An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation


Posting for the next couple of days is going to be light as we attend several engagements around my Granny Boone’s funeral. All nine of her children have gathered from different corners of the country, including many of their own children, so there are like thousands and thousands of Boones running around telling fart jokes, comparing cleavage, and blaming Granny for all of their passive-aggressive tendencies, like oh my god Uncle Timmy YOU DID NOT JUST BRING UP THAT APPLE PIE STORY AGAIN. I’m not going to repeat that story here except to say that we have heard it a kadrillion times, and the point of it is that life is unfair and GRANNY MADE IT SO. Except I’m guessing that growing up poor in Kentucky, working three jobs, raising ten kids (one who died in infancy) and having to boil water every morning on the stove to take a bath… that may explain why she overreacted when he stole a piece of pie.

I love this family, no question, but if a psychiatrist got us all into one room he’d have to wear a helmet and wield a gun.

I spent several hours with them yesterday, and I have so much to say and can’t wait to get around to writing it. But right now I want to thank you, you who come here and read what I write. It is because of you that I was able to help fly out many of the cousins and grandchildren who would otherwise be unable to attend this funeral. And I don’t know how to tell you just how much it means to me and this family. That because of you and you and you, you in Vancouver, and you in Pittsburgh, and you in Edina, Minnesota, because you come here and share the ups and downs of this totally Wackadoo Family, several grandchildren get to come and say goodbye to their Granny. And the magnitude and meaning of that really blows my mind.

Thank you. I don’t say it nearly enough. Thank you so much.

In the meantime, here’s a chuckle:

  • Ali

    Thank YOU for sharing your wackadoo family with us. Thoughts are with you as you start to grieve. I lost my beloved (and wacky) Granny almost 3 years ago, and it took a long time to think about her without tears … and sometimes I still do, but now it’s mostly smiles and laughter. Hang in there. Enjoy the love and craziness of your family as you all face this loss. Lots of love coming at you guys from the internet. 🙂

  • That is the bomb that you’re able to bring people there for the funeral. I love it. I’m all about sharing the love, so good for you.

  • Amy

    No really, thank YOU for doing what you do. Your writing is like one long favourite book that never ends and even after 4 years of reading, (wow, 4 YEARS!) I still get a thrill when you put up a new post. Blows your mind when you think about it.
    Sending hugs all the way from Auckland, New Zealand.

  • Nadine

    You are so very welcome. I’m delighted you were able to help your family!

  • Ali

    I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • I am so glad you were able to assist your family on this sad occasion. They will ever forget it (good or bad).

    Sorry for your loss.

  • glad to know just being here and reading can help.
    I’m sorry for your loss

  • Anonymous

    You’re welcome!

  • Mama B

    Thank you for thanking us, your loyal readers. However, I/we owe all the thanks to YOU. You bring some good, strong emotion each time I read your blog. You share with us openly the ups and downs of your life with your wonderful family. If me reading your blog means you can bring more family to mourn together, that just makes my day. But, really, it’s all because of you. (And Leta, Marlo, the dogs, the hubby all help, too). Thank YOU, Heather. Really. Thank you.

  • pam

    You’re welcome…

  • You’re welcome… One day after my second child was born I was sitting here just crying and hopeless and feeling like I could never manage my life again. Then I read the post about the day Coco pooped everywhere… I seriously laughed my ass off.

    So thanks for that.

    Mothers helping others…even anonymously…is awesome.

  • Condolences, Heather.

  • Nina

    I think you’re wonderful. It’s life affirming to open your page on a daily basis. Thank you for sharing.

  • The internet is glad.

  • Elaine

    Your family is in my prayers, Heather.

    Elaine in Pittsburgh

  • I often read blogs via reader, but lately I’ve been making a point of clicking through to your blog to help support you… and maybe I’ll go click a few ads, too, just for the fun of it.

    My family all came together for my grandfather’s funeral this past summer, and it sounds like that gathering was very similar to what you’re enjoying now. ; ) How wonderful to get to play some small part in helping it happen.

    BTW my CAPTCHA for this comment is “passed poohed”, no joke.

  • You are welcome. My condolences to your family.

  • Julie H.

    Hi Heather,

    I’m sorry for the loss of your Granny Boone. I’m glad that us readers could help you to unite your family for the funeral. You’re most welcome! Also, THANK YOU for brightening my day with your stories and photos, and for opening up your life to the Internet.

    Take care,


  • Alfriston

    Sincere condolences to you and your family on the death of your dear Granny Boone. I’m sure your most faithful readers will understand if your posting is light for a few days as you grieve the loss but celebrate the life of such a remarkable lady. I frequently end up in tears reading your amazing posts. You are such a gifted writer; often I laugh until tears come to my eyes, but sometimes you move me to tears with your honest, insightful posts. Take care, and we look forward to more regular updates when you feel up to it.

  • Condolences and love sent from Houston, Texas.

    I wonder how much the monetized-hate is bringing in? I make a point to check it out at least a couple times a week to give y’all page views. (Should I be clicking as well? Whatever I can do to further piss off the haters….)

  • I’ll just keep on clicking on every ad link on your page to show my support 🙂

  • Anonymous

    Bless you for sharing your bounty with family. Not everyone would do that.
    And bless you for sharing your journey – even the painful parts – with us.


  • Katherine Sweet

    Thanks for giving me something wonderful to read and encouraging me I could be a mom and that no one ever really has it together. Laughing my way through your posts has gotten me through the last few weeks with less then two weeks til my baby is due. It has made me a better writer and I might say even a better mom because I know the first secret. Keep up the good writing and be blessed.

  • Now I really want to hear the pie story…

  • My pleasure. You work hard, you earned it. Our prayers are with you all. (I’m a yankee, I just couldn’t do it…I tried but they’re just two separate words. I hope you write in drawl when you return, hehe.)

  • Nancy in MN

    you’re welcome

  • Thanks for the shout out to Minnesota! I am very close to Edina, in St. Paul.

    Also, I am so sorry for your loss, Heather. Grandmothers are so special. I just have to say that it is wonderful that you were able to get all your family together. What a gift.

    Thank you for your continuing to share your life! You make me laugh!

  • Just for that, I’m clicking on some ads today!

  • Sandie

    Hello! I just found my way to your blog via your hate site– which, while entertaining, was also really sad. Who are those people (person?!) and why do they read your site if they hate it so much? I applaud you for being able to mock the haters and will continue to read your normal, happy blog.

    P.S. I am going to creep around on your site and find out what your kids wear. If there are that strong of opinions regarding children’s wear, I am dying to see it. And likely like it.

    My condolences to you and your family.

  • Alex

    Pittsburgh, Vancouver and Edina? That’s not the half of it! Honey, don’t underestimate yourself! Frankfurt, Germany and Barcelona, Spain are reading your blog, too.
    Sorry to hear about your loss, but Granny Boone will always be there for you in your heart and memory.

  • Angela

    So sorry to hear about your grandma.

    Now I’m gonna start clicking 🙂

  • Katherine

    A big, hearty “You’re very welcome” from Cleveland.

    And there is absolutely nothing more gratifying than being able to help your family. My fiancee and I are very happily scraping up what little money we have so some of his relatives can attend our wedding. Every cent = well worth the sacrifice.

    Love to the Armstrongs & Boones.

  • Really? Edina? That’s like the Salt Lake City of Minnesota. But smaller and whiter. (I know, WHITER!)

    Can we hear the pie story?

  • stephanie

    What a wonderful thing you did….if we helped in anyway you are welcome….

    From a simple girl in a small KY town….hugs to you and your family…enjoy the time with the extended family

  • Jennifer McGill Halloran

    My heart goes out to you and your family, Heather. It was SO great to see a picture of Lori whom I haven’t seen since we palled around together at girl’s camp during the summers when she was visiting your family. And ‘Tember looks fabulous, too, although she’ll ALWAYS be a blond as far as I’m concerned. Hope the reunion goes well — for everyone — as you celebrate her life.

    Love and condolences from all the McGills.

  • Lisa

    I bet Granny is smiling down from heaven at you. It’s better than the drugs and firearms that you usually spend your money on.

  • Susan

    We’re gonna grow old together, Heather. Bless you.

  • Thank you for your touching comments. Losing a loved one, especially a matriarch of a family who really gave an example of what it means to be steadfast and work hard, reminds us of what is important in life – family. Always.

  • Ray

    “I love this family, no question, but if a psychiatrist got us all into one room he’d have to wear a helmet and wield a gun.”

    ^^Thank you for the laugh! I think a lot of people can say the same for their own families. =D

    And I think it’s awesome that through this site you were able to fly out your family members so that they could be there for the funeral. So great that you have so many loved ones around you during this time.

    Take, care.

  • You are more than welcome. Keep writing these awesome posts, and I will keep doing my part to make it all possible. After all, I can totally appreciate the being able to sit on your porch writing for a living lifestyle — it’s what I’d like to do some day as well. =)

  • Thank you, for writing despite the cranks. And for sharing with us your ups and downs in such a beautiful way.

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Cláudia Silva

    Thank YOU!

  • Heather

    I’ll be thinking of you and your family. I hope you have a great time together, even with the circumstances.

  • LaurieAnne

    Thanks for being you, Heather. Hope you and your ca-razy family hold each other up during this tough time.

    Marlo has the most ja-dorable giggle!!!

  • I’m thrilled that you are in a position to help out family members, and doubly that you have the grace to do so.
    We come back and click because you are a totally amazing writer.
    I hope there’s lots of pie at the wake.

  • Ashley

    Oh my gosh, you just made me cry a little AT WORK, Heather B. Armstrong. That’s how I always refer to you when I’m reading this site and my husband asks what I’m doing. Like hello, I’m reading the Very Important Blog of Heather B. Armstrong. Duh. I say it just like that too.

    Anyways, my thoughts are with you & your fam as you go through what is undoubtedly an awful time. xoxo

  • Leslie

    Baby! SQUEEE!

    I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost mine last October, and it was definitely very hard seeing my mom and her eight siblings in so much pain. That was definitely the hardest part for me.

    But at the same time, it was great to spend time with my large crazy southern family as well. 🙂

  • Trish

    Vancouver thanks you right back, Heather. I’m so glad you were able to bring the family together for Granny Boone.

    I bet those girls and your hubby make things just a tad bit better during times like these. You are awesome. Thanks for sharing your life with us.

  • Jane

    Deepest condolences to you and your family Heather. I have read everything you have written on this blog and it has brought me information, laughs, tears… so thank YOU.

  • Cris

    xoxo 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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