An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

4/4 time

I think the best way to describe what it’s been like to bring a second child into the family is to imagine having a jazz band blasting an improvisational set in your left ear while listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing Christmas carols in your right ear, and there you are, a drummer in a rock band, and you’re on stage in front of 30,000 people trying to keep the beat to an acoustic version of “God Save the Queen” by the Sex Pistols.

I’m trying to find the rhythm. I’m getting there, but it’s slow going. This is all to say, thank you for being patient with me, I know posting has been light and it will continue to be for the next little while as I navigate a path through all this chaos. I’m still physically healing, and even though I gave birth without any drugs, the recovery has been just as painful and frustrating and ongoing as it was after giving birth with an epidural. I’ve got a post coming about labor, about how transforming the experience was for me, but it’s a long one and I’m still hammering away at all the tiny details. All while attached to my adorable, chubby caterpillar who from day one made it quite clear that she’d rather be no where else on earth than nestled right into my chest. I will tell you this, it has been so much better this time, still a little bumpy and rough here and there with one or two absolute freak outs, but I’ve been so much more diligent about taking every moment I can to stare at her and adore her every feature. And the weirdest thing has happened, this whole experience has increased my love for Leta by a measure I didn’t know was possible. I can say that right now, here this morning as my second child dozes on my breast, that I have never been happier in my entire life.

  • That’s a really beautiful sentiment. Sublime even. That makes me smile and feel happy. Thank you.

  • robyn

    She is SO pretty it’s unbelievable!

  • This post makes me hopeful for when we decide to have our second. I was so worried that having a second child would make me feel differently towards our daughter, Ava, or maybe I would love Ava more than our second because she was our first. Knowing that having Marlo has increased your love for Leta, yet you still feel that impact that having a child is supposed to give you has calmed those fears for me.

    I hope that this time around with be easier, mentally, for you and that you will get to enjoy more of it with a clearer mind.

    She is absolutely beautiful, Heather. They both are!

  • Kate

    You take your time, Mama. You deserve to enjoy your happiness. We will still be here when you get back.

    Much love from New York City.

  • That was just a simply beautiful post. 🙂

  • Take your time and don’t worry about it (slow posting). Anyone who would get salty over not getting to read into your family’s everyday lives when you have just brought LIFE into this world, doesn’t deserve to read your posts anyway.

    BTW- Beautiful Pictures!

  • Glad to hear that you guys are making a good adjustment and that is it easier this time around. I can’t wait to read more about it but of course, first thing first, is focusing on the family and the adjustments that comes with it. 🙂

    So happy for your family. 🙂

  • Carol

    This is the first time I have posted a comment. I just want to say I am so glad that things are going better for you this time around. We had the same experience in our home the first go around…. Not pretty at all and like you I decided to do it again and it did go so much easier the second time around. It helps just a little bit to have a clue as to what you are doing….even if just a little clue. She is a doll and I love her name.

  • I am really happy for you. I also have daughters about the same distance apart as yours and I remember having so much more love for my first (and thinking she was huge) after number 2 came along but also savoring every moment with my second in a way that I didn’t do the first time around. Negotiating 2 is much more difficult than 1, especially when they get a little older and the activity range is so different, and the FIGHTING, good lord, I could do without that.

  • Kellie

    I absolutely had a feeling this is how it was going to be for you this time around. The difference between my first and second was absolutely mind-blowing and wonderful. Life is pure bliss in these moments. I am so excited for you. Congrats.

  • I’m so happy to hear how happy you all are. Marlo’s gorgeous.

    …. and since I abandoned this comment to photograph the hedgehog we just spotted outside, my guess is that I won’t be comment #23 any more.

  • Lauren Marie

    Marlo is absolutely adorable, so I must demand more pictures as soon as you get settled into a routine. 🙂

    Glad to hear that things are much better this time around. Best wishes to you and your family.

  • kim

    Marlo is a gorgeous baby.

    When my second was born I remember how my heart felt like it swelled and then exploded with love –not just for the new baby, but for my oldest as well.

    It still ranks as the best feeling of my life.

  • Congratulations! I never comment, well almost, but just wanted to add one more congrats on top of the heap. She’s beautiful!

  • What a beautiful post!
    Marlo is absolutely adorable.

  • julybirthday

    Oh my goodness, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about! Not only did my first child appear HUGE to me after having #2, but I felt caught between needing to be Active Mama to a rambunctious toddler, and Zen Mama to a dozing, nursing little newborn. It freaked me out. But I also found the balance, eventually. Thank goodness for partners and grandparents!

  • Thank you for sharing so many great moments with us. Your gloworm is adorable. Just so sweet. As long as she’s attached to you, right?

  • Emma

    What a sweet post Heather – congratulations again. I’m sure there are crazy moments but you sound so serene and happy in this post. I’m 34 weeks with our second child and reading this just makes me so much more excited about his or her arrival! Thanks for sharing these intimate moments with us. Many warm wishes to your family xx

  • Heather, Marlo is gorgeous, and anyone who is mean for your “light posting” can suck it. I am beyond-words happy for you.

  • This post makes me so hopeful for my next child and my next delivery. I hope more than anything that it turns out exactly the way you described this moment.

  • That last picture. Hilarious and heart breaking and so so touching all at the same.

    But Russell Brand has a warning for you regarding Night Nurse.

  • Lisa

    I remember eating with one hand. There is nothing better than heartbeat to heartbeat. My 15 year old daughter still likes to put her head on my chest to hear my heartbeat.

    Sometimes the second baby is a better experience. My best experience was with my first. By the time I had my daughter, I had two step kids and my biological son. It was way too much for me. My daughter was born 6/18 and I remember breast feeding her on the beach on the 4th of July. I decided to stop breast feeding that day because I was the only one not having any fun. Turns out she is the smartest and the heathiest of the 4!

    Thanks for sharing your journey, Heather….and Jon.

  • so extremely happy for you all! em….no worries on the light posting, i think everyone who reads your blog understands THAT YOU JUST HAD A BABY. i’m just so happy + curious about the whole thing that i find myself checking your blog more often than necessary. + thank you again for sharing so much about your process. i know i’ll find comfort in it when i decide to have a baby one day.

  • So glad things are going well for you, Heather. What beautiful little girls you have.

  • Aly

    Oh, Heather… that just about melted my heart.. I’ve never been so touched by a perfect stranger’s happiness. Take your time to heal, we’ll be right here waiting for the stories you’ll want to share about your adorable family. Best wishes to all of you!

  • SarahW

    A very heartfelt post. So glad things a much smoother this time. She’s beautiful!

  • We love you, girl! You take whatever time you want.
    We’re here when you are!!


  • Yeah, that second one is a mind blower in a different way than the first.

    Your musical reference will continue to work from now on. The mash up will just change every once in a while and get a little harmonious.

  • it is true that each new love expands our capacity to love that which we already have … what a gift it is to watch your family, and your heart, grow and grow – thank you for sharing it all!

  • She REALLY is gorgeous! Absolutely precious. Congratulations <3

  • Anna

    you make having babies sound fun Heather! I might just change my mind about having one of those one day ;D

  • Janet

    Yes, that’s exactly it. I had the same experience with baby #2. With the first one, I was so panicky trying to feel like myself again but with the second one there was so much less pressure because I realized that all the things that seemed so drastic the first time through, were temporary and I could relax and enjoy them and be so much more in the moment.

    You’re doing great and that baby is gorgeous.

  • I’m six months pregnant with my first. I read your posts and I can not wait to meet this little bundle inside of me.
    Patiently anticipating your post on the natural birth. I’m planning on going the drug-free route myself.


  • Ginger

    I felt like a mother lion when my second son was born – I all but licked his head. Isn’t it amazing the confidence level you have with the second child? The more children you have to love, the more love you have for your children!

    This post is pure poetry.

    All the best!

  • Thank you for sharing your personal and familial joy with all of us so candidly; it is beautiful to read. Marlo is just darling and I’m impressed at how much you have had time to post already. Wishing you all the best.

  • grandmaj

    It really does just keep getting better, in a weird roller coaster kind of way!

  • Shanna

    So glad that this time is going easier for you. She’s a cute little bug! My children are 11 years apart. I was so worried about loving the 2nd one as much as the 1st, and vice versa. Well, let me tell you, when I see them interact with each other I just fall more deeply in love with both of them. It’s an amazing ride…congratulations!

  • Cute, cute, cute little Marlo. Also, oxytocin ROCKS.

  • red

    she is GORGEOUS, Heather. absolutely perfect.

  • Marlo is spectacular! And I’m so happy for you. I remember that feeling of bliss well. It’s lovely to hear you so upbeat. (Though we’ll take you just the way you are on your off days also. No pressure!)

  • Annie

    can’t stand how cute that baby is.

    good job – on both amazingly adorable girlies.

  • I am so very happy for you, Heather. You deserve this.

    And I JUST FOUND OUT a few days ago that I’m going to be a mommy, too! I’m adopting two GORGEOUS children from Ethiopia!!!!!

  • Shannon

    What a lovingly written experience. Congrats to all of you 🙂

  • The second picture is adorable. Makes it very hard for me to wait a little while longer to start my own family!

  • That’s wonderful! I’m so happy to hear that you’re adjusting so well … and that you’re so happy and content right now. 🙂

  • Ellen

    Aw… I’m glad it’s going well for you guys. The second picture is so cute… she looks so alert.

  • Anonymous

    Heather – No epidural!! That is incredible. I tried to do that, and gave up three hours before my daughter was born. The pain was so incredible, I was dripping sweat, clammy, red, trembling and frozen, unable to move. I honestly do not know how you did that. Looking forward to reading about it.

    As per healing, my hospital said it takes 6 weeks, no matter what type of birth you had. They even suggest not driving for 6 weeks because the uterus is soft, and if you get in an accident, you can bleed to death. Lovely, huh?

    How about some guest posts from Blurb? Get some rest 🙂

  • kristy

    Having just discovered your page, I now find myself logging on first thing each morning to see what your beautiful family is up to(we live in Sydney, so your posts tend to come when we’re asleep!). Thanks for providing some humurous moments in my hectic days (I have 2 daughters aged 2.5 & 4); and congratulations on your gorgeous girls. xx

  • Kara

    Congratulations! She is an adorable baby girl. Best wishes as you adjust to this change, I hope things continue to go well.

  • Meagan D

    As always, I am truly amazed at your ability to put into words exactly what you are feeling and make me feel it to.

    Congrats on the newest addition!

    Remember to take care of yourself, we can wait for your posts.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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