valerie

    2009/02/18 at 3:59 pm

    ROFL Heather, thank you so much for doing this. This is awesome. I have seen these pop up on my FB for the last week and, honestly, found them intolerable because the people who fill them out rarely have a sense of humor and rarely can construct a proper sentence. But this is awesome.

    Do the 25 Things About Me one next!!!

  • Athena

    2009/02/18 at 3:59 pm

    The slow driving is KILLING ME TOO, HEATHER. I mean, who slows down to 30mph 100 feet before a green light to take a frigging left turn? WHO DOES THAT?!?!

  • Suzanne

    2009/02/18 at 4:00 pm

    What are your middle names?
    My middle name is Ellyn. His is Alan.
    How long have you been together?
    Two years, 7 months
    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    Met online, so we didn’t know eo b4 we started dating
    How old are each of you?
    I’m 41, he’s 43
    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    Mine, since they’re on the same coast.
    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    Now that we have a baby, who gets to sleep
    Did you go to the same school?
    Nope.
    Who is smarter?
    He is.
    Who is the most sensitive?
    He is – which I love about him, most days.
    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    Pizza Pi – vegan pizza joint in Seattle
    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    New Zealand
    Who does the cooking?
    Both of us, but he’s better. I’m the baker in the family.
    Who is the neat-freak?
    I am, but that’s not saying much.
    Who hogs the bed?
    I do. Total cover-stealer.
    Who gets up earlier?
    Me lately.
    Where was your first date?
    Queen Sheeba Ethiopian restaurant in Seattle.
    Who eats more?
    He does, but I’m a close second.
    Who’s better with the computer?
    He’s a system administrator for an internet service provider, so I’ll let you guess. 😉

    Can’t wait to see you in Seattle in March!

  • repliderium.com

    2009/02/18 at 4:01 pm

    See, now that’s just not fair! Mention the ex-wife in the VERY LAST FREAKING SENTENCE????
    Damn you!

  • Laura

    2009/02/18 at 4:02 pm

    I heart you – 🙂

  • Jacquie

    2009/02/18 at 4:07 pm

    What are your middle names?

    Mine is Kim, his is James

    How long have you been together?

    Married 12 years, dated for about 5 before that. God, we’re old.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?

    Just a couple of months, I had the hots for him and made sure he knew it.

    Who asked whom out?

    One drunken night my friend … or is it …one night my drunken friend? Either way works. Anyway, she asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no, she said “I’m just asking for Jacquie!” and then we made out for about a year.

    How old are each of you?

    I’m 40, he’s 42.

    Whose siblings do you see the most?

    His live closer, but we see them less as a family. Mine are on the opposite coast, and I often travel to visit with just the kids because airline tickets are more expensive than yachts, I think.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

    Finding out how to adjust our interests as individuals with the ever changing interests of the family unit so that we aren’t always tag-team parenting.

    Did you go to the same school?

    College, yes.

    Are you from the same home town?

    No, we met in college.

    Who is smarter?

    Me. Sorry honey, but you know it’s true.

    Who is the most sensitive?

    Hmmmm. Some might say that he is, but he doesn’t know how to express his sensitivity in a productive way so he ends up doing an uncanny asshole impression.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?

    Oggi’s, something for everyone (especially beer) and stuff to keep the kids occupied.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

    Niagara Falls

    Who has the craziest exes?

    He doesn’t have many exes, I have lots. So I win by default.
    Who has the worst temper?

    HIM, oh man. He knows it too, and he attributes it to genetics because one time his mom threw a cup at him, but we can’t really talk about it because it still pisses him off.

    Who does the cooking?

    Me, he can’t find anything. In our one cabinet. He is a grouchy chef.

    Who is the neat-freak?

    Neither of us, sadly. He is a better housekeeper than I am, though.

    Who is more stubborn?

    Me. And I hold a grudge.

    Who hogs the bed?

    HIM, the bastard.

    Who wakes up earlier?

    Me, he’s a sleep junkie.

    Where was your first date?

    I think we rented movies and hung out at my apartment. We went out a lot with our group of friends, what a raucous group.

    Who is more jealous?

    Neither of us is jealous, nor do we have cause to be. We ain’t got much, be we do have trust.

    How long did it take to get serious?

    Depends on your definition of serious. We knew we’d be together, but I did have to threaten bodily harm to get engaged.

    Who eats more?

    Me, but he is also a weird junk food guy. I can’t let him go grocery shopping because he buys things like cocoa puffs and barbeque potato chips. But not milk.

    Who does the laundry?

    He does, but we always have a garden of clean heaps in laundry baskets in the living room. And I put away the clothes for 3 of my 4 family members.

    Who’s better with the computer?

    Me, he’s hopeless. He doesn’t even read my blog.

    Who drives when you are together?

    Me, always. He drives like my grandma. And she’s dead.

    http://meandyouandellie.blogspot.com/

  • Allison

    2009/02/18 at 4:07 pm

    HA! My husband is 9 years older than me and the what was Allison doing at this milestone in your life game never ever ever gets old! My favorite was realizing I was in SEVENTH grade the year he graduated from college. HEEE!

  • Ana

    2009/02/18 at 4:11 pm

    I did mine on my blog too: http://myfeetareafraid.blogspot.com/
    I wish I had a funny story about my husband’s temper, but something just aren’t as funny as Chipotle. Or maybe I just don’t have a good sense of humor about his temper.

  • Kate

    2009/02/18 at 4:12 pm

    Ex-wife?! OH COME ON! You cannot dangle that carrot in front of our noses and not elaborate!

    I may just throw myself on the floor in a Leta-state of temper tantrumness and writhe until you dish the dirty details!

  • Anonymous

    2009/02/18 at 4:13 pm

    I finally found an open comment!

    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the new layout!

  • Juggee

    2009/02/18 at 4:15 pm

    What are your middle names?
    My middle name is Therese. It is supposed to have accents on the “Es” but my keyboard won’t allow this. I am not French. My husband’s middle name is James. After his Dad. I guess his Grandfather was upset about this when he was born because he thought Ben should have been named after him. I think that is arrogant.

    How long have you been together?
    7 years, married since May 22, 2008.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    Hmmm. A couple of weeks?

    Who asked whom out?
    I pulled a party favor out of his mouth on New Years Eve and kissed him after the countdown. We’ve been together ever since.

    How old are each of you?
    I will be 29 on Sunday and he will be 28 in April. Yes, I am a wee bit older. I always thought I would have to marry someone 10 years older than me because I’ve always acted like I’m 40.

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    I think it’s pretty equal.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    Dealing with his Mother. He has finally learned that his Wife should come first and that he is allowed to stand up to her and create boundaries.

    Did you go to the same school?
    No.

    Are you from the same home town?
    NO. I grew up in Leduc, he grew up in Edmonton. (Alberta, Canada)

    Who is smarter?
    I have more commone sense…he is book smart.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    I think it’s pretty equal. We’re both sensitive.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    Sherlock Holme’s Pub. Fabulous veggie burgers and pizza!

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Mexico for our wedding

    Who has the craziest exes?
    Tied

    Who has the worst temper?
    Ben got into a screaming match with a trucker who cut us off.

    Who does the cooking?
    Me. Ben can make a great bowl of cereal though.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    Amy is. Ben now completely appreciates it and will even start making the bed while I’m still sleeping.

    Who is more stubborn?
    Tied.

    Who hogs the bed?
    The dogs.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    Ben. He gets up as soon as his alarm goes off. I hit my sleep button four times.

    Where was your first date?
    I think we saw a movie.

    Who is more jealous?
    Neither.

    How long did it take to get serious?
    Always serious. This is why I kept on trying to get him to fart in front of me. Why hold it in?

    Who eats more?
    Debatable. I think we’re neck and neck

    Who does the laundry?
    Amy. Ben likes to pretend he doesn’t know how.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    Amy.

    Who drives when you are together?
    I do. I’m afraid he’ll ruin our car by trying to teach someone else a lesson in driving with etiquette.

  • Kristina C.

    2009/02/18 at 4:18 pm

    CONGRATULATIONS on being one of Time’s TOP TWENTY FIVE blogs!

    Woohoo!

  • miltoncat

    2009/02/18 at 4:20 pm

    What are your middle names?
    Mine is Lain (family name). His is William.

    How long have you been together?
    Married 11 months, together 2 years.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    We met via his online radio show. I would chat in the chatroom. After a few months the two other guys on the show badgered him on the air to ask me out. He did. I said yes and thought he was joking. He wasn’t.

    Who asked whom out?
    See above.

    How old are each of you?
    I’m 36; he’s 35. I hate that I was on the planet 1.5 years before he was. Not only because it makes me the older one, but because it means I was on earth without him. It’s weird.

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    Mine. He works with my brother and his brother lives in another state.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    My being unemployed.

    Did you go to the same school?
    Yes, at different times.

    Are you from the same home town?
    MEMPHIS! Chicken wangs yeah!

    Who is smarter?
    We’re yin/yang. He’s smarter in ways I am not, and vice versa.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    I am, though he’s more sensitive to people’s feelings than me.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    Sushi or mexican.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Chicago.

    Who has the craziest exes?
    I suppose I do.

    Who has the worst temper?
    He does, but it takes a lot to get him mad.

    Who does the cooking?
    Me. If it were up to him we’d live on Taco Bell and microwaved Swedish meatballs for breakfast.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    Let’s just put it this way: I am a much nicer person when he puts away his socks.

    Who is more stubborn?
    I am.

    Who hogs the bed?
    He does. He says he is just snuggling up to me but I know better.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    He does, since I’m unemployed.

    Where was your first date?
    a Thai restaurant.

    Who is more jealous?
    I guess there’s a reason every time he mentions a woman’s name I yell “WHORE!”

    How long did it take to get serious?
    Two weeks maybe. I knew by then I was gonna marry him.

    Who eats more?
    He does, but we can both be hogs.

    Who does the laundry?
    I do. All the time. But he cleans out the litter box so it’s cool.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    He can do the hardware stuff. I’m better at the software.

    Who drives when you are together?
    He does usually because I am lazy. But I end up yelling at him because he will confuse red and green lights.

  • ReRe

    2009/02/18 at 4:21 pm

    What are your middle names?
    his is Madison, named after Pres. James Madison. mine is too shameful to say. let’s just put it this way: i’m named after an indigestion medicine. it’s not pepto.

    How long have you been together?
    married 4, together 6

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    a couple of years. i spotted his long curly hair across the church auditorium and thought: mmmmmm mmmm good.

    Who asked whom out?
    he asked me out for coffee. i hesitate cus i hate hot drinks — i’m a spiller. but i decided to go any way

    How old are each of you?
    he’s 33 i’m 27. he likes ’em young

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    he is #9 of 11, i’m the oldest of 3. we see my siblings and about 1/4 of his siblings evenly

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    i’m type A. i like things to be perfect: clean house, on time to places etc. He’s a tree hugging hippie who makes his own rules, which consists of not putting his clothes in the dirty clothes

    Did you go to the same school?
    nope. he grew up in michigan and i am an okie

    Are you from the same home town?
    nope

    Who is smarter?
    James by far, but he lets me pretend i’m smarter

    Who is the most sensitive?
    we are both big babies. it’s sick really

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    a great place called The Earth. they serve the best tempeh tacos — i’d take those over meat tacos any day

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Mexico — honeymoon

    Who has the craziest exes?
    we have both lucked out and not dated anyone crazy — until we met each other

    Who has the worst temper?
    i plead the 5th (ok, it’s me)

    Who does the cooking?
    me. because if it were up to his vegetarian butt we’d eat rice and beans every night. and my butt is NOT vegetarian

    Who is the neat-freak?
    i’m gonna say me because i’ve never understood how people can go to bed with dishes in the sink

    Who is more stubborn?
    me again

    Who hogs the bed?
    he’s a tiny man, but he sleeps like the fat lady at the opera

    Who wakes up earlier?
    i wake up early — and then wake him up.

    Where was your first date?
    walking along some lake. he was either gonna attack me or be a gentleman. it was a little bit of both 🙂

    Who is more jealous?
    me. he does not possess that bone

    How long did it take to get serious?
    he proposed on the first date. i said no — and then thought he was a freak. a year later i said yes.

    Who eats more?
    him. you would think me since i have him by more pounds than i want to admit, but it’s him.

    Who does the laundry?
    he does not understand that some jeans can’t be dried or i will never get in them again.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    i just taught him how to use yahoo not too long ago, so i’m gonna say me

    Who drives when you are together?
    James. i’m the better driver, but i hate driving — so i put my life in his hands as often as possible

  • Robin G.

    2009/02/18 at 4:29 pm

    Some of this seems worrisomely familiar…

  • Genie

    2009/02/18 at 4:38 pm

    As for who hogs the bed …

    I read one of those articles “Tell what kind of guy he is by how he sleeps” in a trashy magazine. I was explaining all of these to my husband, Rich, so we could decipher him. It’s analysis included that if he slept on his stomach he was insecure but if he slept on his side he was a good listener (hunh?).

    One of them said that if “your guy” sleeps on his back that makes him confident. Rich blurted out, “Oh that’s you! You’re very confident in your sleep!”. He has since labeled my sleep postition as “confident starfish.”

  • Jennifer

    2009/02/18 at 4:43 pm

    I laughed..I cried…I loved!

    So many of these answers eerily resemble the crap I have to put up with my little Sugar Booger.

  • Somer

    2009/02/18 at 4:47 pm

    This is completely adorable and hilarious. That fact that you and Jon both have such a healthy sense of humor only adds to your appeal. I personally love the memes on Facebook……except that ones that command you to tag at least 12 people or else JESUS WILL BE ASHAMED OF YOU! Somehow, I’m not convinced that Jesus follows Facebook. He’s probably much more professional, like LinkedIn.

  • Elisa

    2009/02/18 at 4:52 pm

    I’m not even sure my better half knows what a temper is! I do all the driving though and I think I’m moving into the dumbass category. However I will attempt to defend myself by saying that I also used to drive One Bajillion Hours™ a day in commuter traffic AND I have completely destroyed a car engine in the past, rendering it nothing but noise and smoke, by always screaming off at the traffic lights with as much acceleration as humanly possible. I was the one in that car where shit falls off it when it takes off. Yeah, that was me.

  • Sarah

    2009/02/18 at 4:54 pm

    “Look how I answered all these questions about my husband without once mentioning his ex-wife!” This comment shows the southern in you way more than any accent… love it.

  • Erin

    2009/02/18 at 4:55 pm

    I’m not sure if I’m giggling more at your responses, the fact that they’re very similar to some of mine, or at comment #4.

    Love your blog, Dooce!

  • April

    2009/02/18 at 4:56 pm

    What are your middle names?
    Mine: Marie His: Allen

    How long have you been together?
    9 years, 1 month and 18 days

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    A day or so….

    Who asked whom out?
    I don’t think we ever “asked” each other out…

    How old are each of you?
    Me: 30 Him:37

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    Neither

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    Him always being gone… I knew what I was in for marrying a guy in the Army but it sucks after a while.

    Did you go to the same school?
    NOPE

    Are you from the same home town?
    No. I grew up in Cali and he grew up in Oklahoma.

    Who is smarter?
    It is a tie. He knows stuff I have no clue about and I know stuff that he has no clue about.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    Me

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    McGraths.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Germany

    Who has the craziest exes?
    I do for sure…. there is no question about that.

    Who has the worst temper?
    ME! I have gotten much better.

    Who does the cooking?
    We alternate. I will say anything containing noodles he is a wiz at. He can look at a noodle and tell when it is done.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    He is. My dresser is covered in shirts I need to hang up. Only because I know if I let them sit there for a little bit he will hang them up because I complain about not being able to find a shirt

    Who is more stubborn?
    Me.

    Who hogs the bed?
    I have to admit he has gotten better. I wake up only a couple times a week with his arm across my head or his knees in my back.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    I do. If the alarm does not go off he will sleep until noon if you let him. I on the other hand am awake by 6. Even if I force myself to go back to sleep I will wake up every 30 minutes until it drives me crazy and I get up.

    Where was your first date?
    His friends house for breakfast.

    Who is more jealous?
    Neither.

    How long did it take to get serious?
    About 3 weeks.

    Who eats more?
    During meals I tend to eat more. But he snacks all day long.

    Who does the laundry?
    He does. It started when we lived in Germany and the laundry room was in the basement. I hated being down there by myself and I thought it was haunted.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    He is slightly. He has had lots of training since it is part of his job right now.

    Who drives when you are together?
    I do. It is a control issue I have. When he drives, either I am sick, he is taking me to the emergency room or he is trying to surprise me taking me somewhere.

  • angela

    2009/02/18 at 4:58 pm

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    This is tough… I think it would be my inability to communicate properly nor in a timely manner. Or maybe it’s those times when I’m ‘disagreeable’ and he askes me, “So, are you depressed

    or whatever right now?” because that’s my favorite.

    Did you go to the same school?
    No.

    Are you from the same home town?
    No. BF is from Houston, TX (born in Abilene) and I’m native to Orange County, CA.

    Who is smarter?
    He is for sure, but he claims I give him a run for his money.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    A couple years ago I would have said I am, but now I think we’re tied.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    Kendall’s Brasserie, adjacent to the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    The Mediterranean.

    Who has the craziest exes?
    HE DOES. The end.

    Who has the worst temper?
    He lets it out more often, but I wait until I go nuclear.

    Who does the cooking?
    We both do. I make a larger variety and he sticks to what he knows. I try new things more often, but when he decides to do something new he really goes out on a limb.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    We’re both utter slobs and work our hardest not to be.

    Who is more stubborn?
    It’s a draw. We’re just stubborn about different things, thankfully. And when we are stubborn about the same thing, we usually are on the same side.

    Who hogs the bed?
    He claims I do, but I always wake up in the exact same place I remember falling asleep so I’m sure he’s just making it up for kicks.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    He does. I’m not a morning person.

    Where was your first date?
    The Long Beach Grand Prix. I think we may be going again this year.

    Who is more jealous?
    He is. Definitely.

    How long did it take to get serious?
    We were serious from date #1, and were planning our lives together by Day Two..

    Who eats more?
    It’s a draw. On the days I work out I eat more, on the days I don’t he does.

    Who does the laundry?
    The Fluff-n-Fold by my office. But I’m the one who drags it in and pays for it.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    Being that he was a programmer for the USAF for 10 years and a web designer for several years after that, I would have to say he is.

    Who drives when you are together?
    Usually he does, but he simply doesn’t have the patience for LA traffic, where I grew up with it. But since I got my new car in December, I’ve been doing most of the driving.

  • angela

    2009/02/18 at 4:59 pm

    Hmmm dont know what happened…

    What are your middle names?
    My middle name is now my former surname, which I kept so it would be easier for me to prove who I am once I changed my last name. BF’s middle name is Alan.

    How long have you been together?
    We started dating in the spring of 2002.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    We met on 15 June 2001, his first day of work.

    Who asked whom out?
    He asked me out and we went to the Long Beach Grand Prix on what turned out to be our first official date. We went out before then, but only as friends.

    How old are each of you?
    I’m 28, he’s 50.

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    My sister. His brother lives all the way in Florida; we’ve never met.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    This is tough… I think it would be my inability to communicate properly nor in a timely manner. Or maybe it’s those times when I’m ‘disagreeable’ and he askes me, “So, are you depressed

    or whatever right now?” because that’s my favorite.

    Did you go to the same school?
    No.

    Are you from the same home town?
    No. BF is from Houston, TX (born in Abilene) and I’m native to Orange County, CA.

    Who is smarter?
    He is for sure, but he claims I give him a run for his money.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    A couple years ago I would have said I am, but now I think we’re tied.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    Kendall’s Brasserie, adjacent to the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    The Mediterranean.

    Who has the craziest exes?
    HE DOES. The end.

    Who has the worst temper?
    He lets it out more often, but I wait until I go nuclear.

    Who does the cooking?
    We both do. I make a larger variety and he sticks to what he knows. I try new things more often, but when he decides to do something new he really goes out on a limb.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    We’re both utter slobs and work our hardest not to be.

    Who is more stubborn?
    It’s a draw. We’re just stubborn about different things, thankfully. And when we are stubborn about the same thing, we usually are on the same side.

    Who hogs the bed?
    He claims I do, but I always wake up in the exact same place I remember falling asleep so I’m sure he’s just making it up for kicks.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    He does. I’m not a morning person.

    Where was your first date?
    The Long Beach Grand Prix. I think we may be going again this year.

    Who is more jealous?
    He is. Definitely.

    How long did it take to get serious?
    We were serious from date #1, and were planning our lives together by Day Two..

    Who eats more?
    It’s a draw. On the days I work out I eat more, on the days I don’t he does.

    Who does the laundry?
    The Fluff-n-Fold by my office. But I’m the one who drags it in and pays for it.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    Being that he was a programmer for the USAF for 10 years and a web designer for several years after that, I would have to say he is.

    Who drives when you are together?
    Usually he does, but he simply doesn’t have the patience for LA traffic, where I grew up with it. But since I got my new car in December, I’ve been doing most of the driving.

  • Renee

    2009/02/18 at 4:59 pm

    My someone can’t remember what doesn’t go in the dryer either. I can relate.

  • Jen

    2009/02/18 at 5:00 pm

    It’s not that my husband’s driving is so bad, although he gets way too crazy bitching at the other drivers here in Utah… it’s his inability to freaking park a car! Give the husband a completely empty parking lot and he would still have a difficult time deciding which parking stall to chose. Insanely annoying, but I love him, what can I say?

  • ikss / Karen

    2009/02/18 at 5:04 pm

    I posted mine. And I am having lots of fun reading all of these! 🙂

  • Christie

    2009/02/18 at 5:04 pm

    What are your middle names?
    Mine is Marie and his is James. Can’t get more uninspired than that.

    How long have you been together?
    Married for nearly four years but we dated for just over a decade before getting hitched.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    I met him in high school but it wasn’t until he returned for college that we started dating. That’s a long way of saying approximately five years

    Who asked whom out?
    I guess technically it was me but after I heard he was going to hang out at home on a Friday night with no t.v., how could I not invite him back to my co-ed dorm?

    How old are each of you?
    I’m nearly old and he’s two years older than me. The closest I’m willing to admit to is that we’re both in our 30s.

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    Equal time spent with both siblings that still remain in the same state we live in.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    Discussing our shrinking retirement portfolio. He also hates it when I yammer on about the plight of the working class.

    Did you go to the same school?
    Went to the same high school but attended different colleges. In my case, that was multiple colleges.

    Are you from the same home town?
    Nope. I’m born and raised in Newberg, Oregon. He’s from a suburb of that oh-so-like-the-U.S. town called Vancouver, B.C.

    Who is smarter?
    Darren, although I did get a higher grade in Statistics than he did.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    Definitely me.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    El Gaucho.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Bulgaria.

    Who has the craziest exes?
    Neither of us.

    Who has the worst temper?
    He does. And it comes with one of those gazes that can stop traffic.

    Who does the cooking?
    He’s a better cook but I’m a better baker so we cover all of the bases. And that’s important because at the end of the day you need fresh, homemade pie.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    Absolutely 100% me. And if he tries to argue otherwise, I’ll kindly point his memory in the direction of the time I flew down to San Jose to help him clean his apartment. And by help I mean, he went to work and I stayed at home and cleaned all day.

    Who is more stubborn?
    Depends on what we’re talking about and who’s had more to drink.

    Who hogs the bed?
    We’re both so busy working to sleep around the cats and baby neither of us has time to hog the bed.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    Me. Always. The only day Darren can count on waking up before me is the day I die. And then, he should probably let me sleep in.

    Where was your first date?
    The South Hall third floor dorm at Linfield in McMinnville.

    Who is more jealous?
    Me.

    How long did it take to get serious?
    Serious = marriage? Over a decade. I was beginning to lose my patience toward the end.

    Who eats more?
    Darren but I’m a close second.

    Who does the laundry?
    I do. Usually in marathon laundry sessions during the weekend.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    As a computer programmer, I’d have to go with Darr.

    Who drives when you are together?
    Usually me, unless there is snow. Normal driving conditions are too boring to capture Darr’s attention. And his reaction time is just a touch slower than mine so I’m usually huddled in my seat bracing for impact.

    Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there.

  • lizinsumner

    2009/02/18 at 5:07 pm

    I’m divorced, so – ahem – I’m going to change the subject. DUDE!! Did you know that you’re on Time Magazine’s (well, Time on-line, anyway) list of 25 best blogs for 2008?? Cuz you haven’t mentioned it once! I read through them all and you and Confessions of a Pioneer Woman are the only 2 blogs on the list that I know of and read and, quite frankly, the other 23 looked like TOTAL SNORES, but still! You’re!On!The!List!!!!! Congrats. I’m proud of you.

  • Michelle

    2009/02/18 at 5:11 pm

    Ahh, but then you blew it there at the end.

    I am not shocked that you say there was never a point in your romantic relationship when you weren’t serious, because you two have lasted long (relative to most American marriages). I think most meant-to-be couples know it right off the bat.

    (At least I hope that’s true, since Josh and I decided the same when we first began dating.)

  • nic

    2009/02/18 at 5:11 pm

    not that you’ll ever be able to read all the comments you get… but… should you find yourself laid up in bed, pregnant as all get out, with laptop and time on your side… i did my own. thanks!

    http://www.mybottlesup.com/

  • Patti

    2009/02/18 at 5:16 pm

    Here are my answers…I’ve read your blog for a year (OMG, I have never laughed so hard in my life!) so I figured I owed you some “answers” about me.

    What are your middle names?
    I am Catholic which means in addition to my given middle name I have a confirmation (a/k/a Saint) name and I’m married and didn’t want to give up my maiden name entirely. Technically, my name is Patricia Anne Catherine Turner Panariello.
    How long have you been together?
    We had our first date on March 16, 2003, so we’ve known each other 6 years. We’ll be married 3 years this July.
    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    I didn’t know my husband but I knew his family. His brother was my best friend’s brother. His uncle was my family doctor until I was about 8. I grew up about 4 blocks from him.
    Who asked whom out?
    We were set up on a blind date. He was coming out of a very bad (and long) marriage. A guy who used to stop into his gas station – and who delivered mail to my building – kept telling him to call me. He finally did so the guy would just leave him alone. The rest is history.
    How old are each of you?
    I am 41. He will turn 50 in 2 months. 50. Wow!
    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    We see all of our family, on a regular basis. We’re both natives of Delaware. Which these days, given all the corporations, companies, transfers, etc., is hard to find. I am the oldest of 6, in order we are 41, 40, 39, about to 38, about to be 29, and about to be 22. My Mom is the next to youngest of 6, all in Delaware. My Dad’s family is in Maryland, no more than 2 hours away. I know, and have met or spent significant time with, all of my family.
    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    My husband’s crazy ex-wife. I’m sorry, because I’m sure every second wife says this but really, all I have to say is that my husband was given custody, hands down, with visitation for her, after a 2 week evaluation. Her presence in our lives is a daily source of contention. The kids LOVE THEIR FATHER with all their heart, and they love their Mom, but they know our home is the best place for them. Unfortunately, she does not. Hence, TENSION.
    Did you go to the same school?
    We actually graduated from the same Catholic high school, 9 years apart. And, as an aside Heather, I put my 12 years of Catholic school up against your Morman upbringing any day. Same cult, different day? And we both attended the University of Delaware (and again, we native Delawareans never stray far from home). I graduated, he did not. Not b/c he’s not smart enough (he is WICKED smart) but b/c he wasn’t challenged enough. He started his own business.
    Are you from the same home town?
    Yes, we are. Dover might be Delaware’s capital but really everyone lives in Wilmington, which is really most of the county. Even scarier? We grew up about 5 city blocks apart.
    Who is smarter?
    My husband, hands down. I’m the humanities chick, with a BA in American History. Ask me anything political, historical or social and I’ll give you an opinion, based on fact, but still an opinion. My husband? He and my stepson debate velocity and force of travel. He and my stepdaughter talk about current and the laws of physics. Nobody cares about Lincoln when they can talk about watts, voltage and speed of light. Really!
    Who is the most sensitive?
    I can cry at the drop of the hat. My husband though? He’s a softie who pretends he’s not and those are the worst kind 🙂
    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    I’m not sure we have a favorite. He hates sushi. I’m married to an old world Italian – seriously, his Mom came here on a boat when she was 7 and his Dad was born here by the grace of God and a slow boat. I want authentic Italian. He and I traveled to Italy a year ago and I can’t eat at the chain Italian restaurants? Really, our best meals? At home.
    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Italy. To visit family … up and down the coast, in the hills and valleys and Tuscan cities. Bliss.
    Who has the craziest exes?
    My exes were just the wrong guys at the wrong time. His ex? Flat out, hands down, crazy. He wins. Hands down. I have never EVER met a crazier woman in my life, made crazier because she can’t believe that her TOTAL CRAZINESS did not win her custody of her kids. She thought telling the custody evaluator (sought out only after she demanded SOLE custody but never EVER took the kids for more than 1 day) that yes, she would put her kids in the middle to get back at her ex-husband … why? Was that a problem? She did get custody of their dog though. OUCH.
    Who has the worst temper?
    Me. Only he doesn’t see it. I might snap a little at him, mainly in frustration, but I save my finer moments for my car or the garage, where no one can hear me. Maybe he does the same. But, at the end of the day, I’m Irish. So I win. No discussion.
    Who does the cooking?
    I do … or we would starve. Not because my husband can’t cook. He can. Very well. But he’s a small business owner. Who may not get to work until 9:00 … but who frequently can’t leave until 9:00. That’s ok. I’ll cook!
    Who is the neat-freak?
    Him. We have no mold growing. No unhealthy conditions. But you know, a pile of clean clothes on the floor of my room? Some papers on an end table. Whatever. He usually goes with the flow. Everyone once in a while, it bothers him….
    Who is more stubborn?
    I’m Irish, which lends to stubborn. My husband? First generation, 100% Italian. I don’t think I need to say more.
    Who hogs the bed?
    We have a king size bed so we really can’t hog. But I will admit that I tend to spread out more than he does, even in the bigger bed.
    Who wakes up earlier?
    While I am less chipper as I get older, I am the one who has ALWAYS gotten up before 6:00am. My husband hates mornings. I am up and on the go by 5:30 most mornings. Sadly, I can’t stay up past 10:00 most nights! My husband can.
    Where was your first date?
    We went to dinner at the Chesapeake Inn, in Chesapeake City, MD. It’s about 45 minutes from where we live in Delaware. He picked me up at 4:00 on a Sunday afternoon. I got home at 11:00pm. And truthfully? All we did was eat and talk. What a wonderful first date!
    Who is more jealous?
    I’m not jealous and neither is he. We have no reason to be.
    How long did it take to get serious?
    I think, like you, we were serious from the start but we couldn’t admit it. I knew he was a wonderful man and that he was different from anyone else I dated. He was scared because of his crazy ex but he knew … he told me he loved me after 2 weeks. It took 3 more years to get married!
    Who eats more?
    That’s a toss up. I love to eat. He loves to eat. I think we could give each other a run for the money.
    Who does the laundry?
    Me, because, again, I’m home at a more reasonable hour. It’s just easier. And I find folding laundry sort of therapeutic.
    Who’s better with the computer?
    Honestly? My 19 year old SS! I can type WAY faster than anyone in the house. I average about 95-100 wpm. My husband? If he and I are doing something together? I make him get up from the keyboard so I can do the work … or I would kill him 🙂
    Who drives when you are together?
    My husband. It’s safer. He can’t stand to not be in control. I can’t stand to hear the “uhh” and “ohhh” and the sucked in breath … UGH!

  • DVMsWife

    2009/02/18 at 5:17 pm

    Been stopping by your blog here and there and had to chuckle at your answers. You tell it like it is! Congrats on your acknowledgement of being named one of the top 25 blogs through Time magazine.
    Just wanted to say hi!

  • I'm Busy Living

    2009/02/18 at 5:26 pm
  • kimca

    2009/02/18 at 5:28 pm

    What the hells a “meme”? As you can see I’ve been avoiding Facebook for awhile now. For some reason it gives me the jitters. But this was fun to read. LOVED the last comment about not mentioning his ex-wife.

  • Theresa

    2009/02/18 at 5:28 pm

    What are your middle names?
    My girlfriend’s middle name is Carleen, after her aunt who was killed by a drunk driver. Mine is Mary, because my mom wouldn’t let my dad make Mary my first name.

    How long have you been together?
    Four and one quarter years.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    Two months.

    Who asked whom out?
    I asked her out, because I was not yet out of the closet and I knew I would have to be the one to fess up.

    How old are each of you?
    She just turned 23 and I’m almost 24.

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    Mine–we share an apartment with my older brother and live close to my parents and younger brother. Her three brothers live six hours away.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    We faced a really hard time recently when we moved after she graduated from college. By a stroke of coincidence I got a great job right away, but it took her several months to get a job. Money and emotional struggles made things pretty rough for a few months, but now we’re both employed and slowly building up savings again. Of course, her car died today. Damn.

    Did you go to the same school?
    We both graduated from UC Berkeley–me in ’07 with a BA in psychology, her in ’08 with a BA in gender and women’s studies.

    Are you from the same home town?
    Nope. I grew up in a Los Angeles suburb, and she grew up in a tiny town in California’s Central Valley.

    Who is smarter?
    We are smart in different ways. I’m verbally quicker and tend to be the information sponge, but she is much more spatially inclined and can arrange luggage in a trunk or furniture in a room perfectly.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    I am as touchy as an inappropriate uncle.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    Heh. This question makes me smirk. Seriously though, we probably go to Chipotle most frequently.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    Various trips up and down the state.

    Who has the craziest exes?
    I have no exes at all so she wins by default. One of her exes is really quite crazy though.

    Who has the worst temper?
    That would be me.

    Who does the cooking?
    We tend to split, but I am the one who’s more inclined to take over the kitchen.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    DEFINITELY her. Her mom’s house is immaculate, whereas I grew up in a house where we kept dust bunnies as pets. We have had long lesbian emotional-processing sessions about kitchen cleanliness, and our most recent fight was about how to make the bed.

    Who is more stubborn?
    That’s me again. Poor girlfriend.

    Who hogs the bed?
    She claims I do but I deny it.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    She does. Sometimes she tiptoes out early on weekends, but I summon her back for morning snuggling.

    Where was your first date?
    The Castro Halloween street party in San Francisco.

    Who is more jealous?
    Again, me. Seriously, poor girlfriend.

    How long did it take to get serious?
    No time at all. Our melodramatic teenage love of destiny eventually transitioned to precociously blissful domesticity.

    Who eats more?
    We both eat too much but I can probably pack it away a little more.

    Who does the laundry?
    It’s most often a joint effort.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    Me, maybe? I am better at finding software tips and plug-ins online.

    Who drives when you are together?
    I make her drive on long trips at night, but we tend to switch off. I am a very cautious driver, which makes for an obnoxious passenger.

  • Dewi

    2009/02/18 at 5:30 pm

    I think I’m married to your Jon and I’m you, I would have to answer similarly to you, but our spawn is older.

    I really love that my husband is a smart men, smarter then me, and I’m really smart in a very different way. He’s Friday morning NY Times crossword puzzle in ink done a 1/2 hour smart!

    however My absent minded spouse is NEVER allowed to inflict himself on our laundry, ever again.

    He was in a rush to go out jogging, and “accidentally” poured regular bleach into the washing machine of dark clothes, thinking they were the white clothes.
    I mean really, wtf!
    All my expensive blue jeans and ridiculously overpriced dark tee shirts were in that load.

  • Lilla

    2009/02/18 at 5:35 pm

    Jon’s ex-wife, huh? Gotta talk about that please. Is she, like a total b*tch? Spill 🙂

  • the domestic fringe

    2009/02/18 at 5:40 pm

    Just did the same meme on Facebook, but realized either I skipped two questions or they’d been deleted by the time the meme reached me.

    You did a fantastic job not mentioning the ex-wife. I mentioned an ex-girlfriend early on.

    -FringeGirl

  • sneffnie

    2009/02/18 at 5:42 pm
  • HDC

    2009/02/18 at 5:43 pm

    You know why you hate these memes? I’l tell you why you hate these memes. Because they’re too fawking long. Good grief that’s way too many questions.

  • Kara

    2009/02/18 at 5:43 pm

    158th! Yesssssss!

    I don’t have much to say, I’ve just never gotten to leave a comment before 800 others. Here’s the key to our freakishly long relationship (we’re both still in our 30’s): my husband is a manchild sex machine and I get to be bossy. Do I need to elaborate on why we’ve been together for 15 years?

  • Anonymous

    2009/02/18 at 5:46 pm

    Ok, so I totally love that your favorite restaurant is run by a guy who is half-Japanese, half-Peruvian. I’m Peruvian and the most of the only other Peruvians I know are in my family, so it makes me all giddy when I hear that other Peruvians exist and that ppl like them. Call me crazy! or any other name that comes to mind!
    One of my favorite restaurants out here in NYC is Flor De Mayo (Flower of May, or Mayflower). The owner is also Japanese/Peruvian. My family has been going there since I was a little girl (i’m 26 now). You and Jon should definitely check it out when you’re or your in NYC again.
    Oh and you and Jon are each other’s lobsters! (and for those of you who never watched Friends, it means they’re meant to be together fo’ life) 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more

SaveSave